A.N- Another fast update. What is this? It's all thanks to you guys: styleforever20, OXRosinaOX, GreedyEmo and WxTxR!
I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I did it in two days, which is impressive concerning my slow writing skills.
Hope you enjoy~
Chapter Seven: The first kiss.
"New Years was a disaster", is what I'd say. "It wasn't a problem", is what Damien would say. I tried my best to persuade him to visit Kyle, just to say a small 'Happy New Year!' and do a small count down together or something, and come back. But no. The only thing I could persuade that stubborn devil to do was to send Kyle a text message. I remember the whole text off by heart, only because it was so fucking short. '3,2,1… Happy New Year. Sorry I can't visit. I'm still sick.' I mean, the fuck? He could have at least used a smiley face or something! I can't even read the text without a monotone voice stuck in my head. Is he really trying to act like me?
"I don't like using emoticons. It tries to give texts emotions that don't even exist there. How many people mean it when they say 'smiley face' or 'laughing face'?"
"You know, some people actually mean it when they type 'smiley face'"
I don't even want to remember the long argument we had after that. The bastard hates losing as much as Kyle does, and nearly as stubborn, nearly.
But my biggest disappointment is not the monotonous text message he sent to Kyle, not at all. I don't remember a New Years that I haven't spent with Kyle. I just wanted to see the dude. Damien kept his word of the first time he visited Kyle at the hospital. He didn't go back.
It has been three days since that, and a whole week since I haven't seen Kyle. I know that I sound like a complete sissy, but I just can't help it. I finally began to feel the invisible wall between us break apart as he became better, but I feel like it's rebuilding itself while I'm not seeing him. Like time is passing ten times faster around me than it actually is.
So I am excited now to say the least. It has been three days, and today is the first day of school. I don't think I have ever felt so excited for school to begin; yet I don't think I have spent so much time away from Kyle. Okay here I go again, but come on! A week away from him now is not like a week or even a month away from him any years before. He's beginning to recover, gaining back his life while I'm not there and I don't want to be left behind on that process…
"You're doing it again…"An irritated voice groans at me through a mouth full of toothpaste. I can tell that his mind is still half asleep from the fact that he just talked to me out loud without noticing. "Keep your mind to yourself. I don't want to hear your blubbering…" I look at my reflection in the mirror, eyeing Damien. My eyes are half glazed over, eyebrows furrowed, toothbrush working its way through each tooth.
"You've been brushing my teeth for five minutes, I think that's enough." I see myself twitch to a halt and suddenly spit aggressively into the sink. He doesn't say anything back though. Just rinses my mouth and heads out the bathroom.
Without any second thoughts, Damien pulls out my black jeans and slips them on, finds a black shirt and pulls that on as well.
"Dude!" I tell him, taken aback as he begins to head for the door.
"What?" He spits.
"You're not going like that are you? You, I mean I, look like a complete emo or something!"
He sighs and turns around, walking towards the mirror, and I bet this is his first time he even considered looking at myself in the mirror. He looks at my reflection boringly, and sure enough, all I see is black. He shrugs.
"I don't like colour. Too stimulating." He says. Stimulating my ass.
"Will you at least wear another shade?" I plead to him. I went through one Goth phase in my life and I believe that once is enough. If I suddenly go through another one I think all my friends will think that I've become depressed and suicidal for no particular reason, if not from severe happiness from Kyle becoming better.
To my luck, Damien sigh and walks back to my wardrobe, grabs a grey hoodie and tugs it on. "Better?" He snarls. I nod, mentally.
I'm feeling restless the whole time he's eating breakfast. He eats like he's counting every single chew. I remember my mum telling me that I had to chew thirty times before I swallow but who the fuck does that? I tried to do it but I'd always fail after the second mouthful. I normally only chew about three times.
"Damien, shouldn't we leave now?" I nudge him, but he barely responds.
"If we leave in five minutes we will arrive just in time for the bus." He munches.
"Yeah…" I shift. "But shouldn't we go early so we can like… socialise before going on the bus?"
He takes another slow bite. "We have the whole day to socialise at school." …Touché.
Just as he said, we leave five minutes later after I force him to grab my beanie and my leather jacket, and arrive just as everyone walks into the bus. But then I feel Damien suddenly jerk to a stop. There, I feel like I felt again. And I notice why. In the distance, a skinny boy with bright red hair sneaking from underneath his green ushanka stops on the first step of the bus, pausing to look back at us, staring into my eyes with shining emerald orbs.
"Come on Stan! What took you so long!" Kyle shouts, still waving. The bus roars at us impatiently and Damien jolts back into a run.
"Sorry dude." Damien breathes as he passes through Kyle into the bus.
