Authors note: I'm so happy that now made an IOS app that is very useful. I feel so late with this lol

Anyway, I'm so sorry that I took longer than a confession at church to type of a new chapter. I knew I would do something like this due to my experiences with this type of issue Raph is battling. It's never a pretty fact, but it's one that I've come to face. I stopped writing because I found that I was thinking of it more often than I should. Now that my head is back to normal, I will continue with the chapters and hope that you all enjoy and take what you can from this story. Thank you for being faithful and patient!

Leo's POV:

'It is common for survivors of sexual assault to initially deny they were abused.'

That's the first thing that popped into my head. The very first thing. I had my hands clenched together into a fist as I performed compressions on his chest. I was getting weak and a little more of Raphael was slipping away.

My Baby brother...

...was cold and unresponsive to my touches. I kept on pounding his chest. His damn slippery chest.

"Move!" Donatello pushed me to the side and I landed on my ass. My eyes are blurry and the tears make them sting. Donny knew what to do and made no hesitations. He was more steadier than I was an knew that if I kept going Raphael would die. He was breathing into him, but no breathe came back out. Not even a finger twitch.

It has been 20 minutes...those were the longest 20 minutes.

There I was...sitting in the puddle feeling helpless and useless. I have never looked so messed up in my life. Why would Raph do this to us? Why would he chose to end his life, instead of talking to us? Is really true what Donny said? Raaa...i can't even say the word. If I can't even say the word let alone think of it, what makes any of us think that Red willl accept it? I can hear the splash of water as his body jolted with every compression delivered.

...and there he was. I saw chest rise and then a corse cough. Water came pouring out of his mouth as every beautiful cough escaped his throat. I get to finally see those brown eyes.

Raphael's POV:

My fucking throat is sore. That is what I wake up to. That is what I feel when my heart starts beating my soul back into this painful world. It's cold. I'm cold and wet. I can feel water underneath me while someone gently slides their arm behind my back. I can barely move my head as that person picks me up and cradles me into there arms. It's FUR.

"Sensei..." my voice is barely heard, but a sound was good enough for my master to bring me closer to his chest as he sobs silently. I've never heard sensei cry. Leo did, but not me. My whole life was about anger and decipline. Never cuddles or hugs or any small gesture to let me know that I was apart of his heart.

'You, my son, are special, so special that I have to shield it. You...you my son, are the heart.'

...am I really the heart Daddy?

The next few hours were just as brutal. Master Splinter carried me to his room. HIS room. Let me repeat that. HIS ROOM. Now I never understood this, but why is it that when someone goes through something traumatic that now everyone feels guilty about it. They some how feel responsible for it. Like they were the ones fucking me on that roof top. I know how harsh that sounds, but the soft spoken words and the gentle touches that everyone, literally everyone, is omitting from themselves when they approach me is making me sick. I think I'm gonna vomit.

"Raphael," again with the soft voice. This time, from Master Splinter. It felt weird to hear him speak in such a tone. Part of me believes it's fake, but part of me wanted that voice for so long. I craved it more than any of my brothers.

"...Raphael," He repeated. Silence is all I could give him. If anyone should feel guilty about what happpened, it should be me.

"Someone has hurt you my son. The evidence is clear. No need to hide like you did when you were a child, Raphael. I know that I haven't been the best whenever we interacted with each other, but know this my son...

I would never allow this person to hurt you again." Again. That sent chills down my spine. How could I go through something like that again. That word is the stuff of nightmares.

'I'll fuck you where I want, when I want, how I want...I'm your daddy now.'

not again. Not ever again.

I curled my knees to my chest while I sat on Splinter's bed. "Ya paform like a dead piece a-meat," It was torture hearing myself say it. Even though I had said it low, it felt like it came out through an intercom.

"My son?" A confused, but concerned eyes looked at me. He walked over to me and sat on the bed. Can he hold me again?

"That's wa' he said ta me."

"Said who?" I really got his attention now.

