"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And what are you waiting for?"

-Stephen Levine

We Are What We Are

Chapter 7

A man who has never lost anyone would never really know the joy of saving someone else's life. Leroy Jethro Gibbs has been one of those few unfortunate ones who experienced a great deal of loss. He lost his beautiful wife and beloved daughter just because of somebody's selfish interest.

He was serving his remaining time in the last operation of Desert Storm back then, while his wife witnessed the murder of a Marine, just like him, and then reported it to the authorities. She and their daughter were placed in a protective custody in NIS, however while on their way, their driver was killed and their car came into a crash, leaving them both dead. Gibbs found the killer and got his revenge, but it never took care of the pain and longing in his heart. No person is truly prepared for death, may it be his or of those he loves.

Since then he decided to work for NIS, the very agency that swore to protect his family and failed. Although things ended the way they did, Gibbs wanted to make sure that the same thing wouldn't happen to other people. He empathized with the families of the victims that they were investigating. He did not need to put himself in their shoes because he himself felt the very pain that they are experiencing and the unseen drive to know the truth that lead them to their sorrows. Using that empathy that he has, he did everything to find out the truth and give justice to the deaths of those people and their families. And in some cases, to save the lives of those who needed saving. When he solves the case and finally tells the family about the truth, he would not feel pride or regret but instead he would feel thankful, for being able to experience through those who were left behind, the closure and acceptance that he never really had.

Over the years, he came across people who are not exactly related to him but in a greater sense became more like family than friends. Their unconventional family bonding required saving each other's lives while under fire as opposed to the usual watching baseball moments that normal families does, but it's okay, because those that belonged to his family, had their lives to give rather than presents wrapped in a box. And all of those made him slightly forget the pain had always stayed in his heart as he helped them ease theirs.

When his proverbial gut told him that his surrogate daughter needed an unspoken help from him, even without thinking, he would be again doing what he does best and even more. After all this was Ziva, the one who lost her brother's life and saved his, in just one shot.

And there he was, double checking the security inspection of Adira's home, to make sure that every corner has a security camera and other possible entry areas were well guarded. They were protecting a high profile target, the wife of an agency Director, not necessarily their own but now became their jurisdiction, hence the inter country cooperation between security aides, and also because one of their agent's life is threatened, his agent who might as well be his daughter even if she was the Mossad Director's.

His thoughts were interrupted by Ziva herself. He had to smile mentally because he knew that her mood did not improve since they left the Navy Yard. She always hated not being able to do anything and he knows how very little patience she has. Although it had improved over the years, she was still Ziva and the pressure just might let her revert into some of her old Mossad ways. So, he's contemplating whether what she will say next is something worth allowing.

"Tony, with great regret managed to get that tux out of him and I do not like prancing around wearing only this. I need my clothes and my weapon Gibbs. And I refuse to wear my mother's clothes." Ziva looked at her boss then around her mother's garden pool that had two of her mother's personal guard standing by the wall, then back again at Gibbs.

She was used to having designated guards to watch their home in Israel, but she never liked the fact that they are watching her move too, especially now, more than ever.

Gibbs looked over to his Probationary Agent who had a look that battled between stern and hopeful. He had so much in his hands right now and he didn't want any unintended casualty under his watch, so just like any occasional lenient father, he said yes.

"Okay, but you're not going there alone." With that, Ziva to let out a defeated breath and did nothing but to follow her boss.

"When you said that I am not going alone, I expected only one agent to accompany me." Ziva stated as she placed her seatbelt on the passenger seat, but before she could get comfortable beside Gibbs, she glanced again at her side mirror, revealing the SUV parked at the back of their car that contained two more agents. "Isn't that an over kill?" motioning at the car behind them.

"Just in case." Gibbs started the engine and didn't even bother to look at her. The SUV behind them followed close by. Ziva took this as an opportunity to release some of her thoughts about that night's events.

"Thank you."

"For what?" asked Gibbs while he was driving.

