Having been decreed to be in good health, Ed spent the next several weeks preparing to take the State Alchemist exam with Al. Roy scarcely saw the boys during that time, unless it was to point out a new book they could study. When the day came, the brothers were a bit nervous, but seemed confident in their abilities.
Roy, on the other hand, was terribly worried.
For one thing, he was of course concerned for the boys; they had worked so hard to get to this point, and while he truly believed they would succeed…should one of them fail, it would be tragic. Normally, Roy would have been in the room with them now, watching Ed and Al and the other hopefuls take the written exam. But due to his connection to the boys, Roy had been forbidden to enter; the higher-ups had the idea that he would help the Elrics.
So he had no idea what was happening inside.
Furthermore, Roy couldn't help but worry about the future. If and when Edward and Alphonse got their State Alchemist licenses, would they stick around? Of course, Roy was particularly worried about Ed…he would be devastated if the blonde left him after today.
So Roy found himself pacing outside the exam building, snapping his fingers rhythmically, miniature spurts of flame rising from his gloved hands every few seconds. The guards watched him out of the corners of their eyes, but said nothing.
After hours of waiting, Roy saw the doors open and the crowd inside begin to walk out.
"Fucking hell," he murmured to himself, feeling the erratic beat of his heart. This was only half the exam, and he was already this scared; what would he do during and after the practical?
Roy pulled his thoughts together as he saw Ed and Al rushing towards him.
Edward's eyes were gleaming. "I passed!"
Despite his troubles, Roy couldn't help but grin as Alphonse pouted. "Way to take all the glory, Brother, I passed as well!"
It was as though a light had been turned off inside Ed as he, now hesitant, turned towards his brother. "Yeah, you did, Al, but that's as far as you can go."
"What're you talking about, Brother?"
"Listen, you can't become a State Alchemist." Roy considered intervening, but thought better of it.
"But—"
"I'm serious. What do you think would happen once they saw that you were hollow? Plus, a State Alchemist has to do everything the military says, right?" Ed turned to Roy for confirmation, and he nodded. "So you don't need to get mixed up in that. Besides, only one of us has to get certified to get into the libraries…it's really for the best."
Roy was surprised by Ed's decision, but knew it was logical.
Alphonse grumbled, but agreed. Then a bell went off.
"Time for the physical demonstration, then."
"Actually, Ed," Roy cut in, "first you have a psychological evaluation."
The boy looked confused. "Huh?"
Roy laughed. "It's just to make sure you're sane enough to go through with this. Though, if you ask me, this portion doesn't always root out those who aren't fit…but never mind that, you'll be fine."
"Alrighty, then!" Edward gave a cheeky smile and a wave, before running off.
"Do they go straight to the practical, after that, then?"
"Yeah, Al, they do. Next time we see Ed, he'll be a State Alchemist."
Roy wasn't sure he was as excited for that moment as he ought to be.
"I DID IT!"
Roy and Alphonse heard Edward before they saw him amongst the crowd.
"I totally nailed it!"
Roy grinned as the blonde appeared, his happiness contagious. Edward ran at Al, jumping to high-five his brother, while Roy did his best not to laugh at the boy's small stature.
"Congratulations, Brother!"
"You're not too disappointed, Al?" Ed checked, seriousness seeping into his voice.
"You're happy, Brother, and I guess that's good enough."
Edward slapped Al's arm, ignoring the clang, and then, to Roy's surprise, Ed barreled into him, hugging his waist. "Thank you," he said, voice mumbled, "I could never have done this without you, Roy, would never have even thought about it."
Tongue loosened, perhaps, by the elation Roy always felt at having the boy in his arms, Roy responded without thinking. "I'm so happy for you. I love you, Ed."
A moment of silence ensued as Roy realized what he had said, eyes widening in horror, ready for the boy at his midsection to pull away in disgust.
Instead, Edward looked up at Roy, still beaming like a maniac. "Love you too!"
Oh. Of course. Roy had, obviously, assumed a sort of father-like role to the Elric brothers over the past year. And a father was allowed to tell his children he loved them without it being considered inappropriate.
Roy smiled, sighing internally with relief at his close call. "Well then, what do you say we go celebrate, boys?"
Roy was torn. If he didn't do something now, he was sure Ed would forever think of him as a father. But if he did, the boy might be angry with him, even sickened by him.
The risks were astronomical, in Roy's eyes, but he had to do what he had to do. After all, he had long since given up trying to control his feelings, his cravings.
"Ed," he whispered. "You awake?"
The blonde stirred beside him. "Kinda," he mumbled.
"I have to talk to you."
Edward yawned. "M'kay," he said, turning over to face Roy. "Go ahead."
"I told you I loved you earlier."
"Yeah, so?"
"So I…I didn't mean that I loved you like a father. You remember your teacher, Izumi? I love you like she loves Sig. I love you...how Winry loves you."
"You trying to say you want to kiss me?" Ed teased. Roy, taken aback, didn't respond. "I don't love you like a dad, either, Roy. I may not have had the best father, with him running off and all, but I remember the love I had for my mother. What I feel for you isn't the same." Again, Edward yawned, turning back over and snuggling into Roy. "Y'know, maybe being kissed wouldn't be so bad," he muttered, slipping into unconsciousness, "if you were the one kissing me..."
Roy never would have expected that response, but having received it, felt a joy beyond anything he had ever experienced. He loved Edward, his beautiful twelve year old, and Ed loved him back.
Roy kissed the boy's hair, for the first time possessing what he wanted most.