*I'm baaccckkk! Did you guys miss me? Somehow I managed to write even with an adorable toddler saying "Pay with me!" - you try and resist that, seriously!
**So this chapter has a double warning: First for tissues and second, though the word is never said, the topic of abortion is referenced. I respect everyone's personal views on this subject whatever they may be and I am in no way advocating one way or the other. Mary is simply having another panicky moment here. So no flames please!
***Who is Jerry? What is he doing in Albuquerque, and at Mary's house? Another Kandid Katie moment leads to a panic attack for Mary - paging Marshall!
"Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
But somehow I want more"
-Maroon 5: 'She will be loved'
"Jerry!"
The man who came into the light of the living room and strode across the floor towards Marshall could have been his twin, leaving the others in no doubt of his identity. He was a little bit shorter, a little bit stockier, and already had some gray hair showing at the temples; but the family resemblance was so striking, it left Mary's mouth agape.
Identical grins wreathed both men's faces as they met in Mary's front room.
"Beanpole!"
"Slugger!"
Marshall stuck out his hand but Jerry ignored it and threw his arms around his brother, giving him a bear hug that made Marshall groan.
"Easy there, man! I'm still recovering from a gunshot wound, you know."
"Aw, buck up, you pansy!"
Mary cleared her throat, which made Marshall's eyes dart to find her waiting for an introduction.
"Sorry. This is my oldest brother, Jeremy, but we all call him Jerry. Jerry, this is my partner Mary." He drew her to his side by reaching out and snagging her elbow.
Jerry's eyebrows rose as his eyes met hers. "So you're the Mary."
Mary narrowed her eyes and cocked her head. "It's a common name – I'm sure you know lots of Marys."
"Sure, but there's only one Mary Shannon that has been partnered with my Beanpole of a brother for the past six years; I've heard lots of interesting things about you – from mom, too."
Mary's curiosity was piqued but before she could ask, Katie came up to Jerry and stuck out her hand.
"Hi! I'm Katie. You just missed my birthday party, mine and Aunt Mary's. We had hamburgers, and potato salad, and banana cream pie. Uncle Mars got me a pony!"
"Whoa! Did you get a pay raise since the last time we talked, little brother?"
Karen laughed and joined the group. "Not a pony, sweetheart," she gently corrected. "He bought you riding lessons. Hi, I'm Karen Stanford. I was Marshall's partner before Mary. Katie's my oldest; my boys Tommy and Jamie are asleep in the mini-van out front."
Jerry shook his head. "I'm definitely in the wrong business; all the foxes are in the Marshal Service."
Mary rolled her eyes as Karen asked, "What line of work are you in, Jerry?"
Jerry winked at them. "That's need to know, ladies."
Mary threw Marshall a look of disgust. "Your brother's a spook?"
Jerry held up his hands. "Hey, I never said that." He shot her a grin. "But if I was, I trust you won't hold it against me."
Mary snorted as she heard Brandi whisper to Peter, "What's a spook?"
Marshall shifted uncomfortably and changed the subject. "So, what brings you to town? I haven't seen you since Christmas four years ago and that was at the folks' place. I don't think you've ever visited me here in Albuquerque."
"What, I hear you almost died and I can't hop on a plane and visit? Make sure my little beanpole brother isn't wasting away down here in the desert?" Jerry grabbed Marshall in a headlock and ruffled his hair.
Marshall grunted and twisted himself free with a grimace, unconsciously moving a hand to his stomach with the movement. Mary caught her partner's pained expression and threw a death glare at Jerry.
"Look, jackass, not that Marshall isn't happy to see you but he's not up to roughhousing, all right? Today was his first outing since leaving the hospital and if your brotherly antics have-"
"Mer, I'm ok." Marshall put his hand on her arm, squeezing gently, meeting her eyes. "I just need to get home, to bed."
"Hey, bro, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't realize that you were fresh out of the hospital," Jerry apologized and tried to hide a grin as he watched Marshall calm his wildcat of a partner with a simple look and touch. "My rental's right out front. Let me give you a lift home and then I'll head to my hotel."
"No way are you staying in a hotel, man. I have a guest room and you're welcome to it." Marshall clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder but then suddenly turned back towards Mary.
Jerry's amusement deepened as his brother and Mary seemed to hold a conversation without words.
Finally Mary spoke. "It's fine, Marshall. I'll crash on the couch tonight."
"In your own house?" Marshall's voice was soft, but it carried an undercurrent of anger. "No, Mer-"
Karen cleared her throat and both partners swung their heads towards her. "Mary, why don't you stay in our guest room tonight? It's always ready and you won't bother us when you get up early tomorrow to head out since the kids get me up."
