Hello! Thanks for the positive responses about the kiss, and here I was thinking I'd be flamed! x3 Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I... -wiggles eyebrows suggestively- don't own -grins-.

OOO

I loved December. If it hadn't already been my favourite month (and winter my favourite season), it would be now.

My morning, I must admit, was starting off quite nicely. Alex was still here, meaning that a good mood was guaranteed. I should have probably been very embarrassed about the way that I had wound myself around him while I was asleep. Hopefully he wasn't awake...

I listened to the silence for a second, knowing something was wrong.

Oh. Of course, the silence.

No sounds of water running for Mum's shower, no little brother stumbling about in his room in the dark as he tried to get his trousers on when they were inside-out and backwards, no really loud and irritating snoring from a still asleep Dad... I sighed and closed my eyes. Then I opened them again and looked at Alex weirdly. I blinked, thankful for the distraction, which was a question that had just struck me, and I looked up at Alex's face. He was sleeping peacefully, features smooth, lacking a scowl, frown or some other serious expression.

I thought everyone snores... Why don't you snore?

The mere thought of asking him that made me break out into a smile and a few chuckles, which I tried to muffle unsuccessfully with a hand (the other was refusing to move from its position atop a torso). He shifted, moving around and opening his eyes. It was as I saw the unique turquoise slash teal slash aquamarine eyes that I realised. I had been calling him 'Alex', when his name was... uh, wasn't it last name first? So he's Tosh... Tōshirō. I licked my lips and frowned in concentration.

"Ohaiyo gozaimasu, Tōshirō."

I paused and then smiled triumphantly. I hardly knew if I would really need to speak Japanese or even when, but I had thought it best to look up some things on the Internet, simple things like 'hello' and 'good morning', 'what' and 'how are you'... The basics. Even online translators couldn't mess that up, right?

"Ohaiyo."

His voice was very different speaking Japanese, a bit... husky (I was going to drool, I could see it happening). But my voice also changed when I spoke Spanish (higher, not huskier, I actually have quite a deep voice... but luckily I don't sound like a man).

"Tōshirō... I meant to ask earlier... what exactly do you think is going to happen?"

He suddenly focused his gaze on me with an almost unnerving intensity.

"Do you really want to know?" I hesitated and then nodded. "Tell me your theories first."

I bit my lip. "Well, I can only think of us either carrying on running... or giving up and going to Soul Society."

He sighed. "Those are the only two main options... But the real question is: will you remember this?"

I stared at him. It was a pretty brutal thought, that I would have my memories torn from me, and also that I would have no say in the matter... "Has this happened before?" I asked him. The possible answers terrified me, but I simply had to know what lengths had so far been taken.

"Mitsuki... You're older than I am," He shook his head regretfully. "There's no way that it hasn't happened." He told me, and the gentleness of his tone was the thing that really made it sink in.

"How old exactly?" I asked, breathless. The thought was so alien... I had always been so aware of my naïvety, I had always known that, chances were, I barely had an idea as to what I was talking about.

"I'm over a century old, Mitsuki. But your clan, for all intents and purposes, vanished... about three centuries ago."

His words struck me like a physical blow. Three centuries old... Suddenly this life of mine seemed unimportant, everyone I held dear to me, was simply one of many that I had known over the centuries... These people, these relationships that I had immediately wanted to save, in the long run... Meant little to me. I had had many others.

Three hundred years...

Why had my memories been taken from me? To make it easier, to keep me in ignorance? Was that why it was necessary, because I had wanted to fight or wanted to stay?

...Why had we had to leave Seretei? Was this threat from the inside?

Three hundred years.

Had something gone wrong? Was I in a gigai... Did I lose my memories with a new gigai? Was I the only one who had suffered this? How long were they planning to keep on doing this?

...Were they going to do it again?

My thoughts had never been so chaotic. Never before had so many questions attacked me... Never before had they been so important, so pertinent to my life, never had everything I had ever known been so completely uprooted and disregarded.

