Thanks so much for all the reviews. And thank you to K. Palafox and p for the ideas in this chapter. :) Sorry this took so long to update, but I've been really busy this week.
For those of you who were confused about my options for the previous poll, sorry about that.
d) Guava seeds is in the season 1 episode Hearts and Minds. Jack gives Kate some "slimy little blueish black thingys" (guava seeds) to put in Sun's garden.
e) Sinking is also from season 1, the episode Raised by Another. Kate plans to "sink her way right off the Island."
The song is Far Away by Nickelback, which has an awesome music video is awesome, by the way. :)
Chapter 7: Loved
I wanted,
I wanted you to stay.
'Cause I needed,
I need to hear you say
That I love you.
I've loved you all along.
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long.
So keep breathing,
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore.
Believe it,
Hold on to me and never let me go.
"Do ya' want another sandwich, Blondie?" James asked, reaching his hand into the picnic basket.
"No thank you," she told him, holding up the half finished ham and cheese one in her hand.
"These're real good," he complimented, taking a big bite. "Ya' make the best picnic food."
Juliet laughed and finished her sandwich. Then she lay down on the blanket, placing her head in James' lap. "I'm glad you like it."
James grunted in agreement, then fell silent, listening to the sounds of Dharma off in the distance. Children's shouts of joy mixed with the buzz of adults enjoying lunch on the nice sunny day.
"We should go to the cafeteria sometime," Juliet suggested. "I've heard that Hurley's food is really popular." James smirked, hiding his relief that Hugo seemed to have found his place already. As for the other two...
"He's just takin' advantage o' the whole time travel thing. Most o' the food he serves ain't even been invented yet."
"Well, it would be fun to do sometime." Juliet remained stubborn.
"Yeah, yeah." James tried to act uncaring, but Juliet knew she could convince him eventually. He decided it was time to change the subject. "What're we gonna do 'bout Jack?" James asked, voicing the question they were both thinking.
Juliet had been shocked enough to hear that some of the survivors had returned. Learning that Jack didn't remember a thing had only added to her sense of foreboding. How long would they be able to keep up this charade now? With so many people from the future wandering around, someone was bound to notice things were not right...
"We could say he's one o' the crew members from our ship."
"What?" Juliet asked.
"When we first met Horace, we told him we were from a salvage vessel, remember? He let us stay so we could find the rest o' our people. Jack could be one o' 'em. It just took him a long time ta' show up."
She was already shaking her head as James continued to talk. "No one would believe that he'd survived in the jungle for three years by himself. The first thing they'd ask is if he's a Hostile." James hated to admit it, but she was right.
"Ya' got a better plan then, Blondie?"
"I guess we just keep him at our house for now," Juliet decided. "He can't be wandering around the barracks talking about who knows what. People will start to ask questions."
"Yeah," James agreed, stroking her hair softly. Juliet closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling. "I guess we'll just have ta' wait 'til the next sub comes. Though I donno how long that could be..." he continued, reminding Juliet of another problem.
"Are we going to tell him it's 1977?" she asked, opening her eyes wide. There hadn't been much time to discuss anything when James and Kate had stumbled in the door the previous night, carrying a sleeping Jack between them. Now Juliet was thankful for a few moments of peace amidst the confusion. They desperately needed a plan.
"How do ya' think Mr. I-Never-React-Badly will feel?" James' question was filled with sarcasm, but Juliet had become so used to it that she hardly noticed anymore.
"He'll need a new nickname," she replied smoothly. James burst out laughing, grinning at her in appreciation. "We'll have to make sure Kate doesn't tell him," Juliet suggested but James was still chuckling, not paying attention.
"'N that's why I love ya'," he said lightly. But the phrase sounded more honest now.
Juliet noticed too. Odd, she contemplated. I thought the return of Jack and Kate would break us apart. But it seems to only be bringing us closer.
James pulled her into his lap and wrapped her in a hug. "I love ya'," he whispered softly, liking how the words rolled off his tongue. It had become so easy to say these days. Some o' it's thanks ta' Freckles, he thought, recognizing her role in this. An unwilling part of him had always been waiting for her. But now that she'd fallen head over heels for Jack, he was finally able to move on.
"I love you too, James," Juliet replied.
"I know. 'N let's hope that never changes." He moved their picnic basket off to the side and lay down, Juliet beside him. Neither of them said anything, too caught up in the moment. "Hey, ya' ever think o' getting' married some day, darlin'?"
