Judy Hoffs let out a weary sigh, the phone screwed tightly to her ear. She had spent the last few hours switching between panic and frustration, they were telling her nothing and she was worried sick.

"I understand that Captain, but it's been four hours...yes I know...he's' sleeping. I finally got him to quit asking for Doug but now he wants Hanson...How bad is he Fuller?...Well, what's he doing?...You really think that's a good idea?...Ok sir, sorry. I'm sure you're doing the best you can...I know, but I've got a very distressed five year old who wants his uncles...Sure...No don't worry about it...Yeah. Just look after him Captain please...I know. Bye sir."

Placing the phone back in its cradle for what seemed like the millionth time that night she walked over to the door that led to the spare bedroom and looked in on the small boy who was fast asleep, his little fingers nearly turning white from gripping the blanket. The poor kid had been through so much already in his short life, it didn't seem right. She bent down and gently stroked his hair before carefully loosening his grip. She had tried her best to explain to him what was happening, but she didn't think he quite understood. She kissed him fondly on the forehead before quietly leaving the room.

She crossed the living room and returned to her vigil at the large window, looking for any sign of the familiar blue mustang coming down the road. She knew it was pointless, after her conversation with Fuller she was convinced it was, but it gave her something to do. Something other than think. Nothing Fuller had said had put her mind at rest. She needed to see him for herself, needed to put her arms around him and let him know it was ok. That whatever he was going through, whatever he had done, she would be there to help him get through it. Although what she could possibly say to him to make any of this any better she had no idea.

She found herself wondering why, after the things that had passed between them, she still cared about him. Well it was simple really. None of it had been him. The man she knew would sit outside your window all night just to make sure you'd be ok, could make everything better with a kind word. Over the years, against her better judgement, this man had managed to become her world.

She thought back to that night at the restaurant before he had suddenly become so angry. She remembered how it was like his eyes flickered and he was suddenly a different person. She knew something was wrong back then. The next morning had just worried her more.

Four days earlier.

The early morning quiet surrounded the Chapel as the three figures sat at the large table in the centre of the room. Hoffs was desperately trying to finish the paperwork from her last bust, which should have been handed in days ago, but somehow had managed to escape Fullers notice. Ioki was doing his best to try and help but was finding it hard to concentrate and kept looking out the window with a faraway look in his eyes. However, both young officers kept throwing angry glances to their companion who was drumming impatiently with a pen on the wooden surface. Not being able to stand it anymore Harry reached over and snatched the pen roughly from his friend's hand. Doug looked up with questioning eyes, his fingers still holding the pen that was no longer there.

"What?" he asked

"I'm trying to concentrate." Harry snapped in his heavily accented voice.

"Sorry" Doug said sheepishly. After only a few moments however he commenced his drumming, only this time it was his large fingers that were tapping out the monotonous rhythm.

"Doug, please" Hoffs barked

"Don't you have something to do? Like work on a case" Harry said.

"Yes". Doug said through gritted teeth, "But my partner's not here yet is he? Someone kept him out all night." he said looking slyly at Judy who just glared back angrily. "Really detective you should know better. It could be ages before hr drags himself out of bed."

"Well why don't you wait in silence?" Judy suggested. Doug held up his hands in a defensive gesture and began looking impatiently around the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked them, unable to last more than thirty seconds.

"We're working!" they both yelled.

"And if you don't find something to do in the next ten seconds I will find something for you." Judy said "And right now I'm thinking of something that involves you picking up your severed limbs from each corner of this room."

"Get out of the wrong side of bed this morning Jude?" Harry asked smirking.

"Maybe it was the wrong side of someone else's bed." Doug said suggestively, as he grinned at Harry. "It's none of your damn business Penhall!" Judy snapped. The smirk was quickly wiped from his face at the glare from the young woman. Harry exchanged questioning glances with Doug before going back to pretend to be helping with the case report

Not long after, Judy let out a defeated sigh as the morning silence was once again shattered. There was a loud thump as the door slammed shut and unsteady footsteps began thudding up the stairs. These were joined by muffled curses as Hanson came stumbling into the room. He made his way precariously over to his desk and sat down where the chair appeared to be, but somehow ended up on the floor. Almost immediately afterwards the faces of his partners were hovering over him.

