Climax French
Sorry for the long wait…and this time…invasion of France commences…in a hilarious way…
Disclaimer:
Le Chevalier D'Eon is owned by Production IG
Keroro Gunso is owned by Mine Yoshizaki and Sunrise.
Kamen Rider Den-O is owned by ishimori Productions.
At the forests of France…
Keroro was quivering behind Giroro after unleashing his bullets at the "gargoyles" who try to attack them while Tamama does a Bruce Lee imitation and delivered a few kicks and punches before unleashing his energy blasts from his mouth, but then a few more appeared and this time the two frog-like aliens dishes out more attacks until there are nothing left of them except as dismembered corpses in a pool of blood. Human blood.
"Kero…Pekopon blood…? What's going on here…?"
"Tama…it seems that they're turned into…zombies."
"Come on…do you expect us to believe that crap?"
"I think he has a point, Giroro…this is Pre-Revolution France…in that time sorcery and superstition are rather abundant…unlike in the present day…well, the course is clear…we'd better get going and find that shop before it closes…"
"Right."
And so the three Keronians went ahead leaving the bloodied and mangled corpses behind after making sure that they are not moving at all, finally realizing that they're already dead and nothing can be salvaged since they are 18th century Frenchmen.
At the castle, King Louis XV got up from his throne as the human-sized apes are standing in front of him, dressed as samurai warriors and wielded their swords, just as the castle guards arrived to intercept them and both sides brandished their swords just as Pompadour was rather anxious to rid of the intruders after having a fearful encounter with the "cookie monsters".
"Don't just stand there…get rid of those chimps!"
"You heard her…kill them…they're just animals…!"
But then another human-sized ape enters the room, but he is slim-looking and dressed in bandages, and is wearing a kimono half-dressed. The samurai apes lowered their swords to pay respect to the new entrant as Louis XV and Pompadaour stared incredulously at the sight.
"Hail…Monkey-to Shishio…!"
"Hail…Monkey-to Shishio…!"
"Hail…Monkey-to Shishio…!"
"Thank you, my warriors…now, then once we invade this castle…Japan will be ours to rule…! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"I'm sorry…but this is France."
"Eh? You mean this isn't Edo?"
"No."
"Monkey-to Shishio" then vented his ire at his "samurai warriors" for bringing him to the wrong country and left, taking his warriors with him, and Pompadour sighed in relief, believing that the rather "unbelievable" scene has ended. She had a rough night having encountered "cookie monsters" eating her cookies and almost had her breasts eaten alive. However, this is just the start.
Out of the blue, a turkey came in dressed like a Native American carrying a tomahawk axe and his chanted the Native American war chant while doing a warrior dance circling around Pompadour, much to her horror as she was paralyzed in fear as she is also surrounded by three more turkeys dressed like Indians, who also entered the throne room.
"Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
"Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
"Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
"Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
Then four cows came in, dressed like cowboys and walked towards Pompadour in a showdown-like gesture, their hands on both sides, looking ready to draw their guns, while the castle guards are bracing themselves for what appeared to be a firefight.
"Moo…"
"Moo…"
"Moo…"
"Moo…"
Louis XV was twitching his brows seeing his mistress being pressed between two groups when an ape came in, dressed like a voodoo priest and called on to the two groups to "put aside their differences" and unite as "one", which seem to work as the "cowboys" and "Indians" stood in front of the king and they appeared to make their move to assault him but then the "voodoo priest" then snapped his finger and a music started playing (out of nowhere).
-x-
Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.
Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...
Young man, are you listening to me?
I said, young man, what do you want to be?
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams.
But you got to know this one thing!
No man does it all by himself.
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the y.m.c.a.
I'm sure they can help you today.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...
Young man, I was once in your shoes.
I said, I was down and out with the blues.
I felt no man cared if I were alive.
I felt the whole world was so tight ...
That's when someone came up to me,
And said, young man, take a walk up the street.
There's a place there called the y.m.c.a.
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
Y-m-c-a ... you'll find it at the y-m-c-a.
Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.
Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.
Y-m-c-a ... you'll find it at the y-m-c-a.
Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down.
Young man, young man, get yourself off the ground.
Y-m-c-a ... just go to the y-m-c-a.
Young man, young man, are you listening to me?
Young man, young man, what do you wanna be?
-x-
"KKKYYYAAAHHHH!"
Pompadour shrieked as she ran off and jumped onto Louis XV's arms as the "Village People" ended their number and bowed, then left. The castle guards were dumbfounded by this and seemingly allowed the intruders to leave, but the king berated them for letting them leave and ordered them to go after them.
"WHAT ARE YOU STANDING THERE FOR? GO AFTER THEM AND GET THEM OUT OF THE CASTLE!"
