CHAPTER SEVEN: Don't Succumb to It
The police car slowly drives back to the condo, passing through the streets of nostalgia. We passed the flower shop, where I got Usagi his flowers for winning an award on one of his books. I assume that's where he got mine as well, I think to myself as I glance over at the objects in the seat next to me. * * *
どのように無生物の束は人を表すことができますか... ？
[How could a bunch of inanimate objects represent a person...?]
一人で私の恋人をしてみましょう...
[Let alone my lover...]
As I push my eyes past the objects of my remembrance, I look up to see a familiar sight. A pole, near a condominium that has all too many memories.
It was the area where Usagi first kissed me...
The flashback physically hurt as I could almost feel Usagi's lush lips pursing mine, the warm orb of passion radiating off of him as he wrapped his arm around me. The snow descending slightly after, as he softly wept into my shoulder. Little did I know I would be where I am today...
The police car finally stops in front of the condo, and the police officers bid me a good night. I slam the condo door shut as I walk in with tears staining my vision. Everything was so blurred, everything hurt. I placed the items on the glass table in the center of the room. I knew I should call my brother to convey the news, but I could never explain to him the type of relationship Usagi and I had, especially not in a moment like this when I'm already broken enough. I don't want to deal with the unknown of how Takahiro will react. Instead, I pick up the phone and dial Kamijou-sensei's phone number.
"Hello? Akihiko? Why are you calling right now, I'm busy working on papers!" he answers almost immediately. My heart skips a beat when he says Usagi's name, yet is frightened by his yelling.
"Oh no...um...it's Misaki, hi Kamijou-sensei...*cough*...I'm sorry to call you in such an unprofessional matter, but um...I was wondering if you could come over...?" There was a short pause before he replied.
"Uh...sure Misaki, is everything okay? You know I'm...really busy right now, these papers are due soon and I can't fall behind on them" he says with some concern and annoyance in his voice.
"Uh...ahem...not really, can you just try to get here soon? It's kind of important" I say while holding back the returning tears. A groan is heard in the receiver, justifying Kamijou-sensei's annoyance.
"I'll be there soon, just let me finish this paper, goodbye." he says as he hangs up the phone. I put the phone down and slowly walk up the stairs. I knew this would happen, I'm starting to lose control. The actions of my subsided depression are beginning to rise up again. I open up the door to the bedroom, which smells all too much like Usagi. My suitcase from the very first day I came was stuffed in the back of his closet. I take it out and rummage through it, to find the secret pouch within. • I pull out two blades, each crusted with the sorrows of my previous years. I walk into the bathroom with these blades tight in hand. I hold one up at the level of my eyes, tears now etched into my cheeks, I stare into the blade. How many horrible stories can this blade tell? It was there when I was old enough to understand the circumstances of my parents' death. "Although you missed part of my life," I said with my voice cracking from my crying, "you can definitely catch up..."
"...welcome back." I put the blade against my clear stomach and pull the blade in a quick lash. The burning sensation stings, yet alleviates some of the pain. The first cut is always the worst, the indication of defeat, subduction. The first streak on my stomach stares back at me as it awaits more of its' kind. My arm goes across my stomach, starting slowly and increases in speed, like a busy highway, as more and more markings are made against my skin. •
I miss you Usagi-San...please come back and make the pain go away.
"-ISAKI! MISAKI!" I hear screams from downstairs. It must be Kamijou-sensei. "MISAKI!" The shouts come closer and closer. He must have used the extra key that Usagi always left for Aikawa-San. I would ask how he initially got in, but nothing mattered in that moment as my vision began to blur. "MI-AKI!" I hear as my vision fades, with Kamijou-sensei running into the bathroom with tears beginning to form in his fear ridden eyes. He reluctantly grabs my sore body, filled with blood and new forming scars and runs. In that very moment, the light went out.