Many thanks to Abby, my awesome beta. Thank PTB as well, for their patience.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and Ellie.

BROKEN ROAD

Possibilities Breed Complacency: Part 2

"One of the things we look at is a sense of complacency where you take things for granted. He'd probably made that maneuver many, many times, and this time it ended in tragedy." ~ Gary Davis

Jasper Swan

The rest of the ride home was excruciating. Not one word was spoken and I couldn't find the guts to start the talking. It was like there was an invisible barrier that separating the driver's seat from the backseat. The silence was taunting me, making my guilt worse than it already was. Was that all that I would ever feel for the rest of my life—guilt? Were guilt and regret the only emotions I was capable of feeling?

I tried my best to avoid looking in the rearview mirror just so that I wouldn't see my siblings' faces. I wouldn't be able to retain my composure if I saw their disappointed expressions. I drove safely back home, but everything was a blur to me. I found myself in our room alone, without really knowing how I got there. I knew I walked but was too preoccupied to really care about what I was doing.

I rubbed my face with my hands furiously and groaned in frustration. How was I supposed to fix this mess? First, Renee decided to show up in our lives again. Now, my brother and sisters, the three people I cared most about in the world, were not talking to me. If she hadn't come, I wouldn't have said those things to Ellie, and the only thing I would be worrying about now was getting dinner on the table. But no, my mother, the source of all our problems and distress, chose the perfect time to make a comeback.

I asked myself the same question I pondered this afternoon at school. Why did Renee choose to talk to Ellie? Now I knew the answer. 'Cause Ellie's her daughter, stupid. Why the hell did I not think of that? I asked myself sarcastically. Ellie's her baby girl, why on earth would Renee pass up the opportunity to see her?

I wasn't going to lie; I knew this was bound to happen eventually. I knew Renee would show back up again, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I thought she'd show up the day Ellie got married or when one of us graduated from college. But, I never thought that she would have enough guts to show up in a public place here in Forks, knowing that her ex-husband was the Chief of Police of this tiny town. Had she forgotten that gossip spread easily here? It made sense, though, seeing as she changed her appearance from the ideal stay-at-home mom to the classic hobo type. I now knew why I thought the drawing Ellie showed me last Saturday was familiar yet couldn't figure out who she was. The Renee I remembered from my childhood wasn't the same woman I had met less than an hour ago. She was no longer the person that I used to call 'Mom'.

If only Renee knew what she caused when she left. If only she knew how much pain her three youngest children had been through because of her departure. Not only did they miss her tremendously, they also had to endure the wrath of the man that she left. She wasn't there when they needed her the most, and her responsibility in taking care of them and comforting them was passed on to me. Add the fact that Charlie was a father to us as often as snow fell in California, and I was left with the burden of filling both parents' shoes. I wanted to tell her how difficult it was to raise three kids without support from anyone else. I wanted to yell every profanity I knew and even then, she wouldn't have felt a third of what we've been through ever since she walked out of our lives. God, I wanted to strangle her.

I lay there for a while longer, trying not to think. After a few minutes, I shot up, annoyed at myself for not doing anything to put things right. I glanced at the clock, realized it was already five and made a beeline for the door. I had to start dinner. I took the kitchen stairs so that I wouldn't have to see my siblings in the living room. I wasn't ready to face them just yet.

When I entered the kitchen, Jacob was rummaging around for something in the refrigerator. I was stomping when I went down and, he had heard me come in. With one hand holding a cup of yogurt, he slammed the refrigerator door as he glared at me. He rolled his eyes as if he was disgusted while I stood there, unmoving. I was afraid that if I said something, he'd snap at me, and I didn't want to fight with Jacob. He exited the kitchen, probably disappointed that I didn't fight back. I heaved a sigh of relief and proceeded to make their favorite meal: mac and cheese. I placed the pasta in a dish, added water, popped it in the microwave and set the table while the food heated. I placed the plates on the table slowly, stalling. When the pasta was done, I prolonged my mixing time, almost to the point that I made sure every piece of pasta was covered completely in cheese. After placing portions on each plate and setting aside one for Charlie, I knew it was time to face the inevitable.

"Guys! Dinner!"

I sat down in my chair and started eating. It would be too awkward if they entered the kitchen, and I was just standing there.

The three of them sat down without saying a word to me or to one another. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ellie hesitate before taking her seat beside me. We ate in silence, the tension between us bothering me more and more. All I could hear were forks hitting the plates. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, and I had a hard time trying to keep my food down. It was the first time this had happened to us, and I didn't like it. Now, I was desperately hoping Charlie wouldn't walk in and make things worse.

I nearly jumped when Jacob slammed his fork down on his plate and roughly stood up. He didn't bother to place his plate in the sink and retreated upstairs. I huffed, knowing I wouldn't be able to do anything about his behavior. It was my fault anyway.