But then, before the guards could reach the door, the door opened and in came eight apes, all human-like and each pair is dressed in outrageous costumes. The first pair dressed like Blackbeard and a pirate lackey, the second pair dressed like sailors, one resembling Popeye and Bluto, the third pair dressed like a pair of mermen, and the last pair dressed like a captain and an admiral with each one wearing a tag that says "TITANIC".
Once again the "voodoo priest" came back along with the four cowboys (cows) and four Indians (turkeys), and are followed by Monkey-to Shishio and his three samurais.
The voodoo priest then snapped his fingers and another music mysteriously played and all 13 of the intruders began to make a dance number and started singing.
-x-
Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports and skin dive
Study oceanography
Sign of for the big band
Or sit in the grandstand
When your team and others meet
In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on people, and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)
They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit
If you like adventure
Don't you wait to enter
The recruiting office fast
Don't you hesitate
There is no need to wait
They're signing up new seamen fast
Maybe you are too young
To join up today
Bout don't you worry 'bout a thing
For I'm sure there will be
Always a good navy
Protecting the land and sea
In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on people, and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)
They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit
Who me?
They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit
But, but but I'm afraid of water.
Hey, hey look
Man, I get seasick even watchin' it on TV!
They want you, they want you in the navy
Oh my goodness.
What am I gonna do in a submarine?
They want you, they want you in the navy
-x-
Louis XV is starting to feel stress and pressure seeing how outrageous the scene is getting and shouted at his guards to get them out, but then the door bursts opened and several apes came in, dressed like Nazi soldiers, and each of them stood to the side as a very important figure came in, and the ape Nazi soldiers stomped their foot, raised their right arm in a salute-like gesture and chanted "Hail, Hitlist!"
The leader finally entered the room, and he is a human-sized ape and he resembles Adolf Hitler, complete with his hairstyle and infamous moustache. He then approached a bewildered King Louis and looked at him from head to toe.
"Look at you…you call yourself king and yet you act like a scaredy cat…Germany will not tolerate cowards who mistreat its people…especially the poor!"
"You…? You're from Germany? Don't lie to me you fake! Who are you?"
"Hitlist…Rudolph Hitlist…so you want me to prove my German roots, eh…?"
Pompadour nearly shrieked at the sight but then got to her feet and tries to show her brave face and verbally lashed at "Hitlist" for being a fake, but then she was shot back verbally with German comments…in an explicit way which she and Louis XV could understand it, in a shocking way.
"Seht, hier du Schlampe! Entweder Sie zeigen, zu mir oder ich werde dich kick-ass candy und machen geschwollen Schweinefleisch-Dampfnudeln, dass Sie nicht auf Ihrem Kissen für noch eine Woche sitzen wird! ... und du nennst du dich noch König Sie nur sich selbst bereichern, indem Sie favorisiert für die Reichen ... und kein Wunder, gab es revolutionäre Gruppen bilden, die besteht aus Bauern und Landwirte ... Sie haben sie aufgegeben ... Jetzt habe ich 'Ll machen Sie sich wie ein König ... ein Kingpin ein Betrug! I'l jemand Ihren Platz einnehmen und einen King-Size-Kugeln aus Ihrem dumme Bälle, Sie schmutziger alter Mann!"
One of his ape Nazi soldiers then stepped forward and translated them in English.
"Look, here you bitch! Either you show to me or I'll kick you candy-ass and make swollen pork buns that you won't sit on your pillow for even a week! and you...you call yourself king yet you only enrich yourself by doing favors for the rich...and no wonder there were revolutionary groups forming that consists of peasants and farmers...you've abandoned them...now i'll make you look like a king...a kingpin of a fraud! I'll have someone take your place and make a king-size balls out of your stupid balls, you dirty old man!"
Then another ape Nazi came and translated it…this time in French.
"Regardez, ici, salope! Soit vous montrer à moi ou je te kick-ass de bonbons et de faire des petits pains de porc gonflée que vous vous asseyez pas sur votre oreiller pour une semaine! ... et vous vous appelez vous-même roi pourtant vous ne vous enrichir par des faveurs pour les riches ... et rien d'étonnant, il y avait des groupes révolutionnaires qui consiste à former les paysans et les agriculteurs ... vous les avez abandonnés ... Maintenant, je 'll vous faire ressembler à un roi ... un pivot d'une fraude! I'l quelqu'un prendre votre place et de faire des balles king-size de votre balles stupides, vous vieil homme sale!"
"Wha…how dare you mock the King of France! Quick! Summon all of the guards!"
Louis tries to salvage his ego and berated Hitlist and orders the guards to summon everyone here, but then a music began to play and another intruder came in, this one is the "ringleader" himself…Entemon. He is dressed in a tuxedo and wears a wig, making him almost resemble Wolgang Amadeus Mozart. Hitlist then spoke to the King to introduce the new entrant.
