Well that wait was a LOT longer than I wanted, but I'm back now, ready to write some chapters! I hope to get the story moving a bit faster. Thanks to all of you for sticking with this!
I want to make a note that I'm not going to try updating every week, or even every other week. My schedule has become really really crazy, so I'm not going to be able to have very frequent updates. But I am determined to see this story to the very end!
I feel like this chapter has some very strong but also very weak points, so just bear with me!
Chapter Six: Sandstorm
The rest of the evening went somewhat smoothly without any other huge surprises for Ginny. She spent the evening assessing everyone's relationship statuses and careers. Some things came as a shock, such as Ron being an auror. She knew he always wanted to be one, but she never thought he would have the grades for it. She was proud of him.
Among all of the new information, none was more shocking than the fact that she, Ginny Potter, was a former Holyhead Harpie. When Hermione absent-mindedly mentioned "…back when you were a Harpie…" Ginny stared open mouthed at her friend.
"What do you mean, 'when I was a Harpie'?" she confirmed, "You don't mean Holyhead Harpies… do you?"
"Oh, you didn't know?" Hermione exclaimed, "You were a chaser on the Holyhead Harpies for four years! You retired once James was born."
Ginny let out an astonished sigh. Suddenly a thought popped into her head. She opened her mouth to ask the question, but was unsure of what everyone would think of her. Hermione noticed the hesitation and motioned for Ginny to continue.
"Was I…er…famous?" she mumbled sheepishly. She shot her eyes around the room, waiting for a response. The room was silent for an instant, but at once everyone burst into laughter; except for Harry who was grinning in amusement. She blushed furiously.
"What's so funny?" she demanded.
"Of course your famous, Gin," Ron gasped between fits of laughter, "You're married to bloody Harry Potter!"
Ginny blushed an even deeper red (if that was possible) as she sunk into her seat. She hated feeling so naive.
Thankfully, that was the only real embarrassing moment Ginny had to deal with. Other than that, she thoroughly enjoyed herself. It had been so long (that she could remember; she had to keep reminding herself that her perception of time was way off) since she was able to be with her family, happy and healthy. It was 30 minutes to midnight by the time people started leaving. Dominique and James were asleep, while Victoire and Teddy walked around like zombies, insisting that they weren't tired. After some persuading by Fleur and whining by Victoire, Bill and his family left. They were shortly followed by Angelina. George retired to his room once they were gone.
Ginny sighed as she closed the door. She could see that the wonderful night was coming to a close, but she didn't want it to end. For once since the accident, it seemed as though she was going to be able to get through all this. She turned back to the living room to see her parent getting up.
"I think it best if we went to bed now," Arthur said, then turned to Teddy, "Come on Teddy, let's get you to bed." Now that Victoire was gone, Teddy didn't have any embarrassment in hanging his head in exhaustion as he followed Molly and Arthur up the stairs.
This left the Ginny alone with Harry for the second time today. They stood in the den, trying to wait out the awkward silence. Her mind was screaming at her to do something, but she desperately didn't want to be the one to break the silence.
Finally Harry spoke, "So, where do you, er, want to sleep tonight?"
Ginny's head snapped up, "What do you mean?"
"Well, do you want to sleep here again or are you ready to come home?"
Ginny's mind froze as it took her a moment to process what he was trying to ask her. "…Oh," was all she could say. She honestly didn't know how she was supposed to answer that. It occurred to her that she didn't live at the Burrow anymore. She lived in a different house… with James and Harry. She didn't live with her parents or her brothers. She really had to think about this. On one hand, it was almost a dream come true for Ginny to be free of her brothers breathing down her neck and her mother constantly nagging her about one thing or another. On the other hand, if a few minutes alone in room with Harry were this painfully awkward, she could only imagine living in the same house…and the same room alone with him. Ginny's eyes grew wide as another thought crossed her mind. She would be sleeping in the same bed as him.
Maybe she shouldn't stay with him, at least not yet. She wasn't ready for anything like that. But would Harry be too hurt if she said no? Was he asking her simply as a formality when he really assumed she would have no problem, or was he really curious about how she felt about this? Was she supposed to decide this right now? It was a big decision. Should her mother be here to talk it over with her?
