Trial and Error Part 7
The house was dark and quiet; the only sounds to be heard were the wafting of the wind and the ocean crashing against the rocky island's side. All of the children and adults were lying sleepily in their beds; all but two. Toph was wide awake and her daughter Lin shared the same fate that evening, tossing and turning in bed without any inkling of rest.
Lin fidgeted under the sheets on the cot she slept on in Kya's room; she just couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to see her mom for the rest of the night, or what made today different from any other. After staring at the ceiling for a good long while, she mustered up the courage to find out what was really going on. Lin glanced over at Kya, and after making sure she was asleep, she crept out of bed and into the hallway toward Tenzin and Bumi's room. She entered quietly, then climbed into Tenzin's bed and lightly shook him awake.
"Wake up." She whispered after a minute of him groaning for her to stop.
"What?" He asked finally as he reluctantly sat up.
"I can't sleep…"
"Try counting koala-sheep. That usually works for me." He responded sympathetically.
"It's not that… I—Do you know what's going on with my mom?" She asked even quieter than before. Tenzin sort of looked away from her and exhaled loudly. "I know those big ears you have heard something, airhead. Tell me."
"Okay, fine… When dad got back, I heard some of his story. He said something about the trial being 'nearly disastrous'. I think that's what he said, anyway."
"Get to the part about my mom." She pushed, her impatience wavering against Tenzin's extra useless speech.
"I asked my mom what happened, and she told me that Auntie Toph was very sick and needed rest and alone-time. Then she told me to behave and to keep you busy."
Lin punched him in the arm.
"OW! What did you do that for!?" He asked in his loudest whisper voice.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?! I could have been making her feel better!" She said then jumped down onto the floor.
"You're not going in there, are you?"
"Just go back to sleep, dumbdumb." She said in annoyance and left the room.
Lin crept down the hallway, past the room of Aang and Katara and searched for the infirmary where her mom was surely resting; but Toph was not sleeping. In fact, she was far from it… Toph lay in bed completely still, her blind eyes staring at the ceiling as this terrible day seemed to persist. Everyone else had gone to sleep; Sokka, who said he'd keep her company, passed out after only 10 minutes of getting comfortable in the lounge chair against the wall on her right side and was now snoring quite loudly. She wondered if Lin got to sleep okay and if she got to read a story before bed; once Lin learned how to read, Toph would have her read a story to her every night from the books that Katara gave her. She was a very good reader, unlike Toph for obvious reasons…
Katara's healing sessions were relaxing and did make her feel better, but nothing was changing; she still couldn't feel the earth… Because everyone was so worried, she was making a great effort to remain emotionless throughout this whole affair; she would crack jokes around the others and put on a face for them, but now that she had some real time to herself, it was harder to not face her reality. She needed to keep a level head, or else she would never pull through. After all, this was all only temporary…right…?
For the time being however, she lay awake unable to shake the wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing, just like Katara said, all the while concentrating on the space bracelet wrapped around her upper arm. She thought that maybe, if she concentrated hard enough, something would just click, but it wasn't…
Footsteps in the hallway caught her attention immediately and her heart rate quickened; who would be awake at this time of night? She didn't think Aang or Katara would come back in until morning, no acolytes stayed in this building, so who would that leave. For a brief moment she worried that it could be one of Yakone's men, coming to finish her for good. Toph was just about to shout to Sokka when she realized something as the footsteps grew closer. She knew them; short steps made by little feet, her daughter's feet that is. Toph sighed from relief and quietly calmed herself down.
"Mom?" Lin whispered and stuck her head into the room. "Are you in here?"
Toph smiled. "Yeah, I'm right here." If there was anyone who could make her feel better it was her daughter.
"Did I scare you?" Lin asked, hearing the nervousness in her mom's voice.
"Course not! Beifong's don't get scared!" Toph whispered excitedly.
Lin was quiet for a moment, unsure of what to do.
"You coming in or what?" Toph asked after not hearing any movement.
"I—Auntie Katara said that I wasn't allowed to go in there…" Lin said sadly.
"Is auntie Katara your momma?"
