Perpetual Existence
Chapter Seven— No One to Stop Us
After we make a few promises to each other, my eyes close as I lay my head on Bella's chest, lose myself to the rhythm of her heart. At any moment, I will step into the same day that has been haunting us for what seems like weeks. I continue to hum her lullaby, adding to the unfinished piece and noting the music in my mind. I want to remember, though I fear I may not have a choice.
In the time between Bella's death and starting the day again, we've gotten to know each other. Though she spends a lot of our time here in pain, she begs me to distract her. We've talked about our pasts, granted my turn takes much longer. Almost a century on this planet and yet, she wants to know everything about me.
It is rather strange as my soft humming starts to slur, and a sensation washes over my body. Weariness I haven't felt in eighty years weighs heavily on my eyelids. I no longer have the strength to stay upright. I shift Bella to lie on top of me, the ground beneath surprisingly soft. My fingers run through her hair, her whimpers have quieted over time. It's strange; I can't seem to grasp how long we've been here.
But I know our time is coming to a close. Again, fear rushes through me. What if I can't remember? Not because it's something I choose to forget, but by whatever magic this is.
"Don't be afraid." Bella's fingers brush along my jawline. "It's almost time." On shaky arms, she lifts herself up to hover above me, allowing her hair to fall around our faces. "Kiss me?"
Despite all the pain delivered by my hand, she still fell in love with me here in the dark.
She cocks a slim brow. "Quit overthinking, Edward."
A soft chuckle passes through my lips, causing her to smile. My fingers cradle the back of her head, using the leverage to pull her closer to my awaiting mouth. She hums at the press of my lips. Her thighs part to straddle my hips, her hands lifting to my face. The kiss increases in intensity, both so lost that I just come to realize her tongue is in my mouth!
If my heart beat, it would've stopped at that moment.
I pull away, shaking my head.
She laughs!
"You're not a vampire here, Edward." She's quick to remind me by pinching my side. Hard.
I yelp, making her giggle. "I thought I didn't have better senses, but are you saying I'm human here?"
She shakes her head. "You told me once that your eyes were green when you were human, so no. They're a beautiful hazel color. I'm guessing you're more human here because it's what you want to be."
"So, we have some control over what happens here."
Bella shrugs, her lips twisting in confusion. "I'm not sure, maybe?" She closes her eyes, but a moan of pain hisses through her lips. "The pain won't go away."
"I'm sorry," I whisper it over and over, as I kiss every inch of her exquisite face. A lovely blush colors her cheeks, but it doesn't last long.
"Next time we can try something."
I nod, any attempt at a smile falls as she curls up against me. Pain causes her body to shudder and contort, twisting and breaking my heart. I cry, though no tears fall, as the room brightens around us.
.
.
.
My foot hits the stair tread hard, sending me catapulting into the same day. Frustration and anguish hit me and threaten to bring me to my knees. I can't allow myself to lose control now; I have a promise to keep.
I turn to run toward my room, causing the conversation between Alice and Esme to stop momentarily, but it resumes as I look for something different to wear. My eyes land on the jacket I need for the day.
After redressing, I make a quick stop at my desk to pick up a notebook and several other items I will need. I stuff everything in a backpack I find in the corner of my closet. I rarely find a need for one, and hope my family doesn't ask questions.
As I head toward the garage, I avoid everyone by simply stating I need some time alone, and apologize to Alice, since she'll need a ride to school. They don't question me, since it's something that happens from time to time.
Alice is curious, but chooses to ignore it for now, too absorbed in the discussion of Isabella Swan with Esme. I'd laugh but that would undoubtedly raise relentless questions. I do not laugh out of the blue.
The drive to Bella's house seems to take too long, even though I speed all the way there. Disappointment floods me when I see her truck is gone, as is her father's police cruiser. I've only taken twenty-three minutes to get ready and arrive.
Does that mean Bella forgot the promise we made in the dark?
A rumble of a familiar engine comes to a stop at the curb of her house. I look up to see Bella waving and grinning from inside her truck. She waits for me to pull away enough so she can park in the driveway and jumps in my car.
"Good morning, Edward. I didn't want to explain to Charlie why some boy was picking me up yet." She presses a kiss to my cheek, surprising me.
I growl, narrow my eyes as she pulls away. "You can't do that!"
She pouts, nodding. "It's not the same as when we're in the dark place. You're super strong here."
"And I struggle intensely with my instinct to kill you." The reminder is harsh, but she doesn't let my words bother her much.
I roll my eyes and drive toward the school with the windows down. "You'll need to wear more layers, having you in here, so close with that scent, I need to keep my windows open."
"Maybe I'll roll around in urine tomorrow." She tries hard not to laugh when I glare at her. "What? It's a possible deterrent."
"My beast would still smell you and take you for a dip in the freezing river before feasting on you."
