"Listen, you guys, there is gonna be some rules while we're here on Earth," John says as they walk through the halls of Stargate Command. He starts listing them on his fingers. "One, no wandering off on your own. Two, always listen to me. Three, no affectionately rubbing your head on people, it's creepy. Four, no biting. Got it?"
Aeryn nods. Stark is mumbling while trying to count on his fingers.
"Stark?"
"Oh, yes. Got it," Stark says quickly.
"Here we are," says Cam, leading the group into the mess hall.
A few minutes later John is wolfing down a lunch of hot dogs, macaroni, and baked beans, with jell-o for dessert of course.
"Save room for dinner tonight," Cam says.
"Oh, I'll have room," John assures him.
He and Cam strike up a conversation about test piloting. Daniel and Carter are discussing ways to get the stargate on Moya working, and Vala is seeing how many pieces of corn she can steal off Teal'c's plate without him noticing. Teal'c is pretending not to notice.
Aeryn and Stark sit there feeling kind of awkward. Stark affectionately rubs his head against Aeryn's shoulder. Aeryn goes to bite him.
"Ah, ah, that was two rules you just broke," John says warningly. "Don't make me regret letting you two come along."
Once they're done lunch Cam takes John, Aeryn, and Stark to his quarters. Daniel tries to scrape Vala off on them but she insists he take her clothes shopping. He convinces her to go with Carter instead. Finally he can get a moments peace at the library.
"A Nintendo!" John says excitedly.
"Who wants to play Mario Kart!" Cam says, just as excited.
Aeryn and Stark are a tiny bit disturbed at their excitedness.
Cam and John are very competitive against each other (because there's not much more competition). They take turns winning races. Stark looks to be in deep thought as he runs into a wall the entire time. Aeryn can't seem to do anything but drive around in circles.
John notices that she's starting to get frustrated so he suggests they play Mario Party next. Cam wins, John comes in third because he'd decided to help Aeryn out so she could win second. Stark loses but he's so overjoyed he got a star that he doesn't care.
They're in the middle of the four-player minigames on Banjo-Tooie when Daniel comes knocking on the door.
"Hey Jackson. Is it almost dinner time?" Cam asks.
"Yeah," Daniel replies. He watches Cam and John's dramatic shooting war in the temple shoot-out minigame while Aeryn sneaks up on them and kills them both. Stark is running into a wall and keeps accidentally blowing himself up with grenade eggs but he's loving every second of it.
"So you finally get to come home and you spend the whole day playing video games?" Daniel asks.
"Yup," John says.
On Moya
Jool and Chiana are trying to repair the damaged section of Moya.
"Jool, you're doing it wrong!" Chiana says. "We're supposed to be fixing the ship, not making it worse."
Jool shrieks as the piece of bulkhead she was trying to weld back on nearly falls on her head. "I'm trying!"
They manage to get one tiny little insignificant fraction of the work done.
"Woo! I'm tired, how about we take a break," Jool says.
Chiana rests against the wall. "There's so much we have to do though, we'll never fix it all before they get back."
"We have two solar days, how hard can it be?" Jool says.
"Wait, shh, do you hear that?" Chiana whispers.
"What, I-"
"Shh!"
Jool listens. Footsteps echo in the corridor, moving closer. "Who's here!?" she whispers nervously.
"Quick, hide!" Chiana says.
"Where!?"
Chiana panics and bursts through the messy welding job they'd done to hide in the bulkhead. Jool squeezes in after her. Chiana moves the broken piece in front of the obvious hole.
They hold their breath as the two intruders walk by their hiding place. Chiana watches through a tiny slit.
When the danger is out of earshot, Chiana whispers, "Dren, that was Scorpius and Ba'al. We can't let them take over Moya."
"How?" asks Jool.
"We'll set some traps," Chiana says. "Let's call Pilot."
In the Corridors
"It appears nobody is here," Scorpius says, roaming the silent, empty halls of Moya.
"That will make it easier to take control of the ship," Ba'al says.
"We can never be too sure though," Scorpius says suspiciously. "John and his gang of escaped prisoners are tricky."
"Especially with SG-1 along to help," Ba'al adds.
They search the large ship for another arn to make certain it is empty. Then they head for Command.
"So all we have to do is fly this Leviathan back to the Command Carrier and take the Stargate for ourselves?" Ba'al asks.
"Yes, though we might have to persuade the Pilot to hand over control," Scorpius says.
When Scorpius activates the door control it explodes, sending him and Ba'al flying backward.
"What the frell," Scorpius growls, getting up.
The small explosion did no more damage than frying the door control, but Scorpius can't get the door open. "Auurrgh!" he roars. "We need to go to the Pilot's den sooner rather than later."
He leads the way. They don't even get around the corner when another small explosion causes the ceiling to cave in right in front of them.
"What is wrong with this ship!" Ba'al exclaims in frustration.
They try to dig through it but soon give up.
"Looks like we're taking the long way," Scorpius grumbles.
Maintenance Tunnels
"So far, so good," Chiana whispers as they watch Scorpius and Ba'al try to make their way through the ship.
Ba'al doesn't notice the obvious trap right in front of him. He steps into the circle of rope, which tightens around his leg and snaps him up into the air. After only a couple microts of swinging upside down by his ankle the ceiling buckles and drops him to the floor.
"Well, that didn't hold," Jool says quietly.
They hear Scorpius say, "We're not alone in this ship."
"He knows we're here," Jool says with rising panic.
"Don't freak," Chiana says. "They won't find us if we stay hidden."
They spy on Scorpius and Ba'al as they travel through Moya. The two villains encounter many traps, including a web made of active electrical cables, motion sensor explosives, caved-in secions, DRD's with lasers, collapsing floors, and trip wires that set off guns.
