"CAMERON! CAMERON!" I could hear a blurred version of my name. It wasn't fully coming through. Was I suffocating? It didn't really matter.

I was the one who let you die. I deserve it.

Suddenly I felt hands on my chest and pressure being applied. It hurt but it also forced me to suck in a huge breathe. I gagged as I gasped for air. I hated Zach at the moment. Maybe I wanted to die. Maybe I couldn't live with the fact that I was living and Grant wasn't.

"What the hell! Are you about to die on me?! For fuck's sake, if you were scared to do it or something just should've moved-" Zach went on yelling at me. I silently took it of course.

My eyes were glazed over. I couldn't focus on his face. His voice started to blur. I didn't care. Maybe I was losing consciousness. Maybe, just maybe, something else was going on?

My thoughts were scrambled as everything went to being far distant, like they were moments ago. It was as if I were zeroing out on my life, my body and soul detaching from each other.

Suddenly I was rushed back as my body was pulled into a tight embrace. It took me a moment to process what was going on. It was then I realized that Zach was hugging me. Just holding me. Slowly my breath returned to me, my breathing ragged.

"I'm sorry I made you do something you wouldn't want to do. I didn't think you would react this way." I heard Zach. I felt Zach. I saw Zach. Heck I was even becoming accustomed to his smell.

But it didn't feel like I was present on this earth.

It truly was an out of body experience. My mind was numb. 'Your name is my mantra, Grant.' I stared blankly up into the sky. I then saw the line, springs, and everything else associated with zip lining. 'Huh.' I was pulled back with a sharp intake when I was being squished from the tightness of this kid's hug. It was as if this boy was holding onto me for dear life, his head on my shoulder as if he was the one who needed the comforting.

Grant, it's me who needs the comforting. I need you.

I felt Zach pull back to look at me once my breathing was normal. "Cammie?"

I didn't even notice that I was crying. "Cammie," Zach whispered before pressing me into his shoulder. I know, be shocked I let him.

Be even more shocked that I stayed there.

I silently cried in his embrace as I thought. It was the first time since your death I let an emotion show. I cried for you. I cried properly in full remorse. I miss you, Grant. Why'd they take you from me? I wasn't scared. If they came for me I didn't care. I just wanted you back. My partner, my lifelong buddy. The kid who was with me since day one, who went through as much pain as torture as I did.

I cried as Zach held me close to him trying to calm me. I knew he would never be able to fully calm me, to heal what didn't break because of him. He was comforting me for all the wrong reasons.

My tears stopped running after a while and in turn became shudders and sharp intakes.

"I'm sorry, Cammie," he whispered over and over, whether to himself or me I didn't know. I wanted to yell at him; to scream at him to shut up. To tell him he knew nothing, and he should leave my life. I wanted to tell him he was comforting me for the wrong reason, and I was mourning over you. Grant, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

"Cammie-" I pried myself away from him. I couldn't listen to him say my name one more time. I couldn't stand him saying sorry one more time. "Are you mad? God, I'm so," he sighed out of frustration. I walked away and looked around. For miles and miles I could only see snow covered trees.

I jumped when I felt the coat being pulled in front of me. "It helps when you actually zip the coat up," Zach mumbled as he zipped up his coat. I was surprised that I was still wearing his jacket. He put his hands on my shoulders staring at me. I stared back.

After a while it got old, and I raised an eyebrow questioning him silently.

"Can we share a moment for more than a minute? Is that possible for you?" he ran a hand through his hair annoyed. Did the fool think we just shared a moment?

But to answer his question, no, we could not. I was a spy somehow going to break into the CIA and he was a normal kid. Wait, normal kid? Why would a normal kid go zip lining off a cliff. Why would a kid HAVE materials for that in the first place? Suddenly I got suspicious of him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he questioned looking at me strangely. Oh, because you know, you're such a normal kid who randomly kidnaps a girl drags her out into the middle of the woods, finds a cliffs then goes zip lining.

I looked up to see how far down we were but I couldn't even see the top of the cliff. Huh, I guess the trees were pretty thick. I looked up to see the wire, debating whether I would be able to see it once I broke out of the wooded area. The sky was a beautiful grey which would most likely make it impossible to see.

"You're never going to get out without my help, I hope you now," Zach trailed off from behind me.

I know this kid was trying to get on my good side, but he sure was making it hard on himself. I turned around and glared at him, telling him with my eyes that he better get me the hell out of here unless he wanted to have something coming for him.

Reluctantly he stood up and brushed off his pants. He took off the gear, and hooked it back to the line most likely to come back for it later. There was definitely something off about this. Suddenly my vision pin pointed black and I knew that I was blacking out.

How?

PAGE BREAK

My eyes fluttered open and I saw white about three feet from my face. It looked oddly familiar.

"Cam?"

My eyes widened as I heard Bex's voice. Was I back at home?

I sat up, watching as my blanket pooled around my hips. I was home.

"Zach dropped you off saying he saw you on the sidewalk face down. He said you had fainted. Are you okay?" I looked over to see her with concern in her face. Actual care.

I looked at her with emotionless eyes.

If I had learned one thing from my experience was it was that I could trust no one, even the people who pretended to like me. Zach had obviously lied, and for what reason I had no idea and probably would never know. However I did know that I received my reality check.

If Zach had been with the Circle of Cavan I would be dead.

I was slipping. I needed to get back in person, the emotionless rock.

I got off of my bed and went downstairs – I was hungry. I stopped dead to see everyone in the living room staring at me. Rachel, Corbin, Jonas -

Even Zach.

I looked back and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the plastic gallon of milk. I saw a sandwich and grabbed it, walking out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.

"Cameron, sweetie? Are you taking the whole carton of milk with you?" Rachel asked from the living room.

I continued walking back to my room in response.

"Damn, that was a good sandwich too," I heard Corbin mutter. I heard Jonas snicker as I walked into my room shut the door.

I was stunned to see Bex staring at the red dress, now hung on the hook. 'Please tell me she didn't read the note.' I dropped the milk which gained Bex's attention.

"Cam, this is gorgeous," she said running her fingers over the silk fabric. "I wonder who sent it." My mind raced. It wasn't like I was about to give up my no speaking rule, but something to avoid finding the note was necessary.

"Whatever," she responded after a beat or two, realizing I was not about to speak. She looked down to see the milk on the floor. "Good thing that has a cap," she muttered, picking it up for me and handing it to me.

I broke from my trance and grabbed the milk, walking to the desk. I set everything on the desk and calmed myself down before taking a bite of the sandwich.

I knew Bex was approaching the way the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

"I wish I was as pretty as you, Cam," I heard her sigh. I was hyper aware of her putting down my hood and stroking her hand through my hair.

I immediately flinched away from her, looking up at her.

Did the fool just touch me?

"I wish you would talk to me," she told me quietly before exiting.

And now I felt terrible. 'How could someone make me feel so bad.'

I sighed, no longer hungry. Instead I unscrewed the cap to the milk and slumped in the swirling chair kicking my feet up, putting the opening to my lips.

I had to shut myself down. I should run away if necessary.

I couldn't afford to allow anyone to get in now.