Cao Cao lost that fateful day and suffered major causalities as well. Because of his hatred of those who caused his defeat, he banned Taco Bell in Northern China and the ban is still in place today. Not that big of a deal back then because the people didn't even like Mexican food. Cao Cao went on hiatus from conquering land to recover from that defeat. Liu Bei goes back home just flipping all the middle fingers possible in Cao Cao's empire's direction. Though he didn't really do much. This causes Sun Quan to rethink about Liu Bei, but things were happening and didn't come up with a conclusion yet since he was also very confident after Cao Cao was defeated. Because of his state's confidence, they just decided to kick the army when it was down when they invaded Nanjun. Also, Zhou Yu is getting sick for some reason.

Zhou Yu is walking in his camp with Lu Su when he suddenly buckles down holding his chest.

"Urrgh!"

"What's wrong? Are you having a heart attack? At this age-Actually, many of us died young, so maybe this isn't that much of a surprise..."

"Oh no... I think I may not have much time left..."

"And since when did you get sick? And what you have?"

"I don't know... The plot demands to be advanced, thus I have to die..."

"But what do you have?"

"Sudden Plot Illness."

"Or you just have heart disease. Or cancer."

"When I die after this stage, you are to be the main smart guy. And make sure Lu Xun stays in the closet."

"Why do you have a teenage boy in your closet anyway?"

"... Huh. Never thought it would sound like that... Take him out and stuff him into a box. That sounds better and less out-of-context."

"Now what?"

"Let's just ignore this and go about on with the Nanjun stage."

The two go out into the field and see Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang running ahead of them.

"Ah, let us take our time while those losers take care of the work for us."

"Okay, let's go past these guys here and head to the escape route to go house shopping." says Liu Bei.

"Sir, the house market is in shambles this year. How in the world are you getting a house with your non-existent salary?" Zhuge Liang points out to him.

"I make money! Off of Zhao Yun's publicity stunts and selling heavily sun-burnt deity figures in the name of Buddhism."

"Heh, no one is Buddhist. Even myself. I'm Taoist."

"You worship Cao Cao?!"

"No. Tao. Not Tsao. Whatever. And how are you getting a house? I personally think the home you have right now is comfortable-"

"I want my own place! Not mooching off of someone like if they were my parents! And they're dead."

"What? You found a classified ad in the Wu York Times for an apartment for sale?"

"Even better. I decided to go over to my... uh... brother? No... Uncle? No... Relative. He will take me in since we have the same family name."

"What about what you said about-"

"Alright, bye! Have fun kicking the Wei forces' butt again!"

Liu Bei has withdrawn!

Zhou Yu stands there with a blank face until he coughs loudly and spits out blood.

"F*bleep*! I bit my tongue when I needed to grit my teeth!"

"So, what's the plan?"

"Well-"

Gan Ning: Ay-yi-yi-yi! Dios mio! I'm surrounded by an Arab, a French fry, and a gay clown! Somebody help me! Get away! You all will get shanked!

"Okay... We have to save Gan Ning... I was perfectly fine with leaving here to die-"

"I like his tamales! Of course we have to save him!" Lu Su runs ahead with Zhou Yu following after reluctantly.

They get to the building with Gan Ning inside along with Xu Huang, Zhang He, and Zhang Liao.

"Stop right there! You have to go through us!" announces Lu Su.

"Go through him mostly. I'm just dragged in by him." quickly adds Zhou Yu.

"Hey, I was taking care of these guys! Stealing my XP and gold..." says Lu Meng.

"Oh, you exist. Right, right. I'm almost dying and... Yup... It has to be this way. Koff..."

*Egyptian accent* "Jaghshimesh! I now have ridiculous accent in order to make me more interesting when I get screentime! The author can't make up mind!" Xu Huang yells out randomly.

"Hmph, I'm called French fry, but I don't seem to have an accent..." said Zhang Liao.

"Oh you will! Be prepared to say, 'Ohhonhonhnhonhobaguette'!"

"And I get 'gay clown'... No fair. I'd rather have an offensive accent than this." says Zhang He.

"What about those Chinese accents?" asks Zhang Liao.

"Oh god, nevermind. It would never work out. Just. Ugh. We all can speak English fluently, we don't need that stereotypical s*bleep*. Next time, it will be one of us suddenly owning a laundromat."