"Hey, are you ok?" Harry asked.

"I've never felt better" Tom answered waving his hands around flamboyantly for emphasis. "I do seem to be missing a chair though?" he slurred, a thoughtful expression on his face as he looked around where he was sitting.

"Ok, up you come." Doug said reaching out pulling his partner to his feet and guiding him to the chair. "Please tell me you didn't drive here in this state."

"Of course not" he said offended and rolling his eyes, "I couldn't find my keys. They were hiding in my pocket."

"Hanson, are you drunk?" Judy burst out.

"Of course he is." Doug snapped.

"What are we going to do with him?" Harry asked.

"I'm not drunk. Look I can walk in a straight line" he said springing to his feet and then falling over his desk in a fit of laughter.

"He's wasted" Harry said watching his friend in amazement. "Fullers going to kill him."

"What the hell did you go and do this for?" Doug asked.

"To see if I can."

"Well you obviously can. Happy now?" the large officer snapped.

"Not really." then looking at his partner holding up a finger, "You're mad aren't you?"

"Come on Hanson" Judy said impatiently, "Let's get you sorted before Fuller sees what state you've got yourself into." Why was she cursed to care so much about this man?

"You know Miss Hoffs, you're very beautiful" he slurred as she helped Harry hold him up.

"Yeah, and you stink like paint stripper."

"Hey, I was giving you a complement. Doug, why can't women take compliments?"

"Shut up Hanson." Doug said, a warning edge to his voice.

"No, I want to know. I told her I thought she was beautiful and she insulted me. It was the same with all the others. I once told Amy she looked like she had lost weight and she took that to mean I thought she used to be fat." he said waving his hands around so erratically that he almost hit Harry across the face.

"Hanson" Doug said through gritted teeth.

"And Jackie, she was the worst. Whenever I said, you look nice today Jackie, she thought that meant she didn't usually look nice. Why can't you just say thank you?" he asked pointing a finger at Judy, who in turn threw a questioning glance at Doug.

"He's rambling" Doug said dismissively. "Just say thank you."

"Thank you for the compliment Hanson."

"You're very welcome" he said before slipping out of their grasp and sitting down hard on the chapel's concrete floor his eyes glazed and wondering. The others looked on, their faces a picture of disbelief.

"Don't you have to be at Greenwood?" Harry asked Doug.

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"Just after 8."

"Great, that gives me half an hour to do something with him."

"That's not going to be enough time."

"You don't think I know that."

"You're the McQuaid's. Would it matter?"

"If I took him like this he'd blow our cover." Doug had only really seen Hanson drunk once before in El Salvador. Even then he had been watchful and alert enough to notice that there was something not right about the guy who joined them and to keep quiet. He seemed anything but alert right now and he couldn't be sure he wouldn't give them away. He was already close to telling Judy what he had been trying so long to hide.

"How would we get there? He didn't bring the Mustang and there's no way I can take him on the bike in this state anyway." Doug continued

"Ok" Judy said decisively. "Lots of strong coffee and lots of water. Let's get him up to the locker room out of the way." she finished as she stooped beside Hanson and tried to pull him to his feet again.

"Where are we going?" he asked her.

"We need to get you upstairs"

"What are you suggesting detective?"

"I don't think you're capable right now Hanson."

"Quick before Fuller comes out." Harry urged as he joined to help Hoffs.

"I'm not going upstairs with Fuller. And if I did, I'd need a lot more to drink" came the slur from the slumped figure between them.

"I think you've had enough." Judy scolded. "You're meant to be on a case, or have you forgotten?"

"No, I remember. Come on Doug, we're going to be late." he said breaking Hoffs and Ioki's hold.

"It doesn't matter." Doug said grabbing hold of the smaller man.

"That's right, it doesn't cos we're the McQuaid Brothers!" he shouted raising his hands in the air.

