Disclaimer: Nope. Non. Nein. Nej. Nada. Нет. Não. いいえ. Various other ways to say "NO, DAAARLING!". You get the drift.
AN: Well, we suppose we owe you all Christmas cards, New Year's wishes and April Fool's gags…because it has once again be a whole six months since we updated! GAAAAAAAAH! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo – gasp – ooooooooooooo sorry, to ALL of you! I know we have no excuses, but we have had school work, story commitments, various name changes…yes, you'll have to adapt to new names…AGAIN…but I promise, by the end of this chapter, we will have the same names. :) Again, veryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery sorry, and I hope we still have readers out there? Or at least…reader…?
Apologies To: The Jonas Brothers; Vanessa Hudgens; Zac Efron; Link Larkin; spaghetti sauce; China; Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie; anvils; and, finally, doom. DOOOOOM!
Chapter Summary: In which our heroines find many conveniences, only to be highly inconvenienced.
Missing: Taking Over HSM
Bop To The Top
It was only the next day when Gabriella Montez and Troy Bolton walked back into school hand-in-hand.
Gabriella – whose spine had been surgically corrected ten minutes before her Decathlon meeting by the best doctors Disney had to offer … yes, the Jonas Brothers … – was beaming as she skipped next to Troy, who had the glow of a teenage boy who had recently lost his virginity, but who actually hadn't, as being a Disney Tween meant being a eunuch. Oo-er. My point is, they were happy, and the school was happy.
Except…
"DAMN THAT STUPID, FORGIVING, RYAN-DUMPING HOOCHIE!!!" Breaky, who had renamed herself BeautyInspiresObsession, therefore Beauty (xD), screamed, her gorgeous face crumpling as she stared at the reunited vomit-inducing pair, "This makes our job so much HARDER!"
"Yeah, yeah. Can we just hurry up and destroooooooy them?"
Beauty shuddered in annoyance, and slowly turned to face her sister, Lets Get This Show On The Road (with no punctuation…), who had become irritatingly impatient ever since her new name took effective.
"Roady…" she snarled, "If and when we destroooooooy them, it will need to be carefully planned and executed – "
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WILL GET EXECUTED IF SHE DOESN'T SHUT UP."
"ROADY!!" yelled Beauty, "WHAT have I said about your indoor voice?!"
Roady frowned, before remembering and crying, "I don't have an indoor voice, or an OUTdoor one!"
"Correct."
"…HEY!"
Beauty just groaned and took a deep breath. Then, she smiled calmly at Roady, who backed away.
"W-why are you st-staring at me like you want to eat me?"
"Listen," Beauty smiled, her thick eyelashes batting as she sweetly blinked at her sister, "We still have time. In the movie, the whole thing happened in a week, but in reality, it's much longer. We still have three days to – "
"Oh, the auditions are on FRIDAY…?"
"Well…yeah," Beauty said in a 'duh'-tone, before realization struck her, "Oh dear God…what did you do?!"
Roady rubbed the back of her neck nervously, and stammered, "Well, lovely, sweet sister of mine, I thought they were tomorrow, so I decided to…getSharpayoutofthepicturesooner, heh heh."
"What do you mean, 'get out of the picture'?"
"Well, remember we said we'd get Sharpay out of the way so Ryan and Gabriella could sing?"
"Yeah."
"And I didn't know Troy and Gabriella were back together until thirty seconds ago, when you were screaming?"
"Oh. Well. Yeah. Now I do."
"Good, good. Knowledge is good."
"Roady…"
"Well…" Roady shifted awkwardly and smiled up at Beauty, "Let's just say, Sharpay is refusing to perform!"
Uh-oh.
Before Beauty could ask (or begin bashing her head on the wall), the familiar sounds of a familiar voice echoed down the familiar hallway.
"Why is there so much familiarity?"
"I don't know. Hey, those voice sound familiar…"
Indeed, Ryan and Sharpay Evans were storming down the familiar hallway, looking hot and sexy and contradictory to Troy and Gabriella as usual. Roady quickly tried to melt into the wall to save her sister's wrath, while Beauty's jaw dropped through the floor, straight to China.
"…Sharpay, I swear, I'll find whoever switched your hair dye with spaghetti sauce, but you have to sing with me!"
