Thank you all so much for your reviews and encouragement. I love it when you share your thoughts!

A Super special thanks goes to KbellaManoso. You really got me thinking about her!

If you recognize any characters, it's probably because they belong to Janet Evanovich. If you recognize any mistakes, they're mine! (but don't tell anyone) :-)

JOE POV

After I took yet another shower, I went back to five and the comfort of the control room. I think there are still some eggshells in my hair. Binkie smirked when I walked into the room. I guess he already heard about my latest capture. I could hear Steph and Tank's laughter through the elevator shaft. Hell, Binkie probably saw me on the camera in the elevator.

When I left for the day, I had some time to kill before I had to go to my mother's house. I went to a small dive bar in a seedier part of town. One of the reasons I went there was that the chance of seeing someone I know is very slim. The main reason though, is to make contact with the bartender. Johnny is living with the sister of a member of the Campanoli family. If our information is correct, This will be the biggest bust of my generation, and I'll be right in the middle of it. Johnny's connection is tenuous at best, but I need to be subtle. I bellied up to the bar and ordered a whiskey, neat. Johnny handed me my drink and took in the black Rangeman uniform. "That's a new look for you, Detective Morelli."

I snorted. "I thought by now the whole city knew that it's Former Detective Morelli."

He started wiping down the bar. "People say all kinds of things."

I raised my glass. "Well, people suck." After I downed the drink, I dropped a twenty on the bar and stood. I spent enough time here to know that he would tell his girlfriend that the rumors were true. I'll come back in a couple of days for another drink. Opening the door to communication is slow work.

By the time I got to my house, I was ready to get out of this uniform. I let Bob out to do his business, then went upstairs to find a shirt clean enough to pass the mom test. I was stripped down to my tighty whiteys when I felt eyes on me. I turned to see Terri leaning against the doorway, admiring the view. I stalked over to where she was standing and grabbed her by the waist. Since I was only wearing my underwear, I wouldn't have to waste any time undressing. "See something you like?"

I was laying in bed feeling satisfied when Terri came out of the bathroom. She smoothed her dress and looked at me in the mirror. "I wish you would reconsider coming to work for Uncle Carmine," she said.

Just like that, the afterglow was gone. "I have a job already."

She snorted. "Yeah, I heard." She turned and walked over to the bed. She sat down next to me. "Look, Baby, you were a great cop, but I don't think you're cut out to be a bounty hunter."

I got mad. "I've only been doing this for a few days. There's a learning curve."

She looked incredulous. "You have to learn how to not get covered in Crisco? How do you think I feel when the guys start talking about your latest mess? Really, baby, it's embarrassing."

I got out of bed and picked my jeans up off the floor. Turning away from her, I started to get dressed. "Well, excuse the hell out of me for embarrassing you. You think I like having eggs thrown at me? It's not my fault. These skips are nuts! In the future, I'll try my best not to embarrass you anymore."

She came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders. Leaning her head against my back she said, "Baby, I'm sorry. I just want you to be happy. I don't see why you have to work with Stephanie Plum."

I turned around and took her face in my hands. "Hey. Anything that Stephanie and I had is in the past. We work together, but that's it. End of story."

A tear gathered in the corner of her eye. "You used to tell people the same thing about us."

I blew out a frustrated breath and started pacing the room. "I don't have time for this, Terri." I mean really, why do women have to pick apart every little thing you do or say? Shit like this drives me crazy. I walked back up to her and held her waist. "Look. I'll think about working for Uncle Carmine, okay?" She nodded and I kissed her forehead. "Now, let's go to my mother's house so I can get my ass chewed."

We walked into my mother's house and I was immediately slapped upside the head by Grandma Bella. "What the hell?"

She shook her finger at me and said, "I know why you're late. All men are sex fiends."

I rubbed my head. "I love you too, grandma."

She said, "You're lucky you're my favorite grandson or I'd give you the eye."

I walked Terri into the dining room and sat her at the table. It was just after six, but dinner wasn't on the table yet. Shit. My mother must have held dinner until I showed up. I was in for it now.

As if the thought of my mother conjured her, she appeared in the doorway. "Joseph, could you come in the kitchen for a moment, please?" She looked at Terri. "Teresa, it's good to see you again."

I walked into the kitchen and handed my mother the flowers we stopped to get. I remembered Ella's advice, and they seemed to work a little. She smiled at them and put them in a vase. When she turned back to me, her expression turned hard again. "Didn't I raise you right? Didn't you always have clean clothes, fresh meals, and a roof over your head?" I knew better than to answer her. She was just getting warmed up. "Where did I go wrong? You had a good job. You were respectable. What happened?"

"Ma, I have a job."

"Oh, yes. You have a job all right. My phone hasn't stopped ringing in days with people wanting to tell me all about your new job. You told me that those men were thugs and criminals, and now you're washing their cars? You're doing their laundry?"

"Technically, it was Ella that was doing the laundry. I was just driving her."

