I'm not sure if this is the best place to cut off the chapter, but that f-ing garden scene was going on forever! This one ended up kind of short, about nine pages.

The executioner was a short man with long copper hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail, older, with a black and white uniform. The cloth held only one spade, and a cursive HBK was printed across the back. Beside him was the Knave, who himself looked a bit ruffled.

Randy was pacing, glaring up at Evan once in a while, "All that's necessary is a swift chop to the back of the neck."

"It's difficult" the executioner complained "I must have a ruling."

"Surely you can do it without, Shawn?" Morrison teased.

"Oh, shove it, will you?" Shawn shot back.

"Darling, maybe this is a sign" John pleaded with his queen, trying to sound convincing without being pushy "Maybe this means that you've taken enough heads today."

"There's never enough!" Randy shouted, positively fuming.

John sighed heavily, running a hand over his face, "…we're not gonna have anyone left…"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic" Randy scoffed.

//Pot calling the kettle black// Ted gave a little snort of laughter under his breath, catching the Knave's attention. Cody got away from him in an instant, stepping into the crowd.

"You there, pretty blonde boy" Morrison gestured toward him, flicking his fingers "I appeal to you."

"Yes" Randy half agreed, giving him a fierce look "You've still got a good head on your shoulders."

"No thanks to you" Ted replied on instinct.

Cena paled, burying his face in his hands. Morrison and Shawn both looked at one another, then back at Ted in disbelief. Randy slowly pivoted, eyes straight on the boy.

"What?!" Randy snapped, unsure if he'd heard correctly.

"I-I can't understand you when you all talk at once" Ted covered, easing the tension with a little smile "One at a time."

"I'm sorry about my altitude" Evan crooned down at him "Survival and all."

"My logic is simple. I'm chief executioner…" Shawn stated, then pointed up at the creature "Not a monkey. There's no way I'm climbing my happy ass up there. My knees aren't what they used to be…and it's impossible! I can't reach it!"

"What if someone else were to climb up there?" Morrison asked dully.

"Climb up what?" Shawn countered heatedly "There's no footholds, it's just a bush! Who knows how that cat got up there, but I sure as hell didn't put him there."

"Well…" Morrison looked up at Evan, shielding his eyes from the sun "You could always sprout wings and fly up there."

"Are you joking?!" Shawn blustered "I can't do that! It's not Tuesday for another two weeks!"

"True" the glittered up man sighed "But if it were…"

"Ah, if it were" Shawn sighed as well, a little forlorn about this fact.

Ted was lost, //They're absolutely bonkers.//

"Ah! There's too much talk and not enough action!" Randy roared, hands balled into fists at his sides "And if something doesn't happen in a minute…I'm going to have everybody executed."

The way he rolled his neck suddenly made everyone shudder, obviously this was a sign of growing temper.

"It's up to you" Shawn threw his chin at the boy "To behead…or not to behead."

"What's…the answer, boy?" Randy ground out, lips barely moving.

John got behind Randy, giving Ted a pleading look and mouthing the word, Careful.

"You haveta…tread with care when dealin' with cats" Ted drawled, kind of just making it up as he went alone and hoping to apply some of their anti-logic to the situation "They have…influence, and are seen in all the smart places."

They were hanging off of every word, John nodded and made a motion to continue, casting a wary glance at his queen.

Ted thought quickly, rushing out his next words in a convincing way, "You remember the…the Great Massacre, don't you?"

//Please be as stupid as I think you are.//

Everyone showed confusion until the King spoke up.

"Yes!" John stated eagerly, stepping up to his husbands side "Yes we do!"

All nodded at this, the anti-logic working wonders, even the Queen looking solemn.

"A catastrophe" Morrison stated, some murmured agreements.

"I'd think carefully before acting too rashly" Ted advised them, sounding much older than his years.

"Sound advice, little boy" Randy conceded with a half smile, picking his hands up slowly before starting to clap. The others joined in, applauding him for tricking them.

