Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. God bless her.
thanks nicki and tiffany, for everything. sleepy kisses and chocolate kisses to you. thanks to all of you who review... i absolutely ADORE you. (babette, getshorty, houroflead...love!)
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I'd spent most of Saturday going over my school work, catching up on reading and making sure I hadn't overlooked any assignments. Classes, and the workload related to them, had been the last thing on my mind lately; I didn't want to show up on Monday foggy and ill-prepared.
Every once in a while we attended mass on Sunday, but more often than not we went on Saturday evening instead. Mum insisted we leave early so we could all go to confession before the six o'clock service, causing Emmett to rush through his shower and grumble all the way to St. Mary's.
"Bring Rose next time, that'll entertain you." I suggested, sitting next to him in the car.
"She's not Catholic, Bella." He sighed, cutting me a sideways glance.
"Oh," I said, mildly surprised. "Well, you going to see her later?"
"Probably." He shrugged.
This was new; Emmett was polite and straight forward enough, but decidedly non-committal concerning women. I rolled my eyes at his attempt to act casual about the girl when he'd been near glowing last night at her mention. Rose looked like she could be his other half, though.
Even if she wasn't Catholic.
The Cullens were already at St. Mary's when we arrived; Da parked our car next to theirs and we filed in silently, pausing to dip our fingertips in the shallow basin of holy water just inside the door.
Edward wasn't sitting with Carlisle, Esme and Alice. I frowned at my watch, wondering if he was skipping out or just coming later on. Mum nudged me into the pew behind the Cullens, and I tugged a lock of Alice's hair as I sat. She turned her head slightly to acknowledge me, and I was going to ask about her brother when Mum patted my hand.
"You can go first, love." Mum whispered, motioning toward the confessional booth. Nodding, I noted that the door was shut, signaling that it was occupied. I looked back to Alice, but she had turned around and I didn't want to fuss too much. Disappointed that Edward more than likely had not come, I picked up a hymnal and began reading, trying to clear my mind and ready myself for both confession and Mass. I was so distracted it was ridiculous.
If I was honest with myself, paying attention during mass had been getting even more difficult. It was bad enough when puberty hit and Alice and I would sit together, scribbling notes to each other on the backs of our bulletins. We'd giggle til we cried - or until our mothers separated us.
Developing a heady infatuation with Edward only made matters worse. Sometimes our families would sit together, and God help us all if I was inadvertently placed next to him. I'd fidget and pick at my nails, and he'd ignore me, distant and divine.
The door squeaked open and I jumped up, my heart lurching in my chest when Edward stepped out.
We smiled at one another as we passed, our fingers touching in silent acknowledgment. My skin prickled with awareness, with the unexpectedness of seeing him after all.
Not the time or the place, Bella. Really.
Taking a deep, cleansing breath I stepped into the familiar, dusky quietude. I reached out to pull the door shut behind me, glancing at Edward as he sat down. Shafts of light from the windows above shone through his hair, giving him – ironically – a halo. Once the silence of the small room set in, I took my seat.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession."
"So, did ya tell him about us?" Edward questioned slyly, slipping marginally nearer to me. Mass was finished and we were standing off to the side while our parents spoke. Emmett had long since left, saying he had plans to meet Rose.
"Who, Father Harrington?" I asked self-consciously.
He nodded, his mischievous smile growing.
"I, um…. I told him I had…made love to someone? More than once. But I didn't say who." I stammered, smoothing my hair back. "Why, what did you say?"
"Isn't that supposed to be between myself and Father?" He teased, running his fingers along my ponytail.
Taking into account the lifestyle he currently led, that was a little too true.
"You certainly came up." He yielded, coming closer still. He leaned me subtly against his Da's car and rested his hand on my hip. "I told him all the things I did to you and all the things I think about doing."
"You've some cheek!" I gasped, pushing him away with one hand but pulling him back with the other. Knowing Edward, he'd probably been just that candid with poor Father Harrington.
He laughed uproariously, causing everyone to glance over at us. My face colored at the attention and I let go of his hand. Alice smirked, making her way over.
"I don't even want to know the sort of malarkey you're up to, Edward." She leaned against the car beside me, folding her arms. "You finish the psych paper?"
"I did, yeah. Not my best, but, it'll do." I sighed.