"So..." I gasped slightly as I heard those words again. Three hundred years... Then I pulled to the forefront of my mind the possible theories, now including this new possibility. "So, I could carry on with this life, with this period erased... But they know where we are, right?" I didn't bother glancing up; I felt him nod. "So... I might start a new life... Maybe with just this part erased, we might just move again... Or it might be a new life and I might have no memories..." I sucked in a deep breath. "Oh. Oh God... Oh no." I gasped for breath as the reality crashed down upon me. "Mum... She told me – she told me that – that I would never see him again, that I would never set foot in the UK again..."

And that was when the tears came. That was when I cried so hard I shouldn't have been trying to talk... But I wanted to get it all out, to make sure I wasn't making this worse in my confused head, and that he agreed... even if my voice was being pushed to an uncomfortable pitch as I tried to force the words out, even if I did sound like someone was strangling me.

"So that means... That either I'll g-go back with no memories of him... Or I'll be g-going to Seretei... Because if I stayed here, w-with my mem-memories, eventually, I would g-go back... to the UK..."

Those are your only choices... Pick one now, and you might have a say in what happens, A voice in my head was telling me. I started shaking my head violently. No! Neither! I want it back! I want real choices! I want my life back!

I just want things to go back to the way they were before...

I realised that I had said it out loud once Tōshirō reacted. He had been sort of fluttering his hands over me, wondering what to do to comfort me. But now they stilled and I could sense his regret. I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean that I wished I hadn't met him, he was all I had now, after all, but I didn't have time before he properly placed his arms around me and let my head rest next to his neck as I tried to calm the shuddering convulsions running up and down my back.

"I'm sorry." He told me as he held me tighter, as if to protect me from the harsh world and everyone in it who wanted to cause me harm... or maybe just anyone who didn't have my best interests at heart.

Some time later, I eventually stopped feeling like I might burst into tears all over again and simply felt a bone-deep exhaustion creep over me. I wanted to sleep, sleep for so long that once I woke all my fears and troubles would be gone, mere leaves blown away by the wind further backwards down a path that I had carried on walking down during my unconsciousness.

I wanted things to be sorted out for me. Was it my responsibility now, to make sense out of this mess, to try and salvage something?

I had never really had that much power or control. To be given so much, so suddenly, was a terrifying prospect.

"So," I mumbled, voice a little rough, "What is going to happen today?"

He didn't answer for a minute. "Well, I definitely need to speak with your mother, and she needs to speak with Yamamoto. You might also need to speak with him, but I doubt it."

"There's a question that's been bugging me, Tōshirō... Were you the one that told Mum that they had found us?"

I frowned. "No... But Yamamoto seemed aware of the whole situation before I was. Perhaps it was him?"

"Hmm... I think that they're going to make executive decisions without me," I confessed in a low murmur.

He sighed in agreement. "Yes, they very well might."

I loosened my grip on him and sat up, pushing my hair out of my face and running my hands through it, hoping it looked somewhat acceptable. I looked out of my window forlornly and sighed. Then I looked down at the boy leaning on his elbows regarding me with an inscrutable expression.

"I hope your meeting with your commander goes well," I mumbled, and then hesitated as I tried to word a favour I wanted to ask of him. "And, please, tell me anything you think I need to know." Yes, that sounded right. He might be able to do that.

He tilted his head and then nodded slightly, before sitting up, and, before I could react, tucking a still-errant piece of hair behind my ear. He leant forward and pressed a kiss onto my forehead before shifting off my bed and leaving me with a faint smell of him on my pillow.

I let myself fall backwards. I stared up at my ceiling, complete with glow-in-the-dark stars, and wondered how many bedrooms I had had. I wondered if I had grown old many times, fallen in love countless times, met thousands of people and held hundreds of them close to my heart. I wondered if, given the choice, I would have these memories back, or if it couldn't be done.

Would I? How many people would have died... How many people would I suddenly miss? Would it be worth it? Would I gain irreplaceable memories, or be overwhelmed by all that I had lost?

I didn't cry then. And I didn't feel like an old soul in a young body... I felt like a young innocent who had been forced to grow up too soon.

OOO

My mother was in the kitchen, making us some sandwiches.

