Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and so I am here telling you just that. This is just for the pleasure of readers.
Not A Stranger:
I know you see;
It seemed like forever had passed before I decided to finally go up to Alec and ask him to let me have a few more precious minutes under his power so that I could feel a bit of relief again. But I more like begged him for it.
I had hoped that Alec would be in his chamber, alone, so that I could ask him for the antidote to my problems. When I reached his room I whispered if I could come in for a second to ask for something, my voice pleading.
When Alec allowed me to come in it seemed as if he knew what I had come to ask of him. He sighed and nodded to me before I even asked."Lie down and I'll get started as soon as you are ready." Was the only thing he said before I lay down on one side of his bed and closed me eyes and let him know that I was ready with a stiff nod.
When I felt the threadings of the previous sensation of nothing I relaxed and focused my mind solemly on my meadow. It wasn't like last time. Last time it was a simple thing to do. A thing that was like a definition of me. But now it was harder.
I paniced at the prospect of not being able to ever again see my precious meadow. Would I be stuck forever without the images from my meadow? I knew that all I had to do was try to imagine it but it felt so much more real when I was under the use of Alec's power.
I would miss the perfect scene where the sunset shone like gold, the flowers blossomed without a care, and where Demetri's twinkling laughter filled the air around me.
Slowly an image started to appear. The colours were a soft texture and there was a lot of shades. The image didn't even appear fully and I already didn't like it. It lacked the sharp colours that my beloved image owned. There was barely any life in it by the looks.
What scared me was that it was my meadow. The scenery was the same but all it was missing was life. Life that had brought the sun to live like a shiny gold penny. Life that had offered the flowers a life where they could blossom and seem to never die. Life that had congered up the perfect image of my Demetri. The Demetri that had no care what-so-ever in his perfect bubble of a life. And then he let the life roll on, over everything in the meadow. It was like he added more meaning to the hope shining bright in it. And then in the end that life and hope would sweep over me and let me feel happiness and love. Life.
When the feeling of life blossoming swept over me the last time I had visited my land of meaning it felt as if I was falling backwards into a field of cherry blossoms. The scent sufficating any other aroma around me except for one. The rich scent of blackberries was thick around me and when it mixed with the cherry blossoms it was a devine scent that seemed unforgetable. Yet when I left it slipped away until I tried congering thoughts of the meadow up again.
And, of course, there was no Demetri or I would have heard his melodic laughter by now. It left me almost heartbroken that he was no there. As if he had forgotten a meeting that was very important to me. I knew it was not a case like that. But it still left a sore spot in my heart.
I had felt that I could rely on him to at least show in my images and thoughts of the meadow. It was like he was the main thing in it. And he was. He was like the sun of my personal bubble. A sun that was hoping to brighten my day.
I whimpered at the lack of him. He had to be there. Be there for me like he had been before. I knew that I was being selfish but at this point I did not really care about something like selfishness because it did not exist in the vampire world. It was instead called passion for a person or object.
I did not care because after telling myself all my human life that I couldn't be selfish because it was unfair to other people I was up to my throat with feelings that were a real burden. I felt that it was unfair on me for always going out of my way just to make someone else happy when they could not return the favour since we were of different ranks to eachother.
This time a groan escaped my lips. I did not want to groan as it might have alerted Alec that I wasn't having the best of times in this round. That would have caused him to recoil his power so that I could 'awake' again.
And that's what he did.
"Bella! I could practically feel the feeling of death looming over you! What did you see this time? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You're breaking yourself apart bit by bit and you don't even see it!" His paniced voice brought me out of my aftermath thoughts. I didn't want to panic Alec because for him I had feelings such as a sister would have for a brother. And so I didn't have the feeling that he wouldn't be able to repay me back for my being going out of my way just to put a stop to his misery.
"It felt like everything was dead! There was no life at all this time...No Demetri...no sun...no colours..." I trailed off from my little burst. Alec's arms wrapped around me in a comforting hug and I saw that he had been holding me in a sitting position since I had gotten back from my reprieve of my washed out meadow.
