one-shot; life
pairing: hange zoë-centric, with a side of levi/hanji
word count: 3280 words
note: for Hange Week at hangelab on tumblr. Prompt for Day 7: Free Day, so I chose to write about snapshots of Hange's life. I interpreted her as a child genius of some sorts, with a lot of headcanons, actually. Manga spoilers - beyond whatever's been shown so far in the anime. More notes at the end.
Hange was three years old when she discovered books.
Her first book was a picture book of animals. She recognised the dogs, the cats, the rabbits, the mice, but not the lions, tigers, wolves and bears. But what fascinated her more were the black squiggles – squiggles that, as her mother told her, were words.
"You must learn to read, Hange," her mother said, running a fond hand over her tangled ponytail. "I will teach you how."
She hung onto every lesson, every word, and she discovered that the beautiful, colourful pictures had nothing on nondescript black text known as words. It was the words that represented the magic in every book, on every page. It was the words that would teach her everything she wanted to know.
She realised from a very early age that she wasn't like the other children. They reveled in playing games, but she didn't like games very much; running, playing, shouting – why would she want to do all of that, when there were so many books to be read? She craved for it, the knowledge hidden between all the pages, and she wanted all of it.
As she grew older, she knew that her schoolmates (she couldn't really call them friends), as well as most people she knew, thought she was strange. A little weird, a little funny. They found her enthusiasm for the things she didn't know to be perplexing, and they thought her energy for those things was misplaced.
She was different from them, but she was all right with that.
Hange was seven years old when she started to fully understand the world she was living in.
It was a different world outside the Walls; a dangerous one. They had to remain within the walls, because the walls protected them – humanity – from monsters. Monsters known as Titans, monsters that were seemingly unable to die, monsters who consumed every single human being they came across.
She realised that they were caged; humanity was not free. Beyond the walls was a world that she would perhaps never know. For once, her books did not enlighten her. They could not explain the Titans, and they did not explain how the world came to be the way it was.
She resented the Titans, because these creatures had enslaved humanity, and stripped them of their freedom. She resented them because she could not understand them.
Hange did not want to remain trapped within these walls. Someday, she told herself, someday, she would go beyond these walls. She refused to be confined; there was too much that she didn't know, and somehow, she would find out.
Hange was twelve years old when she read her first illegal book.
She found the book at an old bookstore when she was on one of her many book-hunting expeditions. The contents were nothing like what she had ever read before. It talked about vast bodies of water that stretched for miles and miles, called oceans, and how they came to be.
An ocean. Such a thing did not exist in the world she knew, and yet here it was, written and illustrated.
The shopkeeper paled when she approached the counter with the book, and told her that she must never, ever let anyone know where she found the book. And, for her sake, she should never let anyone else know of the existence of this book.
That, however, only increased her excitement and her curiosity. "Do you have any more of such books?"
He looked at her for a long moment, stroking his beard, and then he nodded. "But you must never speak of this," he reiterated, and she promised.
Hange was sixteen years old when she lost her parents.
She first lost her father, to a long illness, and her mother, not too soon after. The doctors told her that her mother had suffered from a heart problem. She knew it well, the medical condition that the doctor had uttered, knew the causes, the risks, the medicines and everything that was associated with it.
But Hange also knew that the doctor was wrong, because she was sure that her mother had died from a broken heart. After her father died, her mother couldn't find the strength to go on anymore. Her daughter wasn't enough.
There were no tears left, as she looked down at the graves of her parents, as she had cried the last of them. She was all alone now, she thought, but she would be all right.
Hange was seventeen years old when she joined the military.
From the moment she entered the training camp, she already knew that she would choose the Survey Corps. She remembered the promise that she made to herself when she was seven, that one day, she would leave the confines of these walls, walls that had imprisoned her for all her life.