I glanced at my sisters, my eyes meeting Bella's, but she looked away quickly. I looked back at my food, and it definitely didn't look appealing anymore.

"May I be excused?" Ellie suddenly asked, hesitantly. I looked down at her questioningly and glanced at her plate. It was still full; she had barely eaten anything.

"Finish your food first, then you can go," I said firmly. I felt like a hypocrite. I was making her finish her food when I knew I wouldn't be able to scarf down any more of mine. Well, at least Ellie was talking to me instead of blatantly disregarding me like Jacob did.

I looked Ellie in the eye, showing her that I meant what I said. She may be mad at me still, but I needed her to listen to me and finish her food. She just avoided my gaze and looked miserably at her barely touched mac and cheese. Part of me wanted to let her do what she wanted. But she was still angry at me, and I didn't want her to think that just because she felt that way, she could do whatever she wanted. Besides, she was becoming thinner and thinner each day, and she was barely getting any taller.

A few seconds passed before she spoke again. "I'm not hungry anymore," she mumbled, as she picked at her food.

I sighed exasperatedly and said, "Finish what's on your plate, Ellie."

She shook her head miserably, and I knew raising my voice would make matters worse. My anger, because of what happened this afternoon, was slowly overpowering me again.

I pushed my chair away from the table and turned to face her, running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"You haven't eaten anything. You have to finish the food that's given to you," I scolded her, making my voice as calm as possible. She shook her head pleadingly, her bottom lip quivering.

"Just a few more bites, Ellie," Bella suddenly added, setting her fork aside, signaling that she was already finished. Obviously, Ellie didn't like the fact that Bella and me seemed to be on the same page. She would feel like we were ganging up on her. Moreover, since Bella was supposedly mad at me too, Ellie would feel betrayed that Bella decided to side with me. I knew she felt that way, especially when her eyes pooled with tears for the second time today.

"I'm not hungry!" she cried, her bottom lip jutting out. She was trying not to cry. "You can't force me to eat!" she yelled at me. She stood from her chair and ran to the living room.

Her attitude irritated me.

"ELLIE SWAN! I did not excuse you from the dinner table!"

I followed her, Bella trailing behind me.

Ellie, ignoring what I said, plopped down on the floor and reached for a piece of paper on the coffee table. She was drawing on it, I could tell. She was not getting away with this behavior. I ambled over to where she was and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Was that proper behavior? Look at me," I demanded. Bella was anxiously watching from behind me.

Ellie didn't answer and just continued drawing. She didn't look up at me nor acknowledged my presence. I couldn't let this go on any longer. If I needed to reprimand her then I had to, no matter what the consequences would be, as long as she learned that what she was doing was wrong.

"Ellie, I asked you a question," I continued sternly. She still ignored me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I snatched the paper from her hands, crumpling it slightly, and tossed it to the floor. My hands were shaking from rage, and I felt Bella pull my shirt back. Ellie stared at me in shock and before I knew it, she burst into tears. With that, my anger dissipated as fast as it had come. I reached out to my baby sister, but she cringed away from me just as Jacob appeared at the foot of the stairs. One look at his face told me he was going to snap.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?"

I couldn't answer him, the shame catching up with me. My arms fell limply at my sides as I turned to go outside, not having the guts to look at any of them. I sat on the topmost step of the back porch and buried my head in my hands.

I felt horrible. I had slipped up and lost my control twice today, thrice if I counted the one with Renee. But, the latter didn't really matter to me. I felt much worse over what I'd done to Ellie. I mean, I knew she was still upset over what I had said to her in the car, and I just completely disregarded that and snapped at her again. What was wrong with me? I'd never been a short-tempered person but somehow, that changed today. I blamed my mother. I always did, and now I had a valid reason. Her reappearance today made me angry all the more; just thinking about her made me want to scream at someone... anyone. Turns out, I yelled and upset the wrong person and there was definitely no taking it back, seeing as I'd done it twice in a row.

I can't say I really blamed Ellie for the attitude she'd shown during dinner. She's only eight, she didn't know who Renee was, and she was distraught because of what went down at school and during the car ride home. It was hard for her to understand why I wasn't happy with her newfound friend. She had no idea about what could happen if she continued to see our mother. Hell, she had absolutely no idea how much more it would hurt if it was Renee who snapped at her, instead of me. Ellie just wanted a friend to talk to, something she was horrendously deprived of all her life. She had a tough time trying fitting in with her classmates, and I knew how hard that was for her. I just never realized it until now. It was similar to what Bella went through at school every day, but it was still different. Bella had me and Jacob, but Ellie was alone. How she managed to endure school for the whole day was beyond me. She kept it to herself for a year as well, and I couldn't imagine how unbearable that must've been for her.