"The whole assignment was shite, I thought. Completely pointless." She reassured me.
"True," I nodded. I hadn't paid much attention to it, settling for going through the motions without applying myself as usual. As much as I enjoyed the nervous excitement Edward incited in me - whether he was near me or not- thinking about him constantly was mentally exhausting. I'd always been a passionate person about the things I liked, but this was excessive. Then again, I didn't just like Edward. I loved him.
"I think Charlie's calling you to go," Edward said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I glanced back at Da, who sure enough was waving at me. Hugging Alice, I turned my face up to Edward's. "Will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, my words tumbling hopeful and bare.
"I'm not sure yet," he answered carefully, his eyes dimming slightly. "We've a lot of things to take care of before next weekend. I'll try, right?"
I pushed the disappointment down and nodded, tiptoeing to kiss him.
That was enough for Da, apparently. "Alright, Bella!"
Stepping away reluctantly, I touched Alice's arm. "I'll call you later."
Sharp rapping at the glass door of the bookshop startled me out of my counting. Squinting, I came around the counter and peered through the glass.
Mikey Newton stood on the other side, waving.
I smiled warmly and let him in. "Hi, Mikey. I'm not really s'posed to let anyone in now, you know."
"That's fine, I can wait out here. The boys asked me to make sure y'got home safe." He explained apologetically.
Even though he'd warned me he mightn't be able to come, disappointment whispered through me. I shrugged, pasting a smile on my face.. "That's fine, thanks. Just come in, I'm near done."
I recounted the monies and hastened through the shop, making sure it was neat and set for the next day. Mikey waited patiently as I locked up and then fell in step beside me, unzipping his lightweight jacket.
"Weather's funny lately," he noted, flickering his eyes toward the bruised red sky.
"It really is. The chill at night seems to come and go, I wonder when it'll stay." I added conversationally, deciding to forgo my own jacket. The night wasn't humid, but it wasn't cool either.
"Hopefully not for awhile," he shrugged.
"How's Jessica?" I asked. His younger sister was incredibly smart, and despite being two years younger, had started university the same year as Alice and me.
"Oh, she's grand. Tearin' her way through school." He grinned.
I elbowed him affectionately. "Your Mum must be so proud, Mikey. That's really great."
We walked at a relaxed pace, chatting for a while about my classes and his job. Mikey and Jessica's father had died years before, leaving their Mum to raise two small children alone. While Jessica had excelled and gone on to receive a full scholarship to Queen's, Mikey was more the average sort. He hadn't had the grades or the money to continue his education, so he worked fulltime at a construction yard.
"Um, can I ask you something a bit…personal?" I ventured, peeking at him out of the corner of my eye. I knew he'd oblige; poor bloke never could say no to me.
"Go on," he replied.
"How do you stay away from all the fighting?"
He was quiet so long I began to worry I'd offended him or depressed him. I turned to apologize but he then he spoke.
"Do you know what happened to me Da, Bella?" he asked with a somber tone.
I shook my head slowly, my stomach sinking. My parents were friendly with Mikey's Mum, but not close to her.
"He was put in jail for his involvement, and he died in there. He got sick and he feckin' died." He said harshly.
I swallowed hard, squeezing my now trembling hands into the tight pockets of my jeans."I'm so sorry, Mikey, I didn't know…"
He kept his eyes cast down. "Yeah, well. He did what he did and he had his reasons, but… I can't do that to Mum. We're all she has. Even if I wanted to fight, I couldn't. Not now."
My surge of sympathy felt pathetically inadequate next to his pain and circumstance. Tears blurred my vision and I delicately palmed them away,
"Come, Bella, it's okay. It's an old wound." He sighed, noticing anyway. "That's why I worry sometimes. Emmett and Edward are good guys, but what they're doing is dangerous. You know that."
I nodded quickly. "I do."
"Just," he huffed exasperatedly. "Be careful. I don't know why I'm even bothering…"
We stopped at an intersection and I looked up at him, touching his arm. "No, I understand. But unless I leave town, I can't exactly get away from it."
We crossed the street. "No, but you can limit the time you spend with them…which I know you won't. You'd do anything them… for him." Mikey said softly.
"I would," I agreed firmly.
He ran a hand over my back as we approached my house, bringing our walk home to an end.
"See you soon, yeah?" He stepped away almost reluctantly.
