In the morning Shawn and I got our things and Joey, Kevin, Shawn and I went back to Texas. That day I went to the doctor by myself to get my ultrasound and I figured out something very interesting. I went home to see my boys and they were playing football in the back yard. I got out of my Benz and went to see my future husband.

He said, "So how did your ultrasound go? You didn't find out the sex did you?"
"No but why aren't you in your wheelchair?"
"I called the doctor and he said it was alright to get out of it. So how was your appointment?"
"I need a new car."
"Why? I just bought that one."
"Well sorry but I need one."
"What kid of car?"
"A bigger one."
"Exactly how many kids are we having?"
"I'm having 2."
"2?"

"Yeah and you know what?"
"What?"
"I'm never having sex again. 1 hurt bad enough and I can't imagine one more mixed in with that."
"We have a family now."
"Yeah we kinda do don't we." He picked me up, kissed me and spun me around. Then Kevin came over and gave me a hug when Shawn put me down.
"Kev, I need to ask you something. Why weren't you here when I had our son?"
"I was on tour."
"Then why was Shawn here?"
"He had a knee injury and he was obsessed with you."
"Oh yeah, I remember now." I went over to Joey and kneeled down. "Joey, mommy has something to tell you."
"What's that?"
"You're going to be an older brother."

"I am?" He smiled and jumped on me as I fell on my butt. I hugged him and kissed the top of his head.

"Yeah but your not just going to be a big brother, you're going to be a responsible older brother. I'm having 2 babies."

"I'll help you."
"Thanks scout. Do you want to play some football?"
"Mommy, you can play football?"
"Yeah I was on the team in High School."
So, until dinnertime we played football. Shawn was making dinner while Kevin watched over Joey taking a bath.

I went over to Shawn and put my arms around him putting my head in-between his shoulder blades. "Shawn, I have an idea for our wedding."
"What?"
"Like we make a play list of our favorite songs and there is this really good one I heard in Toronto that would be really cool to get choreographed and when it come on we could be the superstars that we are. Nobody ever gets to see how good of dancers we really are."
"I guess that would be cool. What song is it?"
"Here, I'll play it for you. Listen to the lyrics."
I went over to the c.d. player, put the c.d. in and played song #5.

"That is such an awesome song. I really love those lyrics."
"Yeah. I just don't know if on our night we can do all of that."
"Yeah we will. We are having the wedding after you have the babies. I scheduled it for February 2, if that's alright."
"I don't know, I guess so. I would rather have a summer wedding."
"Well do you want to be pregnant during your wedding?"
"Yeah I do. How about in about a month, like we planned in the first place."
"Fine fine. But how are we going to dance with your dress on?"
"Oh you'll find out."
"Okay."
"Do you feel a little awkward with Joey here?"
"Yeah but how are we going to explain this to him."
"I don't know, maybe when he is older. I just think he is a little you to have to deal with all of that stuff right now. I don't think that he would be able to comprehend it."
"Yeah."
"How do it fell knowing that the first time that you're going to be a father it is going to be to be one to 2 kids?"
"I'm actually excited but I am worried about you. I saw you the last time you had a kid and I never heard so many swears before. I think you made up a couple."
"Yeah I think I did but it hurt like a mother fucker."
"I could imagine."
"It hurts just as much as the after effect of back surgery so you can compare it to something."
"You've had back surgery?"
"Yeah, when I was 16. I had a bad back all of my life and have had muscle spasms since I was 12 and one day when I was 16 it was really bad. I went to the doctor, got an x-ray and I had 2 separated discs in my lower back."
"Mine was the same but I was 29."
"Yeah I know, I was there, remember?" We kissed and hugged and I went upstairs to my room. Joey came running in with his pajamas on with Kevin not far behind. He jumped on my bed and sat next to me. "Mommy, why is Shawny here so much?"
"Kevin do you want to explain it to him?"
"Sure why not." He sat on the end of my bed and said "Okay, Joey, your mom and I aren't together anymore."
"What does that mean?"
"We aren't together anymore. We were together when your mom had you but we drifted apart."
"Okay."
"And Shawn and mommy are getting married."
"So I have 2 dads?"
"Yeah but technically a mom, a dad and a step-dad, that being Shawn."
I continued "And my children are going to be your half-siblings."
"I get it. Can I go and give Shawny a hug?"
"I think he would love that," I said to him. He jumped off the bed and ran downstairs as Kevin and I followed him. He hugged Shawn's legs and Shawn jumped and then looked down.

"Hey little buddy, what's up?"
"You're my step-daddy."
"Ah they told you."
"Yep."
"Come here." He picked him up and kissed his cheek. I came downstairs with Kevin and smiled. I was so happy and I was looking at the future. Kevin put his arm around my waist as we got to the bottom of the stairs. We walked over to Shawn and he handed me Joey.
Joey said, "So this is my family."
"Yeah, scout, it is," I said to him.

"My mommy, my daddy and my other daddy."
"Yep." Shawn smiled and so did Kevin and I. I was about to cry but I held it in. I then got this sick feeling in my stomach. I handed Joey to Kevin and ran upstairs. Shawn told Kevin to watch over dinner and then ran after me.
"Daddy, what's wrong with mommy?"
"I don't know, she's probably sick because of the babies."
"Oh."
I ran into my bathroom and started throwing up. I hated this part about being pregnant. Well there was actually nothing good about being pregnant except for shopping for the things for the baby. Shawn knocked on the door and asked, "You okay honey?"
"Yeah, I'm throwing up and everything but I'm fine."
"Can I come in?"
"Why not."
He came in and said "Are you sick because of the babies?"
"Well I don't know. Usually I'm only sick in the morning but I'm not worrying about it."
"Alright, do you want some clean clothes?"
"Sure but nothing too sexy. My son is here."
"Okay."
He left and I cleaned up my face and brushed my teeth and hair. I took off my clothes and I was looking at myself in the mirror with nothing on but my panties. I was so unhappy. I knew that my stomach was big because I was having 2 kids but I don't know why I felt like I wasn't pretty. I never had that problem before.

Shawn came in and saw my face. "Honey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Come on sweetie, what's wrong?"
"Shawn, leave me alone," I screamed. "I'm not in the best mood right now. Just leave me alone."
He sat my clothes on the counter and left with his head down trying not to cry. I was pissed at myself for doing that. I looked at myself in the mirror and punched it. It shattered into pieces. Everything was just so hard to deal with, being pregnant, taking care of Joey for the first time, the wedding and trying to be the best person that I could with someone threatening to kill me and it just wasn't working. I got dressed and went into my room and closed the outside door.