Disclaimer: This fic wouldn't be as good as it is without help from the CaerAzkaban Yahoo group.
Naruto walked warily up to the gates of the Hyuuga clan compound.
"Good afternoon sir." The guard on the left said brightly.
"Hi." Naruto said with pursed lips and narrowed eyes.
"How can we help you today?" The guard on the right asked cheerfully.
"I'm here to see Hinata." Naruto sighed as he prepared himself for another verbal sparring match.
"Right you are sir, you can go through." The guard on the left said as he turned
and signalled for the gate to open.
"She told us you were coming." The guard on the right added helpfully.
Naruto gaped at the polite, efficient and helpful guards, then at the open gate,
then back at the guards before gesturing at the gate in wordless confusion as
his mouth worked much like a fish out of water.
"Was there something else you needed sir?" The guard on the left asked politely.
At this point Naruto seemed to find his voice, and he began to rant:
"What the hell?" He said gesturing wildly at the open gate.
"What the fuckin' hell man?! You two ..."
And at this point the guards tuned Naruto out.
"Do you think he has Tourette's?" The guard on the left asked.
"I didn't know the Inuzuka allowed other clans to crossbreed with their dogs!" Naruto continued to rant.
The guard on the right considered Naruto for a moment and shook his head.
"Nah, the kid's had a rough week, he just needs someone to curse at." He said.
"We were assholes to him before." The guard on the left said thoughtfully.
"True..." The guard on the right mused. "Hey kid, 'your mom' insults usually
sound inept and childish. Better to imply that I do inappropriate things with
livestock or that my girlfriend keeps a toy because I can't satisfy her." He
said cheerfully.
"Oh, thanks for the tip." Naruto said with a grin, then he frowned and rubbed the back of his head.
"Where was I? " He mused aloud.
"You were just implying that my grandmother had a pet donkey named Sodomy." The guard on the left said.
"Yeah well- " Naruto began but the guard on the left cut him off.
"Once you stop ranting and talk to someone normally you can't start ranting again. " He said sternly.
"It's rude." The guard on the right added helpfully.
Naruto gaped at the pair.
"Look kid, our job is to make sure that only people we are told to let past get through this gate." The guard on the left explained.
"A few days ago you weren't on the list, now you are. It's as simple as that." The guard on the right added.
"You guys are assholes." Naruto grumbled as he stalked through the gate.
The last thing Naruto heard before the gate groaned shut with a dull thump was the guards
laughing.
Naruto found himself faced by an older ninja.
He still seemed to be in good shape, but his face was heavily lined and his hair was grey.
"Hello honored Uzumaki." The old man said genially as he gave a shallow bow. "My name is Hyuuga Haruki, and I'm in charge of the training for the younger clan members here, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Uh, Thanks." Naruto said as he awkwardly returned the man's bow. "It's nice ta meetchya."
"Thank you." Haruki said with a kindly smile. "Miss Hinata told me that you would be joining her for her afternoon training session; I am pleased that you were able to arrive a few minutes early."
"I figured the guards'd gimme trouble." Naruto said as he cast a dark look at the gate.
"Well you needn't worry about that again." Haruki laughed. "They've been instructed to allow you to pass on regular training days. Come, let me show you to the Dojo."
Haruki quickly led Naruto down a lane lined with houses, workshops, warehouses and even a small clan only market area.
Soon they arrived at the square which they quickly crossed before entering the Dojo that Naruto had visited before.
Haruki paused for a moment in the doorway before leading Naruto to a bench along the wall near one of the mats where a couple of the clan kids were practicing.
"Wait here, they seem to be near the end of the set" Haruki said as he turned to leave.
"Eh?" Naruto said with a frown as he rubbed the back of his head.
Haruki raised an eyebrow and gestured at the two kids in the mat.
Naruto looked at them and then started to look away before doing a double take and smacking himself in the face as he realized that the two kids on the mat were Neji and Hinata.
