DISCLAIMER: I neither own Glee nor the characters. They are the property of Ryan Murphy and FOX. This is purely for fun. Enjoy!
Chapter Seven: Love Evolves
Three Months Later
"I would like to propose a toast!" said Rachel brightly as she lifted up a flute of champagne in the crowded dining room of one of Lima's fanciest restaurants. She looked out into the group of people that surrounded her with a grin as she made eye contact with her best friend. "To Finn Hudson, for completing his EMT certification requirements after three months of steadfast dedication and intense focus." She watched as a crimson blush erupted on his face and spread down past the neck of his shirt. "And for proving that anyone can change their life with a little bit of hard work and determination."
"To Finn," echoed the group of friends as they took a deep sip of their drinks. Mercedes, Tina, Santana, her girlfriend Brittany, Kurt and Blaine were all seated with Finn and Rachel during this momentous occasion. Sitting across from Finn, she was bursting with excitement as they all drank and ate and laughed together. He had been working so hard on fulfilling the requirements for EMT certification while still working as a porter in the hospital, and now he had finally succeeded his ambitious task. She had been tutoring him throughout the summer and was impressed by his work ethic and determination. She could almost feel his happiness and pride radiating across the table, and he shot her a wink before knocking back another glass of champagne. Trying desperately to hide her blush, she excused herself from the table to run to the ladies room.
"I'll be right back, you guys," she said brightly as she grabbed her clutch. As she passed him by, Finn gently held her back by the wrist and kept her in place with deep sincerity in his gaze.
"Don't be too long. It wouldn't be a celebration without you," he flashed her a brilliant smile as he released her wrist, and she had to steady her breathing as she made her way to the bathroom. Thankfully it was empty, and she quickly splashed some water on her face to temper down the hot blush that had spread across her skin.
Looking back up at her reflection, she wondered how much longer she would be able to hide the fact that she was in love with Finn. She had been living in Lima for five whole months now, and most of it was spent in denial of her feelings for him. They had been practically inseparable over the summer, even though he was taking EMT courses and had to balance school and a full-time job. Not even she and Kurt were as close as they were now, and every day was a struggle to keep her feelings as platonic as possible while making sure that Finn was unaware of them.
It was proving to be impossible. Falling in love with Finn Hudson was one of the easiest things in the world to Rachel, and whatever feelings she'd once had for Jesse had dissipated ages ago. Now it seemed like a bad memory that she just wanted to forget, and being in Lima was the perfect escape from her traumatic past. Here with Kurt, Finn and her other friends from the hospital, Rachel actually felt like her old self again. Her new start had been a success, and she was ready to move on with her life.
She couldn't deny that she wanted to be with Finn, but it was a fantasy that only existed in her dreams. He only cared about her as a friend, which was the reason why they'd never crossed the delicate boundary between friends to lovers. To be honest, part of her didn't want to ruin the relationship they already had with sex; he was the best friend she'd ever had and she was scared of sacrificing their friendship over her feelings for him. Finn was an integral part of her life in Lima, and despite the racy dreams and school-girl fantasies she had about him, she knew that sex with Finn was practically an impossibility. If she wanted to have a new relationship, it would have to be with someone else. It took her the entire summer to get over the fact that Finn would never see her as more than a friend, and now she was ready to move on with someone new.
Looking over her reflection once more, she exited the bathroom and approached her table with a hesitant kind of determination. She had something she needed to say, and she wanted to say it now while she still had the courage.
"Hey, there you are," Finn said as she sat back down. "I was starting to get worried." Why did he have to be so thoughtful and caring all of the time? He was only making this harder for her!
"No worries, I'm right here," she replied, her hands almost shaking from nerves. "I actually have something I want to say to everyone, if that's all right."
"Of course!" Finn started to grab everyones attention as Rachel gnawed on her lip and gathered her thoughts. "Guys, Rachel has something she wants to say."
"Not another toast, I hope," Santana sneered from her corner of the table. "I don't do well with feelings."
