I looked at the two ships, weighing up my options. I thought I knew what I wanted to know, but it was probably best to check. I wouldn't ask eunuch, he was clearly an idiot. Drowned Girl… would she know?

Better not call her Drowned Girl to her face… might not go down so well.

She seemed less of an idiot that eunuch, but she was a Norrington… No, better ask her, see if she'd picked up anything useful from her time with Commodore Goon… But was she Miss Goon, or Mrs Goon? Hmm, if I said it really quickly she might not notice if I'd got it wrong… or, Isabel? Was that what Eunuch had called her? Maybe that wasn't the best option either. The upper-class has issues with using first names. No wonder, some of them are ridiculous. I met someone called Fitzwilliam once… bit cruel. Better stick with Ms Norrington since she'd answered to that before.
"Ms Norrington." She looked at me. No corrections. Of course there weren't any, you can't correct a person who's always right. "What can you tell me about the Dauntless and the Interceptor?"

She reeled something off, she sounded bored which was amusing. She looked bored too, more than bored. It was sort of like… if you made her say it again she'd throw a chair at your face. I was so amused at the thought of Drowned Girl swinging chairs at people I forgot to correct her when she said that the Interceptor was the fastest ship in the Caribbean. A lie fed to her by Norrington to boost his goon-ish ego. The prig.

"I could have told you that." Will piped up. Oh, hello. Thought we'd got you to shut up for a bit… apparently not.

"Well, I thought that being a Norrington, she would know more than you… and I was right, now shut up." Ha! Put that in your eunuch-y, metaphorical pipe and hypothetically smoke it! Unfortunately for me, William Eunuch Turner the Second did not fully understand the concept of shutting up. There was a momentary silence, more a pause than anything else before he piped up again with a ridiculous question about which ship we were going to steal.

Steal is such an ugly word… like Will, he's such an ugly man. It is the Will Turner of words. It's probably a eunuch and all.

"Commandeer," I corrected him, "nautical term. We're going to commandeer that ship." I indicated towards the Interceptor before turning to William, "One question about your business boy, else there's no point in going in. This girl; how far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I would die for her!"

Idiot.

"Oh good," I smiled. I love doing deals with idiots. Before he could change his mind, or thing about what I had said. I turned away from them and beckoned them to follow me on my sneaky sneaking over to someone else's dingy. When I motioned for them to get underneath they hesitated. Will looked suspicious while Drowned Girl was more… intrigued. I explained my fool proof plan in a fool-friendly way, but Turner was still confused. There really was very little hope for him functioning in the world of clever, normal people with fully-fledged trouser departments when he was such a foolish, eunuch with no trouser department at all. It really was very simple, just walk along underwater for a few minutes. Nothing difficult about that, is there? Well, naturally he was busy thinking about how we would breathe. What do you think the upturned boat is for you goon? It's for an air-bubble, not just because I think the three of us look good with a dingy on our heads.

Once I'd finally got it sorted in his head I lead them down the beach and into the sea. Once underwater, the silence was a bit awkward. What do you say to two people you don't really like when you're all sharing an upturned boat under the sea?

"This is brilliant!" Drowned Girl piped up behind me, sounding more excited by what we were doing than would be deemed normal. Clearly, she is a little bit of a nutter.

"This is madness." Will's grumbling tones made me want to hit him.

"Remarkable how often those two traits coincide." I muttered, thinking of them and how he was brilliantly stupid and she was madness in a dress. With a great deal of concentration I managed to navigate us to the underbelly of the Dauntless. And instructed them to float upwards with me. This was it; this would be the test of how useful they would be to me. Time to see if they had what it takes. Not that I could really fire them if they didn't, they were my only crew. I swung onto the deck. They scrambled up in a rather undignified manner, but they managed it. I clocked the crew, Gillette had his back to me. The temptation to shoot him there and then was unbearable. But just as that shot had not been meant for William Turner, it was not meant for Norrington's pet Gillette. But they didn't need to know that. I drew my pistol. "Everybody stay clam!" I shouted. "We are taking over the ship!"

"Aye… avast!"
Not smooth, eunuch.

They laughed at us… can't say I blame them. I would have laughed at us too, if I weren't one of 'us'. Gillette looked all smug and smarmy, like he had us beaten already. My rule about not shooting him was looking increasingly flexible. He came up with some utter rubbish about there not being enough of us to be successful in our mission. Clearly, they all needed reminded of something.

"Gentlemen, who am I?" I smiled in my usual charming way. They all looked confused, it was an easy enough question, but they didn't answer. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

Why does nobody ever get that?
It was a miracle they found enough brainpower to follow my orders and climb into one of their lifeboats. I stopped the last one and looked him up and down. He was positively sweating with fear. Disgusting. He'd be stinking by the time he got back to Port Royale. "Sword." I said.