"No…"
"Then get your little butt into this bed." Toph said as she patted the sheets next to her.
"You got it, chief." Lin smiled and scurried over then jumped into the bed.
"Now, that's more like it." Toph said, and pushed some sheets back for Lin to join her. "Here, get under the covers with me."
Lin got in and snuggled in between the crook of her moms arm and body. Toph pulled her close; even though she couldn't see with her feet, she was at least able to feel.
"So, what is it? You can't sleep?"
"Nope…"
"Me neither, kid…" She kissed the top of Lin's head and exhaled. "Let me tell you, it is hard to fall asleep with that obnoxious snorting coming from the corner over there."
Sokka snored even louder right after she said that, which made them giggle. They laid in silence for a minute comfortably before Lin found the guts to ask about the day. She figured she's start out simple.
"Hey, mom?"
"Hm?"
"Why do we have to stay here tonight?"
Toph opened her mouth to speak, but she just ended up exhaling. "It's—complicated…"
"Like, how complicated? I just thought you were sick…?"
"Well—I am sort of sick…but—there's a little more to it than that…"
"Well—tell me. Please?" She asked insistently and sat up to face her mom.
Toph hesitated; did she really want to risk traumatizing her child? Would that be better than keeping her in the dark about all of this since she would be better soon anyways? Unfortunately, Toph had to realize that there was a possibility that she wouldn't get her bending back, and in that case Lin should be informed on what she might need to expect.
"Okay." Toph responded reluctantly. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to worry, got it?"
"Got it."
"I—" She paused for a long time, knowing she just needed to say it… "I—" Just say it! Her voice felt like it was trapped in her throat and that nothing could coax it out. Her heart pounded as the thought raced through her mind, over and over again, and couldn't build up enough nerve to say it. She felt that if she uttered the words to her daughter, the most important person in her life, than there would be no escaping reality; she worried that this would become all too real for her to handle and there would be no turning back. Just say it! "I lost my bending…" She mumbled.
"What?" Lin asked shocked and concerned.
"Auntie Katara didn't want me to tell you because she's doing everything she can to fix me, but I—I can't earthbend..." Toph said quietly and sighed. Surprisingly, her will to not lose control kept her mind on track with the conversation instead of emotions; for the time being…
Lin was stunned, but most of all, confused… She couldn't grasp the idea because, as far as she knew, only the Avatar was able to take bending away.
"But—but how? I thought that— how did that happen?" She stammered, unable to formulate one thought.
Toph sighed again and squeezed her daughter's hand as she recounted to Lin the events that transpired throughout the day and how this man, this monster, somehow hurt her in a way that no one quite understood. She told her everything, leaving out some of the more gruesome details involving blood and how Aang "put Yakone in his place" as she called it…
"This could mean a lot of things for us, kid…" She began after she finished telling her story. "I can't sense the vibrations in the earth anymore, so I can't really see anything the way I used to be able to see, do you understand?"
"I understand." She responded sadly.
"And—and I won't be able to train you for a little while, but—"
"Aw… I totally forgot about that…" She whined.
"But, I'm sure if you ask Uncle Aang nicely, he would be happy to help train you. After all, he did learn from the best." Toph smiled, hoping to lighten the mood, but didn't receive even a peep from her child. Lin just sat silently, staring into the dark shadows in between the ripples of the bed sheets. "Come on kid, don't leave me hangin'." Her lighthearted voice was weakening.
"I was—I was just thinking… Did it—" She took a moment to exhale then continued, "Did it hurt?—When he blocked your bending?"
"Yeah…" Toph said, feeling her emotions bubble up again. "And um—now it's sort of hard for me to move a lot, so—be gentle with me, okay? I know we like to play rough, but…" She trailed off and let her thought do the same.
"Is it going to be forever?" Lin asked meekly.
"Well, Auntie Katara doesn't seem to think so. She said that I could be back to normal in a few days; maybe even sooner if I take it easy. But that's no fun, huh?" She chuckled to herself, but when she again elicited no response, she continued. "In the meantime, we might have to stay here for a few days until I get better, so I need you to behave and be a good girl so they don't get tired of us, alright?"
