My cold hands fumbled with my belt, peeling it from my soaked clothing and flicking it from my body as I ignored Shane when he asked what was wrong, the silence of the car breaking with the sound of Reagan climbing out of the backseat and slamming the door closed with enough force to jolt the rumbling engine. Shane snapped his head forward in anger, muttering something about the lack of respect towards his mother's car. His eyes glaring Reagan down who was currently powering towards the house with her head down, battling against the pray of rain and the anger that was most likely trying to drag her back to me like a magnet. Her fists were clenched at her sides as she stormed across the driveway, as though she was struggling to contain her anger. I wished she would show it. I wished she would yell at me, or push me, or hit me. All of those things would have been better than the snide laugh that she let slip when I mumbled the words I love Karma. If she had shouted at me, it would have felt better that the silence that had clouded us since, my stomach too curdled with anger and hurt to manage any conversation with Shane when he finally managed to find us. Every time I blinked I could see her snide smile, all I could hear was her cheap laugh, and yet all I could feel was overpowering guilt. I wanted her to yell because then I knew where I stood. I needed to know what she was thinking, and the loss of words and stone cold glare was doing nothing to help me read her mind.
I mumbled a quick thank you to Shane before stepping out of the car, making my way towards the door that had been left open by Reagan. I heard Shane shout my name as he climbed out of the car, but I ignored and instead headed in the direction of my bed as quick as my bloodied feet and tired legs would allow me. My entire body ached from the mammoth hike of today and I wondered whether I could muster up any energy for a shower, contemplating my decision as I walked with my head down until I heard Reagan's voice crack through the room like harsh thunder.
"What did Karma say?" I looked up, noticing she was stood on the bottom step of the stairs and was turning around to face me. The puzzled look on my face must have been clear enough for her to know that I needed elaboration. "What did she say to you that's made you so sure that she now wants you? What did Princess Karma do that's changed this whole thing?"
"Reagan, don't." I mumbled, watching as she stepped towards me slightly. Her face was stern and unreadable, my tired mind wanting to run from this situation and legs choosing to agree. I attempted to walk past her but was stopped when she grabbed my wrist in a way that didn't make my heart flutter and my body want to turn around and be near her. The touch didn't calm me like all her other touches had done previously, this one made my stomach churn. Her grip was tight as she pulled me back, my feet stumbling slightly when she pulled me back in the direction I had been, letting my wrist go and leaving me to stumble into my previous place. In the seconds it took for my brain to register the action, Shane had appeared and was snapping Reagan's name in my defence as he closed the door behind him and looked between the two of us. I felt like a small child who had been caught fighting in school by a teacher, my brain fumbling over weak explanations.
"I want to know, Amy."
"Why?" I sighed, running my hand through my hair to pull the wet strands from my neck. I heard Reagan let out a breath that sounded like a small laugh before she just shrugged her shoulders. The aura of confidence that I had found so endearing and sexy before was now intimidating, my height shrinking smaller and smaller with each passing second.
"I don't know. For future reference? To know what changed this whole thing over night? Because I think I deserve to know? Yesterday morning we were perfectly fine. So, what changed?"
"You asked me to choose, that's what changed." I spoke, my voice sounding stronger than I had expected it to be. I rubbed my fingers over my wrist to get rid of the white marks that were shaped like Reagan's fingers.
"That's bullshit. Did she tell you that she loves you? That she's going to break up with Liam?" My glance moved from my wrist to Reagan before moving back again, and in that moment I felt like she had completely read my mind. Another cruel laugh slipped from her mouth as she moved to sit on one of the stools. She chewed on her lip, but that did nothing to stop the spiteful smile spreading on her face.
"Karma told you that she loves you?" Shane interjected, but was cut off by Reagan before I even had time to turn and look at him.
"Liam is just going to love this. Does Liam know? I'm going to assume no seen as I saw them talking perfectly fine this morning. So how does that work then? She plays house with Liam during the day and then sneaks off with you at night? Is that why you're so pissed off, not because of me but because Karma sort of screwed you over with her lies yet again?"
"You asked me to choose Reagan. I'm sorry if my decision wasn't what you wanted, and I really don't want to hurt you, but I'm not going to stand here and let you use me as a punching bag to take your temper out on."
