Chapter 7:

Clarke took off from the medical bay in a whirlwind. Her feet moving on their own, she was blind with tears and stumbling every few steps. Clarke found herself leaning against the Ark's cold metal walls as she made her way through its lonely halls. She grunted in pain, and gasped for air. Her tears were choking her while she tried to remain quiet.

Clarke moved labouredly through the halls as her mind ran.

She stumbled and fell to the ground, crying out in the shock and pain from falling on the metal floor. She heard a door open, "Clarke?"

She felt Octavia's arms around her pulling her to her feet slowly. Clarke blinked through her tears, "Sorry," she said stupidly.

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Octavia cooed, rubbing a hand on her back trying to calm her ragged silent cries.

Clarke couldn't answer, she just shook her head.

Octavia simply nodded, "C'mon lets get you to your room."

Clarke was lost in her head while Octavia guided her into her quarters. She only snapped out of it when Octavia sat her on the bed. The brunette didn't leave; she crossed the room and sat on the couch. She remained silent watching Clarke as Clarke tried to hide her tears and despair. She was failing miserably, she knew it but Octavia remained silent. Clarke was grateful to her, she was glad she wasn't alone right now.

After Clarke calmed down a bit she looked at Octavia and she spoke. Her voice was quiet, "She doesn't remember me."

Octavia let out a little gasp that she tried to hide before rushing to Clarke's side. She laid a hand on her shoulder, the other on her thigh. Clarke began to cry again and she felt Octavia shift so Clarke could rest her head on her shoulder.

"She doesn't remember me…" Clarke repeated through a sob. She felt devastated.

"What does she remember?" Octavia asked quietly.

Clarke calmed her sobs slightly before she answered. "Waiting for me to enter her tent, when I met her for the first time…"

Clarke felt Octavia arm around her tighten, "I can't believe that…"

Clarke looked up at Octavia; her voice was off, like she was crying. Clarke checked to make sure she wasn't imagining it and sure enough she saw tears in the girls eyes.

It confused Clarke before her mind started to kick in. All the awkward looks between Octavia and Raven, the memory she did regain from the battlefield, the feeling in Clarke's heart…

"Something happened between us didn't it?" Clarke asked quietly. As soon as the words left her she knew she was right. She could feel it in her heart.

Octavia looked unsure whether she should answer, "Clarke, it's not my place to-"

"She kissed me before we went to Mount Weather, and now she hates me," Clarke cut her off bearing the truth to her. It was Clarke's little secret. No one knew about the kiss. Not even Lexa technically. Something in her told her she had to tell Octavia, if only to manipulate her to tell her the truth. She had to know.

Octavia's jaw dropped, "Four months ago?"

Clarke nodded, "she initiated it, I returned it and she doesn't even remember."

"Fuck…" Octavia said in disbelief.

Clarke cocked her head, "Octavia, please?"

Octavia looked at her for a long time before Clarke's pleading stare began to break her resolve. "Clarke, I don't feel comfortable revealing anything about you two…it's really not my place. Wait, why do you think she hates you now?"

Clarke looked away ashamed and incredibly hurt at the reminder, "she thinks I destroyed her coalition…"

"That's crazy! The two of you were working together though? I don't think Lexa ever hated you."

Clarke nodded sadly her hand going to the brand on her arm, "You didn't see her. She was so angry…"

"She's probably just confused Clarke, I'm sure you can relate."

"Maybe not…maybe it was my fault, she cared about me O, she admitted it before she kissed me that day. I may not remember much but I do know Lexa is ruled by her head and she fights her heart with every breath. She cares deeply but she's not allowed to show it. What if…what if she lost that battle with her head?"

"Well if that is true she definitely doesn't hate you."

"She resents me then…I don't know which hurts more."

Clarke felt Octavia turn to face her better forcing Clarke to look at her, "You love her don't you?"

Clarke stared at Octavia, fresh tears coming to her eyes, she nodded, "I feel it in my heart, but I have no idea how I got there. When we kissed I wasn't ready – Finn had just died. I remember the door to Mount Weather about to open and the battle before I went unconscious. I remember feeling love as I stared into her eyes…whenever I look in her eyes actually… Anything in between those memories is a question mark."

Octavia gave her a sad smile before she wrapped Clarke into a hug, "Trust your heart Clarke, it knows what it's doing," she whispered.

Clarke returned the hug and began to let her tears flow freely into Octavia's shoulder. It was therapeutic, letting her truths out and unburdening her slightly. Octavia let Clarke cry until she couldn't any longer before she forced her to get into bed and rest. She sat down beside Clarke in the bed and watched over her why she slept.

When morning came Octavia left Clarke to clean up. She had the shower hot and found it burned some of the emotional pain she was in again. Only when it was gently soothing it did she feel the water burning her left bicep. Clarke reached up and felt a scar that ran in a diagonal line across her bicep. That was where the arrow that Lexa had tried to save her from. Clarke smiled sadly at the scar and the memory. She began to cry when she realized that Lexa also had been hit in the arm from the arrow Clarke had tried to save her from. Lexa had loved her at one point. She cried harder as she wondered if she ever would again.

When Clarke had finally stopped crying she got dressed. Clarke walked into her room and sat down on the couch to put her boots on. Her mind trailed back to Lexa. She wondered if she had calmed down, if she would even want to see Clarke ever again. Clarke ran her fingers on her brand scar after she tied her boots. She looked up and saw something that made her move. She picked the item up and looked it over.

Her sword. Lexa's sword. Clarke didn't remember how she got it but she knew it had been given to her, it had been in her hands as she tried to protect them both on the battlefield. She didn't know what pushed her but she strapped the sword on over her t-shirt. She felt better with it on her back. Much more like herself than she had since she woke up. Clarke then strapped what she knew to be Lexa's dagger to her thigh. She felt stronger with them, more in control instantly.

Clarke took a deep breath and left her room.