A/N: Really, we updated? Okay, so this chapter wasn't originally planned but with the way Season 8 sounded in August we did up with 3 songs for this thing, two for this chapter and one for the next. TV Guide released some article in September that gave a sum up of what the characters would be up to in the new season, including that Nick is being pruned to be the next Grissom (WTF? We love our Nicky, but that's just messed up), this chapter is a result of that. Oh, and Sara's not going anywhere, screw canon.
A/N 2: Dead Trunk Guy's name changes from "Neil Cohen" to "Neil Johnson" randomly in chapter 6. Sorry about that, I think it's fixed now.
A/N 3: A few song parody Sing-A-Longs are now available on our youtube account, see our profile for the link.
The first song is an original number titled "TV Guide". The second is a parody of "Leader of the Pack".
Chapter 7: Billings
"What in God's holy lands happened here?" Sara's modest lace-up sandals kicked cliché red plastic cups out of her way as she entered the lab's garage.
The concrete floor was littered with sleeping lab employees and their garbage. Bobby had made a home behind the toolboxes, using a half-eaten bad of potato chips as a pillow. Archie was slumped over a soundboard, one leg supported by an amp. Catherine was sprawled out in the middle of the floor in a sequined top. As Sara approached her co-worker, she slipped in what she hoped was spilt alcohol and almost dropped her bags of evidence.
"What the…?" Nick said as he popped out of nowhere and caught Sara and her evidence.
"I asked the same question." She said, righting herself.
"We didn't have enough designated drivers," the pair spun around to see Hodges in the doorway, buttoning up his navy lab-coat, "so whoever was trashed just kind of slept where they fell."
"Lovely." Sara said examining their surroundings like she did a crime scene, she frowned upon spotting the lop-sided disco ball.
"So…I'm thinking: party?" Nick suggested.
"And I wasn't invited?" Sara said with mock-offence.
"Tragedy. They must be blind to your obvious party-girl persona." Hodges returned
"Well if that's a party girl," Sara indicated the snoring Catherine, "I'm quite fine with being anything but."
"I'm in the credits." Hodges said.
"What?" Nick and Sara asked in unison at the trace Tech's random declaration.
"Yep. That's right, Davy Hodges is moving up in the billings." He sighed, "Life is good."
"Again," Night said. "What?"
"I hope your not feeling under too much pressure with your big promotion looming on the horizon."
"Oh, don't remind me…" Nick groaned.
"What? What promotion?" Sara demanded. Whenever the words "Nick" and "promotion" got to close together Sara's mind a nervous tick formed in her left eye. This was the result of loosing the key position to him in Season 4. It ended up being cancelled due to budget cuts, but it still bugs Sara.
"Didn't you hear?" Hodges asked.
"No."
"It's all here in the latest issue of TV Guide," he explained, pulling the September 30th issue out of his lab coat and handing it to Sara. She began to read.
"Holy Shit!" Warrick said, entering the garage and totally not addicted to any substances whatsoever.
"We know." Nick said.
As Warrick began the project of waking up Catherine, Hodges lost interest in this scene and departed to work on his super cool board game so it can be ready for distribution by Christmas.
"Oh no they didn't!" Sara exclaimed.
"What?" Nick asked.
"Get up Catherine!" Warrick instructed his co-worker.
"No, five more minutes, Mom…" They heard Catherine mumble.
"I can't believe them! Carol Mendelsohn, you've been a thorn in side…weight on my shoulders, I'll show them weight on their shoulders…trading me in for bugs, how ironic…supervisor in waiting…" Sara muttered.
"What are you muttering about, Sara?" Nick asked.
"Listen to this," Sara began to read from the magazine. "'"The question always is: Grissom is the supervisor, but who is the-supervisor-in-waiting?" Mendelsohn explains. The evidence says it probably won't be Sara.'" Sara crunched the magazine with angry hands. "What evidence? I demand to see this so-called evidence! What makes them think I can't be supervisor?"
"Well…" Nick said, "You're not in the cast shot," reminding Sara of the picture accompanying the article.
"Shut up." Sara snapped.
"Coffee." A woozy Catherine demanded from her position leaning on Warrick. "Coffee. Now."
"Good morning, Catherine." Sara said as Nick departed briefly to fetch coffee for their friend. "Sleep well?"
"Screw you, brunette-ie."
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the Garage." Sara deadpanned.
"What are you reading?" The blonde asked.
"TV Guide, your in here if you wa-"
Catherine snatched the magazine from Sara, took her coffee from Nick and removed herself to the corner.