He stared at me like a confused codfish. "W-w-what?" he stammered. He does look like a bit like a fish… he has the mouth.

"Your sword. Give me your sword." He did as he was told, annoyingly slowly and with shaking hands. He handed it over and then, rather pale and still quite shaky, he lowered himself into the dingy to join the others. I handed his sword over to Drowned Girl. She looked a bit startled.

I winked at her. "Wouldn't want you to go unarmed, love, apologies for the quality, but what can you expect from the King's navy, eh?"

Take that Gillette, that'll teach you to forget my name!

"Erm… thanks." She said. I almost laughed at how thrown she had been by it. I could imagine her inner turmoil at not wanting to forget her manners on receiving something that was a kind of gift, but morally unable wanting to condemn stealing. Phase Two of my characteristically brilliant plan was put into action and then it was just a matter of waiting for Commodore Goon to get a move on. I hoped we wouldn't be here all day. Young William was on lookout for him and I didn't want him to have become Old William by the time he got here. Drowned Girl was looking at the sword I'd given her. I watched her clip the holster round her waist before approaching her. Out of the two of them, she seemed the most agreeable and if I could get through to her, William might begin to trust me more. Which was exactly what I needed.

"Isabel," I tested out her actual name. Her brow furrowed, I went on before she could correct me. "Can I call you that? Isabel? Or do I have to continue calling you Ms Norrington until the day I die?" I saw her hesitate and saw my opportunity. It hadn't been an outright refusal, so I was in with a chance. "I'll help you with this difficult decision; I'm going to call you Isabel anyway."

To my surprise, she half-smiled at my insolence. I think it surprised her too, but she agreed to it. I told her to call me Jack in return, she nodded but there was no guarantee that she would. She looked a bit awkward and started chewing on her lip. I think I made her a little uncomfortable. It was fun. Then I remember what I'd been meaning to ask, "Isabel, what relation are you to the Commodore?"

Not that it really mattered now that I could relax about what to call her. Still, it was good to know. It could come in handy. "I'm his sister," she replied. Brilliant. It made me happier than it should have but I didn't really realise that I was smiling until she gave me an odd look. "What?"

It's just good to know an idiot like Norrington's not with a good-looking girl when he deserves someone who's either part or entirely troll.

"I thought you were married to him!" I smiled. She looked like she was about to be sick. I laughed. "Alright, I'll take that as a no."

Even the Commodore's own flesh and blood thinks he's sickeningly ugly.

"Jack!" William's dullest tones brought me out of my amusement. "They're catching up."

Oooh, that is good news.

I took them to hide and listened to the Commodore's barked orders as he drew up alongside us in the Interceptor. Lines of Redcoats swung over onto the Dauntless. I handed Will and Isabel a rope each. They both look amusingly frightened by them. Isabel squeezed her eyes pretty tightly shut for most of her journey swinging across. I was pleased she didn't do any screaming. Screaming is not smooth. When we landed I scanned the deck. There was one solitary man left. I walked over to him immediately, asking if he could swim. He had fear in his eyes, knowing that there was one of him and three of us. I liked it when people had fear in their eyes when looking at me.

"Like a fish…" he promised, in answer to my question.

I smiled. He looked hopeful. Don't do that. I'm not taking you with me, you junior-goon. I pushed him overboard. The splash was beautiful. I like splashes… as long as they're not made be me. Unfortunately, I didn't have very much time to listen to it. The Interceptor was already ready to set sail but the ties between her and the Dauntless had to be cut as soon and quickly as possible. I wondered how long it would take Commodore Goon to realise we were missing. I hoped it wouldn't be too long; I wanted him to be close enough for me to see his stupid, ugly face.
Aha.

There it was… that wonderful angry shout that means he's gone very red and I'm getting away with something brilliant. I turned to him, giving him my best smile. Which was hard, I have so many good ones. "Thank you for getting us ready to set sail; we'd have had a hard time of it by ourselves."

He looked alarmed. "Isabel!" he shouted. Hahahahahaha. "Isabel! What are you doing?"

I saw Isabel tense up. She was standing in front of me and her fists clenched. Oh… this was going to be brilliant fun.

I put my arm around her waist. She jumped slightly as she'd not been expecting it, but she didn't move away and she didn't slap me. Nice, makes a change. She did, however, look completely confused and a little bit scared. I smiled at her and pulled her close. Her eyes widened. I looked at her brother with my very best 'I-might-just-kiss-your-sister smile'. It had the desired effect. After a moment Isabel started to laugh. Wow, there really is such thing as a Norrington with a sense of humour… she has an odd laugh though…. She was smiling with a spark of childish amusement about her.

"Don't worry Commodore; I'll bring her back in one piece," I laughed, not actually sure myself whether I was referring to Isabel or the ship.

Perhaps it's best to stay ambiguous, and then you can't be held to either promise.