Haruki walked away chuckling quietly as Naruto sat down to watch.
After failing to pay attention to his surroundings so utterly Naruto carefully looked around and nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that there was someone sitting quietly on the next bench over not four steps from him.
Kohaku gave Naruto a slight nod and a half smile when he noticed her before she went back to watching Neji help Hinata with her forms.
Soon Hinata and Neji finished and walked over to Naruto.
"Hey Hinata!" Naruto called with grin and a wave.
"Hello Naruto." Hinata said with a small smile.
"Neji." Naruto said with a nod.
"Greetings Honored Uzumaki." Neji said politely.
"Been helpin' Hinata with her forms eh?" Naruto asked casually.
"He has." Hinata beamed. "He's been very helpful."
"He has?" Naruto asked in apparent shock. "Wow man, good for ya!"
"You did not think I had the skill to teach?" Neji asked stiffly as Hinata touched her fingers together nervously.
"Naw man." Naruto said casually. "I jus' thought ya were too much of an asshole to bother."
"Naruto!" Hinata gasped.
Neji seemed to be equal parts angry, shocked and ashamed.
However whatever response Neji was about to give was derailed by a choking sound coming from the next bench over.
"Kohaku!" Hinata exclaimed in shock.
Naruto turned to see the old lady he had seen before red faced with her shoulders shaking in suppressed laughter.
This caused Naruto's finely perfected control to crack and he broke down in laughter.
"I'm just fuckin' with ya." He gasped after a moment. "Yer alright Neji."
"That was a joke?" Neji asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well yeah." Naruto said with a shrug.
"I see." Neji said as he drew himself up and clasped his hands behind his back. "In that case it seems that I owe you an apology. "
"Eh?" Naruto said articulately as he scratched his head.
"I apologize for breaking into your apartment and cleaning your underwear." Neji said formally.
"I know." Naruto said with a scowl. "That reminds me, I gotta see Gramps soon."
"We're still going to train, right?" Hinata asked nervously.
"Of course we are!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin
"Good!" Neji said. "Hinata said you were trying to make your own style, I would like to see it."
Naruto shrugged walked to the center of the and started going through an academy form that used palm strikes and chops instead of punches.
"You'll want to keep your hands closed when you aren't striking. " Neji advised.
"Why? I'm using palm strikes." Naruto asked.
"Keeps an enemy from being able to grab your fingers and break them. " Neji said with a shrug.
"Won't that make it tougher to do the palm strikes?" Naruto asked.
"Perhaps a bit." Neji allowed. "But those strikes would have been weak and sloppy anyhow. "
"What should I do then?" Naruto asked.
"Try it this way." Neji said as he began to demonstrate.
And so the three settled into an easy comradeship for a couple of hours as they worked together.
-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-
Sarutobi Hiruzen puffed contentedly at his pipe as he handled his paperwork.
Most people thought that Hiruzen spent the majority of his day handling paperwork of various sorts.
Those people were mostly civilians who also didn't really understand that Hiruzen's filing methods included options like 'send this asshole to have tea with Ibiki' and 'use this moron for assassination training'.
Between his esoteric filing options and the glorious empowerment that was delegation Hiruzen rarely spent more than half of a standard workday on paperwork.
Oh, his old teammate Danzo tried to make trouble from time to time by having Hiruzen swamped with paperwork while he tried to sneak something by him, but after having a few dozen operatives that had been planted in Hiruzen's office die in mysterious accidents Danzo had discarded that tactic as ineffective.
Hiruzen chuckled as he remembered the great crossdressing lover's suicide pacts of yesteryear; what a wonderful way to clean house.
Hiruzen's musings were cut short by Naruto entering his office.
"Hello Naruto, how are you?" Hiruzen asked pleasantly.
"You let me think that a pervert had broken inta my apartment an' played with my dirty underwears!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Well you did run around yelling that someone had surpassed my level of perversion." Hiruzen pointed out mildly. "It seemed reasonable at the time."