The familiar sight that had greeted my eyes once I had emerged some time later from my room made me wish that people would stop shoving things in my face that would remind me of what I'd had before everything had changed. My life was dangling on a string while I sat and watched, powerless, and saw flashbacks of my old life on the opposite wall.

I leaned against the doorway.

"Who are you?" I asked, and I didn't bother trying to word it better. I no longer cared if I caused her a bit of hurt. I was too tired and she had done too much.

"Your mother, dear." She replied after glancing at me. She handed me my plate before sitting down at the kitchen table.

"And was Esther my sister?"

She looked at me as she chewed. I was also tired of people looking at me wondering how much they could trust me with. I simply wanted to know, it couldn't be worse than what I had already discovered.

"No," She shook her head. "Not in the way you mean."

I appreciated how she wasn't belittling my relationship with her, but I had one more question to ask, which was in fact more crucial.

"Is she gone?"

Mum looked down, but she was too late; I had already seen a glimpse of the guilt and grief in her eyes. She nodded.

"Yes, she's gone."

I closed my eyes and rested my weight against the doorway, leaning my head back. I used all of my willpower to put this aside for later. I would grieve later... I had already shed too many tears this morning. My thoughts moving slowly as they overcame this blockade, I eventually found the other things I had wanted to discuss with Mum. I paused and decided that my interrogation about my previous lives would also have to wait. I would ask about the easiest thing right now.

"Have you spoken with Yamamoto?" I was proud that my voice didn't falter or waver, I didn't even stumble over the name.

"No. It's my turn after Hitsugaya's."

I had a very strange irrational moment of jealousy when she said his real name. It was like she had violated my privacy... Tōshirō was mine, to her, he was just Alex. A nobody. I forced my lips to straighten out of their twist and started eating my sandwich, wandering back to my room without glancing to my right, through the glass in the front room doors.

I couldn't go into the empty living room. Not yet, not now.

OOO

I had finished my sandwich and had started on my work. What that meant was, I had sat down at my desk with my things spread out neatly in front of me as I tried to concentrate and ended up staring out of my window. I wondered detachedly if I was even safe here... We left like we were being chased by the Devil, and yet here we were, back, as if nothing had happened. I smiled lopsidedly as I realised that Tōshirō was my protection.

I tapped my fingers against my desk, the rhythm increasing as debated what was happening in the house next door. They stilled as I heard someone open my bedroom door. Tōshirō appeared and leant back against my desk next to me, arms crossed.

"I have some good news." He told me, voice calm.

"Oh?" I said, looking at his side.

"You won't have to talk."

I let out a breath of relief. "Well, thank god for that! Because I don't speak Japanese, nor do I know about your customs or anything."

Tōshirō's mouth curled up slightly. "But watching you make a fool of yourself might have been amusing."

"Cheeky. Careful," I replied, poking him in the side.

"Would you?"

"Have made a tit of myself? Most definitely. I've never been good at staying calm. I always go tomato red and speak about... say, three times faster than I normally would." I confided as I turned my chair around slowly, watching the variation in colours. I stopped when I caught a sly smirk. I scowled at him. "Yes, yes, it's very funny, har har har."

He chuckled at that and patted me on the head. My mouth dropped open.

"Just because I'm short doesn't mean you can treat me like a child!" I informed him heatedly as I stood and glared up at him.

"Don't worry," He said, voice way too full of mirth, "I used to be short."

"Really?" I paused, scanning him, before returning to his eyes. "I can't imagine you short."

"I was shorter than you are now." He told me, and I laughed.

"I always feel sorry for guys that are short, except when they're the type to overcompensate by being a penis."

Tōshirō's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Uh... A twit. They try to overcompensate by being an arrogant twit." I told him, trying not to go red.

"Oh, I know what you meant. I'm just not used to such unladylike words."

I laughed. "There are many words worse than that, my dearest prude."

I didn't stop laughing as he pulled me closer and settled his arms around my waist. He watched me with amused eyes as my laughter eventually died down. I looked back at him. "Anything else I should know?" I asked him lowly.

I was well aware that I had most likely just postponed or avoided completely another kiss... But I wasn't sure if I would be able to take any more guilt... My feelings had been the part that I'd left for last and it was coming back to bite me now, but I was determined to eschew anything that I might regret later.