"And another thing" Ted stated after the applause had died away "The cat up there? Evan? Belongs to The Duchess."

"I knew there was a reason I hated him" Randy seethed, looking to Shawn "Fetch him!"

Shawn darted off, too pleased to get out of there.

Sensing his husband's rising anger, John saddled up closer to him and whispered, "I remember the Great Cat Massacre of '28...nasty business."

Randy hummed softly, "Yes, it was just after the Flamingo Plague of '26, wasn't it?"

The flamingos around them squawked, jerking out of other nobles grips and running off.

Shawn reappeared a minute later, Edge striding at his side. He had his shades on, looking as cool as ever. Randy snarled at the sight of him, rushing forward and glaring him down.

"If it isn't my favorite queen!" Edge sang jovially, reaching out for a hug. Randy smacked him on the chest hard, sending the blonde bombshell staggering a few feet.

"Adam" Randy hissed, stretching out his neck in a snakeish way.

"Why are you always so bitter to see me?" Edge tisked, raising his sunglasses up on top of his head "Aren't I good to you?"

Ted heard the smack of the King's palm striking his own forehead in exasperation.

"Think carefully before answering, you disgusting hussie" Randy growled, pointing toward the hedge "Is that your damn cat in my garden again?!"

Edge looked up toward the hedge, drawing in a sharp breath, "…no."

"No?" Randy spat "I was told-"

They all looked up to find Evan gone, the barest wisps of black smoke the only thing to show he was there.

"It's gone!" Morrison cried out, obviously surprised.

"Gone!?" Randy barked, glaring toward his executioner "You! It's your fault! He was in your custody!"

"I-It wasn't official, so…it's nothing to do with me" Shawn shrugged, big scythe still slung over his shoulder "I'm in the clear."

Randy nearly growled in frustration, looking around for it, "The first person to find it is the one who doesn't lose their head!"

The nobles started scrambling around, looking wildly for the cat creature. John removed his ballcap, running a hand through his short hair with an audible sigh. Once Randy was out of earshot, the King looked toward Ted.

"That was some quick thinking" John offered.

"Thanks" Ted chewed the side of his lips "He must be a handful."

"He is, more often than not" John looked after his queen, a smile twisting his lips even as the other had a look of rage on his face "But I love him, so what can I do? He's my companion, he's always there."

"So…you're not alone?"

"Nope, never" John put back on his cap, that dreamy expression still on his face "I'll put up with the hissing and the screaming fits if it means I get to be with the one I love for the rest of my life."

John shot a curious look at him, "You got someone to love?"

Ted's eyes strayed toward Cody, then back to the King, "I'm not sure, yet."

"Good luck, kid."

"Yeah, yeah, enough of this" Edge slung an arm around the blonde, dragging him off "Later, Cena!"

The King watched them go, a strange sort of look on his face.

Cody came up to his king, "Sir, your queen needs you."

"Doesn't he always" John looked up, paling at the sight of his love hacking at a rose bush with Shawn's scythe "Love! Please! Darling, be careful! D-Don't-"

There was a scream, a noble lady lost the train of her skirt. John winced, lowering the brim of his cap.

Cody cleared his throat loudly, "At least it wasn't a foot this time, sir."

"…true."

~*~*~*~

Ted followed the Duchess through an archway and along a path, a back alley in the maze…but much more lovely. He looked around, a forlorn expression on his face.

"Thanks for getting me out of there" Edge grinned cheekily "The Snake Queen had me in the barracks. Strains my neck…he's such a jackass. Total toolshed. Didn't I say he was like that?"

Edge rubbed his shoulder, casting a glance down at the boy when he didn't get a response, "What's wrong, little dude? You look…kinda miserable."

"I don't wanna go back" Ted drawled, shoving his hands into his pockets "If I go back…they'll try to make me grow up. It's all a big show, 'cept the audience keeps changin'."

"Silly boy" Edge gave a snort of a chuckle "The show must go on. Every performer knows that."

"But why?" Ted was absolutely sulking now "Why the hell should I haveta grow up? Why can't my show stop?"

