Cast: Daisy the Bitch, Peach the Wannabe Bitch, Mona the Overachiever, Wario the Fat Bastard, Diddy the Normal, Dixie the Egomaniac, Yoshi the Hipster, Birdo the Pothead, Toodles the Superficial Gold-digger, Bowser the Obsessive Stalker
All was silent in the house after the horrific car crash. Well…silent until the vicious Koopson Voorhees heard a rummaging noise upstairs.
The noise was coming from Toodles who had ran upstairs right after the car crash occurred. She was frantically packing away her stuff.
"SHIT SHIT SHIT! That atrociously disgusting yet handsomely buff killer man is completely out of control! I was going to take over this marvelous lakehouse for myself if we killed that menace, but I guess that's out of the question now! The only thing left for me to do is pack all my expensive high-brand clothes and makeup collections and get out of here myself with Toadsworth's car. I'll just have to book it to Toadsworth's rotting dead body, snatch his keys, come back to his car and drive off! I'm sure the others will handle themselves just fine. Honestly, all they really need to do is have Bowser fall backwards onto that hockey killer man and he'll be killed with those spikes on his shell that look sharper than my overgrown toenails!" Toodles ranted to herself as she threw everything into her bags.
BANG!
Toodles shrieked and jumped at the noise coming from the door.
BANG!
It had to have been Koopson Voorhees.
BANG!
"Oh my goodness! How on earth did this brute find me!? That is completely unfair! I'm not even finished packing yet!" Toodles stupidly pouted.
Koopson finally managed to smash open the door as Toodles screamed in horror.
"OH NOOOOOO! NOW, UHH, WAIT A SECOND HERE! In exchange for not killing me, I could, um, give you a makeover, you hunk of a murderous man, you! Honestly, your skin looks like it's in DIRE need of moisturizing, and your hockey mask…just…UGH! Was that really the best hockey mask you could find? I'm almost certain there are cleaner ones lying around! Heaven knows that the peasants of this country throw out all kinds of valuables!" Toodles went on another unnecessary rant as Koopson just stood there, staring at her the whole time.
"Um…do you even speak, my dear? This conversation is highly one-sided and I'm honestly feeling very uncomfortable right now. GOODBYE!" Toodles spat and tried to speed out of the room, but Koopson was quicker than her as he swiped the machete at her left leg, leaving a long gash.
"AAAHHH!" Toodles shrilled and fell to the floor. "Damnit! How much is that going to cost to fix and cover up!?"
Koopson walked over to her and put his foot onto her temple.
"AH! Get your filthy boot off my head! Good god, is this how I'm going to die!? By a smelly, putrid, skin-diseased, heathen with a terrible sense of fashion!? I thought I was destined to die a glamorous death!" Toodles whined. Koopson lowered the machete to the left side of her neck and began cutting into it like a saw. Toodles screamed in tremendous pain as blood spurted out everywhere while the machete kept slicing through. Her screams became muffled and distorted as Koopson got halfway through the 'sawing.' He finally got to the other end and sliced her head perfectly off her body as a massive blood puddle formed on the floor.
Peach, Daisy, Wario, and Mona ran out towards the beach and stopped to catch their breath.
"Fuck! I just realized, we're all split up again! This is absolutely horrible, you guys!" Mona frantically pointed out.
"Damnit…it's…times like these where I wish I had joined the stupid cross-country team at my high school…" Wario said between heavy breaths.
"I-I-I can't believe Mario is dead! He sacrificed our lives for us…AND IT DID NOTHING IN THE END! WAAAHHHHH!" Peach cried while falling to her knees.
"You know what? This is karma for you guys being heartless cheaters on your partners! You guys thought you could get away with this secret forever, huh!? WELL, TOO FUCKING BAD! MY BOYFRIEND IS DEAD, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS DEAD, AND THE OTHERS ARE LIKELY DEAD TOO!" Daisy dramatically screamed.
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Mona yelled and smacked Daisy, completely surprising her and throwing her off. "You know, you are seriously being of no help right now, with your constant whining and blaming everyone for what's happening! It sucks that you got cheated on but we have bigger issues at hand, so either get it together or we'll leave you behind!"
"DAMN STRAIGHT! You tell her, sexy lady!" Wario co-signed and kissed her on the cheek.
Daisy made a vicious growl and shot Mona a glare. "You have some serious guts smacking me like that, you little bitch. You know what? Fuck all of this and fuck all of you! I'll find a way out of here myself and leave you all to deal with that monster because you're all FAKE!"