"For doing these things, for protecting me and my mother. I know, I have been quite hesitant about it, only because I am worried not for me, but for Adira. She is strong, but she is not like me or Eli. I have made a lot of enemies in my life and it is not a surprise if they wanted revenge, and they might take advantage of my mother."

"I do these, we do these for other people and it's only right that we do it for our family." He checked the SUV behind him and once he saw them, he took a left turn. "And she might surprise you, Ziver."

"She can be quite a handful, very stubborn yet compassionate. I would always remember the arguments she and my father had. She would stand head to head with the great Eli David, then at the peak of their argument, my father would just look at her in the eyes and she would just raise her eyebrow at him." The corners of Ziva's lips were now going on an upward direction. "And then he leaned in her ear and whispered something, with that her face would slightly soften. After that, you know how she responds?"

"How?" He just caught a slight glance at Ziva's face when the street lamp hit her face. In all of his years in NCIS, this was the first time that he saw her share a memory of her family life with a smile on her face.

"With a playful slap in his cheeks and Eli would smile after." She shakes her head at the memory of her father rather enjoying her mother's slap. "Those were the best memories I have of them." But her smile was now slowly fading.

"What changed?" Gibbs now turned right, and with that he saw that Ziva no longer had the smile that he just saw a minute ago. He quickly turned his attention back at the road, hoping that Ziva didn't see him noticing the sudden change in her mood. She was having a moment and he's not going to ruin it.

"Tali and my grandfather died. Along with other people, some we know, most we do not. We kept ourselves preoccupied with other things that might help ease the pain. But it did not."

"Death does that to people." He would know. He's no different from them in some ways.

"There has been too much blood already." Ziva's eyes were still fixed on the view in front of her.

"And were still here, Ziver." He turned right and slowed down the car, her apartment is now just a block away.

"Yes we are." She looked at him and smiled. Abby was right, Gibbs was really good at these things. "Are we having a bonding moment here?" She asks playfully that only earned her a smile from her surrogate father. She glanced at the SUV that had just overtaken them to park in front of her apartment building. This time Gibbs pulled in slowly and parked a few meters away from the building. There they waited until the two agents knocked in Gibbs' window to signal that the place is secure.

Gibbs walks in first and checks the room, followed by the other agent. Once it was cleared she follows them and proceeds to open her bedroom door. And there on top of the bed were pictures of her from the party. She picks it up and swears under her breath.

"Gibbs!" When he heard his name being called by Ziva, he proceeded directly to where her voice was coming from and found her standing in front of her bed. "What is it?"

"These!" She showed him the pictures taken from the party.

"Damn it. Get your stuff we leave in five minutes." He reached for his phone and dialled his Senior Field Agent's number, to give him a heads up.

Ziva did not waste time when Gibbs told her to get her things. It was after all, one of her reasons for going to her apartment. After she got all of her things, she then proceeded to the next reason, her weapon. She opened her coat cabinet open, pushed her coats into the right side. Ziva reached her hand to the far back of the cabinet and pushed the wood. From there she pushed the wood to her right.

The full wall of her left cabinet was filled with her knife collection neatly placed according to size. It also contained a Submachine Gun, Revolver, two sets of Jericho and a Glock 17. Ziva was clearly unhappy with how things are going and how much these people know. She has no intention of breaking her promise to stay out of the case, but when they come, she will be ready for them. So, she decided to pick up some of her favourites. Ziva was trying to make a quick decision with her collection that it didn't register that her boss was still behind her.

"I'm sure you said weapon." Seeing what she was doing, he wanted to clarify whether what she told him in the house was correct. He smirked at what he is seeing. He had his boat, DiNozzo had his movies, McGee had his book and Ziva, well Ziva had her guns.

Ziva suddenly stopped what she was doing and slyly turned her head to Gibbs' direction giving him the best innocent look. "Really? I remember saying weapons, with an S." She did not wait for his reaction and got her Jericho and her Glock 17, along with two of her knives.