She excelled in training, her analytical brain and her superior intelligence helping her to grasp the mechanics of the omni-directional maneuvering gear far better, and much faster, as compared to her fellow cadets. She knew she had a wild streak in her, and that was an advantage when it came to figuring out different ways and means to make her gear work for her.
Her superiors cautioned her on her recklessness, but she had never been one to play by the rules. She needed to master the gear as soon as possible, she needed to be good enough for the Survey Corps.
Her resentment for the Titans had grown over the years; her rage towards them simmering, hating them for subjugating humanity into an existence devoid of freedom. Her hatred grew every time she saw the senior Survey Corps soldiers returning from expeditions with their numbers halved.
She wanted to leave the walls, and hunt them down. After a whole life of being the hunted, Hange was ready to become the hunter.
Hange was twenty years old when she went on her first expedition, and killed her first Titan.
She could barely begin to explain the exhilaration she felt when she rode out, breaking free of the walls, seeing beyond it for the first time in her life. She stared the trees and land stretching beyond her, the endless blue skies, and a laugh bubbled up within her. She wasn't free, she knew – actual freedom for humanity was still so far away, but for now, for this moment, she felt free.
The expedition had a mission to achieve, and that was to set up more supply points, and to go further in exploration. They were all on guard, because they knew that they would be ambushed without warning.
They were two hundred miles away from Wall Maria when the Titans appeared, coming out from trees and lumbering towards them. Hange felt her throat catch as she stared up at a seven-metre Titan. Immediately adhering by the shouted instructions of the squad leaders, she fell into formation, as expected of her position.
Leaping off her horse, she shot her grappling hook towards the ankle of the Titan, embedding it firmly. Using the leverage, she propelled herself upwards, bouncing off its hand as her hook next caught onto the Titan's shoulder. She swung further in a graceful arch, pulling out her blades, her eyes focused on the weak spot behind the neck. She gritted her teeth, adrenaline pounding through her, and then, blades glinting, she slashed into its neck, and slashed again, blood spraying, splattering. The Titan howled, hands flying upward, as she efficiently dodged its clumsy grasp.
As the Titan fell, dead and evaporating, Hange swerved around to see another Titan picking up a soldier. The soldier struggled futilely, screaming, and as she watched in horror, half his body disappeared inside the Titan's gaping mouth, and his scream was cut short.
Fury and hate burned through her, but even so, she knew that there was no time to grieve, no time to dwell. As she flew off in the aid of other squad members, she thought to herself, one day, one day I will kill every single last one of you. I will defeat you.
Hange was twenty-one years old when she kicked the head of a Titan.
They had slaughtered all of the Titans they came across – and it was one of their more successful battles, where their casualties were less than those of the Titans. As the soldiers collected their fallen, she came across the head of the last Titan who fell, a three-metre class. Staring at the slowly evaporating head, she scoffed, and kicked it vehemently.
The head was light and extremely so, as it rolled away – floated away almost. She stared after it, and as a slight sense of disbelief overcame her, she began to think.
What if…what if there was another way? Humans had fought Titans for so long, never differing much from their approach or tactics. What if all that was needed was another way? How much did humanity truly understand about the Titans?
That night, she saw Commander Shadis, and requested for all the research and information that was available on Titans. He granted her request, and she spent the next six days reading every single document, record, periodical, bits of paper, everything, her brain working furiously, compartmentalising all the information she had acquired.
When she met Commander Shadis again, three weeks after that initial meeting, she requested for a budget, for conducting Titan research. Shadis had stared at her uncomprehendingly, and then she had sat him down, and produced a sheaf of papers that was properly collated and ordered.
She had managed to convince him.
Two months later, her requested budget was approved, and the Survey Corps had its first ever Titan research scientist.
Hange was twenty-two years old when she met the person who would then become her best friend.