"HEY! Call my girl a bitch again and I'll smack you on the other cheek!" Wario threatened.
"You…you know what, Daisy?" Peach shakily spoke as she slowly stood up. "You go right on ahead. Leave us. I'd rather have Mona and Wario by my side than your bitchy, loud-mouthed, crazy, annoying, psychotic ass whose clothing is sooooo beyond tacky and needs a better fashion sense when it comes to shoes! I'm sorry I cheated with Luigi, but the fact that you're so angry that you think us getting killed off by some ugly koopa that came from the lake is justified is disturbing and disgusting! I NEVER WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND EVER AGAIN! NO MORE SHARING MY STRAWBERRY-FLAVORED TEQUILA EITHER!"
Daisy looked beyond shocked at what she said. "You…you…YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME, YOU STUPID BLONDE BIMBO! UGGGGGHHHH, FORGET THIS SHIT! I HOPE YOU ALL FUCKING DIE IN THE GORIEST WAY POSSIBLE!" Daisy then stomped off but suddenly stopped and screamed as Koopson Voorhees came out from behind a tree. Mona, Peach, and Wario screamed as well and backed away while Daisy was so startled that she fell backwards. She struggled to get herself back up, but Koopson got to her by picking her up and throwing her at the tree that he came behind from. She hit the tree with her stomach mostly and groaned and cried out in pain. She saw him walking to her again but was too weak to move in time. Koopson grabbed her by the hair as Daisy screamed again and he bashed her face into the tree. Then he did it again. And again. And again. And again. Her face was completely mangled and bloody.
"AHHH! YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT!? THAT WAS SOOOOO DISGUSTING!" Peach cried as she slowed down to catch her breath with Mona and Wario.
"Wait…guys, look at that! Over there! That's the toolshed, isn't it!? We can use whatever is in there to kill Koopson!" Mona pointed to the somewhat nearby shack that was some feet away from them close to the waters.
"Good! Let's kick some hockey-jockey ass!" Wario declared.
"Really, Wario? Hockey-jockey?" Peach reproached.
"AWW GODDAMNIT! How the hell did I get stuck with you guys again!?" Diddy loudly groaned as he stopped his running in the woods, realizing he was with Yoshi, Birdo, and Dixie again, along with Bowser this time.
"Uhh…what!?" Bowser yelped, completely confused.
"Oh yeah, context. When we were playing the hide and go seek game, us four tried to hide together, but then somehow Dixie revealed to Diddy that she was cheating on him for Yoshi, which caused Diddy to go berserk and break up with Dixie, which then for some reason caused my boo, Yoshi, to break up with Dixie cause Dixie revealed that she was only with him for popularity reasons," Birdo explained.
"Okay, I did not go berserk, you blockhead! I was just pissed off for all the right reasons!" Diddy pointed out.
"Wow. Um, okay. Diddy, can I ask you something? How oblivious are you? Like, even I knew that Dixie was cheating on you for Yoshi for a long time now. Hell, I'm even more surprised that you didn't break up with her before this because the chick is a fucking mental case!" Bowser arrogantly asked.
"WHAT!? YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS TOO!? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME EITHER!? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING HORRIBLE AT COMMUNICATION!" Diddy screamed and threw his hat on the ground in anger.
"Oh, fuck you, Bowser! At least I'm not deluded enough to keep kidnapping Princess Peach over 9000 times when Mario kicks your ass and gets her back every single time!" Dixie spat.
"Anyone else notice how she didn't deny being a mental case? Reading between the lines can be so fun!" Yoshi cheered.
"SERIOUSLY YOSHI!? YOU TOO!? Why the fuck am I still being hated on by everyone when, first off, we're being chased by a killer, and secondly, it's going completely overboard!" Dixie cried.
"Because you're a fucking narcissistic, sociopathic bitch, that's why!" Bowser swore, surprising Diddy at his language.
"Yeah! Sociopaths belong in the mental institution! You, Diddy, should be ashamed for not sending her to one beforehand!" Yoshi yelled while pointing his finger at him.
"Don't talk to me, girlfriend stealer! You're just as sociopathic as she is considering you don't even feel bad for cheating with my ex-girlfriend!" Diddy accused.
"You tell him, Diddy! Seriously, has anyone else noticed why the fuck Yoshi is so upbeat all the time? It's because he's secretly a psychopath who virtue signals to everyone about peace and love and there being more than two genders! WHICH THERE ISN'T!" Bowser said.