Juliet sat up and glanced over at him, startled at the unexpected comment. "Why? Are you available?" she joked but James ignored her. He stared out across the water, contemplating. Juliet waited for him to continue with his train of thought, as she knew he would.
"I don't want the same thing ta' happen ta' us," he muttered.
"Um..."
"Oh, sorry. Just thinkin' aloud. But I don't want us ta' end up like Jack 'n Kate," James explained. Juliet still didn't understand. "They were engaged," he told her. She was surprised at the sudden rush of jealousy she felt. Jack was going to marry Kate. The idea seemed so absurd that Juliet rejected it immediately.
James saw he shaking her head and he frowned, hoping she didn't still have any feelings for the doctor. "It's true. Didja see the ring Kate was holdin' when we walked in? It was the engagement ring Saint Jack gave her."
Juliet felt sad for a moment, it was strange to imagine Jack marrying Kate. But then again, he'd always loved the brunette more. "She told you this?" Juliet asked, knowing the answer, but still wanting to hear James say it.
He looked surprised at how unhappy she sounded. "Yeah, Kate did. 'N she also thinks ya' don't like her much. Is that true, Jules?"
For some odd reason Juliet couldn't help comparing James to her father. They both had that same tone of voice, making her feel like she was in trouble. "No," she answered, not sure if she was lying or not. Juliet wasn't very fond of Kate, but she didn't hate her. At least, not anymore.
Back when she had been alone on a beach of strangers, Jack was her only friend and ally. No one should have blamed her for falling for him, but Kate did. And when Juliet realized just how deep Jack's feelings were for the young woman, she also understood that she herself didn't stand a chance.
I guess I'm still holding that against her, she thought. "I'm sorry," Juliet said aloud. "I didn't know she felt that way." And she was sorry. Maybe she should take a lesson from Kate and try to put the past behind her.
"Just try 'n be nicer, what'dya say, Sweetheart?" She answered by bringing her lips to his. James pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. When they broke apart, both were gasping slightly.
Then they lay back down on the blanket, Juliet snuggling into the crook of his arm, and listened to the sound of the waves. All their problems – and lunch – forgotten for the moment.
Jack was staring at the ring in his hand, trying to control the flashes of memories that were assaulting his mind. Then his vision faded and everything went black.
He is walking. Through the jungle. Following behind a group of people, but feeling like he should be leading. The weight of a backpack is heavy on his shoulders and his shirt is soaked with sweat.
Looking for someone, his eyes scan the trees until he spots her. Kate. She is sitting on a rock, near a small stream. He walks toward her, watching as she takes her shoe off and turns it upside down, shaking gently.
"You okay?" he asks, genuine concern filling his voice. She looks up to see who's talking to her, but doesn't smile. He senses her quiet despair and frustration, wishing he could make her smile instead.
"Yeah," she replies, brushing her hair out of her eyes. He hears her sighing and can almost picture her thinking, Go away, Jack. "I just...had a rock in my shoe."
He nods, pretending to believe her, but they both know she is not okay. He turns away, watching the large group of people slowly making their way through the foliage.
Kate is waiting for him to say something, knowing he is talking to her for a reason. She remains silent while he gathers his thoughts and bends down beside her. She doesn't look at him, pretending to be busy tying her shoe. But he is certain she will listen to what he has to say.
"He didn't mean it, you know," he tells Kate. Now she does look at him. Her expression is wary and he sees her glancing from side to side, looking for a way to escape if necessary. Old habits... he thinks, saddened that Kate still feels the need to run.
But for the moment, she stays still, waiting for him to continue. "What?" she asks.
"Sawyer." The name makes her look down in pain. He knows how hurt and lonely she must be feeling, which is why he is here talking to her. He wants to make those feelings go away. "When he said that he didn't want you to go with him, he didn't mean it." She smiles slightly, aware that he is trying to cheer her up.
"If he didn't mean it, why'd he say it?" Kate challenges.
"I was trying to protect you," he replies, not answering her directly. She looks at him, startled at his change of topic. "That's why I asked you not to come back for me." They both know he's not just talking about himself.
They lapse into silence and Kate stares at him with her deep green eyes. He breaks their connection before he gets lost in her gaze. Sighing slightly, he stands up and turns back towards the group. She pauses for a moment, confused at what has just happened, then she rises too.