"Shre..." something made me stop. Maybe I shouldn't tell Splinter. Maybe that's the Shredders plan all along. Maybe he wants my family to go after him, so he can kill them when their all together. I'd be left alone. After all...it wasn't me that he really wanted. He wants Splinter and Leo dead. That's what he always wanted. I'm just his pawn in this sick game.

"Neva mind," It's better that I don't tell.

"My son, you said someone said something to you. I can tell this bothers you, thus it bothers me..."

"Bothers you?!" I snapped. How dare he say it bothers him. Since when did he actually cared about how I feel? Since fucking when? "Since fucking when?!"

"Raphael! That tone will not be allowed with me!" I couldn't get up from the bed because clearly I was still healing from a missle being shoved up my ass. "I try Raphael, you have no right to talk to me the way you do,"

"Yea that's what they all say. That's all you do is yell at me. The least I can do is return the favor," I stared into his eyes as he tried so desperately to understand. How? How can he understand. He's never had to endure what felt like hours worth of pain and humiliation on the most intimate parts of your body.

"I don't know what to do with you! This why I must send you away."

"Send me away? You would fuckin' like that wouldn't chu? Just like ya did wit' Leo! Leo might have fell for it, but I'm not fallin' for that! My ass ain't goin' nowhere!" I attempted to stand up so I can storm out, but the pain was unbearable. I winced and gasped as a sharp stabbing sensation shot through my body. Yea I definitely wasn't going anywhere with my spaghetti legs. I lied on Sensei's floor remembering that day. It's strange how a few short seconds can lead you into a whole new direction. it alters how you think and see yourself. From a single moment of...my life was forever changed. No one will ever understand how I felt that day. No one will understand the repulsive person I know. Did I deserve it? I remember laying on the cold concrete on that roof top. Tears like elegant pearls danced down my face. Shredders ears were wide open but he couldn't hear my plea. I was covered by veil of darkness. The glowing moon looked down at me, peeking through a massive blanket of stars. I could touch it; it seemed so close. A piece of shit scum is what he'll ever be. The only thing he accomplished doing in life-is me.

Instead of returning the anger, my father hugged me. He hugged me. He knew something was terribly wrong. The one thing you couldn't hide from was Splinter's intuition. Splinter is a patient Rat and he'll wait if it means forever.

Donatello's POV

We were in Leo's room.
"I told you something was wrong and no one listened to me!" I was frustrated. All kinds of frustrated. Miley sat across from us on the bed. He was confused and had no idea what was going on, but it was time to let him know the truth. He needed to know because that was his brother. Our little brother didn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to live this kind of life. Then again our very lives aren't garanteed.

"Mikey, I'm so sorry that you have to hear this," Leo was calm and tried to sound like the older brother he is, but after experiencing such an event this morning, you can tell that he still hadn't come down from it. His voice was still shaking.

"Mikey, I know that this I gonna sound absolutely crazy and it something that I never thought would happen to either one of us..."

"He tried to kill himself. I know. I saw it," His was voice was sad and low. I hated when my little brother sounded like this.

"It's not that he tried to kill himself. I mean that's relevant too, but it's why he tried to kill himself," Leo sat down beside our orange little bro. "Mike, Donny and I think that Raph might have been raped. We don't know how it happened or who did it, but there is plenty of evidence leading up to this conclusion." Leo was nervous telling Michaelangelo this. He paused and looked at me. He needed my help.

I decided to sit next Mikey too and hopefully be able to say this a lot better than what was in my head.
"There was blood, lots of it. He was bleeding from his rectum." There was no other way to say it. Mikey is gonna be 16 while the rest of us will be turning 19. Leo 20. There was no other way to sugar coat it.

"Why would someone wanna hurt Raph that way? I mean I know that people wanna fight us and kill us, but rape us?" His voice cracked. To think something so horrific happened to one of us.

"It's going to take lots of time for Raphael to heal from this." When can we all wake up from this nightmare?