Chapter 6- Secret
The sound of pots banging an clattering downstairs wake me up from one of best nights I've had since I've got home from the girls weekend out in the Capitol. I had at least three hours sleep so I guess I did something right. I rub my eyes tiredly and a flake of skin flicks off and lands on the bedsheet. I scowl at it before pulling the covers up to my chin and laying back down, trying to forget everything- which I'm unsuccessful in.
I have hardly moved since I got home two weeks ago, I've been feeling too ill to move a muscle. I haven't even had the energy to eat because everything I eat just comes back up hours later.
I've managed to get my working hours down to minimal as I just haven't been feeling myself lately. Haymitch said it was okay and that I could take a few days off to rest. By the looks of things I'm going to need more than a few days, how about a month?
I don't know how I even have the energy to get out of bed and get to work, I don't have enough energy to lift a glass of water to my lips at the moment.
"From what you look like, Katniss, you put yourself in serious danger when you went out in the Capitol. Look at the state you're in. You can't even keep tea in your system for longer than an hour. What exactly did you do?" Prim asks as she slips in the side of my double bed.
"Hey little duck, you really don't want to know. I feel awful just thinking about it."
"You can tell me, you know I'm good at keeping your secrets. Even from mom."
"When did you get so grown up, eh?" She smiles and cuddles into my side.
"Katniss, you really should shower. You smell disgusting and your skin has turned, ew," she chuckles.
"I know, I just don't have the energy to keep myself stood up underneath a shower head and let the water wash off the feeling of his hands on my body." Once that escapes my mouth I know what I've done. I've let my little sister know I'm a slut and that I slept with someone. I lift my hand to my mouth and hold it over there for a while.
"So you slept with someone?"
"Well yeah…"
"How many? Or was it just the one?"
"Bloody hell, Prim, who do you think I am? My name isn't Delly Cartwright and I haven't slept with half of the boys in the District. I've slept with one boy and I'm twenty one years old. If you're going to judge me for it, there's the door so get out."
"You mean Brysen's sister?"
"Yes, sorry. I forgot you and Brysen were a thing. But his sister is the District's biggest slut."
"This isn't over the fact that your childhood best friend, Peeta, had his first kiss with Delly was it?" Prim asks. How dare she even bring that up, how dare she even mention Peeta to me. Peeta was my childhood best friend. We would do everything together, people thought that we were twins. Un-identical of course, he had this gorgeous blonde hair that curled on top of his head and I had my long brown wavy hair that fell over my shoulders effortlessly. Peeta's father told us that we'd get married one day but we both just laughed at him and said 'best friends don't marry each other' before running off up into his bedroom.
"Prim, don't be stupid."
"I'm just saying, Kas. When was the last time you seen him or heard off him? I bet it's just because you miss him."
"Well, the last letter I got off him was on my eighteenth birthday, he never got in contact with me again. He's obviously found a new best friend and doesn't want to deal with my shit anymore. It's just crazy to think we were inseparable and now we don't even know what each other look like." I bet you if I see him now, I wouldn't recognise him."
"Why don't you get in contact with him again? I bet he still remembers you, Kas."
"I doubt it little duck."
"It's worth a try. I'm going to make you some soup and when I come back up, you're going to be showered and ready to go out for a walk."
"Okay, don't make too much, I still can't keep some stuff down."
"Sure."
Prim runs off back downstairs so I use this time that she's gone to get out of bed and shower. I force myself from the sheets and peel the sheets off my bed as I get up. I change them so they're clean and they don't have flakes of skin on. I take a quick shower, massaging the body wash into my sensitive skin and scrubbing the shampoo into my hair.
I jump out the shower and quickly change into some leggings and a white top. I crawl back into my bed and wait for Prim to come back up with some soup.