"Yeah. I thought you were still sick." He says, guiding us to our usual seat in front of Kenny and Cartman. I feel the atmosphere shift as Kyle makes his way through the bus. Eyes staring and some voices calming down. I especially notice the reactions of our classmates. I feel their throats block up with a flood of words to say to Kyle, but none of them speak a word. Just eye him like a zombie or some sort of holy being.
Kyle, however, ignores the change of atmosphere and walks straight to our destination. He plots himself into our usual seat and for that brief second, my mind goes blank, and I feel Kyle go blank as well. The usual seat… It hasn't been his 'usual' for a very long time. I'm surprised that it's still even reserved for the both of us. It seems as though that small act of sitting down is like the beginning of a cycle. Kyle's cycle of a new life… But that brief second stops like a quick click of the fingers and we're back to normal.
I feel a sudden nudge at my mind. "What was that?" Damien hisses.
"What was what?" I ask lightly.
"That! Your mind just went pitch black for a second." He spits.
I widen my eyes impressively. "Did it?"
My vision narrows at Kyle and I notice that Damien's glaring. He clicks his tongue. "Forget it." He says. What the hell?
"Dude, are you gonna sit?" A voice clears my vision and both Damien and I snap out of our thoughts.
"What?" Damien asks dumbly. Kyle narrows his eyes.
"Sit!" He demands and pulls Damien by the hand, forcing him down onto the seat next to him. But Damien loses his balance at the sudden tug and ends up half-crashing into Kyle, leaning over him, trapping him in his seat with my muscular arms. I feel my heart bounce and my face heat up, but Kyle only laughs, loudly, clearly into my face. I mentally nudge Damien and he realises his stance, pushing himself away from Kyle and fitting himself into my seat. Kyle's laughter slowly dies down until he lets out one last breath. I don't know if Damien notices this, but I feel Kyle's warm eyes on the side of my face. I may not be able to feel anything physically, but it almost feels like I've become highly aware of other feelings, like I've developed a sixth sense or something. Ha, what a joke.
"I'm glad you were just late." Kyle's voice says softly.
"Huh?" Damien turns, confused.
"Because I finally see you" He smiles sheepishly and brushes my hair out of my gaping eyes. Everything freezes, and I feel it. My body, mind, the time around us, Damien. It's blank for that long moment. It's nearly frightening. I hear myself gulp and return to reality. Kyle gives us a smile and glances out the window. I don't know what he sees out there, but I wish he would turn back.
"I just left hospital yesterday you know. The doctor wanted me to stay a little more but I managed to get out early for the first day of school." His voice is cheerful, but by the way he keeps his eyes out the window makes me notice another meaning behind those words. I wonder if Damien notices them at all. I hope he does.
"Hey, sorry to barge in but why don't you guys just make out and get it over with? I'm kinda feeling uneasy with the secret meanings you guys hide behind your sentences." Kenny leans forward, planting his arms on the back of Kyle's chair. "That and I think that it would be incredibly hot."
"Sick Keenny!" Cartman shudders. "I swear to god if you assholes make out I'm gonna rip both your tongues out."
Kyle turns around and pokes his tongue out at the fatass provokingly, making Kenny cackle and forcing Damien to follow suit. I feel slightly relieved with the sound of my laughter. Maybe Damien has finally gotten himself to act like me around my friends.
x
I tell Damien when to answer and how to answer during all our classes. To be honest, the antichrist has much more knowledge than me and his mind works like a fucking calculator, so I have to tell him to hold his horses. But that keeps my mind occupied so it means that I don't have to suffer as much during the boring classes.
When lunch starts I find Kyle surrounded around his locker by a mass of people, which means no more than ten kids in this tiny school. I hear laughing and talking and I would have smiled, happy to see Kyle welcomed back so enthusiastically. But at the same time, I feel Damien cringe at the sight. He stops dead in his pot, glazing at the large group of people.
I see Butters' blond hair on the other side of the group, thanks to his tall height. Craig leans up to rest his chin on Tweek's shoulder boringly, but I see a glint of amusement in his cool eyes. Clyde and Token lean against the lockers, while Kevin looks behind his shoulder to engage in the conversation as he puts his books back into his locker. Kenny and Cartman are there, no surprise, with a smug on their face as they watch Kyle being surrounded and harassed with words.
I feel my stomach twist and my eyebrows furrow. I feel, again. But what is this cool and lonely feeling of isolation? My eyes shift away from Kyle and to my locker a few steps ahead. Damien stuffs my books in there and shuts it without a slam. My mind is pretty dazed by the confusion of the uncomfortable feeling, and I forget to say anything to him as he walks away from the group.
My thoughts finally kick in when he arrives at the back of the school, leaning against the cold wall. I stay silent as he ducks his head and slides himself down the bricks until he hits the ground. I'm tired of accusing him to act like me when he clearly has no idea what to do.