Naruto considered that for a moment and then grinned.
"It was a pretty good prank." Naruto allowed, and then he frowned again.
"Gramps I'm sorry I hurt yer reputation. " He said seriously.
"Not to worry, I turned it to my advantage. " Hiruzen chuckled.
"Really? How?" Naruto asked eagerly.
Hiruzen reached into his desk and drew out the skimpiest pair of women's underwear that Naruto had seen in the vast pool of experience that living eleven years had provided him.
Naruto's spleen seemed to hop into his throat when Hiruzen lazily tossed him the tiny garment.
They were made of black silk and had stenciled white writing on the front.
it read:"Property of Konoha ninja corps. If found please return to Shimura Danzo, central administration building, Konoha."
"This morning every unattached kunoichi of the leaf woke up this morning to find their regular underwear missing and those in their place." Hiruzen said smugly.
"Who's Shimura Danzo?" Naruto asked with a frown.
"A busybody who thinks that he is a great deal more clever than he actually is." Hiruzen said cooly as he knocked the ashes from his pipe and set about refilling it.
"Won't they figure out that it was you?" Naruto asked as he gestured at the incriminating garment.
Hiruzen deftly grabbed the panties and flipped them over.
on the back was his secretary's signature next to a kiss mark in lipstick.
"My secretary gave these to me as a souvenir, she figured it out, but she won't tell anyone. " Hiruzen explained.
He felt no need to tell Naruto that she figured it out because she had compiled
the list of kunoichi for him, or that she had worn the underwear into his office
before signing it, though perhaps Jiraiya would be interested in those details.
"What'd ya do with the other underwears?" Naruto asked as he passed the panties back to Hiruzen.
"In a box under Danzo's desk." Hiruzen said with a grin as he relit his pipe.
"Ain't that a bit obvious?" Naruto asked with a frown.
"It might be if I hadn't also hit the kunoichi in Danzo's illegal splinter group." Hiruzen said with a grin.
"I see why ya say he thinks he's smarter than he really is." Naruto said with laugh.
"Never assume you're the smartest person in the room, Naruto." Hiruzen said seriously. "You'll live longer that way.'
Naruto nodded seriously and frowned as he committed the words to memory.
Hiruzen allowed Naruto a few moments to process his advice before changing the subject.
"So. I hear you've been training with Hyuuga Hinata, tell me about it." He asked mildly.
"Well She failed Taijutsu an' I failed the bunshin so we been helpin' each other out."
"An excellent solution." Hiruzen said with a warm smile. "I heard that she did well in her clan bouts, have you made progress on the bunshin?'
Naruto grinned and nodded.
"Yeah, I can do it now!"He exclaimed.
"Very good, What was the problem?" Hiruzen asked curiously.
"Hinata said a was puttin' too much power inta the clones." Naruto explained.
"Interesting, so she helped you with your chakra control?" Hiruzen mused.
"Nah." Naruto disagreed with a shrug. "She jus' had me make a bunch'v 'em, s'long as I make 'bout fifty they come out fine. "
"But you have trouble making fewer than that?" Hiruzen asked with a frown.
"Yup." Naruto answered cheerfully.
"I think I did forty once but I was tired from trainin' all day. Can't remember ever going lower. " Naruto offered thoughtfully.
"...not an' havin' it work anyhow. " he amended a moment later.
"Interesting. " Hiruzen mused thoughtfully as he puffed on his pipe.
He gave Naruto an assessing look for a few moments before coming to a decision.
Hiruzen set his pipe down and stood up.
"Come Naruto, let's see if we can find a clone technique that suits you." Hiruzen said as he walked over to a large scroll in the corner.
"Alright Gramps!" Naruto agreed cheerfully.
"This is the scroll of forbidden techniques." Hiruzen said gravely as he hefted the large scroll. "It's a crime to read it without my permission or take it from this office."