I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and see that Delly has posted a photo of her and Gale, kissing. I roll my eyes before reading through the caption she added. 'Every girl wants a boyfriend… Who will give you their jacket when you're cold. You want a boyfriend who will comfort you when you're down. You want a boyfriend who will hold my hand in line at the mall and all the girls jealous. You want a boyfriend who will text you every morning, "Good morning, beautiful." You want a boyfriend who will kiss and hug you in front of his friends. You want a boyfriend who will remind you every day how much he loves you. You want a boyfriend who will ring you at 12 in the morning on your birthday and tells you that he never wants to lose you. You want a boyfriend who will love you for who you are. You want a boyfriend who will be your best friend and will never break your heart and will always make you smile. I've found mine, and I couldn't love anyone as much as I love him. 1 year today, I love you baby.'
I throw my phone across the room and watch it bounce off the door. "Are you fucking serious?" I scream. Tears start streaming down my face uncontrollably, I don't even know why. Why am I so angry? Gale meant nothing to me? But if they've been together for a year then that means he cheated on me? He cheated on me with Delly Cartwright? This honestly boils my blood,
"Katniss? Katniss? What's wrong?" Prim asks as she comes running into my room.
"Just Delly, she pisses me off so much. Let's just go for that walk."
"Sure, let me get my boots and we'll go."
She runs down to her room to get her boots and I find my leather jacket and favourite grey converse.
We leave the house together, making small talk as we walk through the district together. Laughing and forgetting about all of our problems- well, mine. She doesn't have any problems, her life is practically perfect. She's naturally beautiful, has a boyfriend, she volunteers at the hospital as much as she can and is saving to go to college. I wish my life was more like hers- simple.
"Hey, let's go to the pharmacy, I want to get you something to stop you from being sick. Seeing you look basically looking like deaths door, it hurts me, Kas. Especially knowing I can't do anything about it too," she says softly.
"Okay, that sounds good to me."
We walk down to the pharmacy and run inside, I go straight to the front desk. The woman behind the desk eyes me up, she couldn't have made it anymore obvious even if she tried. Yes I know I look awful, try going for two nights out in the Capitol in a row and look presentable to the world with only a few hours of sleep each night, I'd like to see you look pretty.
She can't be judging me, has she seen herself lately? She may need to sort her roots out. Her hair is currently bleached blonde but by the look of her roots, her natural colour is a dark brown, maybe even black.
"What can I do for you?" she says rudely.
"Well, I've been feeling really ill these past two weeks, throwing up everything I get into my system and I just haven't had the energy to move at all."
"Hm, try these. If it doesn't go away with in a few days, come back and I'll give you something a little… different."
She hands me over a box of pills and I hand her the money in return. I make my way over to where the bottles of water are stored, I told Prim I'd wait for her while she pays for whatever she's buying.
"You're a bit young to be buying pregnancy tests aren't you?" the woman from over the counter says quietly. My eyes almost pop out of my skull, Prim buying pregnancy tests?
I dart my head around and give her daggers. When we get home we need to have a serious conversation. She better not be sleeping with Delly Cartwrights brother. Out of all the boys she could of picked to be her boyfriend she had to go and pick a Cartwright didn't she?
I walk out of the pharmacy and take the long way back to the house, Prim follows behind me, struggling to keep up with me. I wonder if that's because she's been sleeping with a Cartwright.
"Katniss, slow down!" she yells as I make my way through the front door and stomp up the stairs. "Let me explain," she squeals.
I stop outside my bedroom door and turn to face her. "If this is your way of telling me you've been sleeping with your boyfriend, I don't want to know!" I scream.
"Katniss, they're not for me!"
"Then who the hell are they for then?"
"They're for you. I've gone over your symptoms, since I've been volunteering at the hospital I've learnt quite a lot. And I think you might be pregnant."
My heart drops, I feel as if the world has just collapsed beneath my feet and is pulling me into a dark hole, so deep that I'll never see daylight ever again.
"No, I'm not pregnant Prim."
"How can you be so sure, Kas?"
"I-uh-"
"Exactly." She forces forward the bag full of pregnancy tests into my chest and eyes me up. Her stare forcing me to walk to the bathroom and as soon as I enter the bathroom I fall to the floor and start to sob hysterically. This could only happen to me, I hate myself and I hate my life.
I wish it wasn't like this.