"Fuck you, Amy." She spat at me, her dark eyes burning into me. I chewed on my lip as I glanced to Shane who was stood with his mouth practically hitting the floor, my mind briefly wondering whether that's what I looked like. I hadn't been expecting her to greet me with open arms, but at the same time I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to be stood looking at a girl who I felt like I barely knew. Then again, I did barely know her. She had been thrown into my life and gladly dragged along by me, but I didn't know her. I didn't know whether this was her genuinely hurt, or whether this was the outcome of a bruised ego.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled before turning on my heel and heading for the stairs.
"You're sorry?" She snapped, my heart clenching in my chest in a way that made me nervous. Her voice felt like it was burning my skin every time she spoke. When I turned back around Reagan was cocking her head to the side, her lips pursed and her arms crossing over her chest. I felt a shiver run down my spine, whether it was from the cold glare or the cold temperatures I didn't know.
"Reagan, I know you're angry. But don't make me feel like a terrible person for doing something you asked me to do. You told me to pick, and I did."
"You're right. At least you were honest for once, right?" Her voice was laced with sarcasm and it made my stomach churn. The churning only got worse when the footsteps I heard on the stairs behind me were Karma's, hear body skipping into sight before freezing when she took in the sight of me and Reagan, as well as Shane who was secretly trying to mouth run to her. I flashed her the briefest of glimpse before looking back to Reagan when she laughed again.
"What's going-" Karma started, before being silenced by Reagan's louder voice.
"You've been honest, Amy. I might as well be too. You're going to probably find out soon anyway."
"Find out what?" I muttered, feeling another shiver down my spine and crossing my arms to fight away the goose bumps that were rising.
"Do you even know why I'm here? Why I'm on this trip, I mean." She asked, pushing her hair back from her face. When a dull silence filled the room she glanced between the small group who were all anxiously waiting, before moving back to me.
"Why?"
"Seriously, you never thought about it and worked it out? I thought everyone pretty much knew, I guess you're the only one who never cared enough to think about it. You were getting what you wanted, so why question it, right?"
"Are you to insult me or just tell me?" I snapped, my patience wearing thin. The Reagan bubble that I had been living in for the majority of the trip had now popped and dissolved, completely removing the calming sense I reserved for Reagan, leaving me stood wishing the ground would swallow me whole and never spit me back out.
"I'm here for you. I'm not saying that in a philosophical bullshit way either, I mean I'm literally on this fucking trip for your pleasure. And Liam's I guess."
"What?" I mumbled, my brow furrowing and the confusion that was washing through me clearly showing from the way Reagan slowly exhaled before explaining. I flashed my eyes over to Shane who looked just as confused, my thoughts settling for a second and thankful I wasn't the only one feeling like a spotlight was being shone on me.
"Do you think I'm that naïve that I didn't know why Liam invited me here? Everyone thinks that Liam brought me here to be a distraction for you and that I just didn't realise, but I knew the entire time. He called me one day and told me all about this trip and his new girlfriend, how he really wanted to spend time with her but couldn't because she had this best friend that was sort of in love with her. He asked me to come and distract you. To make you feel wanted. To make you feel so wanted that you ended up wanting someone else for the summer. I was sat on my bed with no plans for the entire summer, so I thought fuck it, why not? I packed my bags and showed up to play my part of the deal."
"I don't understand. Why are you telling me this?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse due to the lump that had formed in my throat. I swallowed thickly, puzzled as to why my entire body felt like someone was chucking a bucket of ice cold water over me. The thoughts spinning around in my head were going too fast for me to land on one of them at one time.
"I don't know. Because you deserve to know?" Reagan muttered.
"That's bullshit and you know it, Reagan. Jesus, so she picked Karma and hurt your feelings and ego a little, that means you screw with her and do this? Did she really fucking deserve to know that? Just because someone upsets you, it doesn't mean you can fuck with them too." Shane snapped, finally moving from his spot and walking towards me. I listened as he stepped past me before screaming Liam's name up the stairs, waiting until he heard Liam's grunt of acknowledgment before turning around and attempting to grab my hand to pull me away. I shrugged him away, looking back to Reagan, whose face was now slighter softer.
"What did you mean by deal? What did you get from this deal?"
"I'm older than you remember, college is my next big thing. NYU offers a music course that I really want, but it's insanely competitive. Liam's dad knows someone high up there. I distract you for the summer and get you to like someone other than Karma, and he gets his dad to put a good word in for me."
"Please tell me you're fucking joking," Shane snapped at her, watching as Reagan just weakly shrugged her shoulders before he turned back around, "Liam move your-fucking-self right now before I come up there and drag you down."