"Please say yes, Aunt Mary!" Katie cried, grabbing her hand. "It'll be like a sleepover!"
Mary chuckled and gently tugged on one of her braids. "I don't remember the last time I had a sleepover, pumpkin," she winked.
Jerry had the distinct impression that he had stepped into Act Two of a play and all the drama had happened in Act One. He couldn't wait to get his brother alone to find out what the hell had happened at this party.
"Look, I don't want to put anyone out. I can stay at the hotel tonight and come over tomorrow if that will make things easier," Jerry suggested.
Marshall's eyes met Mary's. He knew without a doubt that where he wanted Mary tonight was beside him in bed. She was going to be gone for a week, on a dangerous witness trial transport, without him there to watch her back. She was still having nightmares of his shooting. She was pregnant – possibly with his child. She thought she was falling in love with him.
On second thought, perhaps it was best to start putting the distance between them now. Tonight had been so full of emotional revelations that if he got her home, alone, he might do more than his body was ready for – more than his heart was ready for. He had promised her that he would take the time she was gone to think about what she had said, and he would. As if he would be able to think about anything else.
"Staying at Karen's makes sense. It's closer to Dena's," Marshall finally said softly.
Mary nodded as she swung Katie up into her arms. "Looks like you're going to get that sleepover after all!"
Marshall's house, 8:45pm
"Sleeping already, beanpole?"
Marshall's eyes fluttered open as Jerry sat down next to him on the sofa. He had collapsed there as soon as they got back to the house. He told Jerry to explore the house and make himself comfortable, but did suggest that he might want to change the sheets on the bed since Mary had slept in there last night. Jerry had left Marshall flipping channels, telling his brother to relax and not to worry about him.
Twenty minutes later, he returned to find Marshall almost asleep in front of SportsCenter.
"Hey, I think my partner mentioned the fact that today was my first 'big' outing. And she throws some wild parties, even if they are just kid birthdays, believe me."
"I got the feeling I missed the excitement. What happened?"
Marshall shrugged. "It was pretty quiet until her very recent ex-fiancé showed up, drunk and belligerent."
Jerry laughed. "Wait, how recent? We talkin' months, weeks, days?"
Marshall grinned. "Hours – she gave him back the ring just before the party."
"That's harsh, man! So, what happened when he showed up?"
Marshall's jaw tightened. "Once he realized that she was serious and they weren't getting back together, he let his mouth get away from him – so I punched him," he shrugged again.
"Whoa, little brother, I think you're leaving out a few things. You don't just fly off the handle for no reason – you're the level headed one, remember? Scott and I are the ones with the short fuses like dad. You always talked your way out of trouble in school while we let our fists do the talking. Boy, did we used to get it – both at school and when we got home!"
"Violence is never the answer," Marshall said softly.
"This coming from the man who decked someone tonight! So, what did he say?"
"Does it matter?"
"Hell, yeah! I want to know what some guy said to get my little brother so riled up that you let your fists do the talking – especially when you're fresh out of the hospital!"
"He's not just 'some guy', all right? They've had absolutely nothing in common but sex but I've had to put up with him for years since Mary was determined to keep seeing him on the side. Then when she got scared of what was happening between us and ran like she always does, she ends up engaged to him! And now she's – and it could be – but it might be – it's a damn mess is what it is, Jerry! Even when she breaks it off with him, he shows up drunk at Angel's party, shouting the most disgusting slurs about Mary – at least he was speaking in Spanish so no one else understood him. He should be grateful that I only split his lip!"
Jerry looked at his brother, wondering if he had ever seen him so worked up over a woman. "Marshall, what's going on? You're speaking in half sentences, and I don't know the background here. You're going to have to clue me in if you want me follow the crazy workings of your mind."
Marshall leveled a disbelieving look at his brother. "Don't play dumb with me, Jerry. I haven't seen you in four years, and you suddenly show up now, here in Albuquerque? Mom sent you, didn't she?"
A slow grin spread across Jerry's face. "Why would she do that?"
"Because she couldn't come herself. Because she's sneaky. Because she's firmly in Mary's corner even though she's my mother!"
Jerry laughed. "I think you're paranoid. I told you, I just wanted to see you. I just got back to the States from an assignment in Colombia – when would I have seen mom? Besides, I'm the brother that has a girl in every port, remember? I don't know why you would want to tie yourself down to just one anyway!"
Marshall sighed wearily. "Maybe you're right. I need to just take a pain pill and go to bed." He got to his feet.
"Need to me to come tuck you in before I head outside for a smoke?"
"Shut up!" Marshall turned back to his brother, observing the cigarette in Jerry's hand. "Those things will kill you, you know."