"Alright, let's go." She stood up and returned everything back to its original state. Gibbs let her stay in front of him and headed for the door, but Ziva turned to her kitchen and opened the middle drawer near the sink.

"Ziva!" Gibbs called out to his Probationary Agent who now approached him with several boxes of what seemed like bullets.

"Just in case." Gibbs shut the door behind him and regretted teaching those words to her earlier.

It has been thirty minutes since Gibbs and Ziva along with the other agents arrived back to the house. With them are her things and a little extra on the side. The pictures were being bagged by McGee so that it can be sent to Abby for any evidences or traces that could lead them to the sender. Adira was already in her room when they arrived and Ziva told Gibbs that she will just inform her about the pictures in the morning. There was no need to worry her more for that night. He agreed and told her to do the same and rest.

"I will relive McGee tomorrow. I'm heading home. Call me if there's anything." Gibbs knew that his Senior Field Agent was almost near exhaustion. Just like Ziva, he was also present when all of these things happened. He needed to have a decent rest if they are going to find this guy, and with an agent short, he couldn't risk getting DiNozzo out of his game. But not tonight though, tonight he had to do something, he had to know more about what his Director is hiding from him.

"Yes boss." Said Tony with an energy that both he and Gibbs knew was being forced out of him. He and Ziva haven't spoken about what happened and not knowing how she feels or what she's thinking just adds to his agitation along with exhaustion.

"And DiNozzo, make sure she doesn't use her weapons." With that, Gibbs turned his heel to leave him by the receiving area.

"Weapons? Lord of War weapons weapons, Boss?" DiNozzo stretched his neck to his boss direction hoping for an answer.

"With an S, DiNozzo." Then the sound of the door being closed made Tony want to talk to his partner even more. He checked the kitchen where McGee was explaining to Adira's head of security about the cameras surrounding the house.

"Hey McGee, I'm going to the viewing room."

McGee turned his direction to Tony and even before he could give his reply, he was already gone.

Tony slowly went up the circular staircase. He was contemplating on whether he should knock on his partner's door to do a little checking up on her. But who was he kidding? He didn't just want to check up on her, he wanted to talk to her and know how she feels about everything. He always did want to know what's going on in her head, especially after Somalia happened. The farthest she got in telling was just by leaving some bits and pieces in her statements. It killed him that he almost lost her and he's still not doing anything about it. She couldn't even let him know what really happened. And he can't blame her. But there was no assurance that he would be successful tonight, given the sudden presence of Adira in her life. Now that's another story. It's still worth a try, he thought.

He was a few steps to the top when he saw Adira leave her room and walk quietly towards Ziva's. She slowly crept inside and closed the door.

What he saw just now made Tony admire Adira even more. Since she knew that her daughter was not dead, she would either never let go of her hand, stare at Ziva or she would honestly declare wasting any moment when it comes to her daughter. He admired her for doing something that he knows he should be doing. Adira was not the only person who almost lost her chance with Ziva, he also did, but the difference is that since he got her back, he's did nothing like what he had seen now.

"Maybe tomorrow" he said and continued to walk towards their room.

Since she decided that sleep was the only thing she was allowed to do other than being safe, she decided to give it a try. After changing her position three times, she finally decided on lying on her side, facing the wide window on the left side. She almost reached her slumber when she felt a familiar presence at the other side of her door. Heightened senses were one of the gifts she got from her training in Mossad, but Mossad or not, she would know those people she loves even with her eyes closed. Obviously the person tried so hard to be quiet that she couldn't help but feel the presence more, especially when that person wrapped their arms around her from behind, laying down beside her. She did not react, but can't help but comment on how lousy her mother was with sneaking.

"Sneaking is not done that way. Your presence was very obvious."

"I wasn't trained by Mossad Ziva." Adira answered defensively.

"Some of your ways are. Do not even deny." She opened her eyes and found her mother's hands wrapped around her stomach. It's been a long time since she felt her mother's warmth, she feared that sometimes she forgot how much safe it made her feel.