"So, what?" I snapped, my fists clenching the bottom of my shirt into my palms to try and control the anger that was soaring through my blood. I felt like I was on fire. I felt like I had knocked back four shots of tequila in a row, and the nauseous feeling that was extending into my stomach was just as bad as the after effect. I licked my lips quickly, noticing they had become painfully dry, just like my mouth. "I was just some end of a deal to you? I was just you making sure you got your fucking place in college? I was just some girl you fucked for the summer to please your friend? You stood there and made me feel horrible, Reagan. You said I used you. And this whole time- how could you stand there and ask me what you mean to me, when all I was to you was this?"
"It wasn't ever meant to become anything personal, Amy. I didn't even know that I knew you until that morning outside Karma's house. It shocked me just as much as you. This was just meant to be some fun for the summer with some girl who I would never see again. You started off as just that, but it changed. I actually started to like you. I actually started to want something more, but-"
"Don't you fucking dare tell her that you have feelings for her. Don't try and make this out to be something it isn't. You've screwed with her for since day one." Shane snapped before screaming Liam's name one last time, his feet stomping up the stairs behind me but my eyes never leaving Reagan to look. I could sense Karma still next to me, I could even hear her breathing when the deadly silence covered the room again, yet she appeared to be just as frozen as me.
"How can you stand there and accuse me of being a liar, of using you as my second best option, when you've spent this entire trip lying to me? I was honest about Karma and how I felt, you've never been honest, about any of it. You've played me like some fucking game. You've have me wrapped around your finger the entire time, whilst making me feel like I was the selfish and cruel one."
"Jesus, Shane, would you calm fucking down?" I heard Liam bark from the top of the stairs, a fumbling of footsteps before he came into sight. His hair was scruffy and his eyes were red from the sleep he had just been dragged from. I watched as he pulled a shirt on over his head before looking between us, the small smile on his face fading before it washed over with realisation. I felt my stomach churn with sickness when the first person he looked at was Karma. He stepped towards her and Karma made the first movements she had made since coming down the stairs, raising her hand to make him stop. Her face was something I had never seen before and that surprised me. I knew everything about Karma. I had seen her mad, I had listened to her yell, I had been on the receiving end of her pissed off shouts, but I had never seen this. I had never seen the mixture of fury and hurt that was in her eyes, the way her jaw clenched as she stepped back a little to create more space between her and Liam who looked like a kicked puppy.
"What did you fucking do?" Liam snapped when he turned back to Reagan, making sure to flash a glare my way in the process, his hand futilely fumbling through his hair to pat it down whilst also attempting to calm his nerves.
"I told the truth. She deserved to know," Reagan mumbled. Liam raised his hands exasperated before scratching quickly through his head.
"No she fucking didn't, what the hell is wrong with you? This wasn't part of the deal. Did she piss you off or something? Hurt your feelings? Bruise your ego? For fuck sake, Reagan, why do you always lose your temper and then fuck things up?"
"There was no point in me whispering sweet nothings into her ear when your girlfriend is in the other ear telling her she loves her." Reagan spoke harshly, the anger washing from his face and leaving a plain look. Everyone in the room turned to Karma next to me, except me. I stood frozen, staring at the floor and holding my breath. I had been angry. I had been furious. I had wanted to burn the house down when I saw them together this morning, but I didn't want this. I didn't want Karma to be stood burning under the stare of Reagan and the judgement of Liam. I didn't want to listen as she fumbled over her words, her voice shaking. I was angry that she hadn't broken up with Liam yet, but I wasn't angry enough for me to now enjoy this.
"Liam, I was going to tell you. I was- I just needed the right moment. I was just waiting until we were alone to tell you."
The swirling and churning in my stomach only increased with each word she spoke. I couldn't listen to this. It was wasn't until I felt like I was choking that I realised I wasn't breathing, the walls of the room feeling like they were closing in. I needed to move. I needed to get out of the room, away from the eyes and glare, and away from the painful mumbling of Karma as she tried to say anything that would control the growing anger on Liam's face. I cannot listen as she tried to justify this to him. I cannot listen to him tell her that he loves her. I let out a slow breath before forcing my legs to move, heading for the front door in front of me and stopping when Reagan grabbed my wrist. The grip was nothing like last time. It was just her fingers wrapping lightly around my wrist, a small touch that made me stop quicker than the last one.
"Amy, I do actually care, that's why I'm so angry. Yes this started off as all part of a deal, and I understand how that was wrong, but that's not what this is to me now."