"You shut up too, Bowser! You're no better than anyone else here! Now I'm seriously regretting ever hanging out with you guys because you're all just a bad influence on everyone and you're all beyond nutty! YOU ALL NEED TO BE SENT TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION!" the chimp pointed fingers at everyone and was red hot in the face.
"Okay, as fun as this is watching everyone accuse each other of being psychotic, which is totally true by the way, shouldn't we be, like, trying to escape the killer right now?" Birdo pointed out.
"You know, I just realized something…all that yelling we did probably drew Koopson Voorhees over here…" Bowser gulped.
"Well, if we die, then we can just blame Dixie then!" Yoshi dumbly said.
"STOP IT! I GET IT, I'M A SOCIOPATHIC BITCH LOSER! PLEASE JUST STOP ATTACKING ME ALREADY! I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON!" Dixie screamed while sobbing.
"You forgot the word 'narcissist' in that sentence!" Bowser added then snickered.
"You will have fully learned your lesson, Dixie, once you attend my Gender Studies class. This conversation we've had about psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths is a perfect segue for a class discussion about how society views mental disorders differently from one gender to the other," Birdo added in the most unnecessary way.
"My god, we're all going to fucking die…" Diddy exhaled miserably and dropped to the ground.
"Okay, for real though, we need to focus! So, we have two choices here: the first one being find the rest of our friends and escape, or the second one being we just escape by ourselves and hope the others get out too. Which one you guys wanna do?" Bowser strategized.
"Uhh, shouldn't there be a third option, one where we try to kill Koopson!?" Dixie said.
"Are you fucking crazy!? Actually, don't answer that, because we all know that you are. Anyways, I'm not risking my life trying to kill that giant, muscular, husky-looking, thick-bodied…uhh I-I mean, um, murderous tyrant! Yeah. If we escape, we'll find the police station and send them over here and have them handle it!" Bowser answered.
"Ugh…he…has a point. The safest way to secure all our survival is to gather everyone else up and just try to head out of here with one of the other cars. This guy is too powerful for any of us to handle!" Diddy reluctantly agreed.
"See, I WOULD agree with that, but Bowser's wimpy ass won't even bother to at least try to claw Koopson Voorhees to death!" Dixie exclaimed.
"I have to concur on that. Your claws are longer than my nails and toenails combined. Plus, your hands are so scaly and dry. Ever thought of getting a manicure?" Birdo asked.
"Yeah, actually, I've thought about setting up an appointment with…I-I MEAN, UM, SHUT UP DIXIE! Yeah, I'm a wimp, so what!? I care about living, you know! You of all people shouldn't judge, you slutty, stupid, vapid, ugly, crazy, LUNATIC!" Bowser was now going overboard on the insults to Dixie which made her cry again.
"WAAAHHHH! THAT IS IT! FUCK ALL OF YOU, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE BY MYSELF!" Dixie screamed through her tears and ran back.
"Wait…DIXIE! STOP! KOOPSON VOORHEES IS HEADING RIGHT IN YOUR DIRECTION!" Yoshi squealed and everyone else screamed when they saw the killer appear in their sight, walking right to Dixie.
"FUCK! I knew all that screaming was gonna bring him here! This is all your guys' fault!" Bowser yelled, not realizing the hypocrisy in his statement.
"You were yelling too, dumbass!" Diddy retorted and smacked him in the face with his tail.
"AH! SHIT! That's gonna leave a mark, isn't it!? Fuck you Diddy for messing up my face!" Bowser growled.
"It was already messed up in the first place!" Diddy spat.
The monkey gal ignored Yoshi's plea, still crying, and headed aimlessly forward, eventually bumping right into Koopson Voorhees himself. Dixie wiped her eyes with her hands and looked up, screaming at the ugly sight of the hockey-masked, pruny-skinned koopa man.
"OHHHH SHIT! WHY DOES SO MUCH BAD STUFF KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!? MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRRR!" Dixie screamed through her crying, accepting her fate. Koopson stabbed his machete through the bottom of Dixie's jaw, which went through her mouth, and into her nasal area. The other four screamed at the bloody murder as Koopson lifted her entire body up with the machete still stabbed into her head, and then used the machete to throw her towards the group, which sliced through the front of her skull and face. The group screamed again and ran off.
EOC.
3 chapters remain, and so do 7 characters! Next chapter will begin the fight back against Koopson Voorhees, but obviously, not everyone is going to survive! 3 more characters will also die next chapter. The next chapter will be uploaded on October 31. See you soon!