Blurr curled into Shockwave's side, deep in recharge. These past few cycles had been a trial. Blurr was extremely skittish, jumping at every sound and constantly looking over his shoulder. He refused to leave Shockwave's side, and rarely was out of physical contact with him. Shockwave found that he didn't mind. He had spent a lot of time over the past few joors thinking about the attack. He didn't like it, the conclusion that he had come to, but he long ago learned not to lie to himself. Such a mistake could have major repercussions in the future. He could admit now that he loved the younger bot, and that the attack on his Blurr had scared him. He could have lost him, or ended up with a broken shell of a mech. Blurr stirred in his arms, tensing as he came out of recharge. He always did so, afraid that there would be mechs other than Shockwave in the room. As soon as he woke up fully he would calm down.

Sleepy blue optics onlined, glancing up at Shockwave. Blurr smiled, snuggling into the warm chassis. This was his favorite part of the day, waking up beside Shockwave. The mech, although not overly affectionate, never pushed him away, and sometimes would hold him tightly, especially after a nightmare. He knew it was wrong to like this, but he couldn't help it. Shockwave had a presence that made him feel secure; he had never had that feeling with the Autobots. He was always an outsider there, because no one could keep up with him. No one tried to get to know him, no one cared. Sometimes he heard the other Elite Guards grousing about how fast he spoke. Longarm Prime had been the only one to take the time to listen to him; it was part of the reason he had been so enamored with his superior. Despite the fact that Longarm didn't actually exist, the mech behind the façade treated him the same way. He was cold and calculating, sure, but the Autobot he had pretended to be did exist somewhat inside him, at least when it came to Blurr.

"Good morning Blurr. Are you hungry?"

"A little," Blurr smiled shyly.

"Come, we'll get some energon before we begin our spar, shall we?"

"Ok." Blurr had become much more timid, rarely fighting against him anymore. There were moments when his defiance would come back, but it was rare. He was hoping that continuing Blurr's combat education would help him regain some of his lost confidence.

----------

Megatron watched as Shockwave sparred with the little former Autobot. Blurr had been clingy and nervous ever since his attack, and refused to stray far from Shockwave. He was even allowed into meetings, as he tended to react poorly if he was left alone for long periods of time, but only as long as he stayed silent and unobtrusive. Not only did that mean that the elder Decepticons could keep an optic on him, the rest of his officers got the message that the speedster was not to be touched.

Currently they were in the training room. Both Megatron and Shockwave had wanted to make sure that if a situation like Blurr's attack ever came up again that he would be able to defend himself. Or at least hold out until they could get to him. This wasn't the first time he had sat in on a session, mentally criticizing the Autobot's technique. Honestly, how the Elite Guard managed to survive against his warriors with such poor combat technique was beyond him. Long range weaponry was more their forte. It had taken a little while for Blurr to get used to his presence, but it seemed that he realized that Megatron would not hurt him, and chose to ignore him. He was, to some degree, comfortable with the tyrant.

The warlord watched as Blurr lunged back, trying to avoid a sweeping kick. He overbalanced and fell onto his aft, rolling out of the way as the spy's foot came down in a crushing blow. Surprisingly, he didn't go far, and reached out to grab the offending appendage before the larger mech could rebalance. Tugging hard, he threw his body weight into it, managing to knock his…protector down. Unfortunately, he was unable to get out of the way fast enough, and found himself pinned as the Decepticon flipped over and pinned him to the ground. Blurr struggled, but his slight weight did not allow him to throw the heavier mech off of him. Giving up, he signaled his submission by laying back on the ground. Shockwave got up, easily pulling him up as well.

"Very good Blurr. A little more practice and we can start you on working with close combat weapons," Megatron said. Blurr's optics went wide at that. They were going to trust him with weapons? A warm feeling spread through his spark. He didn't think on it though. He didn't want to consider what it might mean. Instead he leaned back into Shockwave's embrace, loving the way those arms tightened slightly.