"-You fucking kissed her?" Liam shouted in the background, my eyes flickering over Reagan's shoulder to where Karma was rubbing tiredly at her eyes and just nodding. My eyes moved back to Reagan when her voice floated back into my head.
"I didn't ask you to pick between us to see whether I was doing well with my part of the deal, I just wanted you to pick me."
"-How could you do that to her Liam? How could you play with her feelings like that? How could you do that to her when you know how much she means to me, and you claim to love me?"
"Along the way you actually became something to me, but I was never anything to you. I was never going to be anything compared to Karma, yet you still pulled me along. You gave me hope. I think we both used each other just as much this summer. We both lied to each other this whole time." Reagan spoke, her voice blurred and jarred compared to the screeching that had now escalated behind her.
"-Of course I'm going to be angry, Karma, you fucking cheated on me!"
"-You made a deal to screw with my best friend!"
"-Is that what you want to do? Screw her?"
"-Fucking grow up, Liam. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I'm not sorry about how I feel."
"Amy?" Reagan asked, her body moving in front of me and blocking my vision. I felt completely dizzy, as though I would fall to the ground if Reagan let go of my wrist.
"No. I've never lied about my feelings. I've never lied about my motives. I've never lied about you. You've lied about everything. You've been part of a little team, with Liam of all people. Fuck you, Reagan."
I snatched my wrist from Reagan's weak grip, moving towards the door that felt like it was spinning before slamming it closed behind me. I could heard the blurred shouting of Liam and Karma through it, the sound of Shane interjecting as I walked down a few steps until the drizzle rain was spraying against my skin. I hadn't realised I was boiling hot until I felt it cool over me. The tears that I hadn't realised were desperate to fall now broke through the wall, pouring down my face and leaving me breathless as I stopped on the bottom step and dropped down, attempting to force air into my lungs.
….
"Amy?"
I rolled my head to the side and lifted it a small distance off the sand, feeling a searing pain burn through it when the stiffness gave way to a large crack. I closed my eyes for a second to swallow away the pain, wishing my stubborn head would have allowed me to go back into the house last night and actually sleep in a proper bed. I listened for a second as Lauren walked down the wooden steps that led up to the house, another set of steps following after her. The blind panic that soared through me at just the mere thought of it being Reagan, Karma or Liam made me want to be sick, my eyes shooting open and my body lunging up in a way that it completely protested against. When I took in the sight of Theo trailing behind Lauren, a small smile on his face that did nothing to calm the onset of bubbling in my stomach, I groaned loudly before thumping back down on the sand.
"Have you been out here the whole night?" Theo asked once they were both down on the sand. Lauren stepped over and hovered over me, blocking the bright morning sun and allowing me to see a shadowed version of her face through my squinted eyes. I let out a small grunt as a response, rolling onto my side and practically feeling every single bone crack and jolt in my back as though I was an elderly woman struggling to stand up from a bench they had been sat in for hours. After a few rolls to the side that somewhat resembled a beached whale and grabbing onto Lauren to use as leverage to pull myself up, something she strongly objected to by just shoving me away, I managed to make it onto my feet, promising myself to never ever sleep on sand against despite how comfortable it looks.
"Shane told us what happened." Lauren spoke, in a voice that made my eyes roll from how sympathetic it sounded. As I wiped the sand off of my clothes, bending to grab my shoes that I had kicked off last night when I was inspecting my bloodied feet from the day spent walking, I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what they wanted to me say. Yeah I know, it's pretty shitty being played as part of a deal, but I appreciate your pointless sympathy. Instead, I looked up and offered the best smile that I could manage and hoped it showed them that I hadn't completely lost it.
"I'm fine." I muttered after a second of them staring at me, my smile having not been enough to quench their worried and sympathetic looks. After another couple of painful seconds went by I kicked my foot on my makeshift pillow that had made from a mound of sand, letting out an annoyed sigh before moving around them and heading for the steps. I stopped just as I felt my feet hit the wood, looking over my shoulder to Lauren who was watching me. "Who's up at the house?"
"I think Reagan's asleep, I haven't seen her. Karma and Liam argued for hours last night before he stormed out and didn't come home, so Shane left about half an hour ago to go and look for him. We were meant to be looking for you, but now that we've found you we might go and grab some breakfast. Want to come?"