"Well then you might want to cover your ears, Santana, because I have something that needs to be said." She looked around at her dearest, most precious friends and tried her hardest not to look at Finn. "Since I moved here this past spring, you've all welcomed me into your lives with open arms and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and love you all." Don't look at Finn, don't look at Finn. "With your help, I've been able to make some real changes in my life and I wanted to let you know that after months of support and emotional healing, I am delighted to announce that I, Rachel Berry, am ready to start dating again."
There was a beat of silence before Finn started to choke on his steak dinner.
"Finn!" She cried, watching while his face turn blue as he choked and sputtered for air. The four nurses at the table went into crisis mode as he dislodged the chunk of meat from his throat with a violent cough. "Are you alright?"
"Are his airways clear?" Tina screamed.
"Will I have to perform a tracheotomy with my steak knife?" Blaine asked.
"W-What did you just say?" Finn asked, incredulous as he continued to cough and suck air into his lungs. Kurt came over and pat him on his back while Mercedes passed him water.
"I said that I was ready to start dating again," she said. Why was this an issue for him? Shouldn't he be happy for her? The color was returning to his cheeks as he gulped down huge sips of champagne.
"I'm proud of you, Rachel. Dr. Horrible can't hold you back forever." Tina smiled at her from across the table while Finn finally started to calm down. She grinned at Jesse's nickname and puffed out her chest in pride, ignoring the look of horror on Finn's face.
"Do you have anyone particular in mind?" Kurt pried with a delicate eyebrow raised in suspicion as he slipped back into his seat. She avoided looking at Finn altogether as she answered her roommate.
"No, not really," she lied stealthily.
"What about Puckerman?" Mercedes asked. "He's been following us to April's for months just begging to ask you out." She caught Finn glaring at her from his place across the table and the memory of their last fight over Puckerman still echoed in her mind. He'd never trusted Puck after that night this past summer and always got really drunk and irritable whenever he showed up at the bar when Rachel was there. She could understand being a protective friend, but Finn was just plain irrational around Puck and she couldn't understand why.
"No, I've refused him every single time he's asked and I don't plan on stopping now. He just wants a quick lay and I'm not like that."
"Maybe you should be," Santana encouraged while her girlfriend nodded in agreement. "Maybe you should loosen up a bit and try to have some fun while you're still young." Shaking her head, she knew deep down that one night stands were against everything she believed in. She firmly believed that sex should be between two people that loved one another, and there were very little exceptions to the rule.
"I don't know, Santana, I can't help but feeling the way I do. I'm not interested in someone who wants me for my body, I want someone who wants to be with me because they love me." She couldn't help but hold Finn in her periphery as she poured her heart out to her friends.
"Well until you find him, you might as well have fun and test the waters." Mercedes urged. "You never know who you could meet."
"I think Rachel should go at her own pace," Finn suddenly interjected. "There's no reason to rush into things."
"Finn is right," Kurt agreed. "We shouldn't push Rachel out of her comfort zone." He reached over and put a hand over Rachel's from across the table. "Whenever you're ready Rachel, we'll start finding you Mr. Right." She nodded her head, trying to ignore the poisonous thought that she had already found him.
"Thanks guys, I appreciate that," she tried to look to Finn for support, but he was avoiding eye contact with her and she couldn't interpret his suddenly sullen demeanor. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration for him but now he seemed upset.
"Check please," he muttered to the waiter as he passed them by, and the friends split the bill so Finn wouldn't have to pay for his own celebratory dinner. He was oddly quiet as the party made their way out of the restaurant.
"That was delicious!" Exclaimed Brittany as they walked towards their cars. "Are we going to April's?"
"We will not be joining you," Blaine said, holding Kurt around the waist. "We'll be going back to Kurt's for the night." Rachel groaned audibly while rolling her eyes.
"Does that mean I can't come home tonight?" Damn that deal she'd made with Kurt the day she moved in! She always had to stay over Finn's place, and even though he allowed her to sleep on his bed while he took the couch, it still annoyed her that she was being exiled from her own home all the time.
"You know what you signed up for," Kurt teased while Rachel turned to Finn.
