My wife, my wonderful, brain dead wife that I care for so much, just had to use violence on that innocent McDonald girl. Oh why? But I guess that would explain why I'm stuck in this inside pool with a bunch of teenage girls and guys in bathing suits staring at me and my whiteness. And yes, I said guys. I was wearing my red swimming trunks with a whistle and sunglasses, even though it was inside. I was shirtless and everyone noticed. It wasn't a terrible job for me since the chemicals were strong and heavy so I couldn't smell the people's blood. But once someone fell and skinned there knee, I was out of there. I stood at the edge of the pool to supervise people falling out of the water slide. So far, so good. The girls were on that thing so much, it wasn't even funny. I counted up 6 people asking for my number and 7 who asked me on a date. But I told them all I was married, you should have felt their feelings. Today was my official and horrible work day, it was thirteen and up day come for free. I had to serve them smoothies from a coconut and pass out hot dogs. What a wonderful day.
"First day?" asked Audrey.
I sighed, "Hopefully last."
"Its not so bad after words. You get the money at least." she said.
"$15? Oh yeah, I' m rich." I said rolling my eyes.
Suddenly, another life guard came up with a inter tube hanging around him, a scuba mask with goggles and flippers, and floaters.
I sighed, "Max, for the last time, your not a fish."
He pulled the air thingy out of his mouth, "I can if I want to, that's what mommy always said." he turned away from me, "Hello Audrey my dearest. You look lovely today, you know, red is your color." he said taking her hand in his.
She made a face and shook his hand off, "Away with you fish boy."
"Our love is strong." he said dramatically.
"Let me introduce my foot to your butt." she said wiggling her foot.
"You cant breath underwater." I snapped .
Max turned to me, "Oh yeah? Watch me." he said.
He plopped in the deep end of the pool and stuck his air thingy in the air. We heard him breathing heavily out of it. I rolled my eyes.
He came up with a cheesy smile, "Oh! How do you like them apples?"
"Without the air tube." I said.
He made a face, "But then I cant breath underwater."
"My point exactly." I said.
He got out of the water, "Wait! Wait, I can do it." He threw the air tube down.
"Your going to kill yourself." Audrey said.
"Not if you come in there, wrap your arms around me, and pull me out, then possibly do CPR." he said batting his lashes.
She twitched, "Goodbye Max, I knew you well."
I laughed next to her.
"I'll pay you $20 to go in there and breath underwater." I said.
He huffed, "I don't need your silly $20." he said and stomped off. But then he stopped in his tracks and stomped backwards to us, "On second thought, $20 isn't so bad."
I smiled, "Deal." we shook hands.
He ran in the deep end and landed in the pool with a splash.
We stared at him till he came back up.
He spat out water at me, "There, and that's proof I breathed under water."
"You just sucked in water! That's different." I said.
"Whatever," then he looked at Audrey, "Hey babe, you wanna join me? The waters fine. Or should I say…fin?"
She crossed her arms, "Oh dear, I think I hear a child screaming for help, better go." she said sarcastically.
"I love you too!" he called.
He then looked at me, "She's crazy about me."
I rolled my eyes and left him there. Suddenly he screamed like a little girl.
I turned around, "What?"
"Something just touched me!" he squeaked.
I turned around and went back to my station. Its was vacant finally. I smiled…till suddenly everyone jumped out of the pools and went back to the slide once they spotted me returning to my station. I sighed, I bet if Max worked here they wouldn't care.
I sat down on my foldable chair and watched everyone twist and turn down the slide.
I saw a black headed girl whisper something to a blonde girl. The blond ran down the stairs while the black headed girl stood their and waited in line for her turn. My eyebrows furrowed.
A small 5 year old went down the slide alone and I jumped in the water and waited for her to pop out of the slide. Once she reached the bottom I held on to her and dragged her to the shallow end.
"Here you go." I said. She smiled and went to join her friends.
I sighed but then heard a scream. I turned around immediately.
"Someone get her!" screeched a girl in line.
I ran over to the end of the slide and saw someone's back facing towards the ceiling.
I grabbed her and dragged her to a safe surface.
I flipped her over and pressed on her chest. I noticed that this girl was the Black headed girl.
"Come on, breath!" I said.
"CPR!" someone shouted.
I pressed my lips to hers and blew in her mouth. But then her arms wrapped around my neck and held me there. I saw a flash and turned to see someone take a picture of us. It was the blond headed girl.
"What the?" I said.
The black headed girl got up and walked over to the blonde headed girl with a smile, "Did you get it?" she asked.
The girl nodded, "Oh yeah."
"Wait till everyone sees this!" she said.
"You look like your kissing him." the blond said.
"No, he looks like he's kissing me." she said.
I sat there for a few moments and watched as every parent looked at me with mad eyes.
I laughed nervously and got up. So not good.
Audrey came next to me, "What just happened?" she asked.
"I think…I've been framed." I said.
Suddenly my phone rang. I ran over and saw who was calling…Alice?
I flipped it open and pressed the SEND button.
"Hello?" I asked.
"I saw it." she said.
My face turned paler, "Saw what?"
"Don't play dumb, you just kissed a girl didn't you?" she said.
"Its not what you think." I said.
She laughed without humor, "You are so dead when we get home."
And then she hung up.
I flipped my phone down and heard a squeal. Me and Audrey ran over and saw Max splashing around, "Someone save me, cough cough Audrey! I'm drowning! Maybe you should use CPR!" he puckered up his lips.
Audrey rolled her eyes and looked at me, "Who called?" she asked.
I looked at Audrey with wide eyes, "My wife…I think I'm going to work overtime today."