"Cool!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly. "So do I get to read it?"
"Before I show you this scroll I must ask you for a promise."Hiruzen said simply and smiled to himself as he immediately had Naruto's full attention.
"What's that Gramps? " Naruto asked seriously.
"You must never attempt one of the techniques in this scroll without my permission; many of these techniques are dangerous to their user."
"OK Gramps, I promise. " Naruto said gravely.
"Excellent."Hiruzen said as he sat at his desk and unrolled the scroll.
"Come, let's see what the scroll says about clones. " Hiruzen continued.
Naruto walked over by Hiruzen and read over his shoulder.
"Kaze bunshin looks good." Naruto said excitedly.
"It's a solid clone so it is quite useful." Hiruzen agreed cheerfully.
"Great, let's learn that one!" Naruto said with a grin.
"Giving up on the academy then?" Hiruzen asked curiously.
"Whaddaya mean?" Naruto asked with a frown as he scratched his head.
"Kaze bunshin is made from air so your instructors won't be able to see it." Hiruzen pointed out mildly.
No way in hell he was giving an academy student an A ranked assassination technique.
"Oh." Naruto said as his shoulders sagged.
"You were hoping for a solid clone?" Hiruzen asked perceptively.
Naruto nodded glumly.
"Well Cheer up!" Hiruzen exclaimed. "There are other solid clone techniques.
"Really?" Naruto asked, perking up instantly.
Hiruzen nodded.
"What's the best one?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"I've always been partial to the kage bunshin myself." Hiruzen said thoughtfully.
"Can I learn that one?' Naruto pleaded.
"Well let's find out." Hiruzen said with a grin.
-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-
The next afternoon Naruto made his way back to the Hyuuga compound.
As he walked into the dojo Naruto looked around carefully and gave Kohaku a nod when he spotted her leaning lazily against the wall in an out of the way corner.
Then he walked towards Hinata who was sitting quietly at what he was coming to think of as their bench.
Hinata was sitting quietly as she watched Neji and Lee spar.
"Hey Hinata. " Naruto said with a grin as he approached.
"Hello Naruto." Hinata replied with her own smile. "I think Lee is here to see you today."
"Eh?" Naruto said with his usual eloquence as he scratched his head and frowned.
"Lee is a budding taijutsu specialist, I think he's interested in the style you are developing." Hinata explained with another smile.
"Eh, I'll show 'im if he wants." Naruto said with a shrug.
A few moments later the spar ended with Neji knocking Lee down for a 3rd time and then carefully setting about helping the other boy up.
The two were grinning and talking animatedly with each other as they walked over to Naruto and Hinata.
"Hey Neji, hey Lee!" Naruto said with a wave.
"Hello Honored Uzumaki." Neji said with a half smile.
"My teammate Lee was most interested in my description of our training session yesterday, he wanted to discuss it with you." Neji continued as he gestured to Lee.
"I would be most honored to assist you in refining your new fighting style and would like to learn more about your chakra strike technique." Lee said formally as he knelt stiffly before Naruto.
Naruto frowned and scratched his head.
"Why'd ya wanna learn my chakra strike?" He said bemusedly. "It's nothin' special." He continued seemingly oblivious to the reactions of disbelief from every Hyuuga who heard him.
"I- I'm- I can't mould chakra." Lee admitted. "I can grasp it, I can project it, I can't mould it."
"So I can't use most jutsu, but my sensei thinks I might be able to use your technique; that it may be the only one I can use." Lee continued as he looked hopefully up at Naruto as years of teasing, degradation and rejection bubbled up inside him. "Please, I'll give anything I have-"
"Get up." Naruto said harshly.
"But-" Lee began.
"Get up!" Naruto snapped.
Lee jerked to his feet dejectedly; he'd really thought Naruto was different.
Lee's musings were interrupted by Naruto poking him angrily in the chest.