"Do you mind if I stay over tonight, Finn?" She could see the ghost of a smile pull up his lips. "I'll make you breakfast in the morning," was her trademark promise.
"You always make me breakfast," he said affectionately. "Of course you can stay." There was a softness in his gaze that make her weak at the knees as she lost herself in his eyes, and she knew she had to get over her infatuation with him if she ever expected to start seeing other people. "Do you want to go to April's tonight or go home and crash?"
"I don't know, I don't want you to end your celebration early."
"It's no problem," he said, shaking his head. "I want to go home anyway." He addressed the rest of their friends with a smile. "Rachel and I are heading out, but we'll see you all later."
They said farewell to everyone before Finn led her out to his truck. When they approached the car Finn immediately opened her door for her, which made her heart start racing at the simple gesture. He really was so chivalrous and kind to her; if only he felt the same way that Rachel did. She could easily imagine what life would be like with Finn as a boyfriend, since they were always together and doing couple-y things under the guise as friends. She had been mistaken for his girlfriend so many times over the summer that he'd stopped correcting people, and didn't even seem to mind when it happened anymore.
But Rachel was just fooling herself. She was merely Finn's friend and nothing more. There had been countless opportunities for him to make a move and act on any feelings he might have had for her over the past five months, but they had been in the friend zone for so long that Rachel had given up hope that his feelings for her would ever be anything other than platonic.
The ride back to Finn's apartment was quiet and peaceful. She kept stealing glances at Finn in his simple blue dress shirt, tie and dress slacks, looking as handsome as she'd ever seen him and trying not to lose herself in silly fantasies. It was so easy to imagine them as a couple when they were doing random things like this. His hand was resting lightly on the center console and, feeling bold, she grabbed it, squeezing lightly while he peeked at her in his periphery.
"I'm really proud of you," she whispered in the silence of the car.
"Thank you," he said genuinely. "That means a lot to me," her hand was still holding his but he didn't pull away.
"You're going to save lives, Finn. You're a real hero." He seemed embarrassed by her praise.
"No I'm not, Rachel, I haven't even started yet."
"But you will, soon," she encouraged. "And when you do, you'll realize how brave and strong you really are." Lifting up their entwined limbs, she watched in awe as he brought them up to his face, kissing the back of her hand and letting his lips linger there for a single breathtaking moment. The light stubble on his face scratched her skin as her heart skipped a beat.
At this rate, she was never going to start seeing new people.
"I couldn't have done this without you. You know that, right?"
"No way," she refused to take credit for something he had worked so hard for. "You really earned this."
"Yeah, but I wouldn't have even known about those classes if it weren't for you and your encouragement after the whole Quinn fiasco." They rarely spoke about the gorgeous young doctor that Rachel still had to work with on a daily basis, or their feelings about said doctor, so she was surprised when he suddenly brought her up. "You helped me study and made sure that I was prepared for the certification exams."
"But you passed them all by yourself," he was still holding her hand, his thumb brushing against her knuckles. "And now you can start working for a hospital or a private ambulance company and start saving lives and impressing gorgeous young doctors." She hadn't forgotten his initial reason for changing professions and wondered if he still felt the same way as he'd felt in the spring. As far as she knew, Finn and Quinn hadn't spoken at all in months, and she was hoping that his feelings for her had changed over the course of the summer.
He released her hand and she instantly missed the contact. "Yeah, like Quinn would even care," he scoffed. "I'm doing this for me." She couldn't control the beaming smile that erupted on her face. "By the way, how are things between you and her? Is she still pulling clients?"
"Yes," Rachel grumbled, thinking about the rocky work relationship that existed between her and Dr. Fabray. Quinn wasn't a fan of music therapy and had most of her patients pulled from Rachel's care, since she was the specialist and had final say on all treatment. Rachel still had a thriving client base from the other neurologists at McKinley general, but she knew deep down that she could truly help Quinn's clients and wasn't being given the chance to prove herself. "She pulled Mr. Martin and Mrs. Quincy from my care this week. I was really starting to make some progress on Mrs. Quincy, too."
Finn shot her a sympathetic smile. "Listen, you know that your clients love you. What Quinn thinks shouldn't matter."