"No thanks, I think I just want to get a shower. I'll see you when you get back." I flashed a quick wave goodbye before bolting up the steps before they could offer another invitation to something else in a feeble attempt to entertain the girl who was screwed over. I sighed tiredly as I made my way around the pool and towards the house, rubbing at my eyes as I slid the glass doors behind me, freezing when I took in the sight of Karma curled up on the couch. Her legs were pulled into her chest and her head was tucked down, leaving her squashed up like a small ball in the corner. As I stepped closer I could see the tear streaks down her face, her waterproof mascara having been broken through and leaving the odd black stain on her face that had clearly been smudged as she wiped away tears. The sight itself made my stomach churn. Suddenly I felt guilty for not being here. For not standing next to her when she spoke to Liam, for not squeezing her hand when she needed a little encouragement, and for not wiping away her tears when he most likely continued his tirade of yelling late on into the night.
I chewed on my lip as I stood staring down at her, contemplating whether to wake her not. I wanted to hear her voice. I didn't even want to say anything in particular, and I didn't even want to ask her what had happened, I just wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to slide onto the couch next to her and hug her. But I didn't. Instead I grabbed the blanket that was hanging over the back of the chair next to me and gently laid it down on her, trying my best to contain my smile when I noticed she was wearing her Disneyland shirt.
As I stood under the spray of water in the shower I closed my eyes and prayed that it wasn't loud. I prayed that the sound of the shower wasn't loud enough to wake Reagan up. I prayed that when I climbed out and wrapped my towel around myself, she wouldn't be on the other side of the door prepared with an army of apologies and a bundle of begging for forgiveness. I didn't want that, first of all because I was scared if I saw her right now I might hit her, but second of all because I genuinely didn't know what I would say. I was angry. I was wall-hitting-stuff-throwing-blood-curdling angry, and I didn't know what to say because of that. I couldn't see past the red mist behind my eyes long enough to be able to think straight. I couldn't work out whether I was so angry because I had been lied to by her for so long, or whether it was just because I didn't see it.
"I meant, what are we doing? Are we just messing around, or this something different?"… "I'm here for you."
Maybe I had seen it. Maybe deep down I knew that she was here for me, and I knew that maybe she knew that. But I had been so blind, so clouded with the need and want for someone to pick me for once, that I ignored that. I had been so desperate for someone to choose me, to want me, to love me, that I hadn't cared whether the person was honest. It made my stomach churn to think how ignorant I had been this entire trip. It had been so blatantly obvious, Lauren had even spelt it out for me, yet I had ignored it. I haven't entertained the thought that maybe Reagan was part of the idea. I hadn't believed that she could do that, be like that even. The thoughts in my head began to muddle with the heat of the shower and the steam that was rising from it, leaving me feeling like I was needing to gasp for air. I flicked the water off and climbed out of the shower, wrapping the towel around my body that ached in every area, before hesitating at the door. I swung it open quickly, deciding if she was there I was just going to put my head down and ignore her, but she wasn't. The room was empty, just like it had been before I had walked in. I sighed tiredly, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching as drops of water fell from the ends of my hair onto the towel.
….
"-her fault. We were doing fine before she ruining everything, and you know that. You love me Karma, I know you do. You can't be like us, so good together, and just decide to walk away from that. For what, anyway? What does Amy offer that's any better than me?"
My feet slowed as I walked down the stairs. My body felt frozen as I listened to the muffled voices of what sounded like Reagan and Shane trying to coax a very clearly drunk Liam to bed. I ruffled my hands through my hair that was still wet after me falling asleep on the bed for past hour. If anything, my eyes felt more tired and my body ached more after the hour spent wrapped up in the wet towel. I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of Reagan snapping Liam's name, her voice not having the same red mist effect on me right now as I was more preoccupied with deciding whether I should turn around and hide in my room for a few minutes.
"Liam, stop it. You're drunk, go to sleep." I heard Karma snap. Lauren walked past the bottom of stairs, carrying a load of dishes that she must have cleared from the seating area, but she didn't notice me stood there.
"Where is Amy anyway? Where's the star of the show? Amy!" I listened as Liam began to shout my name through the house, his voice fading when he clearly walked outside to the pool. I groaned before forcing my feet to move, skipping down the last few steps before turning to see Liam searching outside. He was shoving deck chairs about, lifting them and dropping them down as though I was hidden under them, all the while with Shane following him around and trying to quieten him whilst pull him back into the house.