"NO!" Sharpay bellowed, tucking a strand of brownish-red hair under the paper bag on her head, "I would rather lose the roles to Vanessa Anne Nude-gens and Limp Larkin than go on stage with pasta hair!"
Then the jaded diva stormed off, leaving Ryan looking miserably alone and cute in the middle of the hall. Roady saw her chance and, while Beauty picked up her frankly fabulous jaw from a nice young man in Hong Kong, scuttled over to Ryan.
"Hi," she said shortly to the Drama King, "I'm impatient and have no time, so here's the deal: I can get you to sing with Gabriella, if you promise to do something grown-up to corrupt, okay?"
Ryan blinked, and then shrugged, "Okay. But…corrupt what?"
"...your sssooouuulll…"
"WHAT?"
"Disney?"
"Oh. Okay."
Then he wandered off, whistling. Roady grinned victoriously, just as Beauty wandered over.
"I swear, the man who found my mouth was so nice!" Beauty swooned, "He said he'd put me in a manga!"
Roady frowned, "Who the hell CARES?! Come on, we need to remind Gabriella of our deal…"
"But…Troy's back!" Gabriella repeated for the fifth time. Boy, for a genius, she's an idiot.
"I know…" Beauty said slowly – Roady could no longer talk, as her patience had reached its end when Gabriella first spoke, and she was now being sedated – "But you made us a deal."
"But – "
"IF SHE SAYS 'TROY'S BACK' AGAIN, I'M GONNA GO CRAZY AND MURDER SOMEONE!" Roady shrieked, as her drugs wore off.
"Calm down, Roady-kins," Beauty cooed, before turning back to Gabriella, "May I remind you, we were the ones who called Mickey to tell him you were hurt, and we got the Jonas Brothers here to treat you?"
"WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!"
"SSH! Anyway, we fixed your spine, Gabriella," Beauty stated, trying to look serious, "And we can easily take it anyway. Understa – ahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!"
Gabriella, startled, leapt back as Beauty fell over, laughing hysterically, "What?! WHAT IS IT?! TELL ME, DAMMIT!!"
"It's…it's Roady!" squealed Beauty, "She's making funny faces!"
Gabriella frowned, and looked at Roady, who had her eyes crossed, her tongue out and her fingers on the side of her head, wiggling. When she noticed Gabriella, she stopped, and growled, "This is the first sign of insanity, Gabriella Monteeeeeeeez…"
"Why do you say my name like that?" whispered Gabriella, terrified. Roady just smiled innocently, before she abruptly stiffened.
"HANG ON A…! SHE SAID A SWEAR!" Roady shouted, pointing accusingly at a bewildered Gabriella. Beauty sat bolt upright.
"What? When?"
Flashback –
"SSH! Anyway, we fixed your spine, Gabriella," Beauty stated, trying to look serious, "And we can easily take it anyway. Understa – ahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!"
Gabriella, startled, leapt back as Beauty fell over, laughing hysterically, "What?! WHAT IS IT?! TELL ME, DAMMIT!!"
End Flashback –
"That was only two minutes ago, but still: GAAAAASSSSPPPP!!"
"She…she s-said…"
"DAMMIT!!" the girls quoted in shock. Gabriella looked horrified.
"Oh no! What will I do?" she screeched, ignoring Beauty and Roady placing their hands over their ears in pain, "If the squeaky clean people find out…I'm ruined!"
"Indeed," Beauty agreed unhelpfully, before leaning forward, "Of course…this little indiscretion needn't ever leave this room…"
"Yeah," Roady nodded, copying Beauty's position, "Needn't…"
Gabriella looked fearfully between the twins (who ARE identical, no matter WHAT the insane Swedes say!! …don't ask…) before sighing, "What do you want me to do?"
"Gabriella dumped you as a callback partner?"
Troy nodded forlornly, "For Ryan."
"And she dumped the Decathlon!" Taylor wailed – no-one noticed, as no-one cared about the Decathlon.
"And the callbacks are at the same time as the game!" Chad exclaimed.
"Who would corrupt and ruin our plans like this?!" screamed Kelsi, falling to the deep, dark black pit of DOOM.
Roady, hiding behind the board, grinned evilly at Beauty, "See? My impatience paid off! Ryan and Gabriella have no contenders!"