"Right" Doug said. "But this McQuaid isn't going anywhere until he remembers how to stand up by himself." he finished as he hoisted Tom across his shoulder like he was nothing more than a rag doll and headed for the stairs. "Jude, we're going to need that coffee." he called out as he went.

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Not long afterwards Harry and Judy had followed their partners upstairs, Judy carrying a pot full of black coffee and Harry laden with as much bottled water as he could carry from the machine downstairs.

"Here." Judy said as she poured the coffee into a Styrofoam cup and tried to hand it to Tom. "Drink it."

"I'm not drinking that. It tastes like mud." he said batting her hand away.

"You got yourself into this state, you're going to drink the mud!" Doug ordered.

"I didn't mean to, you know. It's just happened."

"Yeah, well you're still drinking the mud." Doug snapped.

"I knew you were mad at me."

"No, I'm not mad." Doug said calmly. "I'm disappointed". Tom winced and rolled his eyes.

"Oh god no, Not that. Can't you just be angry at me?"

"Keep going and we'll see."

"I may just do that." Tom said smiling insolently at his friend.

"What's going on Tom?"

"What do you mean?"

"This isn't you man."

"Maybe it is. Ever think of that?"

"We both know that's ridiculous. I know you, and this isn't it."

"You know me?" he said, a strange tone in his voice. "You really think so?"

"Yeah. I do. Probably better than you know yourself right now."

"Answer me this then Doug. If you know me so well, how can you stand to be near me?"

"What are you talking about? You're my best friend."

"You know none of it was ever my fault don't you Doug?" he said clutching desperately at Penhall's shirt. "I only did what people asked of me. You believe me right?"

"Of course I do." Doug said, his eyes scanning his best friend with worry and confusion.

"Come on Hanson." Judy said softly, "You can't work in this state." Tom met her eyes and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Hey Doug." he slurred as he grabbed his partner by the arms. "You see this girl?" he said gesturing grandly towards Hoffs.

"Judy? Yeah I see her."

"I love this girl Doug." Harry watched as Doug's eyes widened and Judy stifled a gasp.

"Come on Hanson, don't do this, you're wasted." Doug said softly. "You don't know what you're saying" he finished, as Harry caught him chancing a look over at Judy.

"I know exactly what I'm saying" he said getting to his feet and shouting, "I said I love you!" as he looked at Hoffs who just stared back at him, her expression unreadable. "When I look at you it doesn't hurt anymore and I can breathe again."

"Hanson!" Doug pleaded, "Stop." But Tom didn't seem to notice him, his eyes were fixed squarely on Judy.

"Everything's in black and white but you." he continued frantically as Doug struggled to calm him and reassure Judy, although she seemed the calmest of the four of them.

"The only reason I walk in here everyday is to be near you. Do you really think any of this matters?" he said gesturing wildly and oblivious to the shock and hurt on Doug and Harry's faces. "Do you think any of this makes any difference?" he said as he began pulling open lockers and throwing their contents about the room, narrowly avoiding hitting the others as the objects flew over their heads. "It's all useless, meaningless junk." he shouted as he turned and gestured towards the window. "And those people out there aren't worth the dirt they walk on."

"Tom, man, don't do this." Doug said quietly from beside him, but once again was only ignored.

"The only thing in my life that means anything is you, you're the only thing that's still in focus. Only I can't tell you any of this, because everything I love turns to ashes" he said almost laughing.

"Is that the truth?" Judy said calmly and quietly.

"I wouldn't lie to you. Tom Hanson never lies remember" he said bitterly

"Ok. If you're being truthful, answer me this Hanson. Is loving me so awful that you have to be completely trashed before you can tell me? You had plenty of opportunity to come out and say it countless times over the years."

"You don't understand…" he began.

"No I don't understand Hanson. I don't understand why you're doing this to me? You accuse me of using you and then you stagger in here like some wino coming in from a shop doorway and lay all this on me. What possible reason do you have to think I would want to hear all this? Did you think this was some kind of incredible romantic gesture and that I wouldn't be able to resist and I'd just fall into your arms?"

"No."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm poison, Judy. Hasn't anyone told you?"