Seizing the opportunity, Nick asked Sara about her date with his friend Anthony.
"Horrible. We are never speaking of it again."
"Date?" Warrick asked. "What date?"
"Never mind." Sara said, she changed the subject. "So Warrick, did you get a chance to read the article?"
"Oh yes…" he begin, music started and he began to sing.
Warrick:
After picking up
TV Guide
I must admit
I was horrified
My marriage is
Going down the drain
And then some mobsters
Will cause me pain
Sara, Nick and Warrick:
It's evident
That were all fuc-
We just meant
That we're all fuc-
It makes perfect sense
That we're all fuc-
There's evidence
That we're all fucked up.
Catherine got up from her perch in the corner. She gulped down her coffee, threw the empty cup on the floor and joined the others in song.
Catherine:
Making lines
With Library cards
To the big guy
I send my regards
To a new project
I must commit
Time for change
Because my life is shit
All:
It's evident
That were all fuc-
We just meant
That we're all fuc-
It makes perfect sense
That we're all fuc-
There's evidence
That we're all fucked up.
Nick:
Reading Magazines
In the Grocery Store
Saw an article
That I couldn't ignore
I thought in the box
I was pretty stressed
Supervisor in waiting,
Who would have guessed?
All:
It's evident
That were all fuc-
We just meant
That we're all fuc-
It makes perfect sense
That we're all fuc-
There's evidence
That we're all fucked up.
Unknown to the CSIs, Hodges appears, sees them singing and then runs back out again.
Sara:
I'm under a car
Suspended in time
Let me off the hook
This is a crime
And about Grissom?
He gets a beehive
And he better hope
That I'm still alive
All:
It's evident
That were all fuc-
We just meant
That we're all fuc-
It makes perfect sense
That we're all fuc-
There's evidence
That we're all fucked up.
Grissom entered with a siren. He proceeded to press a button on the top which filled the garage with an ear-splitting BEEP! The four CSIs clutched their ears and stopped singing, the sleeping lab rats on the floor and equipment were shocked out of their slumber with cries of protest. Grissom glared at them all.
"EVERYONE. WORK. NOW!"
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
After assigning Catherine the job of cleaning the people out of the garage, Grissom found himself across a desk from the honorable Judge Turpin.
"Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, your Honor." Brass addressed the judge from his seat beside Grissom after they had made introductions. "We just have a few questions for you, part of an on-going investigation."
"Ask away."
"We were wondering the nature of the calls made to you on the night of the fourteenth at 10:24 pm and 11:06 pm from a one Neil Cohen." Grissom asked, studying the Judge's dull gray eyes.
"May I inquire as to why?"
"You were the last call he made before he was killed." Grissom said, placing a picture of Neil's deceased head and neck, slit throat displayed, on the Judge's desk for him to see.
"That's terrible." The Judge showed no signs of shock. "When he didn't answer I assumed he was busy, I never thought…"
Brass asked, "the first call lasted just over three minutes, what did you talk about?"
"Business."
"Did Mr. Cohen worked for you?"
"Yes. I employ two assistants, he was one."
"Two?" Grissom asked in a tone which clearly expressed that two personal assistants were more than enough for the Judge.
"Yes. I have a lot of errands to run and I'm a very busy man."
"What's the name of your other assistant?" Brass asked, taking out his standard issue notebook and a plain black pen.
"Beadle Bamford."
"Now, how can we get into contact with Mr. Bamford?" Brass asked the Judge as he jotted down the name.
"I'm afraid he's taken Vacation time to see his mother. Neil was covering for him."
"Did Mr. Cohen and Mr. Bamford get along? Was there any tension between them." Grissom asked.
"No. They had a perfectly professional relationship."
"Can you think of anyone who held a grudge against Neil?" Brass asked. "Any one who would want to hurt him?"
The corner of the Judge's mouth curled up. "We all have enemies, but I can think of none of Neil's."
"Had he been acting strangely? Late for work, mysterious phone calls?" Brass asked.
"No and no. This was all very sudden."
"And where were you that night, your honor?" Grissom asked, Brass shot him a look out of the corner of his eye.
"Here. And dozens of respectable city employees will testify to that." The Judge's tone clearly informed Brass and Grissom that the meeting was over. "As soon as Bamford returns I'll send him in to answer any further questions you may have. Until a such time arises, we are done here."
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
"So when you heard that I was moving here a hundred percent single your first thought was to set me up with your boss's ex-girlfriend?" Anthony told Nick over his phone as he waited in line at Shelly's Seafood drive-through. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in front of him, the other holding the phone to his ear.
