No soy dueño de Merlín, y nunca lo haré.
Dear Fanfiction,
Oh dear. It would seem Merlin has discovered the fem!Merlin stories. I'm afraid this is going to go quite badly, he's known to be a bit touchy about things like this. Oh well, we'll just have to weather the storm of rage and wounded masculinity.
I personally don't really mind these fics. It is of course, completely weird and wrong to ship Merlin and Arthur (as his wife, I'm allowed to have an opinion on this), but beside that issue, it's not so bad. Merlin would make a pretty great woman, I think. It might be kind of nice actually, to have a female ear, since all my friends are men. Ooh, but he'd be so much prettier than me! No, that wouldn't do at all.
Sincerely,
Gwen
Dear Fanfiction,
This is priceless! There are whole stories where Merlin is a girl! Well, I always said he was, didn't I? I can't wait to see his face when he finds these. Some are a bit creepy, though. I mean, a female Merlin and me falling in love? That's disgusting. He'd be an ugly woman anyways.
No, I like the ones where he gets turned into a girl. Can you imagine? Not like he'd be all that different if that actually happened. He'd still be the same bumbling, softhearted, skinny idiot. I might not even notice.
Wait...
What if...
What if Merlin did get turned into a girl and I couldn't tell the difference? What if he's a girl right now?
That little weasel, getting genderswapped and not even telling me. I bet he's been hiding it so he can tell me on a quest and make me feel guilty about assigning him all the hard work. Actually, I feel a bit guilty now; I told him to clean the entire castle with a toothbrush this morning...
Meh, I'm sure he(she)'s fine.
Though that would explain his visits to the "tavern" for several days at a time every few weeks...
That settles it. Merlin is a girl. How am I going to tell Gawaine?
Sincerely,
Arthur
P.S. You know, I never thought Merlin would need his virtue protected from Gawaine. This should be interesting.
Dear Fanfiction,
Holy mother of an illegal gryphon. Why would you do such a thing.
I am a man, thank you very much, and I would prefer to remain so.
Do such spells even exist? Never mind. I don't want to know, and I certainly don't want to know if Gaius knows.
Also, if I were a girl disguised as a man, someone would be bound to notice. I live with Gaius, Morgana could tell magically, Gwen does my laundry, I get drunk frequently with Gawaine, and even Arthur's not that dense.
Plot issues aside, why do you want me to be a woman? Most of you are girls, right? I guess I should be flattered by the guys who write me that way though. Flattered and a little bit weirded out.
So to be clear, I am in fact, a male. My name is Merlin Emrys. Not Merlinne, Merlyn, Meryl, Megan, Melian, Marilyn, Sherlin, Emery, Emily, Emme, Eira, Evanna, Emlyn, Ryesen, or Reece. Merlin Emrys.
Sincerely,
Merlynn- I mean MERLIN