« -I'm doing the best I can !

-It's not good enough!"

As far as she could recall, those were the last words she exchanged with Clarke. Before that? Something as nice as "I'm fighting this war with you because I want my brother and our friends back. But after that, we're done".
Be careful what you wish for, as they say.
She and Clarke had never had anything better than a conflictual relationship –and that was in their best days. But in the end, despite Tondc and the debacle of Mount Weather, the only reason so many of the sky people were still alive was Clarke. And –that was not something Octavia was ready to admit before Mount Weather, but that she h ad thought through since Clarke left- she was grateful Clarke was the one to face the Tondc decision. Had Octavia been the one aware of the situation, she would have had to choose between her brother, all of her friends, and so many innocent people… She told Clarke that she would never understand that decision, but after all that had happened, at least she understood that there were no good choice to make. But she would never have the occasion to tell it to Clarke.
It was such a strange feeling. She never enjoyed Clarke's presence, but the thought of never seeing her again –no, the thought that the girl didn't even exist anymore, that she was gone, definitely gone… It made her feel lost. So did the fact that they may be about to face a war, without her.
"I knew it was too dangerous" she thought for the umpteenth time. "Leave by herself like that, of course, all she managed to do was get herself killed!" She almost welcomed the anger. That was the easiest feeling she could have about Clarke. It was making her less vulnerable. And it was easier to blame Clarke than those unknown men, who came out of nowhere, that may or may not be related to the supposed attacks Lexa told them about. Lexa was good to get angry at, too. After all, none of this would have happened if she had kept her word. They would have won in a real battle, not in this awful massacre, Clarke wouldn't have left, she and Bellamy would be in charge…
She finally snapped out of her thoughts to check on Bellamy. He was still sitting where he sat after they found the picture, and still had Clarke's in his hand, but wasn't looking at it. He was just staring at nothing, and Octavia could see he cried. She knelt in front of him, taking his hand in hers.

"-Bell…

"-I never should have let her go," He said with a broken voice. He raised his head to meet Octavia's eyes. "-I shouldn't have let her go.

She swallowed back the tears her brother's voice created.

"-Listen to me, Bell. This is not your fault.

-I could have made her change her mind, if…This wasn't on her. We both killed them…

-Bellamy! That's not on you, do you hear me? The only ones responsible are the ones who did that! OK? It's their fault she's… It's on them, on those people who are attacking us, and no one else."

It wasn't how she felt, because her reaction to grief was to look for anyone to blame, to be angry at, but she knew it was true anyway. These men had declared war to them by killing Clarke. Right now, though, Bellamy didn't seem in a warrior mood.

"-But if…

-Bell, it's not your fault," She said one more time, wrapping her arms around him. She felt him starting to cry again as he hugged her back.

The moment they all saw Clarke's picture, Bellamy took it from Lexa's hand, and his reaction gathered the sky people and Lincoln around him.
Lexa stayed still, unable to move, or to feel anything for a second, as if the time, the world stopped. And then it started turning again and it hit her fully.

"No, no, no…"

She took few steps back, knowing that she needed to get away from all of them. Maykl moved with her, ready to accompany her, but she ordered him and her others warriors to stay where they were, barely conscious of the words coming out of her mouth. None of the sky people even noticed her. She stepped away, then ran away until she was sure no one could see or hear her anymore.
She fell down on her knees more than she kneeled down, hit the tree in front of her with her fist, so hard that blood would start flowing on her wrist and arm in few minutes, and this was all the anger she could find in herself for now. Her hand lingering on the tree, her forehead against it, she almost choked on the cries she was trying to hold back and finally gave up the fight against her tears.

She cried until all of her body started to ache, until she didn't have a tear left to shed, not because she let herself cry, but because she couldn't, she physically couldn't stop, as if her mind was trying to mask the pain behind a river of tears. She tried to make herself stop, to stand up and go back to her warriors, as she needed to do, to act like a Commander, but every time she tried to breathe normally, Clarke's face appeared in her mind, crossed in red, and the pain took her breath away, and she stayed leaning against the tree, until she was out of strength.

