I t ' s A l w a y s G o n n a R a i n . . .
Selena and I sat in my room that night in pure silence. It wasn't awkward or anything, more like comfortable. She was sitting peacefully on my laptop while I messed around with an old Rubix cube that I had found on one of my shelves.
"Okay, why are you so miserable?" she spoke up again.
Again, I gave the same answer. "I don't wanna talk about it, Lena."
"Miley, if you're miserable, I'm miserable."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Well you need to," she came over my me, wrapping her arms around my body. "What's wrong?" she singsonged.
"I had to interview the Jonas' today," I gave in, adding on the last part quietly almost ashamed. "Nick said he wanted me to die. And that he hates me."
Selena grimaced. "You know he didn't mean it, Mi."
"I don't anymore," I whimpered, playing with my hands.
"He could never hate you," she told me almost reading my mind. She knew that if he wanted me to die that wouldn't help the cutting issue. Sometimes I wondered if she cared about me for me, if she felt bad for me, or if she just felt that it was her job to watch over me. "Why do you care this much anyways?"
I kept quiet giving off a slight shrug, because even I didn't know the answer. I hadn't talked to him in years, yet I felt like he couldn't hate me. That I had to give something to him in order to regain his love. Like I had to prove something to him. That I needed it.
Realization of dawned on Selena as she stuttered words out. "D-Do you still love him?"
I looked into her eyes, and would have sworn they were browner than the last time I had looked into them. "I used to," I whispered softly.
"But do you still?"
"I don't know him anymore. How could I?"
"Miley," she said sternly. "Are you in love with him?"
I closed my eyes. "I don't believe in love anymore, Selena."
Her jaw dropped. "How could you not believe in love? Jamie and Landon, Allie and Noah, Minnie and Mickey! Hell, you and Nick were in love!"
"I can't believe in it anymore. I know what it's like to be heartbroken and... that much pain can't be possible if there's such a thing as love."
"Watching you made me believe in love," she looked at me determined to somehow make me believe. I hadn't believed in love for a little over three years, though, and she couldn't make me. "You have to believe in love."
"I'm sorry. I really wish I could but... love isn't real to me anymore," I pushed my hair out of the way of my eyes.
Her eyes went to the side as she let out a disappointed breath. "You've been hurt one too many times, Miles, but there is such a thing as love."
"I'll tell you when I believe that," I smiled softly, trying not to ruin it for her.
She sighed knowing that she wouldn't win. I always won our arguments, it didn't matter if i was right or wrong.
"So, I'm telling the world why I left," I brought up casually making her head snap up in curiosity. "Saturday I have an interview scheduled and everything."
"Are you positive? Paparazzi will pick up again, and your sister will be asked about it. Radio's will call and ask for interviews with you again..."
"I know, but I have to," I sighed, getting tears in my eyes. "My old supporters deserve to know."
She nodded, knowing that she couldn't convince me not to. I knew that it would be hard, and I knew that I'd probably regret it after, but I had to let this out. I couldn't hide it. Especially not anymore, because I've been hiding myself for four years. The world deserves to know where I've been.
"You have current supporters, you know?"
I shrugged. "I doubt it."
She shifted so that her arm was wrapped around me in a hug. I felt her start playing with my hair, lifting up strands then letting them bounce down. "You're so much more than you think you are," she whispered in my ear. Her hot breath tickled, sending goosebumps down my arm.
"I think you're wrong," I grinned cheekily as she playfully smacked my arm.
"Well I know I'm right."
I looked up to the building taking a deep breath. Closing my eyes to silently pray I managed to calm my nerves a little I encouraged myself to go in. I stepped up the steps quickly before I could back down.
Going to the glass door I rang the buzzer. "How may we help you?" the secretary asked in a perky voice that she was trained to use.
"Miley Cyrus for a scheduled interview," I was unsure about this now.
"Of course."
A click was heard and the door unlocked to let me in.
Once me and the interviewer – who was known as Megan – were seated and ready the offer for a food or beverage came. I took a Diet Coke before we started. It started out normally with small questions then gradually got into the more personal ones. I never noticed how much my publicists had helped me out back then.
(A/N. I'm just gonna make it like they do in the mag.)
17: What made you decide to come back?
Miley: Well, I only went to finish collage. "Lie," I thought. So, I graduated and came back. I don't think I ever really planned to stay where I was. Just until I got everything straightened out and a good college degree.
17: Why did you leave?
Miley: There were a lot of personal reasons behind it, but mostly for the fans, and in a way even my friends that I had back then. I know that pretty much all of them are mad at me right now. The truth is I didn't tell any of them where I went, or why. The reason is I was turning into a Britney. I was anorexic, and on top of that I was personally harming myself both emotionally and physically. It wasn't right, yet I couldn't stop. I knew that I needed help, and I needed it fast. Which is the cause for my disappearance. I really didn't want to disappoint anyone back then, because I was disappointing myself already. If the world turned on me, I really don't know what I'd do.
17: Why didn't you tell your friends where you were going?
Miley: I don't really know. I guess I didn't want them to know. I was embarrassed, and I knew that if they found out they would care. I regret not telling them a lot. It's the one thing that I would redo if I had the chance.
17: Who was there for you the most when all of this was happening?
Miley: Selena Gomez, most definitely.
17: How did you two become friends?
Miley: What happened is she called one day, and I'm not going to mention much, but she was crying. I didn't have her number in my phone at all. As much as I would like to say that we were best friends I think that I can admit freely now that we weren't when I was still here. We didn't hate each other, but we were not friends. Anyways I answered it only because I didn't recognize the number. It turned out she was going through a rough time, then I was having a hard time transitioning and I knew I'd made a mistake. We just sorta supported each other. From then on we called each other everyday. She's been by my side through it all and it makes it even better that she's here with me now.
17: Do you plan on going back into the business now that you're back?
Miley: Not at all. I wanna be an interviewer to start, and, whatever the future brings is what's gonna happen. I wouldn't expect anything special, but I think anything's possible.
The interviewer stared at me for a couple seconds before nodding.
"Thank you for your time, Ms. Cyrus," she said softly before getting up from her seat, leaving me to go no where but an empty house.
Outside the sky was a shade of blue, with two lone clouds. The sun was directly above her. Seeing that it was almost noon I decided to run through a drive-through at McDonald's for lunch before heading home.
The greasy fries no longer intimidated me once I realized that nobody really cared how I looked or exactly how well my size-zero jeans fit me (which they surprisingly weren't tight yet. I figured they would be, especially after the way that I'd been pigging out since I've gotten here.).
I parked into a parking space to eat them, laying my head down on the steering wheel. I can't believe that I just told all of my biggest secrets to a magazine. It was a stupid decision. My ex-(best)friends would read it, then they would have questions... Oh, God, I made a mistake.
In an instant my hand was around my arm, frantically searching for the rubber band before I began pulling, releasing, and repeating a couple dozen times. My breathing was heavy, and perspiration came quickly after that.
Calm, I told myself. You can't cut. Don't give up. Someone will still love you. You have something to live for... even if you don't know what yet – there has to be something. I breathed deeply in, filling my lungs before I gained enough control to at least drive home.
It'd be another night of tears tonight...
...i know that this sucks ＆there was a long wait & everything, but i felt that you guys deserved SOMETHING.