It wasn't without trials and tribulations, however. After all, they didn't get off to the greatest start. Levi Ackerman was a new recruit to the Survey Corps. The rumour was that he – and his two friends – were common thugs from the Underground, who was, for some reason, picked up by Squad Leader Erwin, and then placed in the Survey Crops. He was sullen, unfriendly and unapproachable, and she definitely didn't think much of him the first time she saw him in the mess hall.
That was before she saw him in action, showing himself to be one of the most brilliant soldiers ever in using the omni-directional maneuvering gear, and taking down the training Titan within minutes. Immediately, she felt fascinated, curious. He was no ordinary person, and she was determined to get close to him.
He resisted, of course, rebuking all her friendly advances towards him and his friends, brushing her off whenever they came across each other. But, of course, Hange did not know the meaning of giving up, and she persisted.
Levi started to thaw after he lost Furlan and Isabel; perhaps he needed someone to replace them, she thought. But whatever his reasons were, they did grow closer. It was an unlikely friendship, she knew – the stoic, grumpy, obsessive-compulsive captain and the exuberant, eccentric, disheveled scientist.
But maybe it was because they were both abnormals. They were so different, but yet, somehow, they were also the same.
Hange was twenty-three years old when Wall Maria fell.
They defended Wall Maria until they could not defend it anymore, retreating behind Wall Rose. The Survey Corps and the Garrison lost more than half their soldiers. Humanity lost the battle that day.
Hange survived, and so did Levi. They were immediately given the positions of Squad Leader and Captain, and ordered to partake in retraining and rebuilding of the Survey Corps.
She picked her squad members: Moblit, Nifa, Keiji, Abel, Rashad and Lauda. They would turn out to be some of the most important people in her life, staying by her and fighting alongside her, until the day came that they couldn't do it anymore.
Hange was twenty-seven years old when her best friend kissed her for the first time.
They returned from the expedition, exhausted and angry at each other. She knew that he was furious at her for her recklessness in almost getting Oluo killed, but she was beyond pissed that he had killed the Titan. They led their horses into the stable together in silence, securing the animals in their stables. She was the one who walked out first, brushing past him, her head held high.
She heard him muttering a string of curse words under his breath, and heard his footsteps falling behind her, as they both headed into the Survey Corps' living quarters. She reached her room first, and upon entering it, she was planning to slam it shut, just to show him again, how utterly frustrated she was. That Titan was valuable. There was so much she could potentially find out from it.
But as she was about to bang her door shut, a booted foot snaked out, jamming her door. Opening the door again, she was about to yell at him, when he placed his hands on her shoulders, and shoved her backwards, closing the door behind them. She jerked away from him angrily, folding her arms and glaring at him.
"What do you want, Levi? Whatever the fuck it is, can't it wait till tomorrow? I'm tired, and…"
"Shut the fuck up, shitty glasses." He reached out, and grabbed her shoulders again, spinning her around and pinning her against the closed door.
"What the hell…" she began, but her words were cut off as he angled his head upwards, and pressed his mouth roughly against hers.
She had been kissed before, of course, but not by anyone particularly special. Curiosity had led her to experiment, and that was her approach to kissing and sex. She had never truly enjoyed any of her experimental partners; it was mostly just fine. Satisfactory. Pleasant, at times.
Never had she felt like this before, heat and lust blazing across her body as Levi bit down on her lower lip and tangled his tongue with hers. His hands were all twisted up in her messy ponytail, tugging at her hair sharply he explored the caverns of her mouth. She ran her hands down his back, down to his ass, pressing him closer to her as she fought him for dominance, sucking on his tongue.
He wedged his knee between her legs as he continued kissing her, his hands untangling them from her hair, moving to push her jacket off her shoulders. As her jacket dropped onto the floor, she returned the favour, slicking her tongue against his as she discarded his jacket as well.
They fumbled with the belts, the buckles and the loops, tugging impatiently at all the trappings of their uniforms, as their passion continued to build. She let out a whimper as Levi attached his mouth to her neck, licking and sucking, as his hand closed over her still-covered breast.