"This is a very important figure…he came all the way from Austria…he is Wolfgang A-monkey-deus Mozart. And he will teach you the meaning of humility…"
As all of the castle guards arrived and surrounded the intruders Entemon, dressed as Amadeus, began to sing, in a lip-synching manner as he brought out pages and one by one distributed to the guards while singing.
-x-
Rock me Amadeus...
Rock rock rock rock me Amadeus
Rock me all the time to the top
Er war ein Punker
Und er lebte in der großen Stadt
Es war Wien, war Vienna
Wo er alles tat
Er hatte Schulden denn er trank
Doch ihn liebten alle Frauen
Und jede rief:
Come on and rock me Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus
Er war Superstar
Er war populär
Er war so exaltiert
Because er hatte Flair
Er war ein Virtuose
War ein Rockidol
Und alles rief:
Come on and rock me Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus
Come on and rock me Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus
Es war um 1780
Und es war in Wien
No plastic money anymore
Die Banken gegen ihn
Woher die Schulden kamen
War wohl jedermann bekannt
Er war ein Mann der Frauen
Frauen liebten seinen Punk
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus
Come and rock me Amadeus...
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus...
-x-
It turns out that the pages that the castle guards are holding are from the Book of Psalms and while "Amadeus" is singing, the letters began to pour onto the guards, but instead of turning them into "gargoyles" they are simply being controlled, and soon they joined "Amadeus" in singing the chorus of the song, while the revolutionary members, which consists of farmers and other poor peasants, join in and they are singing, waltzing and running around, and the castle is being besieged. Louis XV Pampadour have been dethroned and captured.
Fortunately, Augustine managed to slip away unnoticed and was able to escape the castle and uses a secret route to get away without being seen. He had a bad night already with what he has seen.
Within minutes the castle is in chaos as the castle guards who are under the spell of the Book of Psalms began running around, and began to mover and act like monkeys, as the chase the women residing the castle and even molested them in a comical way, some even hanging by the curtain bar swinging like monkeys.
"EEEKKKKK!"
"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU CRAZY GUARDS!"
"WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?"
"STOP TOUCHING MY BOTTOM!"
"COME BACK HERE WITH MY KNICKERS!"
Elsewhere, the revolutionary members stared wide-eyed at what they are seeing though Caron is rather pleased that Louis the XV is being dethroned so they went inside the castle but then when they arrived at the kitchen hall, they were greeted with an unusual sight. "Cookie Monsters" are running around, eating food, and one even eating the oven, much to Maximillien's surprise.
"What the…? How can a creature like that could eat an oven twice his size?"
"This Entemon…what is he…? HEY! STOP EATING MY RAPIER! GIVE IT BACK…WHA…!"
A stray Cookie Monster approached Duc d'Órleans and grabbed his rapier and began munching it, but as he tries to get it back, his rapier is already eaten and swallow, and now the Cookie Monster is attempting to eat his …balls. Literally.
"GGGYYYAAAHHH! STOP EATING MY BALLS, YOU CRAZY MONSTER! MAXIMILLIEN…DO SOMETHING!"
"Munch-munch-munch…"
Back at the streets of France, an hour later, near the river, Keroro, Giroro and Tamama were walking by as they were able to find the shops that have rare items needed to repair the Den-Liner, and so far not a single "gargoyle" is spotted, and if things are like this, their trip back to the time-traveling train would take about 20 minutes.
"Kero…that sure was a hassle…but at least we found the shops we needed to get these items…"
"Tama…let's hope we don't encounter more of those zombies…"
"Yeah…and I'm slowly running out of ammo…"
By then the trio alien frogs found two bodies washed ashore and approached them, which turn out to be Fuyuki and Kohana, alive but unconscious. As the two alien frogs try to rouse them to conscious, Giroro served as lookout to see if there are any enemy prowling around so he can do a cover fire in case things go ugly.
"Fuyuki…wake up!"
"They appeared to be injured of sorts…I could smell dynamite residue on these two…"
London.
Momotaromon had to hide within the bushes as English guards are patrolling the area with Robin still knocked out and now the Imagimon had to think of something to cover his disguise as anyone seeing his current appearance would give him away since he resembles a red devil, and he knows how superstitious these Englishmen are in this era, and he wondered what would Fuyuki do in times of crisis like this.
"Seriously…once I get my hands on Entemon I'll crack his vocal chords so he won't sing ever again…!"
To Be Continued…
Quite a long chapter…loads of humor and lots of character parodying several historical and fictional characters.
From Shishio of Samurai-X, Popeye and Bluto, to real-life characters like Adolf Hitler, to the 80's band, Village people and Falco…I hope you won't die of non-stop laughing…since this fic is meant to be comical in every sense…
Preview:
The coronation…
The "new king" will address to the people on how to change France…
And the Musketeers find themselves in different countries…Russia and London…
Be prepared for more loads of comedy…and action.