"Maybe we should just- You're awake." Karma spoke as she turned around and noticed me, the worried lines that had been buried into her forehead disappearing as a smile spread across her face. I felt like it was infectious, a small grin tugging on my lips as she just stood there and smiled at me. I felt like we were the only people in the room. I felt like I had been pulled into my own little world, my own little magical world where Karma loved me. She was smiling at me. She was flashing me that perfect grin that made my heart thump in my chest and she was doing it just because she could. Just because she wanted to. It wasn't until Liam bumped into Karma's shoulder and made her snap his name that I noticed he was back in the room, my eyes taking a second to adjust to the speed in which he was coming towards me. I took a small step backwards, realised it was pointless when within three steps he was right in front of me.
"This is all your fault. You know that, right? If it wasn't for you and your stupid fucking feelings me and Karma would be fine. Why couldn't you just fuck Reagan and go along with it?" He was too close. I could feel his warm breath on my face and it was making me nauseous from the overpowering smell of alcohol coming from it. When I glanced at his shirt I was sure it was vomit on it, but I didn't have time to check before I felt his hand connecting to my shoulders and shoving me. Hard. I stumbled back, more than I expected and had anticipated, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of my slightly. Practically everyone in the room shouted Liam's name, but he didn't care. When I looked at his face I saw only one thing. Red mist. He was seeing red and that was it. He was seeing what I had been seeing an hour ago, and I knew that no matter how loud Shane yelled Liam's name, nothing was breaking him. I forced my legs to move, to attempt to walk past him and flee to the safety of my room like I should have done, but before I even had the chance to get around him he was grabbing my wrist and pulling me back. It was exactly like Reagan had done yesterday, but this was time it hurt more. It felt like he was stopping any blood from getting to my hand and I tugged my wrist away from him, successfully removing it after a few attempts. Shane had now grabbed Liam's arm and was trying to pull him away, managing to get him to create a small amount of distance between us.
"Get off, Shane. I'm not going to do anything." Liam snapped, raising his hands in the air and arching his eyebrow at Shane who hesitantly stepped back a little. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I was being left out for the wolves to eat, with everyone stood by watching, waiting for something to happen but not actually stopping it beforehand. I felt like someone had popped a bubble and allowed me to breathe when Karma's voice cracked through the room, her feet moving until she was stood next to him and slightly in front of me.
"Liam, just go to bed. If you want to talk about this, I get that, but I won't talk to you until you're sober and I'm not going to stand here and let you blame Amy. This isn't her fault, just like it's not yours or mine. This isn't anyone's fault Liam, it just is what it is. Go to bed, sleep this off and we'll talk later. Okay?"
"Okay?" Liam asked, his voice sounding scratchy as he spoke and small laugh following after him. Karma sighed and stepped to the side to lean against the kitchen island. I turned to Liam when I heard his voice, noticing he was speaking to me. "She was my girlfriend, Amy. She was with someone, yet that didn't stop you from constantly trying and pushing to get that you want. For all we know, Karma probably just caved to get you to back off a little. It's not fucking okay."
"Liam-" Karma snapped, but stopped when he raised his hands innocently once more. I sighed weakly before deciding to leave for my room once more, managing one step before I felt like my face had been hit by a truck. The thumping that was now vibrating through my head only got worse when I felt my body collide with what must have been the kitchen counters. The taste of blood poured into my mouth within seconds and when I pulled my hands away from the burning area, I felt myself become instantly dizzy at the red liquid that was smeared over my fingers. The shouting that I could hear was blurred, as though I had my head was under water, and I was struggling to focus on what was going on. Everything felt like it was spinning and I couldn't focus on anything other than the insane pain that was throbbing through my left eye area. It took me another second to realise that the heat that was running down my face was the blood, my fingers rubbing at it and my legs going weak within seconds at just the mere sight and smell of it. I don't know whether my legs just gave way, or whether I slid down the cupboards, but the next thing I knew I was on the kitchen floor holding my head in my hands and trying to ignore the yelling the was going on in the background while I focused on the pain. The childhood fear of blood that had followed me my entire life was in full effect right now and the longer I sat there, the more positive I became that I was going to pass out.
It took me a second to realise that someone was pulling my hands away from my face, but when I did I opened my right eye, the only one I could open, to see Karma crouched in front of me. She looked furious as she shouted at someone to my right, but it felt like too much effort to try and turn my head to see. When she looked back to me the anger disappeared and instead she looked like she was going to cry. Her face looked pained and if I wasn't so dizzy at the sight of my own blood, and the sensation that a train had just been rammed into my head, I would have tried to kiss her. I watched as she cupped my cheek with one hand, the other pulling hair away from my face and peeling it from blood. How much was I bleeding? I must have tried to lift my hand to feel for it again, because Karma spoke something and pulled my hand away softly. Another couple of seconds went by of Karma holding something against my head while she waited for someone to find the first aid kit. My hearing came back at some point, the blurred yelling becoming more defined.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Liam?" I tried to turn my head to look to where the voices were coming from, which I think was where I had just been stood, but Karma stopped me. Her hands were firm and when I looked back to her she had a small dopey smile on her face. Her eyes were glimmering with a shine that I knew were tears, so this time when I raised my hand I fought her gesture to stop me and instead tucked her hair behind her ear, shivering at the warmth of her cheek.