I recalled that morning in the laundry room again and how Ellie got scared because she thought I was going to hit her like Charlie did. It was worse today, and I knew it. Even though I just used words (although I knew they were much worse), the moment Ellie cringed away from my reach, I knew she thought I was going to slap her or something. I hated that she felt that way. I hated myself for making her feel that way. I was the one with the problem, and it's unfair for her. I was the one who disliked Ellie's friendship with our mother, and my baby sister shouldn't suffer any more than she already was just because of that.

I heard the sliding door open suddenly and looked behind me. Bella gave me a small smile before sitting beside me, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"You know you're lucky I can't stay mad at you for too long," Bella said, picking at the end of her shoelaces. I laughed inwardly at her humor, and she smiled at me again, less forced now. She made me feel better with just one sentence.

I didn't know what to say, but I knew Bella would understand. I placed my arms on top of my knees and just looked at nothing in particular. It was drizzling again. No surprise there.

"She looked different, didn't she?" Bella suddenly asked. It took me a moment to realize that she wasn't talking about Ellie. I didn't answer at once, making sure my emotions were in check. I didn't want to snap at Bella, too.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, she did. At first glance, I didn't think it was her," I replied. "And thank God, she decided to grow out —"

"— her bangs, yeah. They didn't look as horrible as they did before," Bella said, finishing my sentence. We both laughed at that, remembering how weird our mother looked the day she came home from the salon with bangs that were less than an inch long. No matter how much Renee explained how it was a new fashion trend, Bella, Jacob and I couldn't control our amusement. It was hilarious.

Silence fell between the two of us as our laughter died down. I knew I had to ask the unavoidable question now.

"Were you okay? You know, when you saw her and realized it was Mom?" I asked, looking at my sister's face, gauging her reaction. She looked away from me and gazed into the distance.

"I was surprised. I wasn't expecting her. Why did she go see Ellie ... not us?" she admitted sadly, placing her chin on her knees.

"Bella..."

I glanced at her, and shame and guilt clouded her eyes. I knew how she was feeling right now. She hadn't said anything of this nature for several years, and I knew Mom's reappearance today triggered her resentful side, something only I was allowed to see. And, it was the first time in five years that I'd seen it. I knew that if I told her off, she'd just lash out at me.

She shook her head quickly, telling me to completely ignore what she had just said.

"I-It's not just that," she stammered, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She sniffed and continued, "I just never realized how much I missed her until I saw her again. I thought I was okay, but... I guess not."

I was surprised by Bella's unexpected honesty. This was one of the few times she bluntly admitted to me that she wasn't okay and that she missed Mom. Before, I would have killed for her to just tell me how she really felt and not sugarcoat anything. Now that she did, I wasn't sure I really liked it, mostly because I didn't like the way her expression became sadder the moment she uttered the words. I didn't say anything, knowing that she wasn't really expecting me to respond to what she said. If I did, she'd accuse me of judging her and trying to make her feel better when the situation obviously didn't allow it. Doing nothing, though, never sat well with me, so I just placed my arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"What are you going to tell Ellie?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to tell her the truth when she's so perceptive and could easily connect the dots? How do you think she'll feel about Renee, "her friend," if she finds out Renee's her mother who left her?" I pointed out.

"She deserves to know, Jazz," Bella argued. "I know you may not think so, but it's better if you don't lie. She'll find out eventually."

I pondered on what she said but couldn't quite decide. "Ellie's still mad at me," I stated, addressing my biggest concern.

Bella shrugged off my arm lightly and pulled away. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "She asked me to give you this," Bella explained.

I took the paper curiously, wondering what it could be. I unfolded it, and my heart melted at the picture. It was a drawing of a little girl standing hand in hand with a teenage boy. I knew who the little girl was before even reading the caption which said, Me and Jazzy...He's my bestest friend. I couldn't control the smile that spread across my face. My baby sister, always the forgiving and understanding one.

"She said she was —" Bella began, but she was interrupted by screams coming from inside the house. The two of us exchanged frightened looks before getting up and running back into the living room. I folded the paper and placed it into my pocket quickly, not planning on losing it.

The first thing I saw was Jacob getting up from the floor with a bloody bottom lip. This wasn't good; Charlie never deliberately hit him. My panic rose when I heard Charlie snarl from around the corner, in the foyer. I already knew what he was doing before I got there, seeing as Ellie wasn't in the living room anymore.

"Where's my friggin' dinner, you little bitch?" Charlie slurred demandingly, gripping Ellie's hair tightly, pulling her head back to look at him. Ellie looked at me pleadingly while Charlie was oblivious to my entrance.