I hugged him tightly. "Thanks for watching out. And for walking me home."
"Anytime." A tiny blush dappled his cheeks before he glanced down, turning quickly to the street.
It made my heart hurt, watching him walk away, his step brisk but his posture slightly slumped. He was too young to shoulder such responsibilities…and yet he did. Every day.
Yawning blearily, I finished off my second spot of tea and placed the cup gently in the sink. I'd been up late studying, and was having a rough time getting it together; maybe now was the time to switch to coffee. Black coffee – the way Da drank it. I shuddered, thinking about the bitterness. I preferred sweet things…
The phone in the kitchen rang, too loud for the insulated stillness of early morning, and I swiveled to reach it before the sound could pierce again.
"Hello?"
"Hi Renee, did Bella leave yet? It's Edward."
"It's me, Edward. Do I really sound that much like Mum?" I replied, laughing a little.
"Yeah, you do," he said, chuckling.
Hoisting myself onto the counter, sleepiness apparently crowded out by the happy, sappy effulgence of love, I caught my reflection in the window. I was positively beaming. Edward made me that way.
"So… you never call me," I pointed out, swinging my legs.
"I know. Sorry about the other night – "
"No, you said you mightn't be able to make it. Mikey was great, thanks for having him come."
He sighed. "Okay, then."
Glimpsing the time, I jumped back down as quickly as I'd gone up. "Listen, I have to go. I didn't realize it was getting so late…"
"That's why I was callin'. D'you want a ride?"
I frowned. "You've Carlisle's car?"
"No, actually, I've one of my own."
My eyes widened. "Oh! That's grand! I'd like that, then. My first class is at eight thirty, think you can make it?"
"You've driven with me before," he laughed. "I'll be there in time."
We got off the phone and I hurried upstairs, stripping, showering and re-dressing in record time. I was on my way back downstairs, pulling my hair through a rubber band, when he knocked on the front door.
"That was fast," I greeted him, moving aside so he could come in.
He smiled, and dipped his head to give me a kiss. Kisses and touches came easily and frequently now that my feelings were requited, and I lived for them. I was aware that all of this just solidified our connection, and like most things concerning Edward – it both thrilled me and made me nervous. I felt like I was becoming too dependent on him, which may not have been so bad if we were a typical young couple. But we weren't: we lived in a city war torn and plagued by daily aggressions – many of which he himself participated in. So easily, he could just…not come home. And then where would I be?
My eyes opened when he ran his hand down my cheek and pulled away. He stepped back out the door, jiggling his keys in his pocket as I followed, pausing only to lock the door.
"I can't believe you have a car now," I mumbled as we walked, checking to make sure I had everything I needed in my bag.
"Well, I needed it. Da was tired of fighting me for his." He explained, starting down the steps.
Glancing up from my belongings, I stood slack-jawed at the curb,, taking in Edward's fancy new vehicle. "What is it?"
Edward grinned, folding his arms. "A Land-Rover. One of Da's colleagues is leaving and sold it to him for a fair price. It's only a year old." He opened the passenger door for me and I slid in, impressed by the new, crisp feel of it. I wasn't too familiar with this sort of car…and it wasn't even a car – or a truck. It was boxy, and reminded me of the filmstrips we'd watched about the second world war in history class.
"So your Da bought it for you then," I said once he was in the driver's seat.
"Sort of. It was contingent on me returning to school next year…and I have to pay him every month." He glanced up the road before pulling out.
Despite his ridiculously flexible schedule, Edward did in fact work. After going on hiatus from school, he and Emmett had both become employed by courier services downtown. At the time I hadn't given it any thought but now, knowing what they were into with the IRA, their reasons for choosing that particular job made perfect sense. On the days they worked, they were constantly on the go, getting paid to roam around and deliver things. It was the perfect way to check up on other things – plans, people – while legitimately working.
"Well. It's fierce." I said, shaking my head. I'd probably never have a bloody car.
"I need it anyway - to travel. Things are happenin' and I can't always be relying on the boys…" he continued.
My stomach dropped at his words and I stared silently at the road. Just like he'd said before, I'd known what I was getting into when we started. So my next question surprised even me. "Can I come with you sometime?"
"No." He replied, emotionlessly.
"Never?"