Bella blushes and squirms in her seat, her thighs pressing together. Another enticing, addicting scent fills the space before the wind pushes it out the window.
I groan. "What made me think this was possible?"
A few moments pass before Bella whispers, "By 'this,' do you mean us? Or close proximity to my luscious blood?"
"L-Luscious!" I splutter. I have never called her blood that to her face.
"You tend to whisper that before you bite me."
I curse as I pull over to the side of the road. Her eyes widen, not in fear but pure shock. I rarely curse. "Please stop saying words like bite, luscious, or blood for that matter."
"I'm sorry, but I'm feeling a strange sort of anticipation, excitement, and adrenaline for the day." Her hands are shaking and she's been fidgeting since climbing into the car.
We had agreed in the dark place, the next couple of loops would be for us to do things we wouldn't normally do. Things we want to do. It's my turn. While I tried to insist she should be first, she was adamant it be me.
The parking lot at the school is almost full when we arrive a few minutes later. After laying down some ground rules to keep her safe for as long as possible, we prepare to exit the car. The fact we're going to separate for classes irritates me. If death is determined to end her life, I need to be able to protect her from it. Meaning, she needs to be by my side at all times.
"You look angry." Bella nudges my shoulder with hers. "We can't pull off what happens next with you looking like you're about to kill someone."
"Kill you, you mean?"
She glares at me. "You didn't kill me in the last loop and you haven't killed me today yet. If I need to stop saying words that can churn your bloodlust, then you need to stop saying things that make me angry!"
Her arms cross over her chest as she stares me down. Unblinking and unyielding. Delightful color fills her cheek, crawling down her neck, and over top of her chest. Just how far down does it go?
"You're rather fetching when you're angry."
Her mouth drops open. "Fetching? Who says that nowadays?" She rolls her eyes. "And clearly you're not taking me seriously if my being angry is fetching!" Her hand lands on the door handle, pulling to open it.
I place my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Bella."
"Liar." She refuses to look at me, but doesn't jump out of my car either. "You apparently think my anger is something to make fun of. I hate when people do that."
"And I'm apologizing." I try to get her to look at me. "Please, Bella." She finally meets my eyes, her anger is still prominent, but something else is there. How I never noticed it before makes little sense? Maybe because I didn't want to find love and desire there before?
A part of me still doesn't want to see it. I don't deserve to, because resisting her seems impossible.
"I am truly sorry for upsetting you. Decades of self-deprecation is a hard habit to break." I slip a curl of her hair behind her ear as she usually does herself. Her blushing again infuses the air between us.
Resist.
Resist.
Must resist.
"I can understand that, Edward." Her hand rises slowly to my face, silently questioning if it's safe for her to touch me. I simply nod. "I'm not ever likely to forget how we started, but I'm determined to remember what we've become."
"And what's that?" My words are whisper-soft against her cheek, unable to resist touching her.
"An us."
I groan as my lips press against hers, desperately wanting to linger and deepen the kiss. But here, in reality, it's not entirely safe. It pains me to pull away. "Let's show them we're an us too."
"With pleasure," she says with a little fist pump. "After hearing every female go on and on about you, this will be so much fun." She moves to open the door for her, but I stop her again. "What?"
"As you could tell by my use of the word fetching, I'm rather old-fashioned."
"Oh." She waits, placing her hands on her lap to wait for me as I circle the car to her side. "This I don't mind so much." She accepts my hand to exit the car, her hand slipping into her pocket to pull out a pair of sunglasses.
I wink and do the same. We're facing each other, attempting to look serious. She's having more trouble with remaining cool and aloof, but I don't mind at all. A giggle slips through her façade, which she masks with a cough.
I lead us toward the campus across the parking lot, aware of several students stopping to stare at us openly. Shock and confusion cross over their faces, a few upset I already knew Bella.
Might as well stake your claim.
I release Bella's hand, seeing her confusion too. I offer her a genuine smile and drape my arm carefully over her shoulders, tucking her closer to my side. She sighs and nuzzles my arm, blushing as I press a kiss to her temple.
I suppress the smile threatening to take over as Mike Newton frowns then starts to whine in his thoughts. It doesn't last long; instead, her scent encompasses my senses, the feel of her soft hair tickling my lips.
"You smell good."
She smiles up at me, her eyes warmer than ever. "Thank you for deciding to remember this time, Edward. It was so difficult to keep my feelings to myself."
I have the sudden urge to swallow. "Feelings?"
In the dark place, I told her I was falling in love with her. She never returned the sentiment, not really. Only indicated she never felt that way before. Now, in this endless loop, would she tell me how she truly feels?
"I love you, Bella."
And then we're struck by a car.
AN: I'm aware that I'm so evil. The boy was too distracted. Thanks to Midnight Cougar, she helps enable...I mean encourage me.