"Hey," she begins, her voice stopping him from walking away. Of course he glances back, powerless to resist. Now there is a smile on her lips as she continues. "Why are you stickin' up for Sawyer? He'd never do it for you."
He isn't sure how to answer, so he chuckles and looks away. Suddenly, he knows what to say. He wonders how she will react, but it's the truth. And he figures it needs to be said. So he stares directly into her eyes, and tells her the one thing he thought he's convinced himself never to say.
"Because I love you."
"What do you remember?" Kate asked again, hoping this time Jack would answer her. After he'd said he remembered 'us', Jack had fallen silent. Now he was staring, unmoving, at a spot on the wall. She watched him, so exhausted by her lack of sleep these past few nights that she would have dozed off if it hadn't been for the anticipation.
Finally Jack appeared to snap out of his trance and he turned to look at her, confused and angry. "Who's Sawyer?" he asked and Kate nearly cried in frustration. After all that, the only thing Jack remembered was his worst enemy? It isn't fair! She wanted to scream at him. Why can't you remember me too?
When she didn't answer, Jack looked at her and his expression softened. "I love you," he whispered, all talk of Sawyer forgotten. Kate melted, smiling so much that it hurt.
Then they both realized what he had said. Jack flushed – whether in embarrassment or anger, she didn't know. He stood up, knocking the bowl of soup to the floor, not even noticing. "Why did I just say that?" he demanded. Kate was frozen, unable to say anything. She didn't even flinch when Jack stomped towards her and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her to her feet. "Why. Do. I. Love. You?" Each word was a separate sentence, every syllable filled with hatred. And behind that rage, Kate saw not only terrible confusion, but also bitter resignation and hopelessness.
"I – I don't know," she squeaked, terror finally setting in. Jack was still holding on to her arm and it was starting to go numb from the pain of his grasp. She could see that he had no intention of letting her go, and that frightened her more than anything.
The Jack she'd known would never have hurt her, no matter what. But this Jack didn't know her. To him, she was just another stranger. One who was lying to him, causing him pain. Kate had never seen Jack act this way, except to people who hurt her or their friends. Now she was the enemy, and for once she didn't know how to talk herself out of this. She'd thought she could handle Jack, but she'd been wrong.
"Answer me, Kate!" Unable to control herself, Kate began to tremble. She was so terrified, which Jack must have seen in her eyes, because he quickly released her and stepped away. He stood glowering at her for a few seconds before his anger drained away. "Oh god Kate, I'm so sorry. I don't understand what's happening to me."
She was still shaking, and when he moved closer, she backed away. "You're still just the same!" Kate shouted at him, her voice wavering. "You need to learn to let things go, Jack, or this is never going to work!"
He looked at her in bewilderment. "Or what is never going to work?"
Kate couldn't believe it, he still didn't understand! "Don't you get it? This," she pointed at him, then herself. "Us." Jack continued to stand there mutely. "That ring you're holding, you gave it to me. Do you remember that?"
He glanced down and saw that he was clutching something tightly in his fist. He'd completely forgotten about the ring. But what had Kate said? You gave it to me. "I'm pretty sure I wouldn't forget giving an expensive piece of jewelry to someone, Kate," he said, brushing off her question.
"It's more than just that," she told him softly. "It's an engagement ring."
He reeled back in shock, dropping the ring as he did so. "What are you trying to say? You think I gave this to you?" Jack demanded, glaring at Kate. She fell to her hands and knees without replying. Instead she mentally cursed herself for letting the ring get lost twice in one day. "Do you?" he repeated, his voice rising even more. Kate was sure people outside could hear him by now.
"Yeah, Jack. I do think that, because you did give it to me," she admitted, hoping if she answered his question he would calm down.
"Why the hell would I do that?"
"You loved me." Kate put emphasis of the past tense, since they both knew he didn't love her anymore. Not that he remembered loving her in the first place.
"So that memory I just had, it was real?" He spoke softly now, catching Kate's attention. She'd spotted the ring lying underneath the couch and as she was reaching under to get it, she realized what he'd said. She jerked her head up, hitting it on the bottom of the couch.
"Ow," she exclaimed, pain jolting through her. But she ignored it and focused on Jack. He was still standing there, looking more lost and confused than she had ever seen him. He started to move towards her, wanting to make sure she was alright, but then he thought better of it.