Jerry just grinned as he headed for the back patio. He made sure the door was firmly shut, before lighting up and taking a deep drag. He fished his cell out of his pocket and hit number 5, and waited for the call to go through.
"Hi ma, it's Jerry . . . Yes, I found Mary's house just fine, thanks for the directions from the airport . . . Marshall looks good, a little pale, but I think he's recovering well, ma . . . I'm at his house, Beanpole wouldn't hear of me staying at the hotel . . . Listen to this, ma, you'll never guess what I walked in on tonight. . . ."
Karen's house, Sun. morning, 6:15am
". . . And when you're bigger, I can take you out to the ranch with me and we can go horseback riding together. And we'll go swimming, and have picnics and do all kinds of fun stuff! I really hope you're a girl, Peanut, but I'll love you if you're a boy, too. I love my brothers, I just can't do the girl stuff with them, you know?"
The last remaining tendrils of sleep parted and Mary stirred. She heard Katie chattering away, felt her small hand gently patting her stomach, and smiled.
"I wish that I could tell you what I wished for at my party, Peanut, but Aunt Mary says it won't come true if I tell and this is something I want more than anything so I can't."
Mary's forehead wrinkled in thought. What had Katie wished for – what did she want more than anything? Her daddy to be home more, perhaps? Mary struggled not to sigh as she recalled the magic of wishes even as she remembered quite clearly the night childhood wishes had died for her. But last night, at her second seventh birthday party, Katie and Marshall had managed to restore some of that magic. She recalled the saying 'If wishes were horses, everyone would ride'. Well, in a manner of speaking, she and Marshall had given Katie a horse, hadn't they? And Marshall had given her the sun and the moon. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is a little magic in the world after all.
"You're just a teeny, tiny bump right now but soon you'll be a big bump and next spring you'll be a baby!"
Katie's words washed over Mary and one in particular clicked in her drowsy brain. Did she say-
Mary sat up suddenly, the movement sending Katie rolling across the mattress with a squeal. "Katie, did you say bump?"
Katie, who was clad in Dora pajamas, scooted back to Mary's side. "Good morning, Aunt Mary, I didn't know you were awake! Did I wake you up? Mama's going to be mad if I did! She said I could come in and lie down with you but I wasn't supposed to wake you up and if I did-"
"Katie!" Mary said sharply. "It's okay – I need to get up anyway. But did you say I had a bump?"
Katie giggled. "You don't have a bump, Aunt Mary! It's Peanut!" She lifted the bottom of Mary's T-shirt up slightly. "See? Mama's stomach did the same thing when Jamie was inside of her. One day her tummy was flat, the next day - pop!" She giggled again.
Mary lifted a trembling hand and ran it over the slight mound that hadn't been there yesterday. The mound that was Peanut – her child; hers and oh God! Who was Peanut's father? Was it Raphael's? She and Marshall had only had sex once while she and Raph had bonked like bunnies. And wasn't it too soon to be showing? She wasn't even twelve weeks yet and here was living proof of her condition that she couldn't hide or deny any longer.
I can't do this! Maybe it's not too late to– suddenly it was all too overwhelming and Mary collapsed back against the pillows in a faint.
"Aunt Mary!" Katie gasped. "Mama! Mama, come quick! Something's wrong with Aunt Mary!"
Karen appeared in the doorway, fingers flying in her hair as she finished braiding her hair. "What's going on in here, Katherine Elizabeth?" she demanded.
"Oh mama! I didn't mean to do it!" Katie wailed as she launched herself at her mother. "We were just talking and I showed Aunt Mary her baby bump and she went a funny color and then she just –" Katie buried her face in her mother's neck and cried.
Karen didn't know whether to laugh or cry herself. She knew that Mary was most likely fine; she could see her friend's chest rising and falling, and her color looked good. In all likelihood, she had just fainted. Karen shook her head as she tried to calm her daughter. Mary was in no condition to go on this trip. She hadn't been sick last night and Karen hadn't heard her cry out with a nightmare in the night – but still. The stress of being away from Marshall and the changes her body was going through would only distract her from Dena. Karen offered up another silent prayer for her friend's safety as she set a sniffling Katie on the floor.
"Katie, my cell phone is on the kitchen counter. Call your Uncle Mars and tell him to get over here right away."
"Ok, mama."
She wiped the remaining tears from her daughter's face. "Do you remember what number to push?"
Katie nodded. "Is Aunt Mary going to be OK?"
Karen gave her a hug. "Yes, she just fainted. She never thought she'd be a mommy and she's scared. Go call your uncle."
Katie turned in the doorway. "Mama? I think Aunt Mary will be a great mama!"
Karen smiled. "Why don't you tell her that when she wakes up, sweetheart?"
