Dinner that night was an affair in two halves. A good portion of the table was in usual high spirits, enjoying themselves, the food and the company. A minority were not.
Bingo spent a good deal of the meal staring morosely at Rose, and the rest staring morosely at his plate. Honoria glowered up at the other girl, jabbing at her food with more force than was perhaps necessary. Aunt Agatha fixed Bertie with the evil eye, which he studiously avoided, trying to eat but not really enjoying it.
Of course, other members of the party were blissfully unaware of this, and Jack, Rose and the Doctor were chatting away happily in their exclusive club of 3.
"How many uses are there for an engagement ring, then?" Rose asked, gesturing with her fork and nearly sending a bit of broccoli sailing across the room.
"What?" Jack replied absently, momentarily distracted from his parsnips.
"You said I'd be surprised how often you needed an engagement ring." She elaborated. "How many uses are there?"
Jack leaned back, thoughtful, chewing carefully before he spoke. The Doctor and Rose watched him, both waiting for an answer.
"Well," He said slowly. "You can sell it – on most planets, a good diamond's worth more than you can carry in cash; If you get the right shaped diamond it can cut glass…"
"Not usually terribly well when attached to a ring." The Doctor pointed out with a grin, which Jack mirrored good-naturedly.
"It's handy for if you upset some dignitary who declares you've gotta marry his daughter - "
"Or son." The Doctor chipped in.
"Or son." Jack allowed. "To make up for it; Sometimes the people you get caught by are more inclined to let you live if they think you were going to propose to someone before they got you – doesn't happen often, mind you, but you get the odd sentimental one…At a push you could probably use the diamond to refract an alarm laser, although I wouldn't test that theory in the field first." He grinned. "If you get a big enough rock, it'd make a pretty decent knuckle-duster of sorts."
"If you can get it on your finger." Rose pointed out.
"That's Fifty-first century jewellery you've got there." Jack said. "One size fits all."
"Expands or contracts to fit the size of the finger that shoved in it." The Doctor explained. "Microsensors in the gold, and a bit of fiddling with the chemical construction. Quite clever."
Rose studied the ring on her finger.
"Cool."
"And then of course," Jack continued. "It can make a good conversation-starter and chat-up line. You claim it's a family heirloom that you'll only give to your soulmate and women just bend over backwards to try and make sure it's them." He smirked. "Some of them literally."
"That line works?" Rose wrinkled her nose.
"Surprisingly well." Jack chuckled.
"You apes are so busy trying to find the right 'one', that you never take the time to think that you've got to get to know them before you know whether they're the 'one' or not." The Doctor scoffed.
"Finally, there's this." Jack finished, gesturing at himself and Rose. "Gets you out of a good few jams."
"You mean I'm not the first person you've done…this with?" Rose asked, not sure whether she was disappointed or not.
"Not by a long shot." Jack said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But you're certainly the best."
Rose flushed and grinned. The Doctor rolled his eyes, and further down the table, Honoria gripped her fork so hard it bent and Bingo let out a heartbroken sigh.
-----
Bertie was slumped dejectedly in the chair in his room when Bingo shuffled in and plopped onto the bed.
"I don't think I can handle this, Bertie." He said after a space. "I didn't taste a bite of that dinner. It all turned to ashes in my mouth."
Bertie let out a hollow laugh.
"You know nothing of ashes." He declared. "You had a gourmet meal. I had ashes. Aunt Agatha has ordered me to break up Jack and Rose and make Jack marry Honoria. Or I have to."
"I say." Bingo breathed in sympathy, then his face lit up. "I say, Bertie, that's wonderful!"
"What?"
"If you break Jack and Rose up, then I can win Rose back!" He let out a joyous laugh, as Jeeves brought in Bertie's brandy. "Jeeves, get to work!"
"Sir?"
Bertie sighed and updated Jeeves on the situation.
"So you see, Jeeves, it's sticky."
"Indeed, sir." Jeeves looked thoughtful. "I'm afraid, sir, a solution does not immediately present itself."
"That's not what I want to hear, Jeeves."
"I can imagine not, sir." Jeeves said apologetically. "I shall endeavour to concoct a solution with haste, sir."
"Good man, Jeeves." Bertie said tiredly. "Good man."
-----
Rose had gone to bed shortly after dinner, leaving the Doctor and Jack alone in the console room, waiting for the results of the hack into the Time Agency files.
"I noticed earlier," Jack said after a pause. "You didn't deny being jealous of Bingo."
"I'm not jealous of Bingo." The Doctor replied, frowning at the screen, and keying in one of the many codes Jack had provided him with. "Not any more."
"Not any more?" Jack repeated, with a raised eyebrow.
"You've seen him." The Doctor glanced at him with a grin. "Hardly something to be jealous of."
"Well who are you jealous of, then?" Jack asked, a grin forming on his mouth as he moved to stand by the Doctor.
"What do you mean?" The Doctor said airily.
"You were acting jealous earlier." The American clarified, his grin widening. "Who were you jealous of?" The Doctor didn't answer, nor did he look at Jack. "Not me?"
"No."
Jack let out a laugh.
"Surely you weren't jealous of Rose." He drawled, leaning closer to the Doctor. "Tsk tsk, Doc. You should know by now you both have a very special place in my heart." He stopped, his nose brushing against the Doctor's cheek, while the Doctor still pointedly ignored him. "And in my bed…"
"In your dreams." The Doctor said cheerfully, turning his head and grinning at him, their noses bumping against each other.
"That too." Jack murmured, his gaze moving down to the Doctor's lips.
"You should be so lucky." The Doctor laughed, suddenly moving away from Jack, leaving the other man somewhat unbalanced. "You've still got to work your way back into my good books after earlier."
Before Jack could reply, the monitor beeped and the Doctor let out a triumphant laugh.
"We're in!" He cried, bending back over the console. Jack joined him, all thoughts of flirtation out of his mind – for now at least.
The Doctor was rather thankful for that – he still hadn't quite worked out who he was jealous of.
-----