I need a little help. If anyone would like to e-mail me and suggest
what kind of ending they'd like to see (happy, sad, average, you know)
that'd be great. I got one suggestion. I'm just curious as to what everyone
else will say. Thanks.
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Today is August twenty third and it's unusually hot. I say unusually because it's never been this bad but later I decided it fit my mood. The trip back to Garden was long and silent. Thankfully the silence wasn't uncomfortable. That would've made things worse. At Timber I brought Zone his car back and led Ellone on the train to Balamb. When we finally reached our destination, we headed straight for Squall's room. "I have a surprise for you," I said as I knocked. He opened the door and I stepped aside to reveal his "long lost" sister. "Happy Birthday." Squall just stood there for a moment, stunned. Ellone said hi to him. Then she hugged him. A wave of anger flooded through me. Maybe jealousy too but I don't know why I'd be jealous. I felt like a horrid person once again. Apparently everyone in our circle of friends, with the exception of Irvine and me, was at the orphanage with her. Seifer wasn't there but I know he wouldn't have cared anyway. Irvine and I were left in the dark. I don't know about him but I sure as hell felt ignored. The spotlight was on Ellone. Eventually we, Irvine and I, decided to leave them in the cafeteria to talk amongst themselves and sit on the stage in the Quad.
A few people were there setting up for God knows what but no one seemed to be bothered by our presence. Irvine asked me how things were going with Seifer. I shrugged. "He's cheating on me," I admitted. "You're the first to know besides Selphie. Don't tell anyone else. I just don't think I can handle their lectures."
He said, "Okay, I wont. But, I am going to say that when you find the strength to leave him, do it. That'll be our compromise."
"Deal." I thought about everyone surrounding Ellone and scoffed, "You'd think she was a celebrity or something."
He laughed, "No kidding. She's a childhood friend though. They just missed her. I'm sure they're glad she isn't just a memory." A memory, huh? I wonder if anyone would bother themselves with memories of me when I die. How does it feel hovering above your friends as a spirit, listening to the things they say about you? 'Well so and so was good at this, that and the other thing.' I know what I would hear: 'I can't believe she's finally gone. Damn that took forever. She was such a pest. Always trying to get us to feel sorry for her. Too bad she didn't die sooner. Just thinking about it made tears sting my eyes and caused my vision to blur. I turned my head so Irvine wouldn't see. I would rather not give any of them another reason to hate me by crying right now.
I cleared my throat and said, "So, what happened while I was gone yesterday?" What I was really asking was: Did anyone notice I wasn't there yesterday?
"Not a lot. Seifer and Squall got in another one of their fights for some unknown reason but that's about it." Wow did that hurt. But what was I expecting him to say? 'We were so worried about you that we dropped what we were doing and formed a search party.' Or how about: 'Oh Rinoa, we missed you so much we had to look for each other for support.' I guess what I expected to hear- what I'd hoped to hear was this: 'We wondered where you ran off to.' It wouldn't have to be dramatic and maybe they DID wonder. Maybe he just didn't feel it was all the important to mention bu ti would've liked the comfort of hearing it. Is that selfish?
When we went back, they still had their focus on Ellone. I was starting to get frustrated. Squall looked at her like she was the only thing in the world, the best thing. I'm a horrible person but at this point I don't care. Ellone can't just come and take over. That's not why I brought her here. I decided that maybe I should have a talk with her. Just to set things straight. For now I sat at the table with them. Squall caught me glaring at him a few times and mouthed, "What?" to me. I only held his gaze until he looked away. When Quisits, Zell, and Selphie decided to show Ellone around, Squall pulled me aside. "Rinoa. Why are you mad at me?" he asked.
"Ellone is not the only person in the world," I snapped. We both had our voices low.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're all crowded around her like she's a fucking Goddess or something."
"Rinoa, please don't do this. I just- ..." His voice trailed off because we both heard a familiar laugh. Seifer was back.