"You look like you could use a sleazy hooker voice to me."

*Sleazy hooker voice* "Oh, don't give the author a suggestion! Oh f*bleep*! Look at what you'd done! I sound horrible! Like those people who talk through their throat holes in anti-smoking PSA's!"

"Alright, let's just kick those three's asses out of here while they're distracted."

Zhou Yu, Lu Su, Gan Ning, and Lu Meng charge ahead to whack those three off the map. Xu Huang screeches as he flies off,"You filthy Jeeeeeeewwwwws!" Zhang He and Zhang Liao yell at him,"No one's Jewish heeeeere!"

Zhou Yu is about to collapse, but manages to catch himself using his staff.

"Ugh!"

"Sir! You are not well enough to continue!"

"No... I must go and make sure we finish our mission. Use me as a decoy by saying I'm almost dying... They'll rush over here to get the kill and the gold from my death."

"So like every MOBA ever? It seems your hours of DOTA have paid off."

"Life well spent. Commence the plan."

Zhou Yu limps around in an empty camp site trying to seem hurt.

"Come on... I'm almost dying here... I'm at twenty percent health!"

Li Dian: Ooh! Looks like there is 500 gold with my name on it! I'm gonna go before someone else come by and swoops up the kill!

"Got him! Lu Su! Get ready!"

"Got it." Lu Su takes out a sniper rifle and waits for Li Dian while hiding up on the cliff above.

"Wait, wait. That's not-Sure. You can do that, it's not like Cao Cao's going to miss him." Zhou Yu runs out and taunts Li Dian coming for him.

"Hey! Hey! Over here! I'm dying!" Zhou Yu then turns around to run with a limp to make it more believable. Lu Su looks through the crosshairs of his rifle and aims for Li Dian's head. He shoots, killing Li Dian in one shot. A header of a skull and crossbones appears over him with a deep-voiced announcing his kill.

HEADSHOT

"Okay, now go snipe those lookers on top of those towers. You know what? Just destroy the towers." ordered Zhou Yu.

"I don't think I could make it..."

"Try it! I order you!"

"Fine, we need to get closer then."

In the part of the stage with those towers and spotters on top of them, Lu Su aims his rifle at the first one and hits the looker in one shot. The dying soldier falls off the tower while screaming the Wilhelm scream. The other lookers on other towers look over and see Zhou Yu and Lu Su.

"Well, s*bleep*."

"Run!"

A rain of arrows fell upon them as they ran through the dirt path towards a camp that was next to the Wei main camp. Zhang He and Xiahou Yuan appear to greet them.

"I finally make an appearance after Chapter one!"

"That's because you questioned our ability to speak English fluently. You needed to be punished under the laws of the fourth wall."

"Crap, crap, crap-Ggh! Plogh!" Zhou Yu coughs loudly and spits blood. "I bit my tongue again!"

"Nothing's going right! S*bleep*!"

"It's okay. It's okay. We just need to defeat the Odd Couple here and get to Cao Ren. Hopefully, I will get to live long enough to actually get to the next stage."

"Very well." They run towards Zhang He and Xiahou Yuan to clash weapons.

"Where do you you're going?"

"Move it, fatty!" Zhou Yu jabs Xiahou Yuan in the stomach and kicks his leg. He brings down his staff onto his head, a loud crack being made.

"Ow! F*bleep*! I thought you were sick!"

"I am sick! I am one sick puppy! Want another bash to expose your brains?" Zhou Yu was grinning manically with his staff having some blood on the tip.

"Uhhh... You know what? Maybe it's not worth it. Good bye!"

Xiahou Yuan has been defeated by Zhou Yu!

"Time to finish off the other guy!"

Zhang He turns away from Lu Su and goes towards Zhou Yu.

"Maybe I should just kill you while you're almost dying!"

"Ha! Take this!" A cloud suddenly appears under Zhou Yu and it takes him flying above Zhang He's head. Zhou Yu whacks Zhang He's head as he flies from side to side of him.

"Ha! I'm over here! Now I'm over here! Haha!"

"Ugh! This doesn't make any sense!"

"It doesn't have to, I'm beautiful!"