" 'Cause life would so totally suck if it didn't" Edge replied, rolling his eyes as if it were obvious "A life where everything stayed the same? Nothing ever changed? Totally lacking coolness."

//I don't know anyone who talks like that, not even teenagers.//

Edge looked closer at him, grin dropping to a serious frown, "It's not just being alone, is it?"

"My dad keeps me locked up tight, I don't have any friends that aren't the kids of his own" Ted admitted, he'd never said this to anyone before "I hate all those spoiled brats, none of them are real. They're all Straightedge like my cousin. I can't stand fake-shit cookie-cutter people like that! It drives me nuts!"

Ted ran a hand through his golden hair, "And…it makes me feel guilty for being different. I'd rather be laying on the roof having a smoke than out at a charity ball to raise money for orphans in India…or something."

"So you're alone?"

Ted nodded.

"Brutal" Edge sympathized "You can't stay here, I hope you know that."

Ted kicked at a stone in his path, "I'm starting to realize."

//He seems a lot calmer. It must've been the pepper that made him kind of hot-tempered// Ted mused, keeping his eyes on the path as he slowly walked forward //Kind of like a rule for spices. Vinegar makes you sour, chamomile that makes you bitter, and…and things like barley-sugar that make children sweet-tempered. Huh, if only everyone knew this.//

Ted's eyes, faltering in his steps, //Shit! Now I'm starting to think like them! That's total nonsense!//

"You're thinking about something, blonde-bear, and that makes you forget to talk" the man's deep voice was right in his ear, startling him "There's a moral to that, but I can't seem to recall it."

"Maybe there isn't one?" Ted offered.

"Everything's got a moral" Edge countered "You just have to look hard enough for it."

"Maybe you just read too much into things?" Ted looked him over, wondering briefly how Styles was handling himself back in the kitchen all by himself.

Edge wobbled his head in a thinking motion, "Could be. But I think the moral we're looking for here is: Fortune favors the brave."

Ted couldn't argue.

They went on in silence, but the older one soon broke it, "Oh! What became of that baby thing?"

Ted gave him a strange look, "It wasn't yours?"

The man shook his blonde mane, "Nope."

"Huh" Ted chewed the inside of his lip, then shrugged when he didn't find it that strange "It turned into a pig."

Edge slapped his hands together, giving a little laugh, "I knew it would! It's the same with crows and moorhens."

"What?" Ted shot back before he could stop himself.

"Well, you see, these things-…" Edge trailed off, eyes going wide. Ted followed his gaze and jumping when he saw the Queen standing there. He looked thoroughly pissed off, arms crossed over his chest and jaw ticking as he clenched it. They had stopped in one of the mini-courtyards, the ones where all paths seemed to intersect. And Randy had found them.

"Hey there, Randy" Edge seemed a little nervous as he was put under that hot gaze "Fine day for a croquet match. Glad I was invited. I love it when you include me."

"I'm giving you fair warning" Randy stated in an ominously silky tone "Keep your cat out of my garden, and I won't take your head from your shoulders as soon as I'd like to."

Edge gave a little groan, "Come on, Randy, we're friends! Remember when the Red Queen was in power? When we were just nobles in the court together?"

Randy huffed, nostrils flaring as he looked off to the side, "I recall no such thing."

"It wasn't always like this, he wasn't always a jackass" Edge informed Ted, who was just trying not to catch the Queen's attention "During the Red Queen's time, we were evenly matched. He hates to admit it, but he was a mere Duchess once."

"Hey!" Randy barked, getting in the man's face and jabbing him in the chest with a long finger "I was given the crown by the court when Matt left it! Not. You. Not the Red King, not that imbecile Chris, not anyone! It was me! I married, I took the throne, I rule! What I say goes! Do you understand me?!"

Edge shuddered, "Y-Yes, sir."

"Go from my sight!" Randy roared "And don't let me catch you here again! Invitation be damned!"