"I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened, I just lost it. I just- I got so angry and I lost it. Amy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"
"Please stop yelling." I mumbled quietly. As the pain started to fade slightly I rambled to word ow over and over, trying to open my left eyes and failing every time the pain shot through it. As soon as I can feel my legs again I am going to hit Liam so hard.
"Don't speak to her, Liam. Just go, right now." Karma snapped in front of me, her hands losing their grip for a slight second and allowing me to turn my head and look to the side. Liam was looking down at me, but he was holding his nose. Even in my dizzy state I could see that blood was gushing through his fingers, the entire sight making me feel confusion before my brain registered the sight of the blood and made me feel like I was going to throw up. I looked away, dropping my head to try and focus on my breathing before feeling it being lifted by Karma once more who now had a first aid kit. When she dabbed something against the corner of my eyebrow I felt like she was pouring flames onto me, fighting against her hand to pull my face away and muttering that I was fine, before I noticed someone else was now holding me in place. I flashed a smile to Lauren when she appeared next to me, a worried look just spreading on her face.
"Jesus, how hard did he hit her? She's practically out of it. Did she hit her head when she fell?" Lauren asked as she handed Karma another small white bandage-type-thing, Karma handing her one back that I was sure had been white a few seconds ago, but now it was red. And I mean really red. Like the kind of red that made my stomach flip yet again and my eyes darken around the edges of my vision as though I was on the edge of fainting.
"I don't know. It might be the blood, it makes her dizzy. But he hit her pretty hard. God, I'm going to fucking kill him." Karma spoke, her voice shaking as she dabbed at my eyebrow once more, this time the pain not hurting at much. The soaring throbbing pain had now simmered down to a dull ache and when I lifted my hand and rubbed at my face, I was thankful to see there wasn't blood everywhere when I took it away. I coughed to clear my throat slightly, shivering when I tasted blood as I swallowed.
"I'm fine, just a little dizzy I think." I managed, watching as Karma bit her lip to fight her smile. She pinched at my eyebrow to do what she said was checking to see whether I needed stitches, but to me it felt like small torture. In the end she grabbed a bag of something from next to her and pressed it to my head, the coolness freezing over me within second and causing a shiver to run through me.
"How's she doing? Me and Reagan managed to get him into bed, she said she would sit with him and make sure he stays until he falls asleep. Do you reckon she has one of those concussion things? Should we take her to the hospital?"
"I'm not going to a hospital. Karma, don't let them take me to a hospital." I muttered quickly, looking up to glare at Shane who had made the suggestion but only managing to squint through one eye at him. I looked back to Karma who was still chewing on her lip, an action that made me dizzy all in itself.
"I would feel a lot better if we went." Karma spoke, offering a small smile which I just ignored as I tried to shake my head, only for me to feel like someone was shaking the entire earth. I stopped and leant my head back against the cupboard, staring at Karma until I watched her let out a small sigh. "Fine, but keep those peas against your head and you're going to bed."
"You two are going to be so cute together," Shane spoke, a small laugh leaving everyone in the room and offering a brief glimpse of relief on what had been an awkward tension. After a few seconds of struggling for my shaky legs to manage to get me to stand up, I was finally up. My head hurt every time I moved it and when I moved the peas away from my face to try and touch my eyebrow the burning that shot through my face made sure I didn't try it again.
"What happened to Liam's nose?" I asked as we made it to the top of the stairs, my legs now feeling better and my body finally bouncing back. I managed to loosen the grip I had on Karma's hand, even moving to let go until I felt her grip pull me back. As I sat on the edge of the bed she stood in front of me, taking the bag of peas from me and slowly lifting them of my face to have a look.
"I think Shane punched him, or it might have been Lauren. I don't know, I didn't really see, I was too busy with you." She spoke, her face leaning down peer at the cut that I assumed was somewhere near my eyebrow. I could finally manage to open my left eye, the pain stinging but manageable.