"Ella who cooks so much better than your own mother?" Oh, shit. I probably should have kept my mouth shut. "Ella who made the best sandwich you've ever eaten? Did she have to go to the principal's office when you got in trouble for fighting? Did she put up with your pazzo (crazy) father to give her children a good home? I bet you Bernie Kuntz never told his mother she was a bad cook."

"Ma, I didn't say that. You know how much I love your cooking."

"I spent half the day making you manicotti. I should just throw it away and let you go have her dinner. She probably makes better manicotti anyway."

"Ma, you know you make the world's best manicotti. I don't want her dinner, I want yours." Good lord, this was starting to get a little Twilight Zone crazy here. "I'm sorry I said that, Ma. I wasn't thinking."

She seemed to accept that. "Now, what about this job? I bet you Anthony Gorman's mother never gets calls that her son is in the police station covered in Crisco. Even Walter Dunphy and Dougie Kruper's parents probably never get calls that their boys are doing an impersonation of a Chicken Parmigiano out on Stark Street. No. It's my son, the police officer, that does this. My boy, who made something out of his life, who eats his lunch in the Laundromat and works with criminals. I want you to quit that job, Joey. I've been drinking Maalox by the gallon since you started that job."

"Ma, I can't do that."

"Yes you can. You march right down there tomorrow and tell them you quit. I got you an application for the button factory. I heard they're hiring."

"Ma, I'm not going to quit my job. I'm doing good work, still getting criminals off the street. Can't you understand that that's what I need to do? Besides, it's only until I get my job back. You'll see, ma."

She cupped my cheek. "Oh, Joey. Of course you'll get your job back. They'd be crazy to let you go." Great. Now I made my mother feel bad. She's probably worried that I'll get depressed again. I'm starting to wonder if this assignment is worth it. "Go out to the dining room. I'll bring dinner right out."

We managed to make it through dinner without any more mention of my fall from grace. After dinner was over, Terri offered to help clean the table, but my mother refused. We left with more leftovers for my fridge. I was just glad Grandma Bella didn't have another one of her "visions".

We got back to my house, and I convinced Terri to have a sleepover. I have the day off tomorrow because I have to work on Saturday. Besides, the boys really missed her.

Friday morning, I went to the gym. After my workout, I showered and went upstairs for the morning meeting. The topic of discussion was the takedown of a high level skip. Ranger said that they would be doing a distraction. Stephanie asked what kind of outfit she would need to wear. Ranger smiled and said, "Sorry, Babe, I don't think you're the distraction we need for tonight." As he spoke, Tank passed out folders with detailed information on the skip. "As you can see from the information, the skip is a homosexual with a fixation on The Jersey Shore." All eyes focused on me.

I realized what they were asking me to do. "Oh, hell no."

Stephanie rolled here eyes. "Come on, Joe. All you gotta do is dress like a Guido, and let this guy pick you up. It's not like you have to let him pork you."

Ranger dismissed everyone else. When it was just the three of us in the room, he said, "This guy is an insanely high bond. Rangeman's take is half a mil. If you do the distraction, your bonus is fifty thousand dollars, and all it will cost you is an hour in a gay bar in Point Pleasant."

Holy crap. Fifty thousand to pick up a guy? I can pull up my big boy pants for that much money. "And I don't have to kiss him, or shit like that, right?"

Stephanie giggled. "This guy is into first timers. He'll be all over you, Joe. What are the odds that someone from the Burg is going to be in a gay bar in Point Pleasant?"

I agreed to do it. Hopefully, it will be easy money. Since I was going to be working tonight, Ranger told me that I would be spending the morning with Bobby, and would have the afternoon off. I needed to be back here at 8:00 to change into the outfit Ella was getting for me. When I left the conference room to find Bobby, I was feeling nauseous.

Bobby was in the medical office on three, close to the gym. When I walked in, Bobby grabbed a clipboard and a stopwatch and told me to follow him. We got in an SUV, and drove to Ft. Dix.

BOBBY POV

I could tell Morelli was confused when we drove to Ft. Dix. I decided to clue him in. "All Rangeman employees are required to pass physical fitness exams and submit to a yearly physical. The exam must be completed to the basic standard for admittance to the Army Ranger program." I pulled up to the obstacle course. "There are six phases to the exam. We don't require the 16 mile hike or the 15 meter swim. You will have two minutes each to do push-ups and sit-ups. The minimums for these are 49 push-ups and 59 sit-ups. You are required to do six pull-ups. You will have to complete a five mile run. You have to do two miles in 15:12 and all five miles in forty minutes. This counts for two of the phases. The final phase is the obstacle course. You have twelve minutes to complete it. Since your test is in two weeks, I thought you would like to take a look at the course. I know you were in the Navy, so some of this should be familiar to you,"

He was staring at the Wall Hanger, looking a little green. I handed him a pair of gloves. And told him to have at it. His times were a little slow, he didn't get all of the obstacles on the first try, and he threw up a couple of times, but two weeks should be enough for him to get into the shape he needs to be in.

He might be an asshole as a person, but he should be able to pass his exam.