Ted looked away for just a moment, and just like that…the Duchess was gone.

Randy reigned himself in, rolling his neck as he controlled his temper. The blonde was ready to duck out of there as well when poisonous lapis eyes pinned him down, sticking his feet in place.

"Now…" Randy stepped to Ted's side, placing a hand on his lower back and urging him forward "We can finish our game before you leave."

"Who said I was leaving?" Ted countered before he could bite his tongue.

But the Queen stayed cool, "Don't you have a home to get to?"

"It's not a home, it's a prison" Ted spat, glaring at nothing really "If I were a girl, I swear they'd have married me off by now."

"Is it what your father wants?" Randy inquired, fiddling with his left forearm cuff.

"Well, yeah, but it's not what I-!"

"Every little boy should do right by his father" Randy cut him off icily, still staring down at the cuff "For a father's only goal in life is to guide his son right. I consider myself a father as well…my young page, actually…I've come to see him as my son."

Ted didn't read the warning signs fast enough, he gave a rather unmanly yelp as the man struck at him like a snake. A strong hand clamped down on his throat, all but throwing him into the hedge wall. They had been passing through an archway, shadow falling over them and shielding the attack. Ted gasped, but didn't dare fight back as the Queen pinned him down like a butterfly.

"You've gotten close to my boy" Randy purred, an almost insane smile on his face as he got right in the blonde's personal space "I'm not sure what to think about that…I saw you with him, and my first instinct was to wring your tiny neck."

At the last word, Randy dug his fingertips into the younger man's neck. Ted sputtered for breath, almost on his tiptoes as he clawed at the man's hands rather uselessly.

"P-Please!"

"But…" Randy eased his grip to a firm caress, features smoothing into something akin to a content expression "Then I saw him smile. My Cody never smiles. You did that, didn't you little boy?"

Ted's breath came in swift, nervous gasps, but he managed to choke out, "I…I think I did…"

"I would never share my son before, it seemed like such a waste before…for he is such a prize" Randy braced his hand above the blonde's head, leaning down until his mouth almost brushed his cheek "But I suppose every father thinks their son is the top prize."

"Y-You keep him trapped here" Ted accused weakly.

"Only because I fear what would happen if he went out on his own" Randy ran his hand up the boy's neck, cupping his jaw "But maybe if he had someone to look out for him…I'd be more inclined to let him loose…"

Ted's heart trembled in his chest, he was terrified the man would grow fangs or claws so he could rip out his insides.

"Randy?"

The Queen didn't pull away, but a half smile did appear on his face.

"Honey, I'm busy" Randy purred, not looking away but not talking to Ted himself "Can we do this later?"

"Maybe you could leave the boy alone?" John suggested, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest "Just this once?"

"Just this once?" Randy stepped away from the boy, staring at his husband with a mildly confused expression on his face "What do you mean, love?"

Ted looked to the King, fearful for him.

"Randy, you know I love you" John explained sweetly "You know I'd do anything for you. I married you so we could rule this place and make it better. But…you keep…executing everyone."

"For their disobedience!" Randy countered, gesturing vaguely.

John put two fingers to his temple, rubbing it firmly to try and relieve the pressure. His own temper showed through a bit, and his gaze turned fierce. The Queen was surprised by this, hands dropping to his sides.

"Stop killing everyone" John commanded "I've had enough of it!"

Randy softened his expression, sauntering up to his husband. He stopped at his side, facing one way and the King the other.

"Johnny, my heart" Randy cooed, reaching up with his right hand and cupping the older man's strong jaw to catch his eyes "You know I love you…do anything for you…"

Randy leaned in, capturing his mouth briefly with his own in a ardor filled kiss. The King was surprised by this, Ted wasn't as much so.

"Don't try and tell me what to do" Randy murmured against his lips, lapis eyes nearly glowing as they narrowed into slits "Or I'll have you beheaded. No matter how much I love you."

John blanched, hissing when his husband's nails raked down his cheek.

Randy wandered regally back into the courtyard, leaving the two there.

