A Space Cowboy in the Desert
Special thanks to YoukaiYume for inspiration. The story was going okay, but it really took off once I saw and became inspired by some of her Toy Story illustrations. I then got to thinking that it would be fun to rewrite bits and pieces of my story here and there to hint at some of these pictures or borrow them completely to enrich the story. Bonus points if you can point out scenes written for the drawings.
Chapter 7: Plans and Protocol
Realizing how very long it had taken him to assess what had happened during his unscheduled hibernation, Buzz wondered if he really had sustain brain damage whilst traveling through that worm hole. Anyway, Buzz sincerely hoped hibernation sickness was to blame and not his own incompetence. He would be in a great deal of trouble if he could not even function in a Star Command Academy textbook scenario like the one he was currently failing in now. Buzz was on a stuck on a strange, alien planet and he had to wake up, start acting like the Space Ranger he was and improve his situation.
Buzz's prayers were answered when basic protocol finally kicked in. It practically blurted out of its own volition,
"I am Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger. I come in peace." Buzz finished as he raised his hand and divided his fingers evenly with his thumb sticking out to make the standard, friendly, Space Ranger greeting.
"Peace, huh?" repeated a skeptical cowboy as they continued to ride along, "Well that's a nice change of pace. Normally you space folks come in any manner but 'peace'." Now it was Buzz's turn to repeat Woody's words,
"Any manner but'?" he asked.
"Yeah, we never even knew you space folks were up there until recently, but you wasted no time coming down here and giving us no end of trouble… Scaring our livestock with your flying contraptions and pushing us around with your 'lay-zar' guns like you own the place."
"You mean," Buzz clarified, "your planet's people can't travel in…in space?"
"You and I are having enough trouble getting through this desert and you're asking me about the stars?" Woody queried with annoyance.
"But…" paused Buzz as he processed this implausible development, "That's against the Prime Directive. No species capable of Interstellar travel is to interact with any other species that has yet to do the same. Err, that is to say… No one from space should be present on your planet." Woody laughed,
"You're here aren't you? But as long as you are here, mind telling that rule to your fellow Space Folk, that Evil Doctor Porkchop? He was quite brazen the way he came down here and started causing trouble. Luckily for the rest of my world, his wrath has been mostly confined to this town on account of his ship being busted from our planet's "bad air". But I reckon it will only be a matter of time before he fixes his flying doohickey and when he does…. It won't be just this town that will be in for a world of hurt…" Woody paused for a moment, but then grumbled,
"I'd like to hogtie that pig, then go into space and return the favor to his boss that he's doing all this for! 'All for the glory of, Emperor Zurg'!" Woody finished in a voice that suggested he was imitating someone else.
"ZURG?" shouted Buzz in outrage and disbelief. Well, not so much disbelief… If there is a race of innocent people to exploit, you could be sure that Zurg would be there. Buzz just could not believe that Zurg's terror was present even on this planet who knows how many light-years away from the known galaxy. Was there no place untouched or safe from Zurg? Not even Buzz's own DNA was… Buzz forced such thoughts from his mind and bitterly refused to let them back in. None of that mattered right now! All that mattered was that he was a trained, elite Space Ranger and he had to focus on his cause, to defend the innocents of the galaxy from Zurg's malevolent rule! Buzz puffed out his chest and said with a resolve that always inspired hope where there was none,
"I won't allow any of that to happen to your planet! Prime Directive aside, wherever there is Zurg's oppression, I will be there to stop it!"
"Because you're a 'Space Ran-jar', huh?" mocked Woody.
"Yes," declared Buzz, not picking up on the Sheriff's sarcasm again, "It is my duty."
It had been a long time since Woody could remember hearing such foolish, but brave words. Maybe he had been right in giving this stranger the benefit of the doubt. If this man was half as competent as he boasted, this chance meeting could be the miracle he had been praying for, but then again maybe not. After all, one seemingly friendly man from space hardly qualified as reinforcements. "Chance", "miracles", "prayers",…? Yep, forming an alliance with this fellow lawman would certainly require another leap of faith. So what it came right down to was, did Woody have enough faith to believe that defending justice, the innocent and peace was a "universal" enough idea for a strange spaceman to stand up with him against such impossible odds? Woody shoulders slumped and he sighed, he knew full well the answer. The sheriff sat up straight again in his saddle and resigned himself to his final decision.