Kate slowly rose to her feet and stepped forward, stopping only when they were close enough to touch. She held his hand, clasping it in hers, and looked up into his tired face. The bruises from hitting the door this morning stood out against his pale skin, making him look even more exhausted.
I wonder if I look the same way, she thought briefly. It was taking all her concentration just to stand up straight and not fall over. I really need a nap. But would she even be able to sleep? "What did you remember?" Kate asked, bringing her attention back to Jack. She hoped she already knew the answer, but she wanted to be sure.
"I – " Jack wasn't sure how to describe it. "We were in the jungle, I think. And I said something about Sawyer. I don't know who that is," he realized, hoping Kate would fill him in. She didn't so he kept talking. "Then I told you I loved you."
Kate's heart beat faster as she thought back to that day. The first time Jack had said he'd loved her. Back then she hadn't known how to react, but she wished he would say the same thing now, and understand why he said it.
"Why were we in the jungle?" Jack asked, interrupting Kate's contemplation. "Were we on an island?"
"Not just any island, Jack. We were on this Island," she answered, telling him the truth. But will he believe it this time?
"So that plane crash you were talking about, it really did happen?" It seemed impossible, but Kate's story was becoming more and more real. He found himself longing to hear the sound of the ocean, to smell the scent of strawberries mixed with...something that he'd never smelt before but at the same time was so familiar.
What if she's right? he asked himself, not for the first time. That would explain why both James and Juliet seemed to know him. And why he felt a strange sense of, not intimacy, but closeness with Juliet. They had a connection, even though they were strangers. Then there was Kate. How was it possible that he was so attracted to a woman he'd only known for less than a day? But if he'd cared for her enough to propose, why didn't he remember it now?
"When I asked you to marry me, did I do it on the island?" he asked, unable to stop a small amount of skepticism from filling his voice.
"No. After we were rescued, we lived together for a while. You proposed to me then," Kate responded, leaving out the part about Aaron.
But Jack noticed her hesitation. "For a while? So we weren't...in a relationship, when we got on that plane?" He was uncomfortable referring to them as a couple, even though deep down he thought it seemed completely normal. It was too weird to think about living with a complete stranger.
Kate didn't answer. It wasn't something she wanted to think about. And before Jack asked again, he noticed her struggling to keep her eyes open. As much as he wanted answers, he was a doctor first and foremost. And he could see that Kate needed sleep, badly. "When was the last time you slept?" he asked, the question startling her. "And not just for a few hours. How long has it been since you've had a good night's sleep?"
"A while," she admitted reluctantly. Between losing Aaron and Jack's memory loss – even before that, when the nightmares of Claire started – Kate hadn't had a decent amount of rest for too long. She'd never been one to sleep for extended periods of time, but Jack's presence used to be enough to chase her fears away and help her relax. Except now he was part of the reason she lay awake every night. Even when she'd spent the night in his apartment before the flight, having him lying beside her hadn't helped to heal her broken heart. Broken because she'd lost Aaron.
Last night she'd tossed and turned, worrying about Jack, of course, but also thinking of her son. She wondered if he was happy, if he felt like he belonged now that he was with his real family. Did he miss her like she missed him? Did he ask about her? She could hear his small voice now. When is Mommy coming back? he'd ask, just the same way he'd asked about Jack.
"Kate." She blinked, realizing he'd been talking to her.
"Sorry, what?" She noticed tears in her eyes and she yawned, hoping to cover her despair.
"You're dead on your feet. Go take a nap," he suggested rather forcefully, reminding her of the leader he'd once been on the Island.
She didn't even try to fight him, just slowly made her way to the guest room.
* * * * *
Jack watched Kate walk down the hall, waiting until he heard a door close behind her. Then he sat back down on the couch, rubbing his head. The headache he'd woken up with had increased dramatically after talking with Kate. He still wasn't sure whether to believe her or not, but he wasn't seeing any other options.
And after she showed him that engagement ring, he was becoming more convinced. He had no memory of buying it, but he could almost picture himself giving it to her.
Do you really think I' m good at this? There it was again, that mysterious phrase that kept repeating in his head. He wasn't sure where it was from, but he was starting to think it had something to do with his proposal.
"Oh," he said aloud, remembering something else. He'd dropped the ring a few moments ago. Kate had been searching for it, but did she ever find it?
Jack stood up and bent down, scanning the floor. He thought he saw a tiny sparkle underneath the couch. Reaching for it, he was surprised when his hand connected with something else. Something that felt smooth and cool against his fingers. Definitely not a ring, because the ring was lying next to the object. He quickly snatched it and put in his pocket.
