Chapter 6: "What you never know won't hurt you"
Galador stood alone on the shore. The waves rolled up the rocky beach to lap at his boots, the sea wind blew directly onto his face. One by one he picked up the small stones by his feet, hurtling them fiercely into the water to be swallowed completely by the waves – gone.
Why had she done it? Why?
Angrily, he threw another stone into the sea. Could she not have stayed longer? She, who was blessed with an immortal life, could she not have waited until at least her foolishly devoted husband had ended his life?
Imrazôr deserved that much. He had given his wife everything – loved her totally with every fibre of his being – and this was where it had brought him, to what it had reduced him – reduced them all. And all for the love of a woman who clearly cared so little. A love they had never sought to doubt, never questioned, so blinded were they to think that Mithrellas' love for them would be enough for her to stay. Galador certainly had never questioned his belief in his mother's devotion, always trusted, and oh, how the knowledge of that mocked him now. How bitterly he resented that misplaced faith.
More than anything he hated this weakness he felt, hated the lack of self-possession that he was usually known for. It only caused the rage to grip at him further. His unfettered anger burned so fiercely and deeply, that, in an act of self-protection, it slowly turned to icy steel – a savage control.
And yet, even then, he recognised the unpalatable truth that had he not loved his mother so very much, he perhaps would not be hurting as much as he was now.
But he did not want to hurt, to waste feelings on a woman who could be so cruel in her actions. He did not want these emotions that ripped his soul to be caused by a mother who had so ruthlessly abandoned her family.
Betrayed.
Her death would have been far easier to bear. That at least he would have been able to forgive. But not this...
Well no more. These feelings would come to an end and that end would be now he vowed, clamping down hard on the remnants of his battered emotions. He may have been a fool to believe in his mother's love, but he certainly was not going to behave like a maudlin child, weeping for his mother's affections.
Enough.
He was done with it. He would never make that mistake again.
"My lord?" A soft voice came from behind him – a voice he knew well. "Galador?" And spoken with such care and tenderness! He closed his eyes briefly, offering a silent plea to the Valar, who seemed intent on tormenting him. What had he ever done to deserve such punishment? His shoulders tensed as he turned to face the owner of the voice.
"Suiliel," he greeted curtly.
She stepped towards him, reaching out a hand as if to comfort him, quickly drawing it back as she saw the expression on his face, his flinch away from the anticipated touch.
"I have heard of your mother's departure. I am so deeply sorry to hear of it." Her words were softly spoken, her lovely face awash with concern. "Please forgive me for intruding on your solitude thus but I... I wished to know if there is anything I can do, for yourself or your family."
The words cut through Galador like a knife. Pity, kindness – he wanted neither. Particularly from the woman who stood before him now.
"What is it that you propose you can do for me, Suiliel?" Even to his own ears his voice sounded harsh, brutal.
Suiliel looked down at her hands, embarrassed, with a faint flush on her cheeks. "I wondered... perhaps I may be able to offer your sister some comfort. Help her with duties she may not feel up to at present. It is said that she was in an extremely distressed state when she was taken to your father's house."
Galador's lip curved in a sneer. "No doubt the gossips have been delighting in such a wonderful scandal. I suppose that is how you came to hear of it, no?"
"I would hope you consider me better than a common gossip." Her melodic voice was gentle, full of care, admiration and hopeful wonder – and oh, how it ripped through Galador to hear it. It tore at his savaged heart – the one place he absolutely would not let her reach. "We have known each other many years, Galador. I still remember the times when you sparred in the training ring with my brother." A wistful smile lit her face. "I used to sneak out of the house so that I could watch the two of you. I still remember how I used to beg to be allowed to try my hand at the sword, but neither you nor my brother would ever permit me."
"Yes," Galador sighed. "I remember how tiresome we found you then." He turned away, his back rigid as he looked out to the sea, and his upper lip curled in contempt as he bit out, "I can see now that time has not altered much in that regard."
He heard her soft bewildered gasp behind him. Steeling himself, shutting himself away from feeling, he turned around, moving to stand directly in front of her. His stance was stiff and imposing, his face emotionless, save for the hard iciness of his eyes.
"Do not presume to know me, Suiliel."
Spinning on his heels abruptly he marched away, leaving her standing still and alone on the shore. He did not stop to look around, did not turn to see the expression of shock and hurt on her face – though he knew it was there, and the image haunted him as he stalked away.