Orihara Izaya always believed his love to be of a purer kind, his love for humans that is.
Unconditional in that his humans didn't have to do anything to deserve his love; equal in that no matter how disgusting or brilliant his humans acted, he cherished and accepted them all.
His love was on a grander scale, encompassing all the humans he could possibly observe. He loved all aspects of human nature and he loved nothing more than to witness the change in them or expose humans for whatever their true nature was.
And integral as all of his other ideas on love was that it was not limited to any one individual.
Quite simply, the Izaya who loved all humans could never love any one individual. He could never single out one such human to show his undivided attention because then he would no longer be an observer. Such an act only violated his grand sense of love.
He was undoubtedly human as well, and yet he never included himself with the 'humans' he loved.
That is, till he broke his own principles.
He was a human through and through, a human with desires and impulses, a human who sinned. He could still observe his humans with love, Izaya was sure of that, but he could never separate himself from them; never separate himself from the murder he had committed either.
If only his love could expand to his own vile act, then maybe he could forgive and forget. But that was still impossible.
He wondered what else had changed about him.
His hatred for Shizuo was still as strong as ever, but it could only truly stay that way as long as Shizuo embraced his monstrous side. Izaya still hoped that at some point on this island, something could turn Shizuo forever into a beast. And if all else failed, then at least Shizuo would die cursing Izaya. There would be no peace for this monster.
Izaya thought of what to do with Shizuo while he was still soaking wet, dripping water from his hair, and looking very much like what Shizuo had called him—a sewer rat. His coat was now hanging on a low branch, but Izaya stubbornly kept the rest of his drenched clothes on, even if the humidity would take his clothes much longer to dry on his back. The thought of sitting mostly naked next to Shizuo, who was equally half-naked, wasn't something he wanted to imagine, ever, in his life. In any context. Ever.
Izaya ran a hand through his wet hair. Shizuo hadn't said anything in the last ten minutes, but that was to be expected because blatantly the brute was too stupid to strike up an intelligent conversation. Izaya was tearing at the grass, blade by blade, and then he got bored.
"So how did they manage to catch you?" Izaya asked.
Shizuo rested in the grass on his back, one of his arms cushioning his head and his eyes closed. "Hmm? Oh yeah, that. Darts."
Izaya snorted.
It was fitting for an animal, but at the same time too clean. Too anticlimactic. He could imagine the beast prowling the streets and then being tranquilized to the ground. But did they use horse tranquilizers? No, probably something more along the lines for an elephant. Unless they made something special just for Shizu-chan.
"You?" Shizuo didn't bother opening his eyes. The sunlight streaming through the leaves overhead danced across his features.
Izaya didn't want to admit that he had been tricked. Well, Shizuo wasn't exactly asking for the details. "I was done in by a simple compound of carbon, hydrogen, and chlorine. Can you guess what it was?" Izaya asked.
Shizuo frowned, but then he stretched his long arms. "Pesticides." He finally said.
Izaya scoffed. "Very funny, Shizu-chan."
"Wasn't being funny."
Izaya almost took pity. "The correct answer is chloroform. But I do wonder what kind of poison they put in these devices," Izaya lightly touched the metal at his neck. He was sure that whatever was in Shizuo's collar was decidedly worse than what was in his own. It gave him some sort of consolation.
"I bet rat poison is in yours," Shizuo muttered.
"Wow, how terribly creative of you," Izaya smirked. "But if I had to choose for you, I would pick something in line with radium. You see it's perfect for many reasons. It acts similar to how calcium is processed by the body, but instead of strengthening the mineral content of the bones, radium does the opposite. It fires off alpha radiation, making tiny holes in the bones, which steadily becomes larger and larger." Izaya's smirk grew as he fixed his eyes on Shizuo. "It irradiates the blood-forming marrow in the bones center and nothing can remove it. Well, that is till it burns itself out, but that would take quite a long time, I would say. The half-life is 16 hundred years. The best part would be when the bones begin to rot and crumble away. Hmm, what would hold up longer, your bones or the radium poisoning you? Now that would be a curious thing to witness."
There was a moment of silence, and then Shizuo craned his head to glare at Izaya. "It seems like you put a lot of thought into that…" Shizuo scowled.
"Oh don't worry, I've never poisoned anyone," he paused slightly, "to death before."
Shizuo didn't look convinced. "But you have poisoned people. Yeah. I can tell."
Izaya pulled out a fistful of grass, the ends tickled his fingers. "If I did do such a thing, it would only be because I cared."
"That's fucked up, don't even deny it. Only cowards use poison."
"Of course you would think that, Shizu-chan. But poison requires a calculated intelligence. It takes a cold strength of will. You would have to first figure out which type of poison, then the means to acquire it or make it, and then figure out how to administer it without being detected or for it to be traced back to you. A crime of passion and impulse is nothing compared to what it would take to plan someone's death to the last precision. I don't suppose you could imagine the skills it would require to knowingly poison someone, watch as an unsuspecting person takes your offered poison. It certainly is trickery at its finest."
"There's nothing fine or admirable about it and the people who sent us here are cowards." Shizuo turned away so that he wouldn't be looking directly at Izaya.
Again, Shizuo was gravely mistaken. The people who put them on this island were anything but cowards. "I would be careful of what you say. Wouldn't want to offend the wrong person." Well, it was a little too late for that, but things could always get worse.
"Don't fucking care. If they have a problem with me, then they can tell it to my face."
Izaya tsked and then they both were quiet. Their silence was filled with the noises from bugs buzzing around and the waterfall. Shizuo's face relaxed.