"Okay, in hindsight, not my best idea. But hey, Sara's a cool girl!" Came his friend's voice. Nick had called to ask how his date with Sara had gone and Anthony had told him outright that it had been a bad idea. Quite frankly, the night had been a disaster.
"Maybe, but…I don't know…she seemed really out of it." He found himself explaining. "She hardly said anything. So I just kept rambling and rambling saying anything that I could think of…"
"Don't tell me you told her the swordfish story…"
"I panicked!"
"Man…I set you up with a perfectly nice woman and you tell the swordfish story?"
"I can get on fine by myself."
"Are you?"
"As a matter a fact…."
"Oh really, you're telling me, like an actual living, breathing woman?"
"Yes."
"Well, tell me about her!"
"Well she's an artist…a painter." Johanna spent her days painting flowers mostly, Anthony was encouraging her to think outside the box. Her father did not like this.
"Oh, that's nice, see? There's hope for you!"
"Yeah…I only met her last week but we're moving pretty fast." Anthony pulled up a space as the line moved. "It's almost perfect without her father giving me the skink-eye, he's drivin' us both up the wall. But when were away from him, it's like she just lights up, y'know?"
"It sounds like you guys really hit it off. If things are going so well, why'd you agree to go out with Sara?"
"Well…you know this whole Vegas thing's not really working out for me. I'm thinking about moving back home, I don't want to get serious with her and then just up and leave. I'd guess I was just helping you out, you sounded pretty desperate."
"Take her with you."
"Take who where?"
"Take your new girl with you, if you're both miserable here, then…"
"I don't know if Johanna would go for that."
"Just think about it. Get a place by the ocean and see if you can make each other happy."
"You're getting sentimental on me, Nicky."
"Just think about it."
"I will." Anthony said pulling up beside the take-out window. "My order's up. Gotta go."
"Just remember to thank me at your wedding." Nick chuckled before hanging up.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Later that shift, Mandy was running the mountain of prints recovered by Grissom and Sara at Neil Johnson's apartment in an attempt to advance the plot when Wendy entered.
"Have you heard?" She asked.
"Heard what?" Mandy responded.
"About Nick being the next Nightshift Supervisor, Grissom's successor."
"It's true?"
"Oh, yes."
"I thought that was just a rumor."
"No way, everyone's talking about it." Wendy spotted Catherine through the glass wall of the print lab and waved her over. As she entered, music began to play.
"Got results for me?"
"Not exactly." Mandy drawled.
"We were just talking about Nick's promotion." Wendy informed Catherine.
"Oh, don't get me started on that!" The blonde fumed.
Mandy frowned, but she was not surprised. "I take it your not thrilled by the news."
"Ya think?"
"Why not?" Wendy asked.
Catherine:
I am next in the billings!
If Grissom leaves his job is mine,
I'm the next in line!
Mandy and Wendy:
You're in disbelief?
Catherine:
How can Nick become…
All:
Leader of the Lab!
Catherine:
Here at the lab, I am the second in command
Mandy and Wendy:
Command!
Catherine:
I'm Gil Grissom's right and left hand man
Mandy and Wendy:
What do you mean you're his right and left hand man?
Catherine:
I've always had his back!
Now Nick's head of the pack?
No way he's gonna be…
All:
Leader of the Lab!
Catherine:
Not that Nick's not a good CSI
Not that he's not a real stand up guy
Mandy and Wendy:
Then why can't he take over?
Catherine:
Because it is my turn,
When will everyone learn?
When Grissom's gone I'll be…
All:
Leader of the Lab!
Catherine: (spoken)
This rumor can't be true, I outrank Nick
I will be the one to front this show
I will be the one in the corner office
Once it's Grissom's time to go
No more Emerson, Freud or Romeo!
Mandy and Wendy:
Wherefore art though my subordinate?
Catherine:
He's a good leader and so clever
We'll miss him, but he won't be here forever
Not saying I can replace
Or that I just can't loose face
But Nick can't be the…
All:
Leader of the Lab!
"Well," Mandy sighed. "If you're so worked up about this…maybe you and Nick should have a good talk."
Catherine's smile was on the definite evil side. "I think I will do just that." She departed with a swish of her strawberry blonde hair.
Wendy gave Mandy a curious look. "You know, if Nick survives that encounter, he's coming after you."
TBC
Oh, watch out, Nicky! Sorry we haven't been updating, we both been really busy and got a bit of writer's block.