Shockwave looked down at Blurr, amazed at how fast he had come to trust him, and though the small mech didn't realize it, Megatron. After the attempted rape Megatron had begun to spend more time with them, mostly to help Shockwave show the rest of the base that such actions would not be tolerated, despite Rotation's unfortunate castration. Said mech had been shipped to a remote outpost base shortly after medical had cleared him for travel. Mostly he just watched their sparring matches, and occasionally joined them for a cube of energon now and then. He never stayed long – his empire wouldn't run itself after all – but Blurr had begun to equate Megatron's presence to the safety he felt with Shockwave. No one dared look at him when he was in the silver mech's presence, and he found the lack of curious and hateful stares to be comforting. He was even fine being alone with Megatron when Shockwave had missions to carry out that were outside of the Nemesis, although he would grow antsy after a while.

"Shockwave, I have a mission for you. It will be long term, so you will need to make other arrangements for Blurr while you are gone. Report to my office at 10:00 hours."

"Yes, my liege." Blurr looked away, frowning. He still didn't like it when they talked about missions and collapsing the Autobot regime, but he knew better than to say anything. Megatron nodded sharply, before leaving the training room. Shockwave released Blurr and moved away, falling into a ready stance.

"Again."

----------

Blur wandered around Shockwave's quarters, bored. He debated picking up the last volume of the essays Shockwave kept in the bookshelf. He had to admit, despite himself, that they were very interesting. He hadn't known that Megatron had originally tried peaceful methods of protest, but had been forced to use violence when the council refused to listen. He could see, grudgingly, why the Decepticons were dissatisfied with the way the Autobot regime treated them. Many of them were related to the Decepticons who fought and lost in the first Great War, and as such, many of the privileges that Blurr had taken for granted were denied to them. Most couldn't get better than minimum wage jobs, their children could not attend the private academies, and they were denied the right to carry weapons… Blurr could see the Autobot perspective, which was to try and prevent another war (which they failed at, miserably), but he could also see it from the Con perspective, which saw the treatment as unjust and cruel. True, not all of the Cons were nice, or simply trying to make a better life for themselves, but the Autobots weren't all noble defenders either. He didn't really want to read right now, though. He would rather be out there, moving about, instead of being forced to pace around the small enclosure that was Shockwave's room. He was getting jittery again, which happened every time he went for too long without being able to run. The need had been somewhat diminished after his attack, but try as he might, he could not deny his body's ingrained compulsion to move. He wanted to go out, run a few laps around the ship.

He shot a frightened look at the door, body finally stilling. He didn't want to go out there on his own. He could wait until Shockwave got back. He was leaving on a mission soon, but he could wait until he got back, if he had to. Or maybe Megatron would stay with him while he ran. His processor was in such a frenzy that he didn't notice that he had thought of the warlord with no tremors or lines of terror in his thoughts. But that thought did trigger an emotion that he hadn't felt since he had been accosted: pride. Or rather, a lack there of.

'What do I mean, I need Megatron to watch me? I was an Elite Guard! I ran solo missions all the time, to dangerous worlds where most others didn't dare go! I do not need a watcher!' He very firmly did not think about how on those missions he had had his speed, making him virtually untouchable. Resolve firm, he walked over to the door, and not giving himself a moment to reconsider, stepped out into the hall. As soon as he did, his courage fled him. He desperately wanted to turn around and go back into the safety of his quarters. But he would be alone in there too. So maybe it would be best to seek out Shockwave and stay with him. His pride raged at him, telling him to grow some back struts and go for a run. His body demanded it, but his mind was scared. What would happen if he was caught again? It was too open, too many people could attack him from any angle, and he'd never be able to defend himself. Collapsing back against the closed door, he ran over his options. He wanted to hide, his body wanted to run, and he really wanted to find his partner. But then a small, innocent thought crossed him mind. Shockwave and Megatron must be getting tired of his clinginess by now. Wouldn't they be proud if he managed to do something by himself, without needing to hold their hands, even if it was something as small as walking from his room to the throne room? A warm feeling flooded through his systems. He wanted to be brave again, and if it helped the Cons think more highly of him, well then that was a bonus.

Determinedly, he pushed away from the wall and began the short jog to the throne room. He tried to ignore the creepy feeling of unseen optics on his plating. He knew it was all in his head; at least he wasn't feeling phantom hands. It didn't take long to reach his destination; even with his speed locked he was still able to run faster than most mechs. He didn't bother to knock; if they were in a meeting he didn't want to interrupt. He would just slip in quietly and wait for them to be finished.

