id:5707211

Chapter 7: Sacred and Beautiful

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

Charles wanted to agree with her and say that 'yes, he will come back'. But he couldn't. He knew the truth and deep down, Margaret did too. With her believing, you had to pretend with her. You couldn't say out front that Hawkeye is dead, you couldn't say that. Not to her. She would hit you or scream to you that you are simply making that up. Charles had no energy or time to do that, but he will do it for he is perhaps the only one who can, no matter how much she may deny it. He knows that the truth shall set her free.

He remembers that day when he heard the news. Not too long after he was shot. Margaret broke down completely; shocked, cold, numb, disbelief. All the emotions were read and expressed in her face. When the funeral was said and done, when the goodbyes were in the past, Margaret distanced herself from the people who wanted only to help her and mourn with her. She built a barricade around her heart so no one could come in. She stopped eating full meals and sleep never came to her ice blue-green eyes. Sugar plums danced around others. Her eyes were glassy and it looked as if she lost 100 pounds or that she was starving to death, as if she wanted to die. They (including her parents) had to call in Sidney and put her away for about three months. It was for help, it was for them to get their friend back. But, when she came out, Charles knew that she still wasn't the same. Except this time, she could cope and accept the fact that Hawkeye was really gone and it was perfectly alright to express it. She didn't do so, and to conquer the depression, Sidney had put her on anti-depressants.

His wife left him not too long ago with cancer taking her away. What Margaret believes is the fact that love will always prevail. That's never the case.

"Don't you think he will come back?" She asks.

Choking a bit and swallowing pride he stated. "Whatever you say Margaret." He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes trying to keep exhaustion out of his way. "Whatever you say."

"You don't sound convincing."

"I'm tired, I apologize. I really do believe it if you do."

She gives out a heartedly laugh, "Of course I believe it. Why would he leave and not comeback? It's not like he's dead or something, right?"

The man froze and looked at Margaret's innocent eyes. Only in your mind is he alive, he so badly wanted to say, but there would be a huge commotion if he did. Arguments, and denial, accusations and declares. But he must, and he will do it sometime today. It's sad enough to argue with a woman whose mind is back in the past with no escape route. But, in all honesty, what choice did he have?

She stares finally understanding how drained he must have been. "You should sleep. You should go. I do not want to keep you."

"Now Margaret, I'm perfectly fine. "

"You sure? It seems that you have purple bags under your eyes."

"I'm fine, thanks."

Her eyes search around the room as the awkward silence begins. She wishes to go back out to the main room, but so to speak she is 'grounded' for her actions. The boredom was what got to her. She eyed her picture of him on her little end table next to her bed. It was black and white. He was wearing his blue Hawaiian shirt and his cowboy hat as he was leaning against the signpost that once existed at the 4077th MASH. Of course, Margaret does not remember the place to save her life, but she does remember the man in it. Eyes glowing, beautiful smile, tall lean thin body. What everyone wanted in a man. And to picture him as only once being a comrade in arms, he was now a lover from that very event. Margaret had bits and pieces of that memory locked away.

She then looks down at her folded hands and twiddled her thumbs. She was unsure of what to say. Charles took this opportunity for he knows that this would be the only time to tell her.

He got up. "Margaret. There's something I need to tell you. Margaret, Hawkeye's dead."

Out of nowhere, her eyes stared in disbelief. "What?"

"He was shot in the heart by an ex of yours by pure accident. He was dead on arrival. You wore his blood when you held him in your arms. There was no saving him." He almost got tears in his eyes one more.

Slowly, she rose from her chair, now anger than disbelieving. "How dare you come walking in here and tell me that my fiancé is dead! He promised me that he would never leave me, and you come and give me some bullshit story that he's dead? What the hell's wrong with you! Hawkeye's not dead, not by a long shot!"

"Margaret, they examined his body. YOU held his limp body in your arms crying your eyes out that you couldn't save him. You took his pulse with your very own hands only to be dismay not to find on no matter how much hopes you had. At the funeral you talked to his casket and didn't want to stay away. The last thing you did was kiss the casket. Do you remember at all? You need to remember! You might as well give up waiting by that window unless you're waiting for fantasy."

"And you need to get out! Get out and never come back, sincerely yours, Margaret Houlihan! None of that happened; you're lying through whatever teeth you have left!"

"Oh really? Well then I'll be seeing you. And good luck for waiting for someone who's not returning." He stormed out of the room. But, he knew that he did the right thing, and that she would thank him later. It was only a matter of time.

In her room, Margaret threw whatever she could find to relieve the frustration and anger that lingered inside. She even accidentally knocked down the framed picture of Hawkeye. When she bent down to pick it up(carefully bending down because of old age), she screamed and both her hands grasp that picture to her chest as her tears came rolling down hard on her face.