"Wait," she said breathlessly, pushing him back a little. "Wait."
He stopped, looking at her, his eyes dark with desire and lust, his lips swollen from their kisses. He didn't say anything; he waited for her to speak.
"This," she said, gesturing to their state of undress. "Is this…is this okay? Is this what you want?"
He stared at her in disbelief, and he let out a short bark of laughter. "Fuck yes, four eyes, this is what I want. Is this what you want?"
She grinned at him, closing her fingers around his cravat and pulling him closer to her, so that she could kiss him again.
Hange was twenty-eight years old when she realised that she was in love with her best friend.
It was supposed to be a friends-with-benefits relationship from the start. They were comfortable with each other, and the sex was mind-blowingly good, so they just took to sleeping together when they could. They were in no position to talk about commitment, not when they could die in any given moment. It was always only one day at a time, that was all they could afford in their world.
She certainly didn't expect to fall in love; in fact, it was the worst time to fall in love. Everything was in utter chaos, so much was happening, and yet, she couldn't help feeling the way she did. Maybe she had always loved him. Fuck knew.
She kept it to herself, of course, and not because she feared rejection. She was pretty sure she knew how he felt about her; after all, she knew him better than anyone. But there was no need to say anything. Love had no place in the current times they were living in. There were much more important things than love, more urgent matters that had to come first before her feelings, and his feelings.
But then she lost Erwin and Moblit, lost them without telling them how much they meant to her. And then she thought to herself, sometimes, words could be important. Maybe words and feelings should not be disregarded, as obvious as they could seem to be.
Two weeks after they buried Erwin, she was curled up in the circle of his arms, her head tucked into the crock of his neck. She felt every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, telling her that he was alive; they were still alive.
"Levi," she said. "I love you."
His arm tightened around her as he stroked her hair gently. "I know."
"Do you really?" she whispered against his chest.
"Of course I fucking do, you idiot," he snorted, pressing a kiss on the top of her head.
She waited, but nothing else came from him. "Okay," she breathed, her eyes closing slowly. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she heard his voice.
"Hange," he said. "I love you, too."
She smiled, feeling his heartbeat beneath her palms. I know.
Hange was thirty-two years old when, for the first time in her life, she wanted to give up.
She couldn't fight this war anymore, she couldn't make these decisions, she couldn't be the Commander that Erwin would have wanted her to be. It was too hard, this was never who she was supposed to be.
She wasn't that person.
But Levi would not let her give up. He would not let her fall. He would not let her break.
So she didn't.
Hange was thirty-five years old when everything finally ended.
The war, the clashes, the conflicts, the Titans. There was a truce. A precarious one, perhaps, but a truce nonetheless. There would be no more fighting for now, no more blood to be spilled. For now, it was over.
She sat on the beach, hugging her knees to her chest, staring at the vast, blue ocean, the waters shimmering and sparkling under the sun.
Peace. What a strange notion. She had only known fighting for the last eighteen years of her life, and now, there was no need to fight anymore.
She looked at the man beside her, he who had survived everything with her, and had never once left her side. Scooting closer to him, she leaned her head against his shoulder, taking his hand in hers. He squeezed her hand gently, slinging an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him.
"What do we do now?" She asked.
"We do whatever we fucking want," he answered matter-of-factly.
She laughed, tilting her head upwards and catching his lips in a kiss. "Whatever we fucking want," she agreed.
Hange was thirty-five years old, and she had finally achieved freedom.
I tried to keep to the timelines as closely as possible, from what was given on Wiki (dang if I can remember all the exact years off the top of my head). In the light of Chapter 109 spoilers and Hange's recent struggles, I kinda glossed over the part where she was commander and facing all the shit situations, because that was kind of hard for me to write. And at the end of it, I just want nice things for Hange (and Levi) because she is the absolute best.
And on one last note: Happy Birthday, Hange!