Wow... It has been a long time, am I right? I am deeply sorry for leaving this fanfic for so long... If anyone remembers, I left a few A/Ns about how I was trying to write a novel. Still in that process...But now I have around 180 pages, so... there's been some progress. It took some work to get back into this story, but I tried... Hope you like it!
It was completely fair to say that Ezra wasn't feeling one hundred percent the next day. Sleep had been more elusive that it ever had been for him. As he stepped into the sunlight, he nearly hissed. Ahsoka already stood there, sitting cross legged on the crystalline ground.
"Morning," she said, her face and voice welcoming. Ezra sat across from her. He understood that this first lesson was probably going to focus on feeling the Force or bonding. He could guess by the way Kanan had began training him about a year ago. He remembered that his first master had dragged his feet in training him, dismissing the topic of Jedi training whenever it came up. Then, after Ezra had actually reached through the Force and managed to actually push something (That something being Agent Kallus), Kanan decided that it was time to finally teach him something. Lessons began with meditation and practice levitating small objects with the Force. Considering that this was his first lesson with Ahsoka, it would probably start out the same way.
"Force training?" He asked after a few seconds of silence. "I know how to use the Force," he muttered, staring at the ground. Be nicer. He reminded himself sternly. This isn't ideal, but she's a Jedi… Can't forget that I'm doing this for Kanan. He kept his mouth shut after that.
"I know this feels really basic," Ahsoka admitted. "But I want to get a sense of where you are right now. After that, we can get onto everything that's more on your level." Ezra nodded and closed his eyes to connect with the Force.
He could feel it. The Force curled around him, surrounding him, in the same way it had when he meditated with Kanan. It was comforting, almost as though his dead master was still there next to him.
Kanan had once said that when a Jedi died, they begin one with the Force. Is that where he was now? In the Force there with him? If he focused, he could feel him, that's what he thought at least. Would it be so bad if he was wrong? He wanted to believe Kanan was there. Ezra took a deep breath in. I miss you, Kanan. He said into the broken bond. There was no response, but somehow, he could feel a warm feeling in his chest as though it was a response.
Ahsoka opened an eye to glance at Ezra. She didn't have a bond with him, but she could easily sense his emotions. She knew he was trying to call out to Kanan. She didn't say anything. It wasn't as though she hadn't done the same thing when the Empire killed off all the Jedi. Even now, years later, she still found herself screaming out into Force, hoping at least one person would respond. No one ever did. He'll get through it. She thought, closing her eyes and returning to meditation.
That day was relatively calm. They sparred a bit, Ahsoka starting out slowly and then increasing her speed, strikes, and attacks periodically to gauge Ezra's skill in lightsaber combat.
He's not bad. She thought as she effortlessly blocked a blow from him. He pushed her backwards with the Force, and she immediately responded by doing a backflip, landing on her feet, and coming at him with another attack without an issue. Definitely has potential. She thought as Ezra pushed back against her, their lightsabers locked. They remained there, sabers braced against each other for a few more seconds before she swept his feet out from under him with her leg. He yelped in surprise and went crashing down to the crystalline ground. Ezra groaned when he opened his eyes.
"You did very well," she said as she deactivated her lightsaber and extended a hand to help him up. He seemed to take a minute in deciding whether or not to take her hand, but in the end, he reached out and let her help him to his feet.
"But you beat me," he muttered.
Ahsoka smiled slightly. "Doesn't mean your technique wasn't impressive for someone your age." Ezra didn't say anything in response, he didn't smile, or get a proud look on his face, but Ahsoka could sense some glow of pride from him. She would have to teach him how to cloak his Force signature later…
Ahsoka felt a twinge of sadness inside her heart. She'd have to bond with him. She would have to semi-overwrite the bond that he'd had with Kanan. How was she supposed to tell him that? She wasn't sure, chances were he wouldn't want to. He'd be against leaving the past behind, at least at the moment.
"Ezra," she began as they made their way back to their temporary home. "We're going to have to form a bond. You know that, right?"