"Why did you even want to come to school anyway?" I voice my curiosity towards the darkness. I don't expect him to answer me as he keeps my head against my knees, blocking out the external world. I don't expect him to answer, I was half muttering to myself anyway. But I sense something change inside him with my words, which makes my mind feel strangely soothed. Damien raises my head from my arms and looks ahead, the falling snow blocking our vision.
"I wonder why." He mutters and smirks at himself, deciding to answer my question. "Maybe I just wanted to get out of that god damned pit they call hell." After that he digs my head back into my knees, but lets the tension in my shoulders fall. I don't think he hears the quiet footsteps approach him, or maybe he simply ignores them.
"Stan…" The voice says calmly, and my heart jolts at the voice. When Damien doesn't respond, he says nothing further. I think that he leaves after a long moment of silence, and I believe that Damien thinks the same too. He looks up to check that the boy has left and my forehead leaves my knees, but to our surprises, we find ourselves staring into warm emerald eyes.
Damien gapes at them, frozen where he is without the ability to look away. Kyle has the ability to do that. His eyes are so powerful. I notice that he's smiling, a little troublingly.
"You okay dude?" He breathes. The sound makes me realise how close he really is. I don't feel the warmth coming from the contact, but he sits beside me, our arm brushing against each other. He copies my stance, with his arms hugging his knees and looking up into my face. I didn't notice then, but it slowly creeps onto me, my brain telling me Kyle's warmth sinking into my side.
"Where is everyone else?" Damien murmurs, slowly working out of his freeze. Kyle's smile brightens at my voice and shows his teeth in a grin.
"They probably went to get lunch at the cafeteria."
"How about you?" Damien questions with a shift in his spot, lost whether to stay where he is or move away from Kyle's warmth.
"I have my own lunch my dietician assigned me with." He says, taking out a paper bag. "How about you?"
"I…" Damien stutters. "Already had mine." He continues.
Kyle eyes me blankly with an 'Hmmm', then digs through his paper bag. "Have this" He says, a bright red apple in his hand.
"You need it more than me." Damien says, concern in his voice. So now you try to act like me, huh?
"No." Kyle grabs my hand and wraps my fingers around the scarlet fruit. "You need it. Besides, I was looking for an excuse to get rid of some of my food." He squeezes my hand lightly before letting go and munching back on his sandwich.
Damien shifts my eyes onto the apple, the redness contrasting bright against the snowy background. He smirks at it, and drags my body a little further down the wall, letting my knees fall apart so that I'm crossing my legs. He throws the apple from his left hand to his right and eyes it amusingly, letting his left hand slide down onto the cement. His smirk drops and he makes a surprised jerk. He looks down, and finds Kyle's hand on top of mine. Simply resting there, skin against skin.
"You have no idea how much I wanted this." Kyle breathes and my vision of Kyle's hand on mine slightly rocks. Damien shifts his vision up onto Kyle's face, but his expression is hiding beneath his fringe. He rests his pale cheek on my shoulder, breathing deeply. "To come back to school, like a healthy normal kid. To muck around with my friends…" He shifts his cheek against my shoulder and his hair falls out of his eyes, revealing deep forest green. "To be with you…" He sighs.
Everything freezes with the time, but I see Kyle's face come in closer. His red eyelashes sew together shut and I know what he's doing, but I can't feel it. I don't feel anything, and that crushes me to no end. I can't feel it, but it hurts more than anything.
After a second he withdraws with a small breath and lets his hair fall over his eyes again. Damien watches him in silence as he stands up and rushes back inside the building. The devil is frozen, and to be honest I think I'd be frozen as well if I were him. I'm more shocked than Damien is.
For the few months I was together with Kyle before he told me that he was sick we hugged and kissed and touched each other countless times, but I don't remember even one of those times being kissed by Kyle. Whether it was because he felt guilty from coming in between Wendy and I or if it was because he had doubt between us I don't know, but it was always me who leaned into him for contact. But just then Kyle kissed me. It was the first time, and I couldn't even feel it.
We sit there in silence, the snow building up on my shoulders, until the bell rings the end of lunch.
x
Damien's silent for the rest of the day and I'm completely pissed at him. Yes I will admit it, I'm fucking jealous. The fact that it was he that felt Kyle's kiss and not me makes my insides boil in an ugly way. So he's silent, and I'm not about to talk to him, which is kind of difficult with the fact that we live in the same body.
"What the fuck are you dreaming about anyway?" I spit at him. Okay, so I couldn't keep myself from talking to him. "Or have you never been kissed by someone?" I smirk, unamusingly.
"I have done more than you'd want to know Stan Marsh." He spits back, sighing frustratingly into my palm. "Just… Not like that" He says it into my hand and it muffles against the skin. Nobody else notice the fact that he's talking to himself, but I heard it clearly. His last statement makes my inside bubble even more, but it sends too many thoughts and emotions through my explosive brain and I simply forget to say anything. "Jealous?" He says as he used to, except for this time without any amusement.
