A/N: The idea for the character of Judith appearing in the first part of this chapter, is from BonnieSilver888. I thank her for giving me the idea and plot line for her. I hope I'll be able to render it well. Don't forget to review :).

Natalie POV

Monday, October 7th

I'm a little afraid. That's what I have been waiting for since I was 8, but now I'm here, I hope I'll make it. Maybe all the other girls are better that I am, I can see some of them look older… taller, and stronger than me. I recognize the newcomers because they seem as uncomfortable as I am.

A woman named Nora, according to her badge, takes my file and checks it, before giving me a key for my room. I suddenly feel proud and frightened at the same time. I'll be on my own, without my family for the next 8 weeks... Looked exciting, but sounds scary right now. She explains I will share with a second year student. It's a tradition here to do that, because it helps the first years socializing and feeling better in this big family, even if far away from home. The second years also have the responsibility to show us around and explain the rules to us and see that we follow them. If we fail, they can be punished in the same way than the trespasser. Wow, I start wondering if this was a good idea to come in here.

My roommate is named Judith. She did not come first at the audition, so I understand that, unlike me, her parents pay for her being a resident here. Nora says that parents are not allowed further in the school and Mom has to say goodbye now. I won't see her again until my next day out. We have sundays off but resident students under 15 can only get out of the school one Sunday afternoon every two weeks, and one week-end every 8 weeks or so. If there's a problem, parents can visit students though. I'm stuck in here till Christmas in fact. I hear the small voice again, telling me I made a mistake, but I try not to listen and look happy to Mom, because she's the one about to cry.

When I enter the bed room, I am welcomed by a nice looking girl, she looks a little older than me and definitely looks better. She says she's 15 and entered the school last year to become a ballet dancer.

Our room is simple but cosy; all the furniture has a light shade of grey and the curtains are light green. There are two small beds with a nightstand, and a wooden desk for each of us with a gray chair. I notice that every piece of furniture and bed linen, is stamped with the school emblem: a pair of red shoes entwined. Judith explains that it refers to an old movie about dancing, called "The red shoes" that was very popular in the 20th century. She says she's not allowed to tell me about it, because I will watch it in the first term. We also have a cupboard and a wardrobe where I start unpacking to. Judith shows me a small wooden chest under the window, and she explains this is the place to store our dancewear and shoes.

I notice that Judith decorated her side with dance painting reproductions from Degas. I know it because Mom showed me the book she has and I remember spending hours looking at the dancer's paintings, my favorite was The dance class and Judith has pinned it on her wall too. I must think about decorating my part of the room too.

Xxx

Judith is really nice. It's been only three hours, but I feel I've known her for ages. She's like an older sister, who would exactly like the same things than me, and she has been really patient in teaching me the rules of the school. She also started to give me little tips, in order to get along well with the teachers, and important people at school. I understood she's planning on a career in professional ballet dancing, which is the hardest, as they pick only one or two students from each year, sometimes none.

I made notes to always wear old shoes in Miss Marker's French ballet's class, and never, ever wear green any time, when there's a show on that day. Judith says that some people in the theaters, believe green brings bad luck. All the meals are served in a big cafeteria, where if notice food's very different from what I'm used to. Judith says menus are especially designed to give us energy for training and gaining muscles, but avoiding us putting on weight or getting fat. I don't fear that at the moment because I'm the skinny type like Mom, even with the Dauntless cakes and muffins she baked every week... I miss them already when I see the yoghurt and fruits for dessert. Judith says we have treats on Sundays though, sometimes cake or something highly out of the rules, like a hamburger with fries or an ice cream.

In the afternoon I start my first dance class. I won't be with Judith in any class during first term. In January, they'll test all the first year on the same routine in order to know if some of us can step ahead, they usually promote only the best one and only if he or she really deserves it. Each end of term will be the same. That's the first lesson I guess: I've entered a world of constant effort, fight, and competition.

It's never been so painfully real, as I understand that we share our class with third year students. We begin with miss Hightower, who is in charge of the first year students during most of the first term. She explains that by the end of these first eight weeks, she'll know everything from us, which means every weakness of our body and dancing technique. The whole session is spent in doing the basics, all over from the start, to check how accurate each of us is achieving. I hear her criticizing harshly every fault in our moves, from the feet exact position to the angle of your head with your arm and the way you stretch your fingers.

By the end of the lesson I feel like running away or disappearing in a hole. I've been a waste: nothing was at least judged correct, as she had something to say about each position and move I presented, and supposedly none of them was close enough from what she expected. I thought i could be a dancer but know I have a glimpse of the hard work to come and I'm a little bewildered. What if I failed? I'm not used to this, even if I have hoped for it, when I was at school. I feel a little better though, when I realize she does correct the third years a lot too.

She says that for the next session tomorrow, we will have to show our routine to the other dancers. My hearts will probably stop, when I'll have to make mine. Anyway, no time to think, we have a math lesson next. I feel happy to go back to something I can do properly.

Xxx

Sunday, October 20th at Christina&Oliver

I feel a little guilty to be here. I lied to Mom and Dad, and told them I had to stay at school to practice, and didn't want any visits today. Adam convinced me to join his Truth quest, but I'm not sure I'm so willing to follow him. He says he couldn't avoid kissing Mom forever so life is apparently back to normal at home... Except that I'm gone. We've never been to close but sadly, I feel that now I'm gone, he would need to talk to me.