"It was just one time. The man indecently proposed that we have an affair, at my own party, with my husband just a few meters away from us." Adira remembered how her husband's constant teachings with self defence became handy.

"So you broke his wrist and sprained his ankle?" She was trying so hard to hide her amusement at her mother's unpredictable moments.

Adira used snuggled closer and said. "He was touchy. So, I had to show him that no meant no." Her daughter didn't say anything but she knew by Ziva's hand being on top of hers, that she was happy that her mother was there. "This is the first night in years where I will sleep with no heavy heart."

"I have missed you Ima." Ziva was now fully awake when she sincerely answered her mother.

"Me too. Let us sleep now, Yes?" It was true, that was the first time in many nights where sleep came to her without any heavy reasons behind it. She didn't need to pray for sleep to engulf her and her sorrows, so that tomorrow will come by a little slower and so she doesn't have to relive her agony all over again.

Adira was fast asleep beside Ziva and tried her best not to do the same. She didn't want to wake her mother up, just like how Tony did in Paris with her nightmares. She knows that her mother knew of the things that they did to her in Somalia and she didn't want her to know how bad it's effects were to her life, especially now.

When she felt that Adira was too deep in her sleep, she slowly got up the bed and walked her way towards the door. She twisted the knob and quietly opened the door and went to the other side. When she closed the door ever so slowly, she turned her head to the room in the end of the hallway where the newly installed surveillance videos were being installed.

The door to the room was already half open. Ziva pushed it just a little revealing her partner watching the middle screen in front of him. She was not surprised to see her partner and neither was she disappointed. If there was one person who would know why she left her room, it would be him. He had firsthand experience after all and whether she admits it or not, Tony has been her source of comfort and security. He had always been there for her and she made a mistake once when she doubted him, and since then she learned that even if her trust was broken by those she loved before, Tony is that absolute exception.

"So I assume that the pillow fight is done?" Tony pointed at her dishevelled hair and rumpled oversized T-shirt and jogging pants.

"She is sleeping."

"So should you." Tony watched as Ziva went beside him and looked at the monitors. He stood up to offer his seat but she politely declined, and that told him that she didn't go there just to watch.

"Anything suspicious?" Her eyes never leaving the screen as she bent forward and rested both her hands on the table. Tony was just observing her from behind.

"Well I'm no voyeur, but I'd say nope nothing suspicious at all, except for McGee getting physical with the coffeemaker. It seems that he can't figure out how it works. But you didn't come over just to ask that didn't you? What's wrong?" His words were asking with hope that she would tell him how she's feeling or what's she's thinking, because if it bothered her, it bothered him more.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Denial is not a river in Egypt Ziva."

Ziva's eyebrows met at his statement, she was Israeli and she knows for a fact that her geography is better than her partner. "What is your point? There is really no such river in Egypt with that name, Tony"

The woman is clever and smart no doubt in that, but at times like these he couldn't help but wonder. "It's a saying Ziva, denial? Sounds like The Nile? De nile?" He narrowed his eyes at her back hoping his words would enlighten her.

"I would not want her to hear my... Just in case." With that, Ziva straightened her back and faced her partner with a blank expression that she knew she couldn't keep with her partner knowing what she is saying.

Tony didn't need for Ziva to repeat what she said because he knew perfectly well what she meant and he knows how much he felt when it happened. Her nightmares are something that he couldn't do anything about, but that night in Paris, he did what he could, and placed his arms around her while whispering in her ear until she finally stopped shaking. And it killed him at the idea that there are more nights in which his arms wouldn't be there to hold her when it happens. "You still have them?" If that's what it took to make it go away, then he wanted to be one beside her.

"Not as much, only when I have a lot of things in my mind."

"Well, in that case" Tony walked backwards and dropped his body to the Queen sized bed. "You are very welcome to sleep in this ultra comfy bed." He now had both of his hands behind his head. "I mean come on; this must be one of those orthopaedic beds. Maybe I should..." He stopped finishing his sentence when he felt Ziva laid her back beside him. "Get myself one."