John managed to compose himself before speaking, "You need to get out of here. Take Cody with you, if you can…but you have to leave."

"I can't leave yet" Ted stepped away from the hedge, massaging his neck.

There was a commotion, the sound of someone tripping and falling. They both froze, but the inevitable screech came. Apparently the Queen had embarrassed himself, because he sounded pissed.

"Off with their heads!" Randy cried petulantly "Off with everybody's heads!"

"Then at least get out of the garden" John rushed past him, catching him by the arm and leading him down the other way "I want you to follow this path - listen! Follow this path, take no more than three rights, but no less than two lefts. You'll find an exit…and no matter how strange it may seem, just go through it."

There was another screech, then a shing of a scythe.

"Anywhere is better than here" John stated, pushing him further down the path "Go!"

The moment Ted started off, the King hissed out, "Wait!"

Ted yelped as he was dragged back by the belt of his pants, squeaking indignantly when the man's hand groped into each of his pockets.

"Excuse you!" Ted belted out, whipping around to glare at the man.

John held out his palm, showing the bits of mushroom Ted had collected earlier.

"You won't be needing these" John stated rather solemnly "It's best you stay at this size…I wouldn't want you getting stuck too tall or too short to get back home."

After giving it a second thought, Ted nodded, //He's right, I'd be too tempted to eat one and stomp on the Queen.//

"Now get."

Ted felt bad about leaving the King behind, but did as he was told and hurried down the path.

~*~*~*~

Ted followed the King's advice as closely as he could, but he was sure he was lost.

//This place sucks// Ted sighed as he founded another corner //Everything looks the same. It's not nearly as safe as I thought it'd be. What with their demented Queen running around killing everyone…and here I thought that Hatter was exaggerating.//

But then he thought to Randy's words to him…

Was the Queen really going to let Cody go? And if so…would Cody come back with him?

Ted took the next left he could find, gasping hoarsely as he came to face a rather large book. It was propped up against the wall, towering over him. It was almost as high as a basketball hoop…maybe even taller. He stepped up to it, peering at the writing on it. It seemed to be backwards and written from left to right, it didn't even seem to be in English. He reached out, biting his lower lip in anticipation as his palm grazed the page.

Ted could feel a vibration underneath, the paper fluttering as if a breeze was rustling it. He leaned in, putting his ear to the surface. He could hear something underneath, forest sounds, the rustling of leaves and the faint chirp of birds.

"No fuckin' way" Ted murmured, brow creasing as he tried to figure this out. He walked over and grabbed the edge of the page, hauling it back with all his strength. It folded obediently like any book would, falling into place on the other side, revealing the page beneath it.

Ted stepped back, taking in the sight. It was so strange. There was a square cut out of the page, revealing that familiar checkered grass path cutting through a forest. It looked well enough, not unlike what he had been in before.

"The forest is better than nothing" Ted reasoned with himself, looking over his shoulder "The King was right…I can't stay here. People are too fond of losing their temper."

//And you're going mad// he thought, scolding himself //Talking to yourself like this.//

Ted stepped up to the page, feeling the breeze on his face. It was a serious mind-fuck, there was no way this book led somewhere. But he took a step into it, heat racing as his foot met soft grass. He eased himself through the page, holding his breath the entire time. He got onto the path and took a few steps, looking around to see it was a more rugged looking forest than the summer-like setting before.

He looked behind him, there was nothing there but the path curving away. No book.

//Curious.//

But not so, he'd been here long enough for two things.

One: to get used to the ever-changing scenery.

Two: To get fed up with all this fucking nonsense.

The very lighting of the woods seemed to change, the setting-sun violets bled away to leave an awash of grey. A light fog crept through the trees, seeming to cling to the path far behind and ahead, almost as if it were avoiding him. Even the sounds of the birds turned harsher.

Not one to be intimidated, Ted went on along the path, ready for more.

Yep, I cut out the Mock Turtle thing. Sorry, I'm not a fan of that part. Stupid emo turtle…