Good Morning London!

Chapter 7: Sporks...of DOOM!

Disclaimers: I do not own The Bartimaeus Trilogy or Artemis Fowl or Monty Python. I don't even own the punctuation marks!! Oh...And I don't own sporks...And if (for some strange and rare reason) you didn't know, sporks are spoon-forks!

Random recap...

And so, they had special multicolored lights and a disco ball to accompany the DDR board. And their dance party went smoothly...Until IT happened...

All the lights went out.

"Looks like every techy you hire sucks!" accused Lizzie.

"No!" said Kaitlin, her hands on her hips.

"That's impossible...Foaly doesn't mess up with this kind of thing...EVER!" Stephanie retorted.

"Why is this Foaly so special?" asked Faquarl. "He's a freakin' centaur!"

A voice spoke. "Excuse me, but I could hear that!"

"How do the P.A. systems work if there's no power?" inquired Bartimaeus, standing up.

Foaly's voice came back on the intercom. "Because wires are for low-tech squares!"

Kaitlin jumped up suddenly. "Yeah, you tell him Foaly!"

"Besides, this isn't the P.A. system...It's just a really loud microphone." Imagine Foaly's gloating face.

"That still doesn't explain why the electricity went out!" Queezle interrupted.

"Well, isn't it obvious?" boasted Foaly. "The (insert really long technical term) has gone askew! I can fix that with a (insert another really long technical term) and a (insert another really long technical term)! Duh!"

Everyone: (drools stupidly)

"Psh...Loser low-tech squares..."

"Who you callin' a low-tech square, you-"

"Lizzie calm down!" Stephanie scolded firmly.

"Shut up..."

Suddenly, a very loud bang emitted from somewhere near the fuse box.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" the author screamed furiously.

Foaly calmly walked on stage. "Nothing really...I'm just replacing all the electricity with some fairy technology. You'll thank me later."

"But what was the extremely loud noise?"

"Oh!" Foaly shrugged. "I was just destroying the fuse box so it would be easier for me to install the new stuff."

"You destroyed the fuse box?" Bartimaeus said with mock horror. "Oh no! How ever shall we live?" Then he fainted. (Or should I say, dramatically fake fainted winkwink)

Foaly spoke, absently staring at nothing. "Yes, that's all very nice...Now I'd like some nachos and I'll try not to bother anyone anymore...Maybe..."

"NACHOS!?" Stephanie bellowed, but Foaly had already disappeared backstage.

"You really need to stop screaming," Faquarl said.

"NO!"

Faquarl hid behind his chair.

"Okay, fine..."

Faquarl fainted due to extreme shock.

"Um..."

"So were just going to attempt to continue the show in complete darkness!" Stephanie explained. "Trust me! We'll make it work!"

"Wait a minute," interjected Bartimaeus. "Why do the cameras work?"

"Because wires are for low-tech squares! Must I remind you so many times?" Foaly's voice rang out.

"Shut up, you freakin' centaur!" yelled Jabor in the general direction of Foaly.

"Who are you callin' a freakin' centaur!?"

"YOU!"

"Yeah well..."

"Okay! On with the show!" Stephanie interrupted.

Suddenly, something slim and white flew out of nowhere and hit the author in the right temple.

"OW! WHO DID THAT!? YOU'RE FIRED!"

While Stephanie was ranting, Bartimaeus picked up the item and examined it.

"It's a spork..." he reported quietly.

"YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE FIRED-"

"It's a spork!" the Egyptian boy said a little louder.

"I'M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES!"

"IT'S A SPOOOOOORK!" bellowed Bartimaeus, waving his arms around frantically.

It got very quiet.

"...Oh..." said the host. She then yanked the spork forcefully from the djinni's hand.

Kaitlin ran up to the stage and took the spork from Stephanie. She held it up to the light. "Yes, that is most definitely a spork!"

"Thanks, but we figured that out a while ago," scoffed Bartimaeus.

"Shut up!" Kaitlin then chucked the spork off stage and into Lizzie's head.

"OOOOHH!" Then she fell over...

"Sporks are the number one weapon of mass destruction!"

All of a sudden, a group of familiar looking people appeared on the balcony thing above the stage.

It was the exterminators.

"Take this! And that!" they yelled, throwing hundreds of sporks down at the guests, host, and friends.

They jumped down onto the stage. (How did they not get hurt?)

The aforementioned guests, host, and friends glared viciously.

And then...

"THIS MEANS WAR!"

Slash! Clang!

No one knew where the metallic sounds were coming from, since the sporks were plastic, though...Or did they?

Foaly sat in front of a large computer screen. On it was a panel of sound effects.

"Muahaha..."

And so the fight continued.

Until...

"STOP!" someone ordered from near the thrice imploded door.

But the 'warriors' didn't stop. Why would they? It's not like they could hear anything...

"STOP!" the person ran onto the stage and stopped them.

"WHAT!" they all yelled in unison.

"OMG! It's Sir Lancelot!" Kaitlin realized.

Hearing this, everyone raised their weapons of mass destruction (sporks) threateningly.

"...Run away! Run away!" And Sir Lancelot was no more.

Everyone was back in their places. The guests calmly (or not) sitting on their chairs, the author on her chair, Kaitlin...somewhere, and Lizzie manning her camera.

Meanwhile the exterminators were wrapped in duct tape and hanging from the ceiling.

A buzzer sounded.

"Okay!" called Foaly. "I'm guessing that means...commercials?"

"Sure...You had better make them work though!" answered Stephanie.

"Oh, yes! And work they shall..."

And finally, the 7th chapter!! The whole spork thing? Inside joke...I'm not even quite sure how it started myself. Almost 1000 words! YAHOO!

So...Like it? Not like it? Tell me! Review!! Please and thank you! Once I get another genius idea, I'll update! But, I must warn you; that sometimes takes awhile! Thank you Cleveland! GOOD NIGHT!