"I don't think you're poison Hanson. I think you need you need help and whatever your problem is, find someone who can help you. I can't be your sole reason for getting up everyday. I don't think I can handle the responsibility of being your life support." she finished then ran as fast as she could down the stairs.

"Jude!" Doug shouted after her, his troubled gaze switching frantically between his inebriated best friend and the space Judy had just vacated. His decision made he turned to Tom.

"Well done!" he said to his partner before running after Judy.

"I hoped she'd take that better." Tom shrugged.

"How did you think she would have taken it? Or did you not think? Was that the problem?"

"I've screwed up again haven't I?" he said sadly as he looked at Harry.

"She'll be ok" he said apologetically noticing the distress on his friends face.

"No, I've done nothing but mess her around. I'm an awful person Harry."

"No you're not."

"I am. They all say so."

"Who?"

"Them" he said waving at nothing. "Can't you hear them?"

"Hear who?" Harry asked looking round the room.

"I do. They won't leave me alone. They're always nagging and accusing and reminding me of things I really just wanna forget. They're here now. Can't you hear them?"

"Hanson, there's no one there." He told him gently as alarm bells sounded loudly in his head and he sat down beside his friend, who shifted over slightly as Harry's arm brushed him.

"You can't see them Harry" Tom said as if Harry was stupid.

"Are they invisible?" he asked trying to sound calm while his mind was reeling and his guts were twisting in knots. Was Hanson really saying all this? Hanson hearing voices? Was the strongest and most put together person he knew loosing his mind?

"No. They're in here" he said tapping a finger to his head and looking thoughtfully into the distance. "They won't stop."

"Why don't you let me get Doug and we can try and help?" Harry said frantically as he began to get to his feet.

"No. You can't. They'll think I'm crazy. You know what they do to crazy people Harry? They lock them up and throw away the key. They'll put me away again Harry. You can't let them do that to me again."

"Hanson, no ones going to lock you up"

"You can't tell them Harry. Promise me you won't tell them." Tom said, his eyes staring pleading into Harry's.

"Tom, you must realise this isn't normal." Harry said desperately.

"You can't!" Hanson snapped. "You owe me Harry. This is your fault you know."

"What?" Harry yelped in disbelief.

"I would never have been in Towers house that night if you hadn't been stupid enough to get yourself shot" he said viciously.

"You don't really believe that" Harry replied, trying his best to stay calm and telling himself over and over that Tom didn't know what he was saying.

"Don't I?" he said lightly. "Whether I do or not doesn't matter. Bottom line is Harry, I went looking to get the guy who hurt you. You owe me. Promise me Harry" he finished looking directly into Ioki's dark eyes.

"Hanson, there could be something seriously wrong here."

"You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"No!"

"Yes you do, or you wouldn't be looking at me that way."

"I don't think you're crazy."

"Then prove it. Promise me you won't say anything. Please Harry." he pleaded as he turned dull eyes on his friend, his voice sounding so lost and defeated that Harry would have done anything to make it not so. His eyes met Tom's and he let out a deep sigh, knowing he was about to make a huge mistake.

"Ok. I promise."

So now Harry Ioki paced the sterile white hallways, waiting for someone to tell him what was going on. It had been hours. Thinking back now he knew he should have told someone. You don't listen to your friend rambling about voices in his head and then just forget about it. You look after him and make sure he gets help. But no, he had promised, and Harry always had to keep his promises. Too many years pretending to be Japanese had left him with this annoying sense of honour. This time it had probably done more harm than good. Sighing heavily he collapsed into one of the many hard plastic seats that lined the white walls, a tremendous feeling of guilt, frustration and anger whirling round inside him. He should have broken his promise. What kind of friend was he, to know something like that and just let it go? Hanson had been in no fit state to be on this case. He hadn't always been the poster boy for mental health as it was. God knows what this would do to him now. He knew it wasn't all his fault, as Fuller had told him, he wasn't the only person in Hanson's life, the others should have seen it too. He knew for a fact that Judy did. Still, he had been the one Tom had confided in, he should have tried harder he thought as he rested his head against the wall and tried to let everything drift away.