They managed to corner Christina on a Sunday so I could join. Oliver is gone to the game park with the kids so we are on our own. They moved from the apartment in Hancock tower for a nice house about two miles from EJ Home and Education Centre, where we live. Zeke and Shauna have a big apartment same as ours in the same building so we're the closest neighbors.

Christina's house is very nice. You can see that, unlike our parents, she finally managed to understand what to do with colors, and she mixed them in the house, but each room has a different main shade. The living room is of a light grey/brown they call "mole". It's nice and warm, but not too bright like the yellow and green she chose for her kitchen and kids' room. We all seat on the couch and Christina takes an armchair facing us.

"Okay." She says while offering us some drinks and chocolate cake (Mom's cake is better but hers is acceptable). "You know I like to come straight to the point and we don't have much time, so what would you like to know?" We're all stuck by her being so open and willing to speak, I can't help wondering if she gave us to Mom and Dad about this visit. I remember what her native Candor faction was about.

"We would like to know more about what happened to our parents and you during the war. We know they don't tell us everything, they even lied to us. Adam is angry against them and I want to understand why they would do this."Alice says. "Tell us everything you know. " adds Adam.

"You know that truth can hurt, don't you? Maybe your parents hid things from you, they believed would hurt you, did you think about it?"

"That's what adults say to justify their lies to us children." Adam says with an angry voice.

"Well, let's go then. What you must understand kids, is that during the war, all of us lost a few people he or she loved. Have you eve had a close look at the wedding tree in your parents' bedroom?" Asks Christina. We shake our heads no.

"Well, you should, some day. When they got married, all of us wrote on it the names of the people we missed most. Your mom lost both her parents in one day, your dad lost a very good friend. Your parents Alice, both lost a brother or sister." Her eyes suddenly look watery.

"Who did you lose?" Asks Adam. He must have noticed too.

"I lost Will. He was the first guy I ever loved, Cara's brother. Tris had to shoot him when he was about to kill her under simulation. She could not avoid it, that's why I forgave her when I understood what had happened, but she has to live with it every day... And with all the others she had to fight against."

I now realize how awful the full picture is. Mom told us she had to kill her friend Will but she didn't mention it was Christina's boyfriend. Christina goes on and I'm scared that other terrible things are coming now...

"I also lost Uriah Zeke's brother. I liked him very much. He was hit by a bomb, and Tobias kinda helped the people who installed it. He was fooled by Nita, but I'm sure he will never forgive himself for that."

I notice she has to stop not to flinch. That's something Dad didn't speak about.

We all stay silent, Adam looks eager for her to continue, but I wish I could leave now, and I dart a desperate look to Alice. I think she knew about the bomb, but not about Dad helping in it.

"As long as you don't know how it feels to lose someone you love like this, you cannot really understand what your parents did. Some people let the grief consume them, but they fought, they wanted to do something to stop the waste of lives that was going on. And they were selfless, especially Tris is."

Adam is still wanting more though. "What else should we know?"

Christina seems to turn the ideas in her head to make an option about what part of the next piece of our parents life she has to preserve and she says. "I think what's left does not concern you Alice. Maybe you could go in Deryn's bedroom for the next few minutes?"

Alice nods and leave to go upstairs in the little girl's bedroom.

"Before we left the city, Tris had already nearly been killed three times. First was during initiation when three initiates tried to push her in the chasm... One of them was our friend. He couldn't cope after that and hung himself. The second time was during the Erudite's attack when Jeanine Matthews wanted her and Tobias dead. And third time was after they asked for the divergent to surrender to the Erudite. Tris did surrender, but Jeanine could not control her so she decided to kill her instead of experimenting on her. this time I believe was the worst one, because your uncle Caleb... Helped Jeanine. He was under her influence, but I understood he helped her willingly."

When she pauses here. None of us both seems to even breathe again.

"What you must understand though, is that we all decided to forgive each other for what we did, so you must not blame or hate anyone for that. It's an old story we chose to leave behind. But its still buried deep inside us, whatever we try to forget, it's part of what we are. I hope my telling you will really help you understand that things are never simple. Actions are seldom all good or all bad, black or white. I should say life is rather grey."

She pauses and suddenly jumps when I ask "Do you know if they really wanted kids? I mean did they want us?"

She turns a sad gaze to both of us "I suppose you could just see it like... they just loved each other very much. At the time, they were lonely and scared, and probably sad, and I suppose they were afraid something could go wrong that night. They did not plan you to be there but I have seen them, when they found out you had been kidnapped Adam, and I can tell you they love you more than their lives. I think it should be enough for today don't you? You should leave soon before anyone worries about you."

Five minutes later, we're on our way back, to the train when Adam says he wants to go and have a look at something and we should not wait for him. He kisses me goodbye, as I'm leaving straight to the school.

xxx

The phone wakes me up and when I managed to lay my hand on it, I can read 00:23 on the screen. I hear Mom's voice on the phone and I immediately hear angst in her voice "Nat, sorry to wake you up, but would you have heard of Adam today, he's not home yet and his cell phone is off. I'm dead worried."