Then he felt around for the mysterious item. When he found it once more, it felt strange, nearly flat and longer than anything he could think of. He pulled it out, curious. It was a picture, one that had been laminated, which was why it was so smooth. But when he looked closer, what he saw nearly made his heart stop.
The photo was of him. He was standing in the sand, a large body of water behind him – which he assumed was the ocean. There was a little boy riding on his shoulders, holding a dripping ice cream cone, and they both had big smiles on their faces.
Who is the boy? Jack wondered. And why does Kate have this picture? He was sure she'd had it, why else would it be here? She must have dropped it when she hit her head on the couch.
Suddenly the sounds of the ocean filled his ears. He heard people laughing and shouting in the background, but that wasn't what held his attention. Though he couldn't see anything but the wall in front of him, he could hear Kate's voice as clearly as if she was standing right beside him.
He turned to look, but she wasn't there.
"Jack," she called. "Stand still. And Aaron, sweetie, be careful with your ice cream. It's going to drip right on Jack's head."
Then Jack heard someone chuckling and it took him a moment to realize that it was himself. But he wasn't laughing. At least, not right now. "Come on, buddy. Mommy wants to take a picture. Then we can go for a swim," he was saying. What the hell? Jack thought. I'm not saying anything.
The sound of more laughter distracted him and he wondered where it was coming from.
"But I don't wanna swim, Jack. I wanna catch fish like you did on the island," a little boy's voice said. Jack knew it was the boy in the picture.
"I didn't catch any fish," he replied. "That was mostly Sun and Jin. Oh, and Charlie did once or twice too." His voice turned sad for a moment. Who's Charlie? Jack wondered.
"Jack..." Kate warned him sternly. "Do you think it's a good idea to be telling stories about the Island?"
The Island? As in this island?
"Don't worry, Kate. It's not anything important. And he probably won't remember anyway." Jack was silent for a moment. "Besides," he continued. "I don't want to forget. I want to remember everything we went through, even the smallest details."
"I know," Kate replied.
Then Jack heard the clicking sound of a camera and after that, the noises faded. What was that? His mind was spinning in confusion and he worried that he was going crazy. Hearing voices... he thought to himself. Never a good sign. Then he caught sight of the picture in his hand and he understood what had just happened.
It was another memory. Except he didn't see anything this time. He could only hear. But it was enough.
Okay, so Kate and I were looking after the boy. Aaron. The name jolted something in his memory, but he didn't know why. So the question is: How long did we look after him? Was he living with us? That didn't make sense, but Jack felt the rightness of Aaron living in the same house with him and Kate.
"Oh shit," he said aloud as another possibility occurred to him. "Is Aaron my son?"
That was too much for him. He had to get out of here, this was all so crazy. But where would he go? As much as he didn't want to believe it, he was a stranger in a strange land. Here in this mysterious place with no prior knowledge other than the memories he was supposed to have, but didn't. Even if he could manage to escape, he had no idea where else to go. Maybe there was some way he could get back home, but it seemed unlikely at the moment.
He found himself craving another kind of freedom, one that was easily available to him. He felt around in his pocket and was comforted when he felt the familiar smoothness of the bottle.
"No," he exclaimed aloud, startling himself. He paused for a moment, hoping he hadn't woken Kate up. When she didn't come running out of her room, he sighed in relief and began pacing back and forth. "I am not going to become dependent on pills," he muttered to himself. "They are not going to be what gets me through the day."
Jack repeated this to himself a few more times, but he had a hard time believing it. For some reason, it already seemed too late for him. Like he'd fallen in too deep. I've never taken Oxycodone in my life, he assured himself. But if he had, would he even remember?
Without really being aware of what his actions, he made his way to the kitchen. "What am I doing?" he asked himself, feeling foolish. What had he been hoping to accomplish in here? Pulling out a chair and sitting down heavily, he put his head in his hands. The picture was placed on the table in front of him, he must have set it down without realizing it. And it was all he could think about.
I might have a son, and I don't even remember! What kind of father am I? Suddenly someone else's words flashed through his mind. You're not supposed to raise him. Who had said that? Then he remembered. Claire. Those were her dying words.