6:45am, En route to Karen's
"So, you going to tell me what's so damn urgent that you had to drag my ass out of bed at six-thirty on a Sunday morning?" Jerry groused as he got off the interstate.
"You were already awake."
"That didn't mean I was ready to get up."
Marshall waved the comment aside and returned to staring out the window. Katie's panicked call had sent him into a tailspin of emotions. She hadn't made a whole lot of sense in the beginning since she had been crying and sniffling through her tears. When she had started the conversation with "Aunt Mary – I didn't mean to-", the most incredible sense of fear and dread had seized his heart. Why was his Angel feeling so guilty? Perhaps they had been playing a game and Mary had fallen down. Was she losing the baby – his baby? When Katie said the words "bump" and "faint", he nearly lost it. He promised Katie he would be there as soon as possible and had gone to wake Jerry.
"Marshall, what is it?" Jerry demanded.
Marshall didn't turn his head from the window. "Mary's pregnant. Something happened to her this morning – I'm not sure what."
Jerry regarded his brother's profile in silence for a moment before he stepped harder on the accelerator.
Karen and the kids met them at the door. Princess danced happy circles around Marshall, who gently fended her off with a booted foot.
"Where is she?" Marshall demanded as he headed for the stairs.
"Still resting in bed. She's really embarrassed about the whole thing," Karen said.
"Embarrassed? I don't see what she's got to be embarrassed about."
"Well, have you ever known your partner to faint?"
Marshall paused just outside the guest room door. "Faint?"
Karen nodded. "Katie pointed out her baby bump this morning and she fainted from the shock."
Marshall clutched the doorframe for support as he sagged in relief.
"Marshall? Are you all right?" Karen gasped. "Oh, I should have called you myself – I suppose Katie didn't explain it well and you must have thought-"
Marshall shook his head at her as one of his big grins flashed briefly across his face. "Yes, Kare, Katie's version left a lot to be desired. Do me a favor and look after Jerry?" he said as he slipped into the room.
Mary was curled up on her side in bed, facing away from the door. She turned her face at the sound of the door opening and his heart lurched at the sight of her tear-streaked face.
"Hey," he said softly, toeing off his boots.
"Hey yourself," she whispered, turning over to face him, one arm wrapped protectively over her middle. "I can't do this, Marshall." Her eyes drifted down to her stomach before coming back up to meet his.
"Well, I think it's a little late to back out now."
"This coming from the man who always says 'where there's a will, there's a way'."
Marshall's heart began to beat faster as he approached the bed. Was she really trying to say what he thought she was? Shocked, he said the first thing that came to his mind. "You're catholic, Mer."
She snorted. "I haven't attended mass in years, string bean."
"You were raised in the faith and you still wear your Virgin Mary medallion. Are you telling me that you could take the life of that little baby inside of you?" his voice cracked.
She shook her head, mouthing the word 'no' as she broke, the sobs coming from some place deep inside of her. Marshall sat on the bed and she crawled into his lap, wrapping arms and legs around his lean torso, squeezing him until he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe, and still it wasn't close enough. She pressed her face, her lips into his neck, into the hollow of his collar bone, and he wondered if she was trying to climb inside his skin. They were wrapped together so tightly that her shirt had ridden up slightly and her stomach was pressed against him and as he comforted her, reminded her to breathe, he could feel a slight bump that hadn't been there a few days ago. He ran one hand down and cupped her lower abdomen, feeling the babe growing inside, and Mary shivered at the contact. She pulled back to look at him; Marshall had tears in his eyes.
"When I say 'where there's a will, there's a way' – I'm talking about you. I've never met anyone as stubborn and tenacious as you, Mary Shannon. Your iron will serves you well in our job and has gotten us out of many tough situations. You find the way out – for us and for our witnesses. It's in your personal life that you doubt yourself. You still see yourself as the scared little girl that your daddy left behind. You don't see the woman who got her sister free from her druggie life and back into college. You don't see the woman who got her mother to admit she's a blackout drunk and into rehab to turn her life around. You don't see the woman who is an amazing aunt to three kids. You don't see the woman who is starting to open herself up to love and be loved in return."
Mary sighed and placed her hand over his on her stomach. "Marshall, I'm going to screw this kid up."
He shrugged. "Probably – but that's why kids are resilient. And you're not alone – you have your mom and my mom, Brandi and Peter, Karen and Keith, Stan and Eleanor-" he paused and searched her eyes.
Mary's other hand played with the collar of his shirt, which was still damp from her tears. "What about you? Do I have you, Marshall?"
*I don't know about you, but Marshall's 'will, way' speech to Mary had me all gooey inside. So, what did you think of Jerry? And what happens in Memphis? Wanna find out? Reviews are LOVE!*