Ginny's train of thought suddenly came to a halt. She was making too much of a bid deal about this. She was not a sixteen year old girl deciding whether or not to move in with her boyfriend; she was a 24 year old mother deciding whether or not she was comfortable enough to go home with her husband. This was her life now. If she ever wanted a chance to get out of this amnesia stupor she would just have to go along with whatever this new life threw at her.
Ginny let out a sigh and quietly said, "I suppose I should go with you."
"Ginny, you don't have to so anything you don't want to for my sake," Harry said reassuringly, "I'm willing to do anything I can to help you get through this. We can take things slowly—"
"Harry," she interrupted. Harry immediately silenced himself and looked at his wife. "I appreciate you trying to protect me but if I ever want my life back, I'm going to have to fight for it. I'm learning fast. You don't have to baby me."
Harry sighed and smiled. "That's what I love about you, Gin. You never stop fighting." He moved in to give her a hug but she put her hand up to stop him.
"This doesn't change the fact that we're still broken up," she whispered, "I'm not sure I'm ready to let you back in."
Harry, who did not see this coming at all, dropped his hands to his sides. He opened his mouth, but closed it again. Unable to come up with any kind of response, he murmured something about James and started packing James's things.
Ginny looked down at her feet, partially regretting what she had just said. The words were out of her mouth before she could really think about them. All she knew was that the last time she checked, she and Harry were no longer together, let alone married. She was definitely not comfortable with being that close to him. It didn't matter to her that they had already been married for a few years. She realized she was probably being self-centered about this, but marriage was a huge thing. As far as she was concerned, he had left her to go on a suicide mission without even thinking about how much it would hurt her. After that, it would take a lot for her to let him back in.
Carrying a slumbering James, Harry motioned for Ginny to come over to the fireplace. As she walked toward him, she was suddenly aware of every movement Harry made. It was like after her first year, after he saved her from Tom Riddle's diary, when she wasn't sure how to act around him. They both knew they had shared that experience, that special connection, but it was something of the past and neither of them knew what to do with it.
Ginny was so deep in thought that she barely noticed the green flames enveloping her. The next thing she knew, she was in the house. She looked around her living room, suddenly in a daze. This was where she witnessed Fred being killed. This was the first thing she saw after coming tear-stricken out of the Pensieve. This was where she let Harry hold her while she wept for her deceased brother.
Ginny shook her head; she did not want to think about this. Not now.
"So where is our room?" she said in a steady voice. She was trying to sound open minded while the phrase "our room" sounded completely unnatural. Harry led the way up the stairs. They opened up into a little hallway at which Harry paused and turned to her.
"I'm just going to put James in his crib. Our room is right across the hall," he said, pointing to a sand colored door, "You can go ahead— see if anything comes back."
"Okay," she said timidly. He nodded and went into James's room. Ginny turned to the opposite door, took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and went in.
She was immediately hit with a blast of cold air. The room was a lot colder than the hallway. Harry must have left the window open. Ginny flinched as she was hit with déjà vu.
During the colder months of her sixth year at Hogwarts, she would open the window in her dormitory and let the coldness consume her. She would do this on those days when she felt most alone; days after being tortured by the Carrows for sticking up for a first or second year; days where everyone was so busy helping someone else that she was left by herself; days when she would accidentally let her guard down and wonder where Harry was, what he was doing, if he was even alive or not. She would open the window as wide as it would go and just sit there, letting the icy wind slap her face and bare arms until she couldn't even feel it anymore. The other girls in her dormitory hated it, but she didn't care. She stood in front of the window until she didn't care about anything anymore. Then, without closing the window, she would go to her bed and cry her eyes out until she could do nothing but fall asleep.
"Ginny, are you alright?" Harry's voice snapped Ginny out of her trance. She realized she was standing in front of the open window. She turned to see Harry standing next to her. He looked concerned.
"What happened? Did you remember something?" he said, putting his arm on her shoulder.
Ginny immediately pushed his arm away and glowered at him. "You bet I remembered something," she said grimly and walked toward the bed trying to fight back the tears from the past. Harry followed her and sat down with her.
"Ginny, did I do something to make you mad?"
"Now what gave you that idea—"
"Ginny this is just as hard for me as it is for you—"
"You did not just say that to me, Harry," Ginny said, enraged, "Are you the one that lost eight years of your life? Are you the one who has to completely start over? Did you wake up one day in someone else's body? This is completely different for me. I have no idea who I am! I have no idea why I did the things that I supposedly did. I feel like I'm living in a completely different world!"