"She's not really dead," Jack reminded himself. "It was just a dream." But thinking about his dream reminded him of something else. Aaron had been part of it. He'd heard Aaron crying and then Sarah was there, keeping Aaron from him. What had she told him? That he wasn't fit to raise Aaron.
Then they were talking about Kate, he couldn't remember why, and she'd said...something...
"She's not going to help you. After everything you've done, I don't blame her," he said, repeating Sarah's words. What did I do? Does it have something to do with Aaron? Kate had told him they'd been living together for a while after the island. But they weren't together when they got on the plane that sent them back here.
"So did I leave Kate, or did she leave me?" he wondered. Either way, Aaron would have been affected. "Did I abandon my own son?" Maybe that's what Kate was holding against him. Why she would seem so loving one moment, then so cold the next. "And she deserves to hate me," he realized with a tinge of sadness. "If I really walked away from her and my own son, hell, I would hate me too."
He groaned and shut his eyes. But the image in the photograph filled his mind so he opened them again, wanting to distance himself from that memory. As he stared blankly ahead, looking out the window in front of him, he noticed a bottle of wine sitting on the counter.
Juliet and James had probably forgot to pack it with them for their picnic. "I don't think they'll mind if I have a glass," Jack mumbled, nearly desperate for something to take his mind off things. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it.
"Why the hell would I ever want to come back here?" he asked. It seemed like everything he'd ever wanted was back in L.A. And even though he didn't remember it, he began to long for the days he, Kate and Aaron might have spent as a family. He wished like hell that he could remember. But maybe that was his punishment for coming here.
"Oh god," he moaned, not liking this train of thought.
Then he stood up and grabbed the bottle from the counter, pouring some liquid into a glass and taking a big gulp.
When James walked in the door later that afternoon, he was surprised at how quiet the house was. "Aw, hell, Jules. Maybe we shouldn't 'a stayed out so late," he commented, worried about what trouble Freckles and the Doctor might have gotten into.
"James, it's not even dinner time yet. How much damage could the two of them do?" Juliet asked, standing beside him.
They were both surprised to see the couch was empty. A spilt bowl of soup lay on the floor and Juliet's heart beat faster. What had happened? "A lot o' damage," he replied, having firsthand knowledge of the problems they could cause. Whenever Jack was around, there always seemed to be some dilemma that he was sure to get involved in. And Kate would always be right behind him.
But maybe things have changed, James thought when Juliet pointed to the kitchen. A body was slumped against the table and for a moment his heart beat faster, having seen his share of dead bodies. But James relaxed when Jack started to snore loudly.
"Gee, the Doc is loud even when he sleeps." Then he entered the kitchen and swore. Jack was sitting in a chair, his head lying on the table and a nearly empty bottle of wine beside him. "Damn Spinal Surgeon drank our wine," he exclaimed, causing Jack to stir.
"Shhh," Juliet cautioned, stepping into the kitchen as well. "We should go check on Kate," she suggested.
"Well what about El Docko here? We can't just leave him."
"Maybe Kate would know how to handle him..." Juliet trailed off, realizing how bad her idea sounded already. Just shove the responsibility of Jack onto Kate. Way to give her a fresh start, Juliet, she scolded herself.
James rejected that plan immediately. "She don't need to see him like this anymore," he said and Juliet wondered just how much Kate had told him. Shit, James thought. Kate told me 'bout Saint Jack havin' drinkin' issues. Why didn't I take that bottle o' wine outta here? This was his mistake, and he was damn well going to fix it. "Let's put him in our room for now. When Kate wakes up we'll just tell her he's sleepin'."
Juliet raised an eyebrow, silently questioning his motives. "And where are we going to sleep tonight?"
Touché, he said to himself. Why does Blondie have ta' be so damn critical? "We'll wake him up by then. Or just move him back ta' the couch." James knew he was sounding like an idiot, going out of his way to prevent causing Kate any more pain. But after everything she'd told him, what else was he supposed to do? And he couldn't tell Juliet, because that would be violating Kate's trust in him.
"Look, I can't go inta details here, ya' wouldn't either if she'd toldja..." he began and Juliet's expression immediately hardened. She's still jealous, he realized. 'N a jealous woman ain't ever been a good thing. "Darlin', me 'n Kate're a thing o' the past. I promise," he tried to tell her, but she still looked at him skeptically. "Look, I already toldja I love ya', what more do ya' want?"
"I want you to stop keeping score," she answered. "I want you to be with me because you want to. Not because you're trying to prove something to yourself. I want you say you love me and really mean it."