"It does to you!" She exclaimed defiantly.
"It did," he said softly. "But that was before I met the most amazing best friend a guy could ever want. She taught me to stay true to myself and not to allow other people to drag me down." Winking at her, she could feel herself melting into a puddle in the passengers' seat. "Sound familiar?"
"Well, what about you? Do you still care about what Quinn thinks?"
"Nope," he said simply as her jaw dropped in shock. "I stopped caring a long time ago." Turning to her with a smile, she wondered what had changed his mind as they pulled into the parking lot of his apartment. "Come on, let's go inside."
She had been inside his apartment countless times, but for some reason Finn felt nervous as Rachel followed him into his modest living room. She looked stunning in her simple black dress, with sliver glittering pumps that made her normally short legs stretch out forever. When she dressed like this it was hard to forget that she was his best friend as she gazed up at him through her impossibly long eyelashes with a smile.
"I'm going to get changed. You wanna XBox it until bed?" She was here so often that she had her own drawer filled with pj's for when Kurt kicked her out, and she disappeared into the bathroom while Finn pulled his extra sheets out of the linen closet. He didn't mind sleeping on the couch, especially knowing that Rachel was comfortable in his bed. Sometimes her scent lingered on his pillows for days afterwards, attacking his subconscious with dreams that only heightened his affections for her. He set up the couch so he would be comfortable and by the time Rachel had returned he was already warming up on his XBox, getting ready to play her. At first she had been terrible at video games but he'd learned right away that she was a quick learner and a cutthroat competitor. She bounced onto the couch with a smile as she grabbed the controller and snuggled into his side. The urge to hold her was almost too much to ignore as he tried to focus on the game.
"What do you want to play? Racing or Street Fighter?"
"Street Fighter!" She exclaimed immediately. "I'm getting really good at combos!" He grinned as he took in her adorable pajama set; pink polka dots with a frilly lace tank-top and her hair set in pigtails. She was just too adorable for words. Minutes ago she looked like she had walked out of the pages of Cosmo, and now she looked like she belonged at a kid's sleepover. Rachel Berry was just filled with surprises and he always found himself wanting to know more. Wait, was she even wearing a bra under that tank top?
No. She definitely wasn't.
"Get your head in the game, Finn!" she laughed as her character continued to pummel him mercilessly. He was still distracted by her shocking confession at dinner, and it was difficult to really focus on what was going on around him. She had finally admitted that she was over Jesse and was ready to start dating again, which had literally almost killed him from shock. It was the moment he'd been waiting for for over three months; all the restraint and focus and secrets had really taken a toll on him and now he was finally free to tell her how he felt.
So why hadn't he said anything yet? Why was he still keeping his feelings for her bottled up and ready to explode?
He was afraid. Afraid of her reaction, afraid of what the truth would do to their friendship and terrified that her feelings weren't the same as his.
"Haha! I win!" Rachel screamed as she defeated his character in the game. Hopping off of the couch, she threw her controller on the cushions and raised her hands in victory. He had been so distracted that he was barely paying attention to the game, and Rachel took full advantage of that as she gloated around his living room. "Suck on that, Hudson!" She yelled, laughing and smiling and rubbing her victory in his face. Suck on that, Hudson? Ooh, she was going to pay for that!
Grinning maniacally, he immediately leaped off of the couch, lunging toward her while she laughed and started to run away from him. Unfortunately for her, his legs were much longer than hers and he caught up to her immediately in his small apartment. Pulling her into his arms from behind, he held her as tight as he could without hurting her and started to tickle her mercilessly, attacking her sides as she screamed and laughed in delight.
"Suck on that, Hudson?" he repeated with a laugh. She was struggling to escape from his arms but she was no match for his strength as he continued his playful torture.
"I'm sorry!" She burst out between giggles. "I can't help but gloat when I win!"
