Horace the Memeticist
North of the wall, Henry Holdenfield said, "Hodor." Hamilton looks at the camera and says "Hodor" (laugh track). The camera zooms in on Harris' mouth and he says "Hodor" (louder laugh track). "No more Hodoring!" shouted Bran. Horace dropped Bran and kicked him in the face. Suddenly, they fell in a hole and fell down outside Winterfell. Bran looked over at Harry and said, "Wow you got us home! I forgive you Hammy." "Hodor" cheered Hans gratefully.
At Sunspear, some of the Vale tribesmen sallied forth from the castle and attacked the Braavosi. Tyson Lancaster was caught by an arrow, killing him instantly. George turned into a werebear and ran into the castle, stealing a huge amount of gold and mauling several guards. Roose was injured in the struggle. George ran out with all the gold and got on his flagship which had a fat pink mast. He sailed off leaving the army alone. Roose used magic to collapse the castle walls, causing most of the attackers to die. With diminished numbers, no leaders, and not enough ships to escape with, the Braavosi army broke and melted away into the country side. Knowing that he would be barred from entering Braavos due to his betrayal, George instead sailed for Meereen, where Dynyryes is. His genitals twitched with excitement.
At King's Landing, Cersei was having a small council meeting. Petyr was going on about treasuries and armies, "...we've not enough men or funds to deal with Stannis offensively due to our debt to the Braavosi. So, I've come up with a pla-" He was interrupted by Pycele raising his hand, "Y-your grace, I have very i-important news for you, ya-yes." Cersei passive-aggressively ignored him, sipping from her wine glass and starring off into the distance languidly. Pycele continued, "I have undergone the full measures needed to appropriately repair your beloved toy." He showed Meryn's head to the Queen. His jaw was fixed and completely clean of semen. Cersei dropped her wine glass and her eyes filled with joy, "Oh happy day! Come uncle we have family tidings to get to!" Kevan sat up so quickly that he knocked his own chair over and shoved the table into Petyr's stomach, knocking him to the ground. The Lannisters skipped out of the room graciously. Petyr, still laying on the ground, glanced up at Pycele, grinned, and tossed a purse of coins up to him. "Chaos," remarked Baelish, "is a ladder, and the only direction to go on a ladder... is up." Petyr's eyes looked over at the Iron Throne hopefully.
At Winterfell, Stannis' army had already departed and was quite a ways away from the city already. Stannis himself was just departing to catch up to his men, when he decided to speak with Rickon before leaving, "Now boy, I'm headin out ta the Iron Islands. Don't want me armies getting blindsided by em and dont want em sneakin round and grabben up Winterfell 'gain. Keep warm. Oh, an I'm takin Reek wiv me ta show em me boys mean business." The King sped away on his horse. Suddenly, Sam waddled up to him and mumbled, "Sentries spotted some bannermen marching on the city gates."
The army was led by Bran. He had founded his own Stark cadet dynasty known as the House Branning.
Rickon road out with his entourage of bodyguards and Sam. Bran met him with his bodyguards and Homer. The two boys scowled at each other. Rickon broke the silence, "Well then brother it comes to this. Winterfell, belongs to me, it is the will of King Stannis that I am made Lord. You have no right to challenge me." Bran barked back, "Nay, no outside from Dragonstone has right to compel himself upon the first men of the North. He may be King, but he surely is not kin. The throne is mine by blood right of primogeniture. Stand down to my forces and I will spare your life Rickon." Rickon sighed, "Bran you foolishly speak of 'rights' to the throne. The state is no play thing, and does not dabble in the abstract. Only numbers and swords give one claim to rule. Both of these things belong to me. I will use Stannis' left over catapults to batter your paltry 'army' to dust." Bran scorned, "I've Hamilton backing me. You cannot win." "Hodor" said Horace nervously. The two backed off to their camps.
At King's Landing, Cersei Jaime and Kevan hilariously fucked up Meryn's head without telling Lancel. They left the used up and broken head in Lancel's bed to taunt him.
Meanwhile at Olivar's playhouse Olivar and steve plowed while a crowd applauded and cheered at the circus.