"No." I spit. Lie. "He wasn't kissing you anyway. Even if it was you who felt it, he was kissing me."
He pauses with his mouth in his right palm and the twirling pen frozen in his left. It's so frustrating how we practically share the same brain, yet I can't read his mind. I expect him to come up with some smartass comment, but he doesn't, and just begins twirling my pen around my fingers again. He enters a firm silence, cold and hard as a rock. It turns some of my boiling anger into nervousness.
The bell finally calls the end of the day and the class bursts to life, every kid packs up and sprints out the door as if the classroom is about to explode any minute. Everyone except Damien. He stays in my spot as if he was the only one forgotten in time, staring emotionless at the twirling pen in my fingers. Then the twirling instantly stops and my fingers squeeze tight around the plastic stick. A sudden fierce shudder shoots through my mind like an electric shock. I don't see it, I don't feel it, but I sense his lips curl into a dangerous smile. It's as if he's in his own isolated world created by him alone, forgetting my existence. But I'm still here, my body is frozen cold, my anger completely cooled down in an instant with his piercing smile.
"I got it…" He whispers darkly to himself, and it scares me how I don't sense any trace of my voice in it.
Before I get another chance to shudder he jumps up onto my feet and grabs my stuff joyfully, he even pushes the chair into its place like a good little boy. That in that could be even creepier than the antichrist smiling evilly.
The halls are empty as Damien skips through, my footsteps echoing through the frozen air. He doesn't really skip, but the contrast of his cheerful spirits and my suspicious heart makes me think that he's as good as.
My feet slightly speeds up their pace when Damien spots three people waiting at my locker. Two of them nod in greeting and the shortest shoots his hand up in the air with a bright smile on my face. No matter how warm that smile makes me, I feel another shudder shoot through me. Somehow, Kyle waving at me so enthusiastically, with beautiful flaming hair, tinted rosy cheeks and sparkling emerald eyes, doesn't seem like such a good idea. I almost yell at him to stop, if I had control over my own mouth. But I don't, and instead of that, I end up joining the trio and making it a quartet.
"What took you so long asshole!" Cartman taunts as Damien swings my locker open.
"Sorry, just finishing up my maths." Damien says grasping out my bag and swinging the heavy bastard over my back. He grunts at the weight and slams the locker shut.
I hear Kyle chuckle under my shoulder and Damien tilts my head to look at him.
"And you say I'm the nerd." Kyle continues to chuckle sweetly, squinting his eyes playfully to look at me through his smile.
Before I realise what he's doing, and before I can do anything to stop him, Damien leans down and places my lips on Kyle's, lightly sucking on his cat-like rims. It last for a long second without my blank mind to interfere. He has his eyes closed so I can't even see what he's doing but I can tell.
The son of a bitch is kissing Kyle…
My eyelids finally lift open and I see Kyle's scarlet face, bright as his hair. Damien smirks lightly at what he sees and leans in again, slowly moving past his lips.
"I love your smile." Damien whispers breathlessly into Kyle's ear, making the redhead shiver under the deep voice. Kyle stumbles for words and shakes his burning face in confusion and embarrassment, looking down the empty hall for some sort of explanation. But nothing comes out past his tinted lips. Damien smirks again with my voice, but there's no venom in it. It's sounds as if I'm purely amused and dazed over the panicked little redhead. And I would have been, if it were me who kissed him.
Bright laughter enters my ears as Damien pulls away from Kyle, cocking my head to look at Kenny over my shoulder.
"Kinky much Stan? Me gusta!" Kenny cackles. Trying to laugh and wink at the same time. It doesn't really work. I hear Cartman make disgusted noises in the distance but that doesn't really work either. My mind is a million miles away from them and all I concentrate on is Damien.
"What the fuck was that?" I hiss deeply, my voice shaking with rage.
"What?" Damien asks half-heartedly.
"What the fuck did you kiss Kyle for?" I shout at the top of my lungs, looking up at the internal darkness in desperation to find any sign of the antichrist. But I don't find him. Instead I hear him smirk, almost like a chuckle, but this time mockingly, and much more darkly.
"You wanted me to act like you right? That's exactly what I'm doing." Damien says, closing our conversation.
"Stan, what are you doing? Come on!" Kyle calls, waving his arm for me again. Damien smiles at the clueless boy and walks towards him, my footsteps echoing heavily through the cold corridor.
"I'm coming." My voice says, deeply, as if careful for Kyle not to hear.
A.N- I liked writing it, but reading through it was pretty crappy. Anyway, am I going too fast? Oh well, thanks for reading! This is going exactly as planned, well, since I planned it during chapter three. I don't know when it might all fall apart though.
Again, thanks for reading! Please review!