"Well, then I reckon we could use your help. I'm the Sheriff around these parts and except for my girlfriend, Miss Bo Peep and Bullseye here," Woody patted the side of his horse's neck, "We've been pretty much alone in our fight… What with everyone for miles around turning polecat after my deputy-" Woody did not finish his sentence. Appearing to be physical pained by his own speech, the cowboy barely even finished the last word he uttered. Buzz's translator just barely picked up the syllables and compensated for sudden, incomplete sentence.
'Deputy'…?' thought Buzz, wanting to ask more. Buzz did not need a translator to tell that he should not pry into the fate of the sheriff's fellow law officer. Dealing with Zurg's deadly forces for so long, he was all too familiar with the tone of voice and body language that the sheriff was using. It told Buzz… The man before him had suffered the great loss of a comrade.
As Buzz watched the sheriff, he became thankful that he had crashed on this alien planet. Technologically outclassed, how many citizens of this planet had suffered at the hand of Buzz's enemies? Probably many, and many more to come if Buzz had not happened along. All of that was going to change now. Buzz knew that he was ridiculously outnumbered by the enemy and began strategizing, thinking of anything that would give him an edge over Zurg's cronies. Everything he needed to have an edge was being left back in the desert and they could not go back due to extreme climate conditions. There must be something that he could do to remedy that… Wait. Why would the climate be a problem in his spacesuit?
"Oh, what was I thinking? I can fly back to my ship and retrieve anything that might help us counter Porkchop. Keep heading along and I will catch up with you later." said Buzz to the sheriff as he hoped off the back of Bullseye and jumped up to fly. Woody however stopped him dead in his tracks. With lightning speed, Woody had removed the lasso on the side of his saddle and roped the now grounded space ranger. Either Woody had had practice in the past at roping flying targets like Buzz, or he was just that good at being a cowboy. Both scenarios happened to apply to Woody.
"No, I can't have you risking Porkchop's spies seeing you in the desert. It's bad enough that you're still glowing like a firefly out here. Do you have to fly like one too? We'll wait until nightfall if it means I can keep an ace up my sleeve for once."
"What are we going to do in the meantime?"
"Well, I've always been a believer in hiding in plain sight…" said Woody but then began to curl his lip as he looked over Buzz, "But until we can get you out of that space getup and into garbs more of the local taste, we need to avoid town and townsfolk. We'll head back to my place on the outskirts of town. I must have another hat and set of spurs lying around the house somewhere…"
"'Spurs'…?" repeated Buzz quizzically. Even translated, Buzz had no idea what those were, let alone where to wear them on you body… And Woody expected him to blend in with the populace?
"I don't know if this plan is going to work." said Buzz hesitantly.
Woody tried to remain optimistic for the cause,
"Nonsense! So long as we dump all of your bulky space clothing off and you don't have the body of a pig under that frock, there should be no problem passing you off as a native." Buzz did not know whether to be assured or insulted by that comment and by the tone of the sheriff's voice… The next comment Woody made clued Buzz off though. Insulted.
"Although,…" continued Woody, "We may have to roll up your pant legs a bit. No offense to you space folk, but you aren't exactly the tallest people to walk this Earth." It was definitely meant to be an insult. However, Buzz was not really offended entirely. After all, height was relative from planet to planet as was evident when he compared himself with the lean and lanky lawman. The man was at least a good three head-sizes taller than Buzz and yet Buzz was considered tall and of an average height for a male on his planet. Regardless, Buzz hoped against hope that Woody was unusually tall for his species… Less, all the native clothing on the planet would not prevent an alien like Buzz Lightyear from sticking out like spacesuit wing with a faulty release button. Wanting to rid his mind of thoughts of failure, Buzz changed the subject.
"Well then, let's head towards your home, Sheriff… What did you say your name was again?" finished Buzz, suddenly remembering that he could not recall his new ally's name. Had he really been that out of it from hyper-sleep?
"I didn't say." Woody said bluntly. Buzz was relieved. Woody continued,
"Sheriff Woody Pride. You can call me 'Woody'… Unless the situation calls for a title." Woody eyed the Space Ranger sternly. They were allies but not yet friends. Buzz wanted to display the same no-nonsense demure as the sheriff. He usually always did, but he was out of sorts today and laughed in spite of himself,
"Well, unless the situation calls for otherwise, you can just call me 'Buzz'."
"Now that won't do either." said Woody.
"What won't do?" asked Buzz. Woody rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry about it. For now, let's concentrate on getting you home and out of sight." deflected Woody. After that, the rest of the ride back to Woody's house was pretty much quiet. That is, save for Woody inaudibly grumbling under his breath things like,
"Space folk! What's wrong with names like 'Pete' or 'Tex'?"