"And I'm sure you've seen the scars in her," he was saying. "Repulsive, I think." He was attempting to flirt with Ellone by verbally attacking me. She didn't seem amused. I couldn't help but burst into tears. Squall took one look at me and charged at Seifer. My vision became so blurry I didn't see what happened. I heard the sounds of them hitting each other and Selphie yelling frantically. Squall told Seifer to leave. He must've 'cause everything was silent except for my sobs. I felt an arm go around my shoulders and I was led to a dorm, Squall's dorm. He told me to sit down as he shut the door behind him.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I shook my head and answered, "He said my scars were repulsive. My scars are part of me. Saying they're repulsive hurts more than ..." I stopped. I had to. I'm so pathetic and weak sitting here, bawling in front of Squall. That's probably the worst thing Seifer's ever said to me. He's basically just insulted my while life. My scars are like my memories, my stories. Squall kneeled down in front of me. He made me look at him. My sobs turned into silent tears.
"Your scars aren't repulsive." He pushed one of my arm warmers back and lightly kissed one of the scars on my wrist. I tilted his head up so I could look at him then we kissed. It felt like my first kiss because for a moment I was happy. Every time I kissed Seifer, it seemed as though I only did it because we're going out. That's what couples do. So we did, but I don't think he did it out of love. It started out that way for me; it's different now though. But I can't do this. Gently I pushed Squall away.
"Squall, I absolutely have nothing against you. I would gladly continue this- however, I'm not like Seifer. I have no intention of cheating on him."
"... He cheated on you?"
I nodded. "That day I threw myself in the water at Dollet, I saw him with another girl in the bar. They were discussing when he was going to leave me for that other girl." He pulled me into his arms. I felt safe.
"I'm so sorry Rinoa. I had no idea. You deserve better than that."
"No I don't."
"How can you say that? Of course you do. What makes you think otherwise?"
"I'm a horrible person. All I do is try to make people pay attention to me. I'm selfish."
"Seifer said that, didn't he?" I hesitated before nodding. "Sounds like something he'd say. Rinoa, if you want to know something about yourself, you have to listen to yourself. You can't listen to everyone else's opinion because no one knows everything about you. I can't tell you what's right for you. What happens in your life is your decision. Not everyone else's." That night, I cut my arm but the scar was smaller than usual.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Today is August twenty third and it's unusually hot. I say unusually because it's never been this bad but later I decided it fit my mood. The trip back to Garden was long and silent. Thankfully the silence wasn't uncomfortable. That would've made things worse. At Timber I brought Zone his car back and led Ellone on the train to Balamb. When we finally reached our destination, we headed straight for Squall's room. "I have a surprise for you," I said as I knocked. He opened the door and I stepped aside to reveal his "long lost" sister. "Happy Birthday." Squall just stood there for a moment, stunned. Ellone said hi to him. Then she hugged him. A wave of anger flooded through me. Maybe jealousy too but I don't know why I'd be jealous. I felt like a horrid person once again. Apparently everyone in our circle of friends, with the exception of Irvine and me, was at the orphanage with her. Seifer wasn't there but I know he wouldn't have cared anyway. Irvine and I were left in the dark. I don't know about him but I sure as hell felt ignored. The spotlight was on Ellone. Eventually we, Irvine and I, decided to leave them in the cafeteria to talk amongst themselves and sit on the stage in the Quad.
A few people were there setting up for God knows what but no one seemed to be bothered by our presence. Irvine asked me how things were going with Seifer. I shrugged. "He's cheating on me," I admitted. "You're the first to know besides Selphie. Don't tell anyone else. I just don't think I can handle their lectures."
He said, "Okay, I wont. But, I am going to say that when you find the strength to leave him, do it. That'll be our compromise."
"Deal." I thought about everyone surrounding Ellone and scoffed, "You'd think she was a celebrity or something."
He laughed, "No kidding. She's a childhood friend though. They just missed her. I'm sure they're glad she isn't just a memory." A memory, huh? I wonder if anyone would bother themselves with memories of me when I die. How does it feel hovering above your friends as a spirit, listening to the things they say about you? 'Well so and so was good at this, that and the other thing.' I know what I would hear: 'I can't believe she's finally gone. Damn that took forever. She was such a pest. Always trying to get us to feel sorry for her. Too bad she didn't die sooner. Just thinking about it made tears sting my eyes and caused my vision to blur. I turned my head so Irvine wouldn't see. I would rather not give any of them another reason to hate me by crying right now.