"Too bad, because this is too much fun to stop," she was breathless and gasping for air between laughs and his hand slipped under her tank top to reach the sensitive skin of her waist, her most ticklish spot. Her laughter was like music to his ears, and her body felt so warm and perfect in her arms. After a few moments his tickles began to slow down, until he was almost caressing the skin of her bare midriff with his hands. Her laughter began to calm, but he never let go of her, instead focusing on the feel of her skin under his fingertips, and the warmth of her body pressed up against him.
If she noticed she didn't protest, especially after her laughter calmed into deep breaths, so strong he could feel her chest rising and falling in his embrace. "Finn?" she asked simply, but he didn't answer her as he laid his palms flat against her tummy and hip, holding her from behind as his heart began to pound.
He didn't want to let her go. He'd been waiting for months to hear that she was finally ready to start dating again, and now that they were alone together, in each other's arms, he couldn't control himself as he gently turned her around so she could face him; looking into his eyes as all of his barriers came crashing down around them.
"What is it, Finn?" She asked, and instead of answering her he closed the distance between them, shutting his eyes and placing his lips on hers in a kiss so slow it was almost torture. Her lips were pillow-soft underneath his firm pressure, and he was afraid that she wouldn't reciprocate and push him away.
The exact opposite happened. Rachel suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling them closer together as she deepened the kiss, falling even further into his embrace as he held onto her, not wanting to let go. Finally pulling apart for air, her eyes were wide as she lightly touched her lips, as if she couldn't believe what had just happened.
It wasn't enough. He pulled her back in for a second kiss, a more passionate one this time, moaning into her mouth as she scratched her nails down the length of his chest, holding onto his shirt for dear life. She wasn't pulling away! She wasn't screaming or hitting him or denying their feelings!
He should have done this ages ago.
"I've been waiting five months to do that," he whispered against her lips when they finally pulled apart.
"Me too," was her shocking reply as she stared into his eyes, looking serious. "I've wanted to do that forever."
"Really?" He asked her, still holding onto one another in the emptiness of the apartment.
"Yeah," was her quiet response as she leaned into him again, burying herself in his arms. "I thought I was just your friend," he didn't have to look at her face to tell that she was crying; her voice was shaking and she was hiding her tears from him like she always did.
"Rachel," he breathed, "you're so much more than that." He struggled to find the words to say as he pried her from his grip. Her eyes were red and watery when he forced her to look at him. "When you moved here from Cleveland you were so hurt, so upset, and all I wanted was for you to get better. To heal. I didn't want to push you away so I lied to everyone about my feelings for you, including myself. I told myself that I would wait until I knew you were ready to tell you the truth."
She shook her head, disbelieving. "You were waiting for me to get over Jesse? This entire time?"
Nodding his head, he cupped her cheek with his palm, brushing away her stray tears with the pad of his thumbs. "At dinner tonight, when you said the words that I'd been waiting to hear for months, I almost needed the Heimlich maneuver done on me." A small smile tugged on her lips and he couldn't help himself, he had to kiss her again. Her lips were a drug and now he was addicted to them as pure ecstasy flowed through his veins.
Her eyes were glazed over with tears, her lips swollen from kisses when he pulled away. "I don't understand what this means, Finn," voice breaking, she looked panicked. "This could ruin everything. I can't afford to lose anyone else in my life."
"You don't have to worry about that, Rachel. . ."
"Yes I do!" She interrupted, the tears flowing freely as she broke from their intimate embrace. "Kurt is the reason why I'm here in Lima, the reason why I have a job and actual friends, but he's your brother! If something happens, if things go wrong between us I'll lose everything." She broke down, collapsing on the couch as she covered her face with her hands. "I'll lose everyone I've ever loved."
He dropped to his knees in front of her, kneeling at eye level as he gently removed her hands from her face. She hadn't looked this broken since the day he'd met her, and he never wanted to be the one to make her this sad. "You won't, Rachel. We all love you. Kurt loves you, your friends love you." He took a deep breath and finally admitted it out loud. "And I love you. You'll never lose me. Ever." Her eyes were liquid with tears.
"That's what I thought about Jesse, too" she sobbed as Finn bristled at the comparison. "But he threw me to the side like garbage, and now just the thought of him makes me sick." She ran her fingers through his hair, choking back sobs. "I don't want to end up hating you, Finn. I can't hate you. I love you too much to end up hating you." Her confession made him dizzy and his heart soared.