After what seemed like all the time in the world, she was still kneeling in front of the tree, her eyes finally dry, trying to get herself up. She knew she had to go –she shouldn't have left in the first place- but she couldn't even imagine herself confront the sky people. Certainly not all their camp, and not even Bellamy and Octavia. She was already struggling against the tears, and…

"She is dead because of me. That is what they are going to say, and they will be right. She is dead because of me."

She let her head fall back against the tree as she thought back to Mont Weather, to the look Clarke had gave her, and tears started rolling on her cheeks again.

"-I'm sorry, Clarke! I'm so sorry…" She cried, her face convulsed by pain.

She heard a branch cracked with a loud noise behind her, and she jumped on her feet, terrified by the idea of one of her warriors, or even one of the sky people, seeing her like this, but there was no one to be seen, only the woods. She wiped the last tears of her face and took a deep breath, readying herself to face the others. The sky people lost their leader, by her fault, but –she didn't make that decision, it imposed itself to her- she wouldn't betray them again. They were Clarke's people, and from now on, she would protect them as her own.

"-Where were you?" Octavia spat at her when she finally joined them. "-Redoing your make-up? You really think that was necessary?

"-Don't talk to the Commander like that!" Maykl interposed himself between the two girls, ready to unsheathe his sword. Lexa calmed him down, before turning to Octavia.

"-War paints, actually. And if I am to go to your leader to engage your people and mines on the path of war, yes, Octavia, it is necessary.

-War? Wait, we know nothing of what is going on! What…

-We know that those men murdered my warriors and yours," Lexa said, hardening her voice. That was something she had forget about pain, how angry it could make a person. She locked her eyes on Octavia's. "-Blood must have blood.

-Blood must have blood," Octavia repeated, as Lexa expected. There was enough grounder in this girl to understand that. "-But that decision is not yours to make.

-No, that is your leader's place. But I hope you understand that this is your only choice. And that you will all be able to do what it takes." She looked at Bellamy on her lasts words. He planted his dark look into hers, his hand still clutching Clarke's picture, and he didn't need to answer her. He was ready to go on the war path. So was she.

…

When he entered the room they were all in, she had a hard time believing it really was him. Sure, on the map, they seemed to be in the direction he left for, but to actually see him here, not as a prisoner… The prisoners burst in exclamations, most of them questioning the Chancellor about him being here, some taking the time to blame him for everything that happened back on the Arch, and she had to make her way through all of them to arrive to him. He smiled when he saw her, smiled like he used to years ago, when Clarke and Wells were kids, and that smile made her feel like nothing could go wrong from now on. He would know what to do.

"-I knew you'd be brought here too, Clarke.

-Do you know where we are? And if those rooms really teleport to wherever we want them to?

-Oh yes, they do. But we must not use them, they are not meant for us. Come, all of you, you need to meet Her.

-Her? What… Why can't we use them? Is she in charge here? Is she the one who command the armored men?"

Every time she mentioned that "Her", Jaha's smile widened, so much that Clarke's feeling of safety shattered. She had to force herself not to take a step back, to not get away of this man that now seemed almost demented.

"-She, Clarke, She's gonna save all of us. She's gonna save the world, She who rules the city of lights. Come with me to meet Her. She'll make you see the truth.

He suddenly raised his head to Galton, who, while the Chancellor was talking to Clarke, got closer from the teleportation rooms.

"-What are you doing? I told you you must not use those!"

Clarke made her mind in the second she had.

"-Go in there, before they arrive! Go!

-No! You don't understand!"

Jaha rushed to the rooms, to Galton, but Clarke put herself in his way, grabbing him to stop him, giving Galton to send most of the prisoners away.

"-No!" Jaha shouted. He stepped back from Clarke, just to violently push her on the floor. She stood up immediately, but Galton had already clenched his fist and punched the other man. He was way taller than him, and Jaha fell down, with blood on his face. Clarke rushed to Galton, but stayed outside of the last teleportation room.

"-What are you doing? Come in, let's go!

-I can't leave him. Remember the map, and when you get to the camp…

-What are you talking about? You can't stay here!

-I can't leave him, Galton!" She almost scream. The boy gave her a scared look.

-Then let's take him while he's groggy, take him back with us.