"Ow! Stop! Ugh!" His health reaches zero and he falls down defeated. Zhou Yu keeps the cloud and flies towards the enemy main camp. Lu Su calls out to him as he runs after the cloud,"Hey! Can I have a ride?"

"No. You're the pig. You don't get a flying cloud."

"But that would make you the monkey..."

"That's right. I am the Handsome Monkey King!"

"Oh god, we're doing a Journey to the West reference. That's basically every filler episode of anime ever."

"Haha, first!" Zhou Yu zips into the enemy camp and extends his staff to let it hit Cao Ren in the face when he zoomed by. Cao Ren is knocked down from the force and is unable to get up. He wobbles on his back like a turtle.

'I cannot get up! Ah! Damn my stubby size!"

"Looks like we win. I claim this in the name of the Monkey King!"

"Ahem!"

Zhou Yu turns to his side to see the real Sun Wukong (Koei version) floating on a cloud next to him. He takes out his staff and hits Zhou Yu hard to get him off his cloud.

"The real Monkey King is here! I'll be taking this back and no more Journey to the West references from now on or I'll snap your neck. I'm sick of those." Sun Wukong disappears in a loud poof, leaving Zhou Yu to be lying on the ground near the still struggling Cao Ren. He points and laughs,"Haha."

"Shut it." Zhou Yu gets up from the ground and gives Cao Ren a hard kick that sends him flying off like a hockey puck. "Okay! We won! F*bleep*! Koff koff kofff!" He begins to loudly cough and falls down to his knees.

"Lu Su! Get over here!" Lu Su rushes over to Zhou Yu while trying to help him stand up.

"You exhausted yourself this whole time! Your condition is worse than before! Annnnd here come the fanfictions about you and I..."

"That doesn't matter right now! My insides are on fire! Anyway... I will leave you with these words-"

"Hey! It's over already? Aw man, I took the long way up here!" exclaims Lu Meng as he was running towards them with Gan Ning in tow.

"We fought Hitler!" comments Gan Ning.

"That was NOT Hitler! He just had a strange German accent, that's all."

"Yeah, Hitler."

"Uggh. Anyway, what's going on? You're dying already?"

Zhou Yu narrows his eyes and says in a deadpan voice,"Oh yes, I'm kneeling here pale as f*bleep* and I was about to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Lu Su here."

"Ooh, can I listen?"

"... Lu Su, make sure you don't suck Liu Bei's dick when you become in charge. At least suck a dick on the correct side."

"...Um... Okay?"

"Seriously, do not be all 'that fun uncle' on him. He is dangerous. Do NOT be nice to him. Nor Zhuge Liang."

"Why him?"

"Because he's a dick."

"He wasn't to me."

"You played League of Legends, of course he was nice to you."

"Oh. Huh."

"You hear me? Now finish my mission to making this the Two Kingdoms Era."

"That sounds awful."

"It's practical! You came up with it with me!"

"Well, I just thought up the part where it involves obliterating someone with fire ships and a Mexican ninja."

"Anyway, I must go. I have to be with-"

"Sun Ce?"

"Er-Uh-What? Wait a minute, you thought I was gay?"

"You weren't? Huh, that explains why you ignored my advances."

"WHAT?" Zhou Yu coughs loudly and spits out blood. "Ahhh! Huu... Ugggh..." He falls down to the ground and stops moving.

"Yeah, he's dead."

"You made advances on him...?" questions Lu Meng."

"No, I was kidding."

"...You killed him, then."

"...Uh... Really? Oh s*bleep*."

Zhou Yu passed away after the battle and left his final words to his assistant/apprentice, Lu Su. At least he still looked fabulous on his deathbed. He'll make a pretty zombie once the apocalypse approaches. Meanwhile, Liu Bei and friends are already skipping to the other side of the country to go meet with Liu Bei's father/cousin/brother/uncle person with the secret intentions of mooching off of him until he dies.

Liu Zhang looks at Liu Bei and tilts his head. He was also doing this towards Zhang Fei, Guan Yu, Zhao Yun, and Zhuge Liang.

"So... All of you guys are my long-lost sons?"

"Yes, we used to track down a living relative and it all came up with you."

"Oh... Okay... What do you want?"

"I want a place to stay. I have been kicked out by my previous landlord to go out and beg on the streets."