James was startled, he didn't realize she'd thought he was still in love with Kate. At first it might have been like that, him choosing Juliet to help take his mind off Kate. But things were definitely different now. Of course, telling her that would only make things worse. "I am with ya' 'cause I wanna be," he told her, honesty filling his voice. "I really do love ya', Shortcake, ya' gotta trust me on that."
She didn't answer, but she also didn't push him away when he hugged her.
"Will ya' please help me move Jack? All I can say is that Kate's had ta' deal with him like this for the past three months. Can't we give her a break?" He saw Juliet's face soften and knew he'd managed to change her mind. Thank god.
They struggled to carry Jack, James holding his upper body and Juliet carrying his legs, through the house. Finally they reached the bedroom and, thankfully, the door was open. James noticed the guest bedroom's door was shut and he hoped Kate was getting some sleep in there. She'd seemed so tired this morning.
I wonder how her plan went, he thought, thinking of her idea to show Jack the engagement ring. Obviously not well, he commented to himself dryly, looking down at the unconscious doctor he was carrying.
They placed him on the bed, James being a little rougher than he should have, and Jack nearly flipped off. James chuckled slightly as Jack continued to snore, oblivious. "Nighty night, Docko. You're gonna have one hell o' a headache in the mornin'." He leaned closer so Juliet wouldn't hear what he said next. " N if ya' ever drink my wine again, I'm gonna teach ya' a lesson, Jackass. Kate don't need ta' deal with yer problems, she's got enough o' her own." James knew Jack probably couldn't hear him, but he needed to get it off his chest.
"James," Juliet whispered, motioning out of the room.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm comin', Sweetheart. Sleep tight, ya' jerk." Then he shut the door behind him.
Juliet looked at him sternly, not approving of his choice of words. "Give him a break, James. Jack's got a lot to deal with too."
"Yeah, well that's only 'cause he left Kate," James retorted, shutting his mouth before he could say anything else.
Juliet glanced at him with interest, but before she could ask him about that, the guest room door opened. Kate stepped out, rubbing her eyes.
"What's going on?" she asked slowly, voice still quiet from sleep.
"Did we wake ya'?" James apologized, feeling guilty. Kate still looked exhausted.
She shook her head, her long hair swinging behind her as she did so. James knew she was lying, she'd always tried to protect him, thinking he was so fragile. I ain't a damn butterfly, he'd always thought, annoyed by how sensitive she was around him.
That was one thing he loved about Juliet. She told the truth, no matter how hard that truth was and no matter how it made him feel.
"You should go back to bed, Kate," Juliet said. Both James and Kate glanced at her in surprise. "What?" she asked. "I used to be a doctor. Trust me, I know how bad sleep deprivation can be."
James smiled, glad that she was taking his advice and making an effort to be nicer to Kate. Of course, Kate herself was immediately suspicious, but she didn't say anything. She just smiled at Juliet. "Yeah, I think I will. Thanks."
Kate headed back to her bedroom, about to close the door when she thought of something. "Is Jack still on the couch? He told me to sleep for a while, but I worried that he might try and escape."
James chuckled bitterly, not enjoying the irony. "Don'tcha worry, Kate. He was sleepin' when we got back, so I told him he could use our bed for a while." Thought it wasn't technically a lie, he still felt bad about not telling the whole truth.
But the relief on Kate's face was worth it. "Thanks, Sawyer. I appreciate you looking out for him," she said as she tried to stifle a yawn.
"Get some sleep, Freckles," he said tenderly and Juliet pretended not to hear the affection in his voice. He cares about her, that doesn't mean he's in love with her, she told herself, trying to believe it.
"I'm going to go start dinner, it should be in a few hours," she said, already making her way to the kitchen. She knew she just needed to give James some time to get adjusted to Kate's presence once more. Of course things couldn't go back to normal right away. It would take a while.
That didn't mean she was happy about it, but James' next words lightened her heart. "How 'bout we dine at the cafeteria tonight, Blondie?" he suggested once Kate had gone back to bed. Juliet was impressed that he still remembered her suggestion from earlier.
"Sounds good," she agreed happily, sitting down on the couch and pulling him down beside her. Before James could reach for a book from the shelf beside him, she pressed her lips against his, thankful for the quiet moments they could still spend together.
Up next: Some male bonding time and Jack embarks on an adventure!