"Oh that's right," Izaya said suddenly, not quite enjoying the peace as Shizuo was. "Just like in the first few Saw films, the person who was the serial killer, Jigsaw, he said that he never actually killed anyone. In his traps, the person just had to have a strong enough will to survive and then they would live. Whether the people died didn't have any impact on his conscience. Isn't that interesting?" Izaya smiled as he continued to speak.
"I can imagine that for the creators of the game our deaths are of little consequence. I don't even think they would consider it murder either, not that they would care either way. Funny, right?"
The excitement coursed through him and he began to talk faster.
"Think about it! This island is just like a grand human experiment. You could say that each participant is acting against his will, and thus the participants are no longer responsible for their actions because they were set in an environment that forced them against each other. But there are no rules here, just a simple order to find the antidote if one wants to live. And yet someone had figured out that killing another person could add a limited amount of time to their own sentence. This automatically creates an environment of distrust. So instead of figuring out how to get out of here, everyone is doing the next best thing, the only thing they believe they are capable of to alleviate their situation."
Izaya observed his own left hand as he spoke, lifting it in the air and gazing at the red streak there.
"Did you know suffering ceases to be suffering the moment meaning is found in it?" He didn't wait for a response from Shizuo, not expecting one anyway. "Viktor Frankl said that. It means humans are capable to still feel happiness even if their entire world has been shattered. Isn't that grand? Right, that's right, it is, isn't it? That's because humans have free will and are incredible. Humans can dictate how they respond and interpret any situation by choosing how to allow it to affect them or not. Funny I'm quoting him, I know. He did work on suicide prevention. Hah. But do you know what's even better than that?"
Izaya waited a breath before speaking once more, his expression slightly malicious.
"I was thinking that in such an extreme situation as this survival game, that of someone with such a high regard for morals, what would happen to this individual? Would this person crack? Follow their ideals to the grave? Rejoice even in the worst situation? Anything is possible because humans—"
"Who the fuck are you talking to?" Shizuo said gruffly.
Izaya blinked, partially surprised.
"Well Shizu-chan, there is only one other...being here, besides Willy-san's rubber remains, which I'm beginning to suspect has more intelligence than you."
"Oh…I kinda stopped listening the moment you said humans...Y'know, I thought you were having an episode or something."
Izaya glanced his way and was annoyed to see Shizuo settled in as if he were sunbathing.
"Your voice is annoying." Shizuo continued with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Think you could, I don't know, whisper about whatever you were thinking about? Or better yet, just shut up?" It was remarkable that Shizuo said that all with a calm voice. That fact wasn't lost on Izaya.
Izaya didn't like the look of peace on the man's face. It looked wrong there. He was used to seeing a twisted ugly expression, that seeing anything else was irritating. He had the sudden urge to disturb that peace. Set gasoline over hot embers, just to feel the blaze and destruction. And that was what he was best at doing.
"Of course none of what I was saying would commute in that empty head of yours, hah! A monster could never appreciate the intricate beauty of human nature. It can only be envious of what it doesn't have. But tell me," his tone became slick with venom, "how did you trick someone into actually having sex with a monster like you?" The jab wasn't as deft as it could be, but it was the easiest and quickest way to make the man furious.
Shizuo had already been bristling at Izaya's words, but that last comment lit a burning rage in his eyes.
"So did you hurt the girl you slept with?" Izaya asked, only interested in making him angry.
Shizuo's expression darkened. "You're such a fucking pest."
"Are you getting angry because you did?"
Shizuo sat up, and Izaya didn't miss the way his abs appeared when his body became tense. He could practically feel the way the air around Shizuo changed– his eyes pinned him down like a predator. Izaya wondered if he should ask who it was. Shizuo didn't know that many women. Had it been Vorona? A random stranger? A prostitute? Maybe he would get killed if he asked that.
Izaya lifted the corners of his lips. He glanced at the scar across that chest, a few shades lighter than the surrounding skin tone. It made him feel better that he had actually hurt Shizuo. That he had scars when Izaya didn't. "Did you leave any bruises, Shizu-chan?"
Shizuo lunged and he was too close that Izaya couldn't jump away fast enough. His back hit the ground, some rocks jabbing even through his shirt, and Shizuo sat astride him, his face twisted in hurt and anger. "What the fuck is your problem, huh?"
Izaya smirked. It didn't even matter that his knife was two feet away from him and impossible to reach. It seemed like his words were cutting deep enough. "I'm curious. Did you do this to her too?" Shizuo was breathing hard, his hands hovering over Izaya's wet chest.
"I told you—" Shizuo gripped the wet fabric, the cloth tightening around Izaya's torso. "—it's none of your fucking business. But you never listen. And you wanna know what? I lied. I've never been with someone else, but that wouldn't change the fact that I would never hurt anyone like that. And if you so much as say another word-" His own voice was drawn out in a low growl. "I will break you."
Shizu-chan's expression twisted in pure unadulterated loathing.
This look on Shizuo was so much better.
Izaya nodded his head slowly and Shizuo took a few deep breaths before stepping away. He walked over to a tree and punched it so hard, it cracked like a board. "Don't fucking talk shit to me! Don't FUCKING TALK TO ME!"
A minute later, Shizuo's anger induced pants subsided, but the peace never did return.
They sat there in silence for some time, Izaya perfectly content by the fact that Shizuo had a deep frown on his face. Shizuo decided it was time to leave when his remaining cigarettes were dry enough and he had one lit in his mouth. Izaya's clothes were still sodden, and his coat was heavy in his arm as he followed Shizuo along the water's edge.
Izaya wondered for how much longer Shizuo's ideals could hold, till he finally snapped from the pressure of his own monstrous nature.
Only one day and 21 hours remained.