Once again I have been blown away by the responses to the last chapter, I'm really glad that you guys are enjoying reading it!
Here's the next chapter for you...
Fear kept both women rooted to the spot, they had never seen their friend in such a terrible state before and it shocked them both to the core. He sat there, elbows on his bent knees and his head in his hands, wishing that the voices that were hounding him would stop. "Look at you. Pathetic" they taunted him, "You call yourself a man?" He squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists, unable to stop the sob that slipped from his mouth.
Alex suddenly realised that she was horrendously unequipped to help Horatio and she silently wished that she had paid more attention to the psychology lectures in med school. Knowing that he needed more help than she could give him she racked her brain trying to think what she should do next, she glanced at Calleigh who was standing in the doorway, hand covering her mouth and sobbing gently. "Honey?" Alex prompted, "Calleigh, he needs more help than I can give him, I think I'm going to make a few phone calls and see if I can get in contact with one of my colleagues"
Calleigh shot her a look of pure horror, her mind immediately conjuring pictures of her beloved boss being carted off by the men in white coats and kept in a padded cell. Alex caught the look on her face and quickly reassured her, "Honey, don't worry" she began, placing both her hands on Calleigh's arms as she spoke, "I won't let them take him away but he needs to deal with this and as much as I hate to say this, we're not what he needs right now" Calleigh gave her a weak smile, trying with all her might to compose herself.
Alex took her phone from her purse and left the room quietly, Calleigh continued to stare at Horatio who was sobbing quietly and muttering softly to himself, she had to fight the urge to run over to him and take him in her arms. She wanted to tell him that everything would be alright but right now she wasn't even sure if that was true, she had absolutely no idea what to do for him. "I'm sorry" he whispered, looking up at Calleigh, he looked like he had aged ten years overnight.
Willing herself to keep eye contact with him she crept over slowly towards him, "Do you mind if I sit with you?" she asked hopefully, not sure of his reaction. When he nodded his head slightly she sat down opposite him, legs crossed. The silence in the room was starting to get uncomfortable but she wasn't sure what to say, afraid that saying the wrong thing would trigger another outburst from him. "Alex is making some phone calls Horatio, we're going to get you some help" He looked at her once more and she would never forget the look in his eyes for as long as she lived, he looked utterly defeated.
"Don't waste your time" he told her, sighing. "I'm not worth it"
Calleigh was about to respond when Alex returned to the room who motioned for her to follow her. Once in the kitchen Alex filled her in on her phone calls, "I've called a friend of mine, Jeff, he's going to come over and see us, he should be here soon"
Still having visions of watching Horatio being carted off in a straightjacket she looked warily at Alex, "What kind of friend Alex?"
"He's a psychologist that I've known for a long time, he's just going to come and have a chat with Horatio" Alex tried to reassure her, "For the moment this is strictly off the books. No hospitals, no records"
"Alex, you realise that if this gets out it could ruin his career. They'll have him riding a desk for God knows how long if Psych services get wind of what's happened!"
"Sweetie, Jeff works as a private psychologist" she said as she motioned for Calleigh to sit with her at the table, "I'm hoping he can spend some time with Horatio and help him work through his issues before it's too late. For the moment it's just between you, me and Jeff and I plan to keep it that way"
Calleigh opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a knock at the door, Alex placed a hand on her arm and motioned for her to stay where she was, "That should be Jeff, I'll get it sweetie"
Alex strode purposefully towards the front door and was relieved to see a middle aged man in a buttoned-down shirt and black slacks standing on the other side, "Jeff" she sighed in relief, "Thanks so much for coming over at short notice"
"Not a problem Alex" he told her, "I was getting thrashed in my game of golf anyway" he smiled at her as he crossed the threshold and entered the house. "So where will I find him?" he prodded gently with a wry smile on his face.
"He's through here honey" Alex led him through to the lounge, Horatio was still exactly where they had left him, he had stopped sobbing and instead was resting his head on his crossed arms. "Please help him" she whispered to her colleague before glancing back once more at Horatio and leaving the room.
"I'll do my best" he reassured her as he turned his attention back to the figure sitting on the floor.
"Horatio?" he spoke gently. Getting no answer he raised his voice a little louder, "Horatio, my name is Jeff. Alex has asked me to come over and talk to you, is that ok?"
"I'm not worth it" he told the doctor, without looking up.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because it's true" Horatio responded bitterly, "They can't even face looking at me anymore"
"Who can't Horatio?"
"Alex and Calleigh" he told him, glancing at the doorway.
"Did they tell you that?"
"No, but I can see it in their eyes. I disgust them" he sighed and hung his head sadly.
"You know Horatio, it looks awfully uncomfortable down there" Jeff motioned to the floor, "I think you'll be more comfortable sitting on the couch, don't you?"
Horatio eyed him warily but conceded that the cold floor was hard and unforgiving on his weary bones; he slowly raised himself to his feet, leaning on the wall for support and sat down on the cushioned furniture. "What now?" he questioned the doctor, "Are you going to tell me I have anger issues or something?" he growled in a low voice, trying to intimidate the harmless looking man in front of him.
"Do you use that stare a lot Horatio? I bet it works on all sorts of people"
Growing tired of trying to match wits with the other man Horatio asked him, "What do you want?"
"I want lots of things Horatio" he responded calmly, "But there's a difference between what we want and what we need"
"Stop playing games with me!" Horatio shot back, feeling his patience wearing thin. "I've already told them and I've already told you, I'm not worth it! Why don't you all just leave me alone, I don't need your help!" he shouted as he rose from the couch intent on leaving the room.
"I think you do" the doctor paused as Horatio shot him an incredulous look. "And I think you know you do too"
"And how did you work that one out, Jeff?" he spat back, feeling his temper fray further.
"Because you wouldn't have answered your phone when Calleigh rang you the other night"
"I answered it because I knew that she wouldn't stop ringing me otherwise!" he countered.
"You could have turned your phone off"
"Then she would have rung my landline"
"You could have left it off the hook"
Horatio knew he was in no fit state to play mind games at the moment, "Fine! You win" he raised his bandaged hands in defeat at the man opposite him, sitting back down.
"I bet that hurt" Jeff said, pointing towards Horatio's hands. "How did that happen?" he questioned innocently.
"I….uh…..I lost my temper the other night" the red head stammered.
"Do you find that happening a lot recently Horatio?"
Panic swept through him as he recalled his behaviour in recent months, beating information out of a cop-killer, letting a child abuser fall to his death when he could have saved him. But they deserved it didn't they?
"I've…I've…..um, I've had a lot of stress lately" he finished lamely.
"How about we start from the beginning then?"