"I can't go back to pretending that I'm not in love with my best friend," he said bluntly, shocking himself with his honesty after months of evasive lying and denial. "I'm not Jesse, Rachel. I won't use you, or hurt you, or make you feel like you're not good enough. We love each other. We started out as friends, yeah, but you mean so much more to me than that now. Tell me that you don't feel the same."
She was quiet and the tears kept falling. "I thought you still had a thing for Quinn. I-I didn't think I was your type. . ."
"You were wrong," he said, his voice low and soothing. "You're so beautiful."
"This doesn't even feel real," she whispered, likely to herself.
"It is real," he urged, "this is happening."
"But what does it mean? What does that make us?"
He shook his head, unsure himself of what would happen to their relationship. "I don't know, Rachel. All I know is that I want to be with you, and if you want to be with me too, then what's stopping us?"
After a few moments of deep thought and a few more fallen tears, she finally answered him. "Nothing," she said softly. "Nothing at all," she reached out for him and he took her into his arms once more, burying his face in her hair and feeling how tightly she was holding on to him. It felt like a dream but it was real, and now that he knew that she felt the same as he did, there was no turning back.
"C'mon," she whispered, pulling away from him and taking him gently by the hand. Silently, he followed her, allowing her to lead him toward the bedroom as he swallowed a thick lump in his throat. He'd been denying his sexual attraction to her for months as a self-preservation tactic but now he didn't have to anymore as he watched the sway of her hips and admired the curve of her backside. A rush of heat flowed through his body as he remembered the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips. Now he would be able to touch her as much as he wanted, wherever he wanted, and he started to pull of his tie and unbutton his dress shirt as she climbed on the bed. He could feel her eyes on him as he undressed himself, and when he was down to his boxers he joined her on the bed, feeling strangely anxious at their mutual state of undress.
He reached for her and she gasped as he pulled her in for a blazing kiss that made his nerve endings fire off aftershocks of pleasure like nothing he'd ever felt before. Moaning into his mouth, she melted into him as his body grew hard with need. She stilled immediately, feeling the rigid length pressed against her, and she gazed up into his eyes in the dim light of the bedroom.
"I don't think I'm ready for that yet," she admitted quietly in the darkness. He tried not to sound too disappointed.
"No, that's totally okay," running his fingers through her silky hair, he kissed her forehead and tried to calm his body down.
"It's not you, Finn. Believe me, I've been wanting to do this for a while." She paused, almost hesitant to continue. "It's just been a long time since I've been intimate with anyone and I've only ever been with one other person. I kind of want it to be special."
He exhaled a breath that he didn't know he was holding. He knew that Jesse had been her fiancé, but he didn't know that he'd been her only other lover. They didn't really talk about their sex lives with one another, and now he remembered why. Just the thought of Rachel in bed with another man filled him with a bitter jealousy that boiled into anger, and he wanted to make sure that their first time together was just as special as she wanted it to be.
"Go out with me tomorrow night. On a date."
"Really?" She asked, sounding excited.
"Totally. I'll take you out on a real, genuine date. Just you and me. There's no need to rush into this if you don't feel comfortable." His whisper was low and husky as he leaned over to kiss her once more. "And if you want, you can come back here afterwards. I want this to be perfect for you, Rachel."
"Alright," she agreed softly, sealing her promise with a soft kiss. "It's a date." She punctuated her statement with a wide yawn and he tucked her into his side.
"Go to sleep now, Rachel," he cooed, reveling in the feeling of her body in his arms and the bliss it brought him. "We'll talk more in the morning."
"Good night, Finn," she whispered, nuzzling against his chest as she pulled the blanket over their bodies. "I love you."
He smiled to himself in the dark and part of him didn't want to go to sleep. Right now, reality was infinitely better than any dream, but his body protested as he began to slip into the darkness. "Good night, Rachel," he murmured in her hair. "I love you, too."
Merci mille fois, mes amis!
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