To Blurr's surprise, the throne room was empty. That was rare, but not necessarily unusual. Perhaps they had gathered elsewhere? Blurr frowned, trying to think where that might be. The Nemesis had several conference rooms, but by the time he checked them all they may have returned to the throne room. It could even be that they had been called away by one of the lower ranks to deal with in fighting or a patrol that encountered the Autobots in Decepticon territory. No, it was better to wait here instead of searching the ship. He ignored the voice that said he did not want to be around any more mechs than he had to. No one would attack him here, in Megatron's domain.

Despite the quick run, he was still restless, and did not want to sit by the throne quietly. Sighing, he began to pace again, impatient. Time seemed to pass slowly, and there was no sign of the Con leaders' return. He moved to pace a circle around the grand room, restlessly trying to keep his mind occupied. Giving up, he moved to the terminal situated in the far corner of the room. He had downloaded some mindless games (he particularly liked the humans' "Minesweeper" and "Solitaire") to play while meetings were in session. That way he kept to himself and didn't draw attention, and also did not have to listen to assault plans. To Blurr's surprise, the monitor was already running a program. Curious, he scrolled through the document, immediately wishing he hadn't. It was Shockwave's mission plan. He was to assume another disguise, not Longarm, as the Autobots knew who it was who had attacked their Magnus, and integrate himself into their society once again. Once he had been accepted as a cadet, he was to begin spreading rumors that certain Elite Guard mechs were traitors. He would sow dissent among the lower population, and that would work its way into the Autobot Command. Then when the Autobots were in turmoil the Decepticons would strike and overthrow the dictatorial regime. It was a brilliant plan, and it would likely succeed, given the current instability of the Autobot Command.

Shakily, Blurr began to pull up the message system. This was huge, and he couldn't let it happen. He quickly located an Autobot channel, praying that it was one still in use. It only took a few kliks to copy the entire mission document into the message file. All he had to do was push send. He brought his finger to the control, but hesitated. If he did this he would die. That was fine. He had known that from day one. So why couldn't he do it? Firming his resolve he tried to send the command that would allow him to press down the control. His digit did not move. He sat there for what seemed to be an eternity, fighting with himself. His frustration mounted until he could no longer take it, ripping himself away from the keyboard. He sank down to the floor and wrapped his arms around his legs, hugging himself. Energon tears poured down his face. Why? Why couldn't he do it? He was a loyal Autobot. Sure, he thought their system was flawed, and if they had just listened to Lord Megatron then many problems could have been avoided. And his lover was here, that was true, but he still…wait. His lover? Shockwave had never touched him. Blurr was surprised to admit that he wanted him to though. Desperately. He was so caring and protective of him; he was everything he wanted in a mate. And, Lord Megatron? When had he started thinking of him as his Lord?

Confused, he stayed curled up, unable to stop shaking and crying. He knew he should get over it and do his duty, but… Shockwave and Megatron seemed to care. They protected him, were teaching him to protect himself, and didn't get annoyed with his need to constantly be in motion the way the Autobots did. Come to think of it, Longarm had been the only one who didn't treat him with a measure of exasperation or outright disdain. Even Ultra Magnus rarely had the patience to listen to a full report. Blurr didn't want to admit it, but the Decepticons treated him with more kindness than the Autobots had, with one notable exception. That just confused him more. Weren't the Autobots supposed to be fair and just, and accepting of everyone, no matter who they are?

That was how Shockwave and Megatron found him, curled up and sobbing next to the terminal. It was easy to determine what he had been trying to do, and it was just as obvious that he hadn't gone through with it. Blurr's head jerked up at the sound of the footsteps. Oily tears dripped down his face, splashing enticingly onto his chassis.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the fragile mech sobbed. "I couldn't do it. I just couldn't." He continued to cry, rocking back and forth with his arms around his knees. He hated how weak he was. First the attack, then not being able to do his job, and now bawling like a sparkling in front of the two most powerful Decepticons in the galaxy. Above his head, the two mechs exchanged a look. Without a word, Shockwave leant down and scooped Blurr up. He cradled the fragile form to his chassis and swiftly left the room.