Rage consumed me as I ran forward and gripped our father's shoulder tightly, pulling him away from my little sister with as much strength as I could muster. Charlie stumbled as I tried to pick Ellie up from the floor, but he regained his footing and turned to face me. Before I knew it, I felt something sting across my cheek, and I realized that Charlie had slapped me. I placed my palm on my left cheekbone in surprise, looking up at my father.

It was the first time he had hit me. Ever.

I knew he realized what he had done to me the moment I made eye contact with him. His stance weakened and he huffed, placing his hands on his gear around his waist. I was breathing heavily, not knowing what was going to happen next. I knew Charlie had realized his mistake; it was a shock for both of us.

After a few seconds of us staring at each other, he recovered and pointed at Ellie, who was now hugging Bella around the middle tightly, his expression scary once more.

"You're worthless, you know that?" Charlie sneered. Ellie whimpered in fright and I approached her and lifted her into my arms. My shirt was soaked with her tears by the time Charlie spoke again.

"Little bastard."

He just muttered, so I wasn't sure if I heard it correctly. I stared at his back in confusion as he disappeared into the kitchen. I decided not to worry about what he said, but something about it still bothered me.

I patted the back of Ellie's head, trying to get her to calm down. I sauntered into the living room, tightening my grip on Ellie. I sat beside Jacob on the couch as he dabbed at his lip with a face towel. Ellie propped her feet up on either side of me and rested her head on my chest, sniffling. Bella looked down at her then at me, and she nodded in consideration. I sighed, peeking down at Ellie's tear-stained face as Bella pulled Jacob into the downstairs bathroom to treat his lip.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" I asked tentatively, brushing Ellie's hair away from her face. She lifted her head from my chest and faced me, two fat tears leaking from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy!" she wailed. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry! Please don't be mad."

I hugged her tightly to me, wishing her sadness would go away. I was the one at fault, yet she was the one desperately apologizing.

"I'm not mad anymore, sweetheart," I told her soothingly, resting my cheek on top of her head. "And, I'm sorry, too. I know sorry won't even cover for what I said. But, I want you to know that I didn't mean anything that I said to you. I was just so angry and I forgot to think before I spoke. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I know I'm making dumb excuses right now, but I want you to remember that I am not angry at you and I never was. You did nothing wrong, okay? Sometimes life just gets complicated, and people forget how to deal with their problems. I'm so sorry."

Ellie looked back up at me and patted my cheek, reminding me that there was a bruise that was probably already forming there.

"Are you okay?" she asked me softly.

I chuckled at her concern and joked, "It's just a bruise, Ells. It's not that big."

She pouted for a second, and then she looked down again. She fiddled with her fingers, and I knew there was something else she wanted to say. I placed a finger under her chin and made her look at me again. Her eyes were downcast.

"What is it?"

Tears started pooling in her eyes again as she said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For lying to you. I didn't tell you the truth," Ellie admitted, finally making eye contact with me as a tear rolled down her cheek.

My eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" I asked.

She took a deep breath before answering me. "I know what her name is. She told me. But, she said I shouldn't tell you. So I didn't," she explained timidly, wiping her eyes.

I wiped her tears with my thumbs and pulled her face upwards so that I could see her face clearly. "Do you want to tell me?"

She nodded.

"Tanya."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes, in fear that Ellie might misinterpret it. Renee was such a conniving, lying bitch, even to her own daughter. She made a pseudonym for herself just so that she could hide her identity from me. Maybe that's why she was surprised when she saw me this afternoon. She wasn't expecting Ellie to tell me. Well, if she hadn't left, Charlie wouldn't have gotten mad at Ellie the day she was drawing, and I wouldn't have discovered that damn picture. But, I kept my cool, for the sake of the sad little girl sitting on my lap.

"It's okay. I'm not mad," I assured her, smoothing her hair back. Then I asked her the question that'd been playing in the back of my mind since the moment Ellie asked me why I got mad at Renee this afternoon.

"Do you want me to talk to her tomorrow after school? With you?"

"You promise not to get mad at her again?"

"I promise."

I pulled over at Forks Elementary at exactly 3:35. Bella and Jacob opted to say in the car again, knowing it might make things worse if all of us crowded around Renee. I turned off the ignition and got out, immediately seeing Ellie sitting with Renee on the same bench she was at yesterday. I clenched my fists at my sides as I made my way over to them, controlling the irrational anger the best I could. Ellie looked up happily and patted Renee on the arm to tell her that I was already here. Renee's expression immediately changed from carefree to guarded, her smile wavering conspicuously.

"Jazzy, sit beside me. Tanya's telling a story," Ellie said excitedly as I reached them. Renee glanced at her youngest daughter then stared at me, confused.

I glared at my mother as she said, "Haven't you told her who I am?"