Nobody spoke and only the sound of their breathing can be heard from them while they lay still facing the ceiling. It is the silence that makes them understand that their physical closeness that makes them survive those most challenging times of their lives.

"Do you believe in second chances?"

Yes, he did. When the cover over her head was removed in front of him, his belief in second chances cemented it. "I do. And you?"

"Yes, but I'd like to think that today is much more important than just waiting for chances, because tomorrow, your chance might not come at all." She closed her eyes and felt sleep coming to her aid. "Goodnight Tony."

For the first time, Tony DiNozzo had no smart comebacks, sarcastic remarks or even his usual movie references to match the recent personal declaration of his partner. There is so much wonder why her words affected him in that way, but one can only suspect that it is because Tony himself knew that what she said was true.

All his life was just spent on waiting for things to come by his way. Like Jeanne Benoit. Meeting her, loving her and eventually ending things with her, came to be because of the chance of working undercover. If he hadn't been assigned to that case, he would have never met her, let alone love her.

Yes love, the one word that matches with the name Tony DiNozzo. But alas, he too has succumbed to the unexpected forces that made him realize of his new found capabilities. With Jeanne, Tony fell in love for the first time. He found a new side to himself that he never expected he had. A side that was capable of loving, caring and fearing for loss. The feeling was unlike he has ever felt before, what was just plain sex now became intimacy and personal connection. And just like that it had to end. He had to let the first feeling from his heart go. He thought he would never get over it, but he did.

Days went by, women came and left but only one stayed. His partner was really the only constant woman in his life. With her there were no pretentions, no fake name or job and no hidden agendas. She was just there, for him. And his heart has been beating faster ever since. He slowly realized that loving Jeanne enabled him to know that he was capable of loving and at the end of the day; he would still comeback to the one woman who had always been there for him. Still being an advocate of chances that he is, he just set his realization aside and continued what he does best, waiting for what's to come.

Regret came when he was told that Ziva died. If he hadn't missed out on all the chances that he had before the incident with Rivkin came, then maybe she wouldn't be on that damned ship, dead. He thought about the times where he could have told her about how he really felt rather than just showing his affection through jealousy that he never admitted to. Now, is just a little too late for that. It is only when he couldn't take it anymore that he decides that his life is equated with hers, in reality; he wanted her to be his soulmate. So he thought that this time, he'll do something to ease him with the pain of regret, guilt and love, he would be with her.

The bag was lifted and revealed the face of the reason for his presence in that damned place. And there she was, alive but not necessarily leaving, sitting in front of him, again a chance that he did not expect to have nor deserve. Another opportunity was laid out to him, waiting for his next move that was never really made. The closest thing he did to altering their fates was his honest declaration of not being able to live without her, nothing more, and nothing less. He saved her and she saved him just like how they were around each other. In no time they were almost back to how they were before, still waiting and relying on chance to open a window for them to not grab again.

But that night, when Adira held onto Ziva for the first time since she thought she would never be able to, she acted as if it was the only chance that there is. Adira used what Tony has wasted so many times. And with that along with what his partner said made him think that what if there were no more chances to spare, then Adira was just right to have done that. And again he would be left feeling even worse than how he felt before.

He turned his head to the right where his partner/best friend/soulmate slept and smiled. This woman, who despite her snoring like a drunken sailor with Emphysema was the person whom he didn't want to live without, so he whispered something that is much better than goodnight,

"I love you Ziva."

Hello! Hello! Here is another long chapter. There is not much excitement on this one, but more on feelings and realizations. I would have to say that this is my favorite chapter so far, even if there is not much action, I liked it for its message. And it took me longer to write this because I felt that their feelings are just so delicate and just a private experience for both of them. I want to say Thank You for reading and reviewing this story. It gives me the courage and inspiration to know that people appreciate what I am doing. And I will do my best to lessen the errors on every chapter. :)

The next few chapters would be very exciting. I hope that you will continue to read this story because this is how I think some of the things happened in NCIS. :)

Again Thank You so much. God Bless.

Isabel