"Mhm…" Lin managed, but was wrought with a horrible feeling inside that made her feel like she was going to cry again… The echo of her mother's voice repeated inside her head; Beifong's don't cry… Even at this age, Lin hated crying and felt like a wuss every time she did, but this time was different and the cause was legitimate… "Momma?" She asked, her voice drowning in sorrow. "Is it okay to cry?"
Toph's heart broke as soon as she heard those words, and felt the all too familiar sentiment encompass her being.
"Of course it is." She said, holding back tears herself as she pulled her little eight-year old over her chest as she wept. "Shhh… It'll be okay."
"But you don't cry…" Toph managed to decipher from Lin's quivering voice.
"Heh, not while you're lookin…" Toph mumbled and held her and squeezed her tight with every shaking sob but it was getting harder and harder not to break down... There came a point when the water welling up in her eyes was stinging for an escape and she just couldn't take it anymore. She pulled Lin back and faced her.
"Lin, listen to me." She began, hoping she could get through what she was about to say. "It is okay to cry but—sometimes you have to hide how you feel to make everyone else feel better. You have to be strong for those who can't be strong themselves... I have to do it all the time because of my job. Being the Chief of Police means that you have a lot of people counting on you… Right now, I have to be strong in place of your auntie and uncles who worry about everything, my officers and the city because they need me." She paused and took a breath, desperately trying to hold back her tears. "Right now, I need you to be strong for me because if you don't stop crying, I will start—and then no one will be the person who can get everyone through this… Can you do that for me?" She asked, barely making it through without losing it.
Lin wiped her nose and nodded, then realized she needed to say something so her mom would get the message. "I—I can. " She said, gasping for breath in between words. "I'm sorry…"
Toph sighed and hugged her again. "I just can't do this without you, babe. I'm counting on you."
"It's kind of like earthbending." Lin said quietly after she calmed down.
"What did you say?" Toph asked, wondering where her baby girl would go with this.
"You have to be strong—like a rock to move a rock, right?"
Toph smiled proudly but still felt like the waterworks were about to start. "Yes."
"It doesn't matter how you feel about it, you still have to move the rock."
"Spoken like a master earthbender." Toph said and grasped Lin's little hand in hers.
Lin smiled then felt her mischievous side come out. "Now I'm a better earthbender than you."
Toph's mouth fell open; she couldn't believe Lin just said that, but she couldn't help but laugh. "Ouch! I think I may need a healer to fix that burn."
"I didn't mean it." She responded and giggled sheepishly, hoping she wouldn't get in trouble.
"Right… Even without my bending, I could still kick your little butt in a sparring match."
"I am going to be the greatest earthbender in the world—then no one can beat me."
"Nice try, kid. That title's already been taken." Toph said and yawned then motioned for her to get back under the covers. "Let's go to sleep before you get in trouble for your snarky comments."
Lin laughed and snuggled in once again. "I love you mom."
"Right back at ya, badgermole…" Toph said through another yawn.
They lay silently, Toph finally finding the drowsiness she had been searching for.
Sokka smiled and shifted in his chair; they woke him up somewhere in the middle of their conversation, but he decided not to interrupt. He never heard Toph talk like that before to anyone, including himself. Usually, if she needed to talk to someone, she would confide in him, but this was different; Toph never liked to talk about how she felt and this time is sounded more as if she was confessing, rather than just talking… He was glad to have heard it; to have gained a greater insight into the complex person she was on the inside. He closed his eyes again, feeling warm and satisfied.
"Mom?" Lin whispered out of the blue and stirred both Toph and Sokka.
"Mhm?" Toph responded sleepily.
"Was it scary?"
Next to the time she almost died as she clutched onto Sokka's hand for dear life the day they fought Ozai and his war balloons, "Yes… It was terrifying…"
Lin clutched Toph's torso and squeezed comfortingly.
Sokka frowned, but did not verbally respond. He figured it would be best to pretend he didn't hear. Sweet Dreams he thought then let himself doze off again into a restless slumber.