"Sure, sure."

"I also learned from Ancestry that I'm the Emperor's uncle."

"Bulls*bleep*."

"It's true!"

"Where's your birth certification?"

"Why would I have that?"

"Look, I'll give you guys rooms and-" Next to Liu Zhang, is Fa Zheng leaning in to whisper to his ear. "Oh. Really? Huh. You're fast. Okay, you guys are getting the five-star package. Fa Mulan, go lead them-" Fa Zheng angrily responds,"My name is Zheng!"

"Sorry, I liked the movie, so I keep thinking every Fa is Mulan."

"Huff... Right this way." Fa Zheng guides Liu Bei and others to a hallway of rooms.

"Hm, you don't look like those guys we passed earlier." comments Liu Bei. "Are you an important character?"

*Stereotypical Chinese accent* "What character? I no important character."

"Stop that, you're demeaning your own race. And everyone here has the English of an American or British person, so cut it out." Fa Zheng reverts his voice back to his original,"Oh fine. It was worth a shot."

"Ooh, you have a voice like Chocolate Rain! Sing Chocolate Rain!"

"No."

"Aw, refused by Chocolate Rain!"

"Mmm... chocolate..." Zhang Fei drools at the mouth and Zhuge Liang uses his fan to cover his face in disgust. Zhao Yun says to Guan Yu,"I swear, this guy is just me with a killer tan."

"But can he beat MY killer tan? Huh? I also have a giant beard. He doesn't, so I win."

"Your tan is deadly in terms with health. God, see a doctor!"

"See? I beat him by a hair. Make that many hairs as you can see with my beard."

"How is skin that red?! Put some aloe vera on that!"

"You know who else I beat? You. I'm in more games than you."

"We are both in the same series."

"No, I'm in SMITE." Guan Yu holds up a placard with SMITE on it and his appearance in that game. He quickly whispers,"Support the official release."

"Dad, how long is this going to take?" Guan Ping is behind Guan Yu and he responds,"Give it more time. Go wait in the car."

"It's hot in the car."

"Then let that heat burn you into having skin like yours truly! Also, get a beard."

"I'm adopted, I don't think I have the gene for that..."

"WHO TOLD YOU?"

"Come on, we don't look the same. It's obvious."

"Well, looks like someone's not getting ice cream!"

"I don't care." Guan Ping walks off and Guan Yu mutters,"Teenagers..."

Fa Zheng begins by clearing his throat and says,"Well, have a nice stay here in our kingdom."

"Wait, wait. I have more people."

"What...? Gee, are you trying to stage a-Huh. Not a bad idea."

"What?"

"Well, I was thinking about using you to overthrow my old master and let you take this kingdom as your own, but that might be just fool's talk-Agh!" Liu Bei takes Fa Zheng by the shoulders and gives him a dark stare.

"Say... that... again..."

"Overthrowing your cousin/father/uncle/brother relative to take this kingdom for your own?"

"I f*bleep*ing love you right now."

"Ew. I don't date homeless people."

"I won't be once I do what you just suggested!" He puts Fa Zheng in a headlock with one arm, much to Fa Zheng's dismay, and extends his arm in triumph. "Together, we will destroy mountains!"

"No thank you, I prefer destroying people. They make a nicer mess. But, if that's what you'd like, sure. I'm tasked with giving you people a pleasant stay."

"I will make you my top strategist once we take over!" Zhuge Liang cracks his fan's handle from clutching it too hard and mouths the f word while glaring at Fa Zheng.

[I remember Chocolate Rain in the form of Fa Zheng's voice.]

Xiao Qiao is by Zhou Yu's body lying in a coffin and was bawling her eyes out. Lu Su takes out a mop to clean up the tears that poured onto the floor.

"And I just hit puberty! My boobs came in! Now who else will I have my first time with...?" Lu Su stops mopping and looks around. He approaches Xiao Qiao and says,"Well, your husband said to take care of you, and I am lead strategist now. Maybe I could be of assistance."

"Sorry, I never liked Magnum P.I."

"...I'm saying-"

"Look, you're not my type."

"Oh. Huh. Okay..." Lu Su is about to go back to mopping, but Xiao Qiao calls out,"Wait! Shave off the beard and we'll talk."

"Okay!"