Ask Peeves:
Those Damn Weasleys
If you're a member of the Weasley family, don't even think about writing to me. I fucking swear those people are stalkers! No, I'm not Fred or George Weasley as two people made the mistake of asking me. You retarded ugly fucks need to get lives instead of trying to figure out every detail about an advice columnist!
Dear, dear, Peeves,
Are you interested to date a cute girl with red hair? If you do please send me an owl!
-Ginny Weasley
Ginny Weasley-
What are you ten-years-old? I'm not a pedophile, sicko.
Dear "Peeves",
I knew it! Fred, George, you're not very good at hiding who you are! And you'd BETTER answer my question, dullard.
-Ron Weasley
Ron Weasley-
I obviously AM good at hiding who I am, because you're wrong. And it wasn't a question, so you're the dullard.
-Peeves
Dear Peeves,
You are very offensive and I demand you stop answering questions now. I have reason to believe you are none other than my two immature, obnoxious twin brothers. You've already embarrassed me enough with your insipid joke shop, but Ask Peeves? It could ruin a promotion for me if my boss finds out we're related. Do I have to ask they Daily Prophet to sue you for ridiculing them? I could of course. I have connections with the staff there. Consider this a warning.
-Percy Weasley
Percy Weasley-
You can believe whatever the hell you want, but the truth is I'm not any one of your many siblings. You just ruined a promotion for yourself if your boss is reading this, you arrogant asswipe. I've had enough with your whole goddamn family; you all seem really fucked up. As for telling the Daily Prophet about this newspaper: go right ahead. I'm sure they already know about the Daily Non-Prophet, and I'm sure they also know there's not a damn thing they can do about it. Parodying isn't illegal, you ignorant freak.
-Peeves
"I know it's them now. They insulted my family to make people think it couldn't be them. And did you notice they insulted Percy way worse than me and Ginny, because they know he's the world's biggest prick and couldn't resist." said Ron after reading the next day's Ask Peeves.