Unfortunately, it was now Beauty's turn to shift uncomfortably, "Actually…they do…"
Roady blinked, confusedly, and then looked at the sign-up board.
CALLBACKS CHANGED TO FRIDAY AT 3PM!
Callbacks for roles Arnold and Minnie:
- Ryan Evans and Gabriella Montez
- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
"YOU SIGNED US UP FOR THE MUSICAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"I…thought it would be fun…?"
Roady gaped at her, before following Kelsi into the deep, dark black pit of DOOM.
…DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
The day of the audition dawned quickly in Disney Land – no, not the amusement park – and soon, Roady and Beauty were standing on stage for their call back.
"So, for this musical callback for the musical production," Roady quizzed a frazzled Darbus, "you actually expect us to SING?"
"YES!" Ms. Darbus yelled, "I've been saying that for half an hour! You have to sing! That's why you're in costume, isn't it?"
Roady looked down at her blue salsa dress, with the feather fringed hem, and silver high heels, as well as Beauty's outfit of a silver long-sleeved shirt, tight black trousers, shiny Italian shoes and a black fedora – all of which was very expensive and bought, courtesy of Mickey Mouse. Then she looked back at Ms. Darbus in surprise.
"Costume? What costume?"
"These aren't costumes. I wore this to my aunt's wedding."
"I wear this to church!"
Ms. Darbus groaned and Sharpay, sitting in the back with her paper bag in place, smirked.
"Just…sing, girls."
"You have to pretend I'm a boy for the purpose of this so – "
"NOW!"
Roady and Beauty jumped and obediently ran to their respective sides of the stage. A spot light came on, and Beauty appeared, changing from annoying to alluring in a matter of seconds.
"Mucho gusto!" she smiled to the almost empty room, before snapping her head right, where her sister popped out.
Sadly, Roady couldn't remember what she said in Spanish, and her impatience limited her from learning it, so she said it in English instead.
"I AM FABULOUS!" she cried happily – this translation may not be accurate, but, oh well. Beauty rolled her eyes, but grinned and skipped forward to meet her centre stage. Roady trilled her tongue and flicked her hem, Ashley Tisdale-from-the-movie-style, before asking, "Want to dance?" as she met Beauty in the middle.
Before Beauty could reply, however, an FRICKING ANVIL fell from the roof and landed on her hand. Both she and the anvil fell through the stage, and into the darkness beyond. Roady screamed and collapsed by the hole.
"BEAUTY?!?!" she yelled, before looking up, "WHO DROPPED THAT? I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DROP ANVILS ON MY FAMILY MEMBERS!"
A second later, Chad, Taylor and Troy glided down on ropes, landing on stage and then hopping about with rope burn on their hands. Roady and Ms. Darbus waited patiently for them to stop, but when they did, they got severely burned some more!
"You meanies."
Okay, not exactly.
"It had to be done!" Chad told her, "It was the only way to stop this and convince Gabby to come back to the good side."
Ryan and Gabriella, in Breaking Free attire, ran out from stage right. Ryan knelt down next to Roady and stared down into the hole, while Gabriella marched up to her friends.
"Troy!" she cried desperately, "I won't stop being your friend…"
"You're in with the Evanses now," Chad spoke for Troy again, "And they will poison you! POISON, I tell ya!"
"I'm indebted!" Gabriella yelled, forgetting that many children watching wouldn't know what indebted meant, "I must repay them!"
"Who?" Taylor asked. Gabriella spun round and pointed at Roady.
"MY BLACKMAILERS!" she announced, before noticing Beauty's absence, "WELL, AT LEAST ONE OF THEM!"
Roady looked around, horrified – yes, the corruption worked. Gabriella was swearing and using big words, Taylor was evilly devious, Chad was a murderer (since Beauty was apparently dead),Troy was tap-dancing, Ryan was accepting his incredible sexiness and Sharpay was willingly not participating in the musical. But now…her creation were turning against her!
And her sister was gone.
She was…alone.
…DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Next Time: Breaking Free – Roady and Beauty find themselves well and truly screwed, while High School Musical begins to get back on track. However, when there's a will, there's a way...and unfortunately, both have lost the will to live. DOOM!
REVIEW!