Tōshirō sighed and rolled his head around, cricking his neck.

"Not really. We didn't speak much of you personally, and anything that might interest you your mother will tell you." He explained.

"I hope so. But you'll be sneaky and help me out if there's anything I don't get, right?"

He smiled down at me a little and as he nodded I felt reassured that I would at least be able to rely on him. I wondered if my faith was well-placed, but what was done was done.

I knew I shouldn't have let my gratitude cloud my thoughts, because three seconds later I found myself kissing him.

Oh, for God's sake...

But I didn't pull away, and I wondered if Tōshirō was even allowed to do this. Did Yamamoto know? But now that it had been started, I didn't want to be the one to stop it.

And he was a good kisser...

A knock on my door interrupted us. I frowned sorrowfully at him and left him at my desk as I journeyed to my door and pulled it open. It was Mum, and I was glad that she hadn't just walked in; I wasn't sure if I was willing to reveal this relationship yet. Not after what you did to the last one...

I blinked at her until I realised that the very angry face she was making wasn't my imagination. The she took in a deep breath and made another face that told me to prepare myself.

"He wants me to go and talk to him in person." Her mouth twisted for a second before she straightened it out, but she couldn't do anything about the look in her eyes. "Some bollocks about not trusting the means of communication."

"Okay," I said slowly. "How long will you be gone?"

"Who knows how long they will hold me up? A few days, perhaps."

"Will I be safe?" I asked her seriously. She nodded and I heard Tōshirō's reply from the other end of my room.

"Yes. Apart from me, there will be at least one other Shinigami."

I frowned. "I know my gigai keeps me ignorant, but can't I see Shinigami?"

"No. It was tailored and modified to provide you with means of protection, to limit your abilities and to completely erase anything that might inform you about anything supernatural."

"I have abilities?" I asked, impressed with myself. (I knew about the fire thing, but was that an ability? More a dangerous hazard, if you ask me. Ability might mean I could walk on water or fly or something cool. Not burn down buildings. With me inside.) Mum looked darkly amused for a second and then she pulled me forward for a hug and whispered in my ear: "Be careful, my daughter."

"Love you." I told her as she left. She smiled and replied:

"I'll be leaving my gigai here, and love you too."

I cocked my head and then turned to Tōshirō. "An empty gigai? What, will she look dead?" Seeing a döppelganger of my mother that was dead? No thanks.

He shook his head and told me that it would be controlled by a modified soul that would behave similarly (but leave me alone pretty much), and that also might have a power that could provide some more means of protection.

"So," I said. "I guess this means that I won't be going to school."

"I'm not so sure about that," He told me, clearly feeling mischievous. "I might still be going."

I raised an eyebrow. "And you plan and getting me there how? Walking down there would take me well over an hour." I told him crisply as I walked towards him.

"Ah, you have my evil plans foiled." He agreed, putting on a very convincing regretful voice.

"I'm smarter than you, you know."

He raised a silver eyebrow right back. "Your proof being?"

I sniffed condescendingly as I wrapped my arms around his middle and rested my head on his chest.

"I don't need proof."

"Your audacity astounds me." He said as his chest shook slightly with laughter.

I smiled into him. It had been too long since I had talked to someone with this much ease and familiarity. I pouted somewhat childishly as he pulled away and told me that he had to go and speak with Yamamoto.

"Oh?" I asked, eyes narrowing. "Why?"

"Because, I want you to be safe." He told me slowly as he ran a hand through his hair and looked uncomfortable. I smiled and gave him a peck on the lips before stepping away and sitting down on my bed. He left after having told me very seriously to not leave the house. I had rolled my eyes and eyed my bookcase opposite me, telling him that I would keep myself occupied. And that it was cold outside anyway.

I would probably have offended him if I'd told him that I wanted some time alone. Or perhaps not... I frowned.

I don't actually know you that well, do I?

OOO

This is the last rewritten chapter, and you may have noticed that this is where there is the most deviance. I completely erased all of the original chapter after the first page and only a few of the happenings are the same. Tell me what you think! After this chapter, it will be all-new goodness! Until then!