As she finished, her face crimson, she looked down, refusing to meet Harry's eyes. Harry, who had not seen this outburst coming, immediately swallowed down his comeback. Instead, he tried a different approach.
"Ginny, you never answered my question," he said timidly. She didn't respond, so Harry pushed further, "Why are you so angry with me? What did I do? I'm trying to help you just like everyone else—"
"Harry, can we please not talk about this now," Ginny said suddenly. She sounded as though she was about to break down into tears.
"Ginny, you can't keep running away from this. Obviously I did something to upset you, and we're never going to be able to get through this unless you tell me what I did wrong," He put his hand on her shoulder, and this time she didn't brush it off.
"You really don't remember?" she whispered coldly, "You have no idea what I could be upset about? Try thinking farther back. Anything ringing a bell?"
Harry raised his eyebrows at this. She must have been talking about something that happened when she was sixteen. He never realized that it could have been something from before that Ginny was angry about. He racked his brain trying to come up with the last conversation Ginny could be remembering. She said the last thing she remembered was being in the common room…of course. Harry closed his eyes as realization dawned on him. He now felt guiltier than ever.
"Is it because I left?" he said quietly, "Are you upset because I didn't take you, or because I took Ron from you? Is that why you're mad? Did you kiss Colin because you were angry with me?"
He waited apprehensively for an answer from Ginny. He was eager to break down this new wall between him and his wife. Finally she faced him and gazed into his eyes.
Looking into his beautiful face that she loved and hated most in the world, she couldn't help but flash back to the window, the cold, the pain, and the torture that she had to endure when he was gone. If he had stayed, they wouldn't have had to be apart. He could have helped her instead of leaving her to fend for herself. Maybe the war could have ended sooner, and she didn't have to see kids crying for their mothers in what was supposed to be the safest place in the world. Hogwarts wouldn't have become so broken if he had stayed. He would have been able to fix everything. She couldn't help but blame him for everything. He heart was now torn in all different directions. She longed for a way to make him understand what he had left behind when he, Ron, and Hermione left to go on their "mission".
"How could you?" she said, barely audible, "How could you abandon everyone when they needed you the most? Do you have any idea what we were going through?"
"Ginny, I am so sorry for that," he said, trying to sound as sincere as possible, "I can believe some of the things that happened to you, but it's all over now. If I had known…I never meant for those things to happen. And I sure as hell will never let anything like that happen again."
Ginny tried to think of something more to say, but she wasn't able to. If it was all over, why did she still feel hurt? Why was everything affecting her so much while everyone else has been so nonchalant about it? It seemed like everyone was screaming at her to just get past everything, but she couldn't do that.
"How am I supposed to do this Harry?" she whispered, "I don't know how I'm going to get through all of this. And I feel so hopeless because I am the only one having constant breakdowns and it feels like no one even cares because it all happened so long ago—"
"Now hang on, Ginny," Harry said, silencing her, "I care. I care about everything you are going through. Even though you don't seem quite used to the idea, I am your husband and it is my job to help you through this. You can talk to me. I know I've made mistakes before, but can't you just accept that eight years has changed me? You married me, Ginny. Isn't that alone reason enough to trust me?" He took her hand, and to his relief, she held on. They sat like that for a while before Ginny finally broke the silence.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry I've been so difficult. And I'm sorry I'm making you have to relive all of this again. I just want everything to be okay again."
Without even thinking, Harry pulled her into a hug. "I love you Gin," he breathed into her hair, "I love you more than anything. I'm so incredibly sorry that this is happening to you, but I'll be there for you. I'll always be there."
As Ginny let Harry hold her, she realized that she didn't have to keep her guard up around him anymore. He was going to be there for her and if there was anyone in the world who she wanted to break down in front of, it was Harry. It's always been Harry for her, and now she was finally able to have him. Without anything keeping her bottled up, she finally let her tears flow freely. She cried into Harry's shoulder for what seemed like hours and he never once stopped embracing her. He was willing to hold her all night until his wife was able to wash all of the troubles of the past away.
So there it is. I'm not really sure what happened there, I just typed what I felt was right. I hope you liked it. I'm sorry nothing really happened in that chapter, but a lot of feelings got out and I had to end it there or it would have been too long and you would have had to wait even longer.
Please leave a review and tell me how I did. I either nailed that ending, or I completely and irreversibly ruined it. Which is it?