Ezra sighed. "Yeah, I know, and I'll do it… It's just… " His voice trailed off and he said nothing for a few minutes, silent except for the sound of his shoes making contact with the ground. "I…" He attempted to put his sentiments into words. "It's just…" Ahsoka could sense the flood of pain and despair and grief in his Force signature.
"I know," she said after a few minutes of Ezra struggling and stumbling over his words. "You feel like bonding now would be a betrayal of your bond with Kanan."
His shoulder relaxed and his head fell forward a little. "Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah, that's it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I..." His voice quieted prematurely again.
"It's understandable," Ahsoka said. "And I don't want to rush forming a bond, but training you will be ineffective if we don't connect."
"Right," he murmured. Ezra looked up at her. "But aren't bonds formed slowly, like over time? If we did this everyday, we'd eventually form a bond, right?"
"That's a theory," Ahsoka responded. "Usually, bonds form like that. Sometimes, they form very quickly." She paused. "I'd think we should have began to form one today, but we didn't."
Ezra already knew, he could sense it as much as she could. "Why didn't we then?" He asked.
Ahsoka sighed. "You're fighting it," she murmured. "I think you somewhat know that already."
Ezra scoffed. "Why would I ever fight forming a bond in a situation like this?" He even knew that he was playing dumb at this point. Ahsoka didn't say anything for a minute, and Ezra didn't like the silence. He disliked it even more than what Ahsoka would have said.
She didn't fall for it. "You already know why, Young One," she said. "You still don't trust me."
Ezra swallowed hard, still trying to deny it. "W-why would I get on a ship with someone I didn't trust?" He ignored the fact that he didn't trust anyone on the Ghost until after they'd come back for him when he got captured by Agent Kallas.
"Maybe because Hera told you to or because you want to be a Jedi for Kanan's sake." The tone of her voice wasn't in anyway mean or harsh. She was simply being truthful. Ezra still felt as though he'd been slapped though. The shock of actually hearing the truth of the matter was hard to take.
Ezra had a choice in that moment, he could either swallow the small amount of pride that he'd been holding onto and admit that Ahsoka was right or her could keep denying it. He took a deep breath. If he kept fighting her in this, it wouldn't work. She wouldn't be able to train him. He wouldn't become a Jedi. "Fine," he said, finally surrendering. "I admit it. I only went with you because Hera told me it had to happen." He swallowed the tears that rose in his throat. "I don't want to be here…I'm- I'm afraid..."
There it was. That complete and utter emotional vulnerability. He'd completely opened himself, letting her see him when he was broke, letting her feel all his pain. Everything he felt was written on his face. He was scared. He was lost. He was lonely. He was grief stricken. He was terrified of opening up to another person, of forming a bond with another Jedi because he didn't want to go through the pain of that bond breaking as it had with Kanan.
Their bond was forming now, they could both feel it. It formed, the strings of their Force signatures winding themselves into a knot. Ahsoka felt the ache in her heart that Ezra had been enduring. Ezra could clearly feel her fear in becoming his master and her pain in losing all the Jedi. They both felt terrible when it happened with their Force signatures in storms of pain and loss, but in the end it was worth it. They were truly master and Padawan.
Yeah... So, that's all I've got for right now. I always have plans for chapters in the distant future, but the next chapter is always a struggle.
You know, I was looking back on the chapters I wrote for this way back when, and I take a moment to realize how much has changed. When I started this fanfic, I was a girl in high school with a huge Star Wars obsession, no boyfriend, a love for betta fish, interest in anime, and fascination with human anatomy.
And here I am now. A girl in college with a huge Star Wars obsession, no boyfriend, a love for betta fish, interest in anime, and fascination with human anatomy. I feel like I've grown up so much... (This chapter is like 15% dedicated to my betta fish, Atsushi (Whom I adopted yesterday) ( I might give him a longer name later)
Anyway, please review! Thanks for reading this far. You guys are the best! May the Force be with you!