He paused at an intersection and glanced at me, rubbing his hand roughly over his face. It looked as if he hadn't shaved in days. "It's not fun and games."
"Don't be condescending." I retorted quietly.
We didn't talk after that, and I grew antsy, staring blindly out the window. James didn't seem to mind Victoria helping him; I wondered if they'd always had that arrangement or if she'd had to convince him, too. After a time Edward rested his hand on my thigh, his fingers curling around it. He pulled into a parking space near Queen's and angled his body toward me.
"I love that you want to be by my side in this. You believe in me, in what we're doing. But that scares me too, Bella. I can't properly protect you when I'm supposed to be running an operation." He searched my eyes, trying to make me see it his way.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and rested my bag on my lap. "I understand. But you have to see it from my point of view. We don't know how long you'll be doing this. Am I supposed to wait forever?"
He pulled back a bit, his eyes saddened now. I realized what I had just said – and how bad it sounded.
I grabbed his hand. "I don't mean I won't wait for you. I mean I want to wait it out with you. We could go places together sometimes…"
"I'd feckin' lose it if something happened to you." He leaned over the console again, hooking his hands behind my neck to pull me toward him. His kiss was warm, slow, and not as urgent as the words he'd just said.
"Don't you think I feel the same way?" I asked when we broke apart. "Every day I worry that's the day you won't come back. I don't know how much time we have, Edward."
"I know… but things are happening quickly now. We've established three brigades here in Belfast and I run just one, so the responsibility is a bit more evenly divided."
"Oh? And who do you all report to?"
He smirked. "The less you know the better."
I squinted at him in annoyance. He thought he was so clever. "All this secrecy. Who are ya now, James Bond?"
He smiled affectionately, letting go of me. "I've already told you more than I should have. You'll be the death of me…"
"Don't say that," I said, suddenly sober. "Victoria helps James, doesn't she? Maybe I could do what she does."
He nodded, running his fingers over the stubble on his chin, done with the conversation.. "We'll figure it out. But you'd better go, or you'll be late."
He was right, so I opened the door and slid out of his car. We agreed he'd meet me at the bookshop, when I had finished my shift, and he'd drive me home. I could get used to this, especially with autumn and then winter fast approaching.
A paper was thrust into my hand by a pair of girls as I passed the library. Stepping away from the flow of foot traffic, I scanned the flyer, which was promoting another student organized "peace rally". Rallies and marches like these had been going on for years now, decrying police brutality and calling for action and change. I'd participated in one or two before; after awhile they could become boisterous with all the chanting and yelling (and sometimes singing). Local protest coordinators often drew parallels between Nationalist efforts and the Civil Rights Movement in America, whose ongoing trials and triumphs were frequently on the telly and in the papers.
I folded the flyer into a little square and stuck it in my back pocket. The rally was later that day, around the time I had to be at the bookshop. Maybe next time.
Alice met me for lunch around one o'clock, bringing Jasper with her. She'd told me that they had begun speaking regularly on the phone, and even had plans to catch a film at QFT that evening. Not only was Jasper the perfect gentleman, he was a great conversationalist. He seemed to know something about everything, and not in a way that was off-putting. He said that the political climate in Belfast reminded him of the one back home – especially in the South, where he was from. We discussed the similarities between the two causes, and I gave them the flyer I'd been handed.
I wasn't surprised when they said they'd attended other rallies, and so they would this one. Alice had always been idealistic, and more importantly, peaceful; even as a child she'd avoided confrontation. Like Edward, she wanted to go into medicine, but so that she could use her skills abroad, helping those less fortunate. It seemed appropriate that fate had matched her with a man who not only majored in law, but had marched for justice and peace in his own country. They seemed to be a seamless fit.
Every facet of our lives changing so quickly, sometimes I'd grow sentimental, thinking of the old days when we knew nothing about romance or fighting. Days were spent gabbing away, misbehaving and chasing the ice cream man for a 99. Such light hearted pleasures now seemed fleeting, having dwindled away when we weren't looking. Life was much more complicated now.
In my heart I felt a sort of selfish relief that Alice had Jasper now. I knew I was going to be spending more and more time with Edward, and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel neglected.
After classes, as I made my way through the throngs of people at the rally, I spotted Tyler Crowley, deep in conversation with two blokes I'd never seen. He saw me and waved, winking, and I waved back, shaking my head in amusement. These people were here to promote peace, and he was recruiting virile young men for the IRA.