"Lemme tell ya somethin' Rock Lee!" Naruto said angrily as he continued poking Lee in the chest with one hand and waving his fist in the air with the other. "Uzumaki Naruto helps his friends- all they gotta do is ask! So next time ya feel like ya gotta crawl on the ground like a frog in fronta somebody come find me so I kin put my foot up yer ass!"
Lee blinked and considered this for a moment.
"So you'll teach me then?" He asked hopefully.
"Yer goddamn right I will! Can ya do tha leaf trick from the academy?" Naruto
replied.
Lee nodded.
"Great!" Naruto said with a grin. "Can ya do it with yer hands?"
-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-
Shinichiro Mizuki sat alone at his desk as he filed reports and paperwork for the coming term.
He didn't especially like his job at the academy, but it allowed him to subtly feed certain promising students to specific jounin instructors, which allowed students who should pass to be failed and quietly recruited into Danzo's illegal branch of ANBU.
Mizuki wasn't really interested in Root for its own sake, but his employers were very interested indeed.
Reliable intelligence from inside Konoha was scarce, reliable intelligence about the names and faces of new recruits to a secret splinter group inside Konoha doubly so.
Reliable access to the names, faces, and personnel files of jounin who cooperated with such a group was positively outrageous, and people were happy to pay it.
Even taking a lower price from each buyer for not giving them exclusive rights to the information, and also paying each of his clients along with a few other parties who were both reliable and discreet an ongoing retainer for an emergency extraction should he ever need it Mizuki was able to live like a king even though the majority of his wealth was outside the city.
Why Mizuki could afford to have sake and geisha come to him every night, not that he needed to do such a thing; his clients were very grateful for his services and each would usually arrange for a discreet geisha to visit him once or twice a month to ensure his continued loyalty.
Mizuki's musings were shaken from the sweet young orphan that had visited him courtesy of the Mizukage the night before by the wording on the memo in his hands.
Mizuki shook himself and read the memo again.
"Henceforth all graduating classes shall be arranged to contain at least one team meeting minimum standards to be trained for Sabotage, Assassination, Infiltration, and Demolition operations as well as Tactical Interdiction, Disruption, and Extraction operations huh." Mizuki mused to himself.
He rubbed his chin and thought carefully for a few moments.
TIDE and SAID operations were a common part of Konoha's wartime doctrine; keep the enemy from doing things like treating wounded, moving troops or supplies, training recruits, growing food, obtaining weapons or making effective decisions and things at the front lines were usually pretty easy.
For a war anyway.
The thing that puzzled Mizuki was that TIDE and SAID operations were usually confined to ANBU and a few very skilled general service ninja unless absolutely necessary.
The only time general service nin regularly saw such missions was during a war.
Mizuki froze for a moment and read the memo again.
War.
Mizuki carefully filed the memo, then handled the next report.
As he was working on his second report he started making seemingly idle notes on scratch paper where he carefully noted down lists of supplies for the coming academy term.
He had some shopping to do later.
After all, his employers needed a reason to keep sending supple young orphans to him in the night.
-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-/=-
Daisuke hummed happily as he puttered behind the counter sorting various small items that he kept there as he carefully kept an eye on a couple of customers that were browsing his wares.
Daisuke's attention was drawn to the entrance when he heard the bell on the door ring.
He saw a blond nin in black gear with a green flak jacket stroll casually up to the counter.
"Hello, I need to order supplies for the academy." Mizuki said cooly.
Daisuke nodded as he replayed a very distinct set of instructions his backers had given him.
"I see sir, will this be the usual order?" He asked a touch nervously.
Mizuki shot Daisuke a piercing look.
"No," He said flatly. "We will need a few special pieces."
Mizuki then very deliberately placed a note face down on the counter and slid it across to the other man.
Daisuke picked the note up and read it and then nodded.
"I'll see to it, the supplies will be ready a week before the term starts." He said with a wan smile.