After an incident with a flame thrower they arrive at their destination.
"They survived all the way to Pilot's den!" Jool says frantically.
"They…they won't get to Pilot," Chiana says, sounding unsure.
"Pilot!" Scorpius shouts across the cavernous den. "You will hand control over to us now!"
Pilot lifts all his arms in the air when he sees two guns pointed at him. Scorpius and Ba'al start across the catwalk, keeping their weapons trained on Pilot. In the middle a bomb goes off underneath and the walkway crumbles.
Scorpius and Ba'al fall TO THEIR DEATHS! Kidding, they land in the lake of Hodian trill-bat dren that covers the basement of Pilot's den.
"Yeah!" Chiana and Jool exclaim in celebration.
Scorpius and Ba'al escape the dren-lake through a hatchway that eventually leads them back to the cargo bay they started in.
"RAAUGH!" Scorpius growls.
Ba'al is trying to rub off the dren, which leaves a purple tint in his skin.
"Venting atmosphere in cargo bay one," Pilot announces over the shipwide comm.
"Quick! Get in the marauder!" Scorpius yells over the escaping atmosphere.
"I'm driving!" Ba'al calls back, trying to beat Scorpius to the ship.
"What, you want to do this now!" Scorpius says as they scramble to safety.
The cargo bay doors open all the way. The marauder, the damaged transport pod, and half the new spare parts they'd just gotten are blown out into space.
The bay doors close and Pilot initiates Starburst before the marauder can steady itself. Jool and Chiana crawl out of the maintenance tunnels into the broken, destroyed corridors of the ship. They stare at each other wide-eyed.
"Crichton's gonna be mad," Jool whispers.
Day Two on Earth
On his last day before returning to Moya John decides to visit his dad. He invites Cam with plans to go to a plane and spaceship museum thing. Not wanting Aeryn and Stark in a museum, John decides to leave them behind. Daniel gets stuck with them on a food shopping trip.
"Don't forget the pizza and ice cream!" John calls as he and Cam are walking out the door. "And tic tacs! But no crackers, I'm so done with crackers."
"John, that was like two cycles ago," Aeryn says.
"Yeah, and I'm still finding them in places they shouldn't be," John says.
Aeryn shrugs as she pulls a cracker out of her shirt and eats it.
"Okaaaay," Daniel claps his hands together. "Ready to go?" He's trying to push a non-cooperative Aeryn and Stark out the door. "Hurry, before-"
"Wait for me!"
"Vala," Daniel groans. "Don't you have something else to do?"
"No, Daniel, I have to make sure you get some good stuff," Vala says, shoving herself out the door with them.
After a hectic car ride (for poor Daniel anyway) they arrive at the store.
"You can push the cart," Daniel says to Stark.
Stark pushes the cart as hard as he can. It flies across the store until it crashes into a banana stand. Daniel stares disbelievingly for a second.
"That's…not how you do it," Daniel says, walking over to retrieve the cart and trying to avoid all the stares from random shoppers.
"It's not?" Stark asks innocently. Daniel shows him. "Aaah…"
Stark is in deep concentration as he follows Daniel around the store, pushing the cart. Vala is standing on the back of the cart (even though Daniel told her not to do that).
Daniel finds his hands full with making sure Stark doesn't run people over, removing half the stuff Vala adds to the cart, and occupying Aeryn, who continuously shoves random items in his face and demands he tell her what they are. Quite forcefully. He's had to retrieve his glasses from the floor a couple times.
"Don't forget the pee-sauce and eyes green," Stark says.
"What are you talking about," Daniel says, confused. "Oh, you mean pizza and ice cream. Where did you even get…nevermind."
Finally they get done at the store. They go back to the base where Daniel rubs the three of them off on Teal'c, who takes them to the gym to play basketball.
As Daniel is storing food in the fridge he finds things in the shopping bags that he failed to notice while at the store, including a lightbulb, drain-cleaning fluid, at least three clothes hangars without clothes, a do-it-yourself pool patch and repair kit, and a disturbingly large amount of unnecessary door handles. Daniel sighs.
Later that evening everyone meets in the gate room for the return trip.
"Ready to dive back into the chaos?" John asks.
"I think wherever we are there will be chaos," Daniel says, rubbing his eyes.
They all say bye to Carter, who decided to stay behind. Then they step through the Stargate into an emptier than usual cargo bay.
"Where's the transport pod," Aeryn says.
John activates his comm. "Jool, Chiana? We're back."
"Huh? Oh, hey." Chiana sounds like she just woke up. "We'll be down in a microt."
When Jool and Chiana arrive they head right for the cart of new food. "What'd you get?" Jool asks, rummaging through the stuff.
"Later Princess," John says, grabbing her arm and making her face him. "Where's the transport pod?"
Jool looks at Chiana, then back at John. "In space?"
"What do you mean, in space?" Aeryn says, joining the interrogation.
Chiana and Jool both start talking at once.
"Guys, guys! Slow down," John interrupts. "One at a time. Where is it?"
"We had to leave it behind 'cause Scorpius and Ba'al-"
"Scorpius and Ba'al were here!?"
"Yeah."
They explain how the pod was blown out of Moya alongside the marauder, then left behind when they starburst away. They leave out all that happened before that.
"I guess you had no other choice," Aeryn says.
"Oh well, we have more transport pods," John says. "No big deal." He walks out of the cargo bay. Jool and Chiana stand there, staring at each other.
"What have you done to Moya!" John's shout comes in from the hallway.
"I don't know why we thought he wouldn't notice," Chiana says as they reluctantly walk out into the corridor.
"First," John says. "You are gonna explain this to me." He makes a wide gesture with his arms at the broken, crumbling, burnt, caved-in, and otherwise damaged corridor. "Then you two are gonna fix it!"
Jool and Chiana groan.