Edward had one stop to make before he dropped me home, at a hole-in-the-wall pub near Queen's that was wildly popular with students.
"You want a pint as we're here?" He asked once we were inside.
I nodded, and he reached his hand behind him. I grasped it like a life preserver, letting him string me through the crowd. Everyone seemed to know him and by the time we actually received the beer it had been paid for already.
"There's Seamus. I'll be right back," he said loudly, above the din. He jumped off his stool and went to the opposite end of the bar to sit with his friend.
"Was that Edward Cullen?"
I looked up in surprise, recognizing the voice even though I hadn't heard it in years.
Tanya. She'd been a close friend to Alice and me when we'd all been younger, but as the years passed she'd traded us in for a different crowd. She had always been a pretty girl, and I suppose it finally went to her head, because she became insufferably conceited. Alice had shrugged it off, because that's how she was, but it had hurt me and I'd missed Tanya's friendship. That faded in secondary school when I saw what a bitch she'd become, and an easy one at that.
Hello to you, too. Long time no see.
"Hi Tanya. Yeah, that was Edward," I replied, glancing up at her. She was still gorgeous, with her slate gray eyes and strawberry blonde locks, but right now it was in a drunken sort of way.
"So what's that?" She asked, lazily flicking cigarette ashes into an ashtray on the bar. "You together now?"
I stared at her, wondering what the hell she was going on about.
"Yes," I said finally, wishing Edward would come back. "So... it's been ages. How have you been?""
"He doesn't do relationships, Bella," she informed me, rather snidely.
She must have dated him at some point; that was the only explanation for her attitude. While the thought of it turned my stomach a bit, the logical, rational part of my brain saw this for what it probably was: a jilted girl lashing out.
Ignoring her, I swallowed down half my pint, letting the bitter bubbles soothe my ire.
"You're thick if you think he'll stick around," she continued.
"I don't know what went on with you two, but I assure you that has nothing to do with me so feck off." I slid off the stool and walked away. At the moment I didn't care if Edward what was doing was confidential, I wasn't going to sit and listen to Tanya's shite.
"Good luck with that!" She called, her laughter tinkling along behind me.
I approached Edward and Seamus, annoyed that I let her affect me. I set my glass down next to Edward. "I'm going to the bathroom," I told him.
I could scarcely believe my eyes when I came out minutes later. Tanya and her friend were giggling and gabbing all over the boys, flipping their hair and standing closer than was appropriate. I rolled my eyes as how desperate the scene looked; Tanya was so plastered it was funny…only, I wasn't laughing.
Having no idea what her angle was, I returned to Edward's side, nodded a hello to Seamus and polished off my Guinness.
"I'm all set, you ready?" Edward asked, standing and placing his hand on my back.
"Yeah," I resisted the urge to grab his other hand, not wanting to look clingy. If I was going to trust him, it was going to have to be all the time. I needed to show him my trust, not just tell him; he couldn't take back what he done in the past, and it wasn't fair for me to hold it against him. I knew he was tired of hearing about it from everyone else – he didn't need to sense jealousy and judgment from me.
"Bye, Edward. So good to see you! You should come out more often," Tanya slurred, starry eyed.
He smiled politely, shrugging. "Yeah, alright." He turned to his friend, slapping his shoulder. "Ring me when you get it done."
He allowed me to go first, and this time I took his hand to lead him out.
"Did you use to see her?" I asked once we'd stepped outside, bracing myself for what could be an unsavory story.
"A long time ago. We went out a few times," he admitted, unlocking the car and letting me in.
"She was really nasty to me before she went to talk to you…" I trailed off, hoping he'd fill in the blanks.
"She was really into me, and wanted more. I didn't, end of story." He shrugged.
"I figured it was something like that," I sighed, feeling the last of my irritation ebb away.
He linked our hands and rested them on his lap. "Does that bother you?"
"She said you don't do relationships."
He snorted. "I don't. But I do you."
I yanked my hand away and smacked his leg, letting him lighten the mood. "You're disgusting,"
"You love me," he reminded me.
That was true, so I let him take my hand back.
.99 - ice cream cone with chocolate flake stuck in it. yes, mmm.
and, Land Rover introduced the Range Rover model in 1970.