I cleared my throat and said, "So, what happened while I was gone yesterday?" What I was really asking was: Did anyone notice I wasn't there yesterday?
"Not a lot. Seifer and Squall got in another one of their fights for some unknown reason but that's about it." Wow did that hurt. But what was I expecting him to say? 'We were so worried about you that we dropped what we were doing and formed a search party.' Or how about: 'Oh Rinoa, we missed you so much we had to look for each other for support.' I guess what I expected to hear- what I'd hoped to hear was this: 'We wondered where you ran off to.' It wouldn't have to be dramatic and maybe they DID wonder. Maybe he just didn't feel it was all the important to mention bu ti would've liked the comfort of hearing it. Is that selfish?
When we went back, they still had their focus on Ellone. I was starting to get frustrated. Squall looked at her like she was the only thing in the world, the best thing. I'm a horrible person but at this point I don't care. Ellone can't just come and take over. That's not why I brought her here. I decided that maybe I should have a talk with her. Just to set things straight. For now I sat at the table with them. Squall caught me glaring at him a few times and mouthed, "What?" to me. I only held his gaze until he looked away. When Quisits, Zell, and Selphie decided to show Ellone around, Squall pulled me aside. "Rinoa. Why are you mad at me?" he asked.
"Ellone is not the only person in the world," I snapped. We both had our voices low.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You're all crowded around her like she's a fucking Goddess or something."
"Rinoa, please don't do this. I just- ..." His voice trailed off because we both heard a familiar laugh. Seifer was back.
"And I'm sure you've seen the scars in her," he was saying. "Repulsive, I think." He was attempting to flirt with Ellone by verbally attacking me. She didn't seem amused. I couldn't help but burst into tears. Squall took one look at me and charged at Seifer. My vision became so blurry I didn't see what happened. I heard the sounds of them hitting each other and Selphie yelling frantically. Squall told Seifer to leave. He must've 'cause everything was silent except for my sobs. I felt an arm go around my shoulders and I was led to a dorm, Squall's dorm. He told me to sit down as he shut the door behind him.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I shook my head and answered, "He said my scars were repulsive. My scars are part of me. Saying they're repulsive hurts more than ..." I stopped. I had to. I'm so pathetic and weak sitting here, bawling in front of Squall. That's probably the worst thing Seifer's ever said to me. He's basically just insulted my while life. My scars are like my memories, my stories. Squall kneeled down in front of me. He made me look at him. My sobs turned into silent tears.
"Your scars aren't repulsive." He pushed one of my arm warmers back and lightly kissed one of the scars on my wrist. I tilted his head up so I could look at him then we kissed. It felt like my first kiss because for a moment I was happy. Every time I kissed Seifer, it seemed as though I only did it because we're going out. That's what couples do. So we did, but I don't think he did it out of love. It started out that way for me; it's different now though. But I can't do this. Gently I pushed Squall away.
"Squall, I absolutely have nothing against you. I would gladly continue this- however, I'm not like Seifer. I have no intention of cheating on him."
"... He cheated on you?"
I nodded. "That day I threw myself in the water at Dollet, I saw him with another girl in the bar. They were discussing when he was going to leave me for that other girl." He pulled me into his arms. I felt safe.
"I'm so sorry Rinoa. I had no idea. You deserve better than that."
"No I don't."
"How can you say that? Of course you do. What makes you think otherwise?"
"I'm a horrible person. All I do is try to make people pay attention to me. I'm selfish."
"Seifer said that, didn't he?" I hesitated before nodding. "Sounds like something he'd say. Rinoa, if you want to know something about yourself, you have to listen to yourself. You can't listen to everyone else's opinion because no one knows everything about you. I can't tell you what's right for you. What happens in your life is your decision. Not everyone else's." That night, I cut my arm but the scar was smaller than usual.