New chapter is here and it means the letter G this time. Everyone who has reviewed gets a ig hub and cookies from me!
WARNING: this fic happens during the episode EXIT WOUNDS so huge SPOILERS!! pairing: jack/ianto
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Gasp of air and Jack Harkness has returned from the dead. But this time it's not actually a gasp of air more like a mouthful of dirt and maggots that are eating his own flesh. It's always the panic and confusion after coming back and after that it leaves him about a minute time to realize that Grey did this with John and that he's buried alive and he will die like this so many times that counting is just a waste of this extremely short conscious time. After he has realized that it's about 30 seconds before he is scheduled to die again.
Jack Harkness can think a lot of things in 30 seconds.
Too often that precious fleeting moment is spent panicking and hoping that for gods sake let the next death be the last one. Too often it's the gnawing thought that he deserves this because he let go of Greys hand. Too often those valuable seconds are spent thinking about bad things and then even more horrible things and all the hope is gone. It's just pain and him trying to move and dig up even though he knows it's impossible and that he won't get out. He hates that: dying mind full of fear, terror, guilt and feeling impossible to describe with words but it always reminds him of a shaking, trapped animal.
But sometimes, just sometimes he's able to spend those 30 seconds thinking about the good things.
Gwen with her adorable gap toothed smile and the way she laughs and how she is just so full of love, compassion and all the good feelings the humanity has. The world would be a perfect place if every people would be like her. And he thinks of Tosh and her small satisfied whoop of joy when she cracks a new challenging alien code or the way her face shines when Owen says something nice to her. Sometimes he even thinks about Owen and his sarcastic comments and thoughtless words and actions and the warm heart under everything, so carefully hidden but still there, beating and able to love. He thinks about Suzie and the way they worked seamlessly together. He thinks about Estelle and her dimples and perfect silky soft curls against his chest. Sometimes he even wastes those 30 seconds thinking about John and how he totally was the wife. He thinks about Rose and the Doctor letting the memories wash away the agony and horror.
But most of all Jack thinks about Ianto.
Jack has every single detail of Ianto burned to his mind so if he concentrates just enough he can imagine the young Welsh man with him vividly. Those are the best times of all, those times keep him sane, those thoughts of Ianto and the scent of coffee which seems to linger permanently on the young mans skin. Sometimes he only thinks about the way Ianto used to touch him with those soft and long fingers. Sometimes he thinks about getting back to Ianto again, after this and all the things he would do with the young man one of them definitely being holding him and never letting go. Sometimes he just thinks about Ianto sleeping and looking so peaceful, trying to absorb that feeling into himself. Sometimes he thinks about the way Ianto says 'I love you' meaning every word sincerely and how he would say those words back when he would return with equal sincerity.
And sometimes that's enough to make him forget the dirt filling his throat and killing him all over again.