I hugged him back, holding him so tight as if my life was slipping away from the grasps of my hands. I began to cry and it pained me not to cry with tears leaking out from my tear ducts. It seemed as if crying had had a purpose then because then it looked like the person was actually suffering from one thing or another.
"Calm down, Bells...Shh, there now. Remember, the sun always comes up even if it may seem like it never will."His words filled a bit of the empty space in my heart.
I was still heartbroken after it felt so right when Demetri had kissed me that the thought of spending forever without a lover by my side almost killed the rest of me.
"It seemed so awful. Like it was all coming apart or moving on while I still wasn't ready. It just seemed...dead."
"Bella. You have had your heart broken by lies and so you were given a chance to forget about your pain and relax so that you could possibly feel other emotions. But you were so afraid of letting go that you created a shield that resisted a bit of my power. With that little bit of space that your mind had to spare you imagined a place that you could escape to. But, Bella, that was an image, a dream, a reprieve. Not something real. You're killing yourself because of something you created. Do you think we want to see you like this? No, we don't! Especially Demetri. Do you know how hard it was for him to let himself go around you? Do you know how restless he seemed because he was battling a war deep inside over you? No, you don't! You don't know those things because you are not a realist who loves to make up an excuse to escape from the firn grasp of reality. You get so caught up in things such as your meadow that you don't notice how much you hurt people!"
His being bursting out like that surprised me that my sobs stopped racking through my body. Was he right in saying that I made stuff up just to escape from the cold, hard whip of reality? And that I was hurting everyone by doing so? I went over his words again.
He spoke of Demetri's pain as if it should have been plainly obvious to me. But if he was right, which it seemed he was, he should have known that I wasn't the reality type of being and that I couldn't live in a world like that. A world that delivered pain with a little cheer at the end. If I was still human I could picture myself on drugs, wanting to get rid of life's problems. It was almost the same thing with me now. It was like Alec's power was a serious drug for me. A drug that I had quickly come to like and infatuate over.
I knew that my meadow was just some image of a field with flowers and trees in it. But it had felt so much more than just that. And Alec seemed to sum up the fact that by trying to get rid of my own pain I brought more pain to everyone else. I definitely seemed like a selfish being. A being who would succumb into the thought of getting rid of all feeling altogether.
I knew I was selfish but how could I stop if I felt he need to stop myself from feling pain anymore? Alec and everyone else obviously saw me as a selfish creature who fed on the drugged thoughts of a meadow and the happiness that was found in it. If I was still human I might almost have been locked up with a straight jacket on.
My las emotion surprised me even more. I felt anger boil in the depth of my stomach, waking up all my nerves. Did he not know how much pain he brought to me by just saying those words? How it made it even harder to fight for freedom after all that I have been through? That it made it harder for them to watch me suffer?
"You had no right to say that to my face! Do you know how hard it has been on me all these years. First not knowing a thing about myself then finding out that the stranger who Aro was talking to was my previous love. A love that wasn't even real. Then all these emotions come crashing down on me! It is very hard!" My breathing was shallow, even though it was not needed.
I quickly got up of the bed that we were both sitting on and ran ou the door, leaving a slightly shamed Alec.
I was being selfish but it was not a great time for being reminded of my actions. I raced towards the throne room where there was supposed to be another group of people arriving soon. This was going to be messy since I have never really been one for drinking while trying to stay clean.
I entered the chamber just before the humans came in so that I wouldn't have enough time to look at Demetri standing across from me. And before anyone else could I let the thirsty beast within me loose to drink up the pleasure of the blood that would spill everywhere.
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Note:
I said the time before last that I would update on the 26th of December as long as no one told me to update soon. And somebody did review saying update soon. I see they didn't read the last note or else they are sadistic. So you can thank that person for the postponed chapter update. No problem about the us. thing.
Sorry to anyone who wanted the chapter to be out on the 26th.
-MM-