When Karma walked into the bathroom I fumbled my hand about on the bedside table until I found the small mirror, lifting it to glance at. There was a gash across my eyebrow, it wasn't small but at the same time it wasn't what I had been expecting when I had seen all the blood. I had imagined that half of my head was cut open, but in reality I had done worse damage to my ankles in the past when shaving my legs. A faint purple bruise was already forming on my face, but apart from that everything looked normal. The pain I was feeling on the inside, the bright stars I could see spinning around my head and the dizziness I could feel every time I moved, in no way matched my outside face. I huffed before dropping the mirror onto the floor and pushing myself until I was lay under the covers of the bed, grabbing the bag of peas and manoeuvring my body until I was lay on my right side, allowing me to balance the peas on my face. I heard Karma walk out of the bathroom behind me, her movements coming closer until she was walking around and closing the curtains, drawing the room into a darkness. I struggled to see a clear sight of her until she leant down, her face mere inches from mine and catching me slightly off guard. My breath hitched slightly as chewed on her lip. Even in the darkness I could see the sadness that was washing over her face, the way her face dropped and her fingers wiped quickly at her eyes.
"Karm…"
"No, don't. Please don't speak to me in that perfect way and make me feel loved. I am so sorry, Amy, for all of this. If I had just been honest, none of this would have happened. Me and Liam would have been finished just as soon as we started and he wouldn't have reacted like this, we wouldn't be stuck in North Carolina and you wouldn't be lay in a bed with peas on your eye. Even if I had just ended things with Liam earlier yesterday, instead of putting it off because I was scared this was going to happen, he might not have reacted like this. I handled everything so wrong and it's always you that takes the fall for it."
"Karma, please, don't. I'm tired of going over things constantly. I mean, yes, this wasn't exactly perfect. Of course I wish that you had told you me you loved the night of my mom's wedding, because that would have saved me a lot of tears and money that was spent on tequila. But you didn't, so what's the point in overthinking it now? Besides, I've never been punched before. My first punch was a pretty good one as well, I think he put all of his weight behind it."
"I'm going to kill him. I can't believe he hit you." Karma spoke in disbelief. If I'm honest, I was shocked he hit me too, but I'm also pretty sure if things had been the other way round I would have hit him too. I stretched my hand up to wipe the tears that had fallen down her face, feeling like everything was somehow magically falling into place when she pressed her face into my palm. In that moment I didn't care about the insane amount of drama that needed to be dealt with on the other side of the door, I just cared about Karma.
"I'm tired of being angry. I just want you."
"I just want you too."
"I should think so, I just took a really hard punch for you. This cut better not scar my pretty face." I muttered, loving the small giggle that came from Karma's lips. When she stood up I grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the bed. I ignored her small protest which in all honesty was weak, her voice mumbling that she shouldn't even as she climbed into the bed and curled up next to me. I felt her move until she was pressed up behind me, a feeling I hadn't had since the night in Birmingham when she had sheepishly climbed into my bed and we had both tried out very best to make sure not one inch of us was touching. This time I was completely different. This time every part of me was on fire from the sense of Karma against me. I could feel her breath on my neck since she had pulled my hair out of the way, and when she pressed a small light kiss against my skin I refused to just lie there. I rolled over until I was looking right at her, out faces so close that our noses bumped against each other. I didn't care about the time that we had missed this summer. I didn't care about the pain I had been through. I didn't even care about Reagan or how I had been angry with Karma less than 24 hours ago. None of it mattered anymore, and that made me feel light. A small smile tugged at her lips before she moved her hand up and cupped my cheek, making sure to not to press despite it being my good cheek, before pulling my face forward and kissing me. She was the one who was wanted this kiss. She was the one who tickled her fingers down my neck before grabbing it and pulling me back in for a deeper kiss, the moment only stopping when my the pain in my face spiked again. She wanted this.
Karma placed one last peck against my lips telling me to roll back over, placing the frozen bag of peas on my eyes and shuffling until she was right up against me, her breath back on my neck and her arm wrapped around my body. Everything was Karma, and everything was alright in that moment.
I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated this. I'll try and update more regularly now, however I'm pretty sure I'll end up being a while in-between. Thank you to everyone who is reading and to those to comment, it means a lot. I think I might finish this within a couple of chapters to be honest. Thanks again, hope you enjoy! P.S. Sorry to everyone who wanted this to turn into a Reamy story, I'm afraid my Karmy loving-self just couldn't allow that to happen.