-He' our only way to figure anything out about this place. Have you seen him? He won't tell us anything if you take him back there. I need to stay with him.

-Then I'll stay with you…

-They need you," She lowered her voice so Galton would be the only one to hear her. "-They need someone to lead them to our people. I'll be fine."

-At least take a gun, and one of those devices," He said, turning back to the others prisoners to get the items. "-Be careful, Clarke. Come back as soon as you can.

-When you get there, tell them everything we know about this place, OK? And tell… Tell my mother I love her.

-Clarke…"

She knocked on the screen, making the room disappear before he could finish, and turn to the Chancellor. To where the Chancellor was lying few seconds ago, actually, for there was no one else than her in the room. There was only drops of blood on the floor, and those stopped next to the wall. Realizing Jaha must have fled by opening the wall in front of him, she opened it back to follow him, just in time to see another wall down the hall closing again. She dashed to it, catching Jaha back behind the second wall.

"-Wait! Chancellor… Thelonius, wait! I'll come to Her, OK? They didn't want to stay, but I'm still here, I'll meet Her like you said!

-There is no time, Clarke!"

He continued running, clearly knowing where he was going, and after few other walls, they entered a room with a staircase. He rushed to them, followed by Clarke, and it took them just a handful of seconds to arrive upstairs. Clarke stopped, seized by the sight. It looked nothing like the level below, where every room looked the same. This was a corridor like she had seen in old pictures, pictures of the ancient world, richly decorated, the ceiling supported by white pillars. She didn't have time to stop long, though, for Thelonius was racing through the hallway, and she followed him to a backside door, that lead in a control room. At least she figured that's what it was, because there were a panel control full of switches and flashing lights, even though there were no screens.

"-Chanc… Thelonius, what is going on?

-We need to stop the rooms before they arrive! There is still time, but we must destroy them before it's too late!

-There are people in those rooms! Your people!"

He turned to her, his sweet smile back on his face, and Clarke thought it was indeed the same smile than where she was a kid. That nice smile who meant "you can't understand, because this is grown-up's matter."

"-Clarke, you will come to understand. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice a few to save the many."

She felt tears at those words, and her voice was trembling when she answered.

"-I know that. Better than you imagine. But this isn't sacrifice, it's murder. Tell why you have to do this.

-No one can know about Her, except the ones she called here. The world is…

-Why?" She screamed the word.

-Because they'll try to stop Her! They won't understand! They won't understand that it is all necessary, they'll fight back!

-What is necessary? Explain me! Who is she? What does she want? What will they try to stop?

-The radiations, Clarke. The last ones, the finishing strike. She couldn't end it before, but now she's able to, thanks to us, and everyone who serves Her will be rewarded in the city of Lights when the world is reborn."

Clarke's eyes widened with fear when she realized how crazy he'd become.

"-Thelonius…

-They need to die, Clarke. For a larger design.

-Thelonius, don't do this. You don't have to. Listen, I get that you believe…"

He reached for the panel control, and in the second, she raised her gun to him. He gave her a surprised look, but seemed to lose interest in it immediately.

"-Don't worry, Clarke, it's all for the best.

"-Please, don't make me do this. I swear I will, so please, step away.

-You don't understand, they're gonna ruin everything if we let them arrive where you send them! The world won't be reborn, our people won't be saved!

-You're not making any sense. They're going to get back to our people, and so can we, if you just…

-We mustn't go back to them, not yet! This isn't our destiny, don't you understand?

-No! No, I really don't. But you can… You can explain it to me, OK? Just step away from that, and we can talk. Please.

-We can't let them reach their destination! You won't do that, Clarke. I know you, I've known you since you were born. You're not gonna shoot me. You just have to trust me.

-You don't know me. Please… Please, Thelonius. Don't make me do this."

He looked at her, in her eyes. Well's father, looking at her, and her, a gun in her hands, ready to fire, looking back at him, tears threatening to flow. This man had been like family to her, all her life, and there they were, in a death or life situation, against each other. She shivered at the thought of what she had become. She was ready to shoot Well's father. And she knew